Part 4: LadyNoir Enlightenment

He just _had_ to have picked tonight.

Ladybug stood atop a store roof, about three blocks away from her house, psyching herself up to go and meet Chat Noir for the night patrol that he'd requested.

I guess that it's probably good for me to keep busy. The more I'm swinging across Paris, the less I'm thinking about... him.

And despite the earful that Tikki gave me about how I handled that veggie villain, taking him out like that actually felt kind of... good, in a wrong kind of way! she grinned. Working my frustrations out, you could call it. Maybe I should invest in a punching bag or a tackling dummy or something, though Mom might wonder why I put one on my balcony, next to my begonias.

Though any frustrations I worked off came right back, when...

How could HE have been there?

Ladybug shook her head. I thought I was hallucinating at first! I was halfway across town from school. Why wouldn't he have been in class? Or at home, or anywhere other than right there, watching me act out my stupid emotions - AGAIN?

I can't avoid him forever. I don't really want to, either, and he had no idea who he was really looking at... and that look of concern in his eyes just twisted me up inside...

She did her best to clear her mind. All right, girl, concentrate. Tonight, you're going to be all business. Chat wants to roam around and look for trouble; we'll look for trouble.

And may God help any trouble that we find, she smiled, clenching her fist.

A few minutes later, she landed on the roof of one of the major libraries in Paris, a very common meeting spot for the two of them. Her partner was pacing back and forth, looking quite agitated, and jumped a little bit when he heard her land a short distance behind him.

"Sorry," Ladybug apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine, it's fine," Chat waved her off. "I should've seen you coming. I'm just... not myself tonight."

"That makes two of us," she mumbled. "Are you up for this tonight, Chat? I know that you asked to go out together, but we don't have to do a full patrol cycle... like, if you had something specific you wanted to work on? Or one of those double-team moves we've been talking about, we could practice that."

"Actually..." Chat gestured to a pair of crates he'd set up as makeshift chairs, and sat down on one of them. "I was wondering if we could just... sit and talk for a little while first? If an Akuma shows up, we need to be on the same page to fight effectively... and I'm not sure that either of us is ready for that right now."

Ladybug gave him a long stare as she walked over to her seat. "What is this, Chat?" she asked, puzzled. "I don't know that I really want to talk about... certain things..."

"Look, I promise... this isn't another one of my Ladybug-will-you-date-me things, okay?" explained Chat. "Romancing you is the last thing on my mind right now. And I know we have to keep our secrets safe, we can't name names or give too many details about our private lives, but I could really use your advice on something important... and I got the feeling today that you might have things on your mind, too."

She felt a little suspicious, despite herself... but forced herself to relax. This is my partner, after all... and he was so sweet to me yesterday at my house. I owe him enough to help him, if I can, she thought.

"All right, Chat... you're probably right. Life has been kicking my butt lately, and it looks like yours, too... so let's try and help each other," Ladybug told him. "You first. What's troubling you?"

Chat took a deep breath, then sighed. "I alienated someone very, very dear to me recently. I spoke without thinking first..."

Ladybug fake-gasped, theatrically. "You? I can't believe that."

That got her a dirty look, and she felt bad for having said it. "I'm sorry, Chat," she apologized in a more contrite tone. "I'm taking this seriously, I really am. I'll behave."

Chat smiled at that. "Usually, I'm the one who gets in trouble for... anyway, this person is one of my best friends. They... I won't say 'he' or 'she,' for secrecy's sake... they were out with me, and I said something that I thought was pretty innocent, and I meant no harm at all by it. I was talking about myself, even, not them! But there was something I didn't know about them, and what I said sounded like I was sticking a knife in their heart. I messed up bad."

"They didn't tell you that right away?" Ladybug asked. "It wasn't obvious?"

"When I said it, I knew something was wrong, but not that wrong. It wasn't until the next day that I figured out the full weight of what I'd done."

Ladybug scratched her chin, pondering the situation. "Have you talked to them since?" she inquired.

"Not... directly," evaded Chat. "They don't really want to be near me right now, so I kind of used... someone else's help to get a chance to find out. I'm trying to work out what I should say to them when I get the chance."

"Can you be any more specific about what you said?" asked Ladybug. "Only what you can tell me, but, like... was it an insult, or something that they took as one? I know you well enough that you wouldn't go too far over the line..."

"It was about... feelings. Feelings that I didn't know they had for someone."

Ladybug stared back at him... hard.

"Go on..." she growled, warily.

"I was talking about these kinds of things with a good friend yesterday. She... said things that really rang a bell in my head, and made me realize what was going on in my own situation," Chat ventured. "I felt terrible about it; I was there to try to cheer her up and I nearly fell apart myself."

Ohhhhh, Ladybug thought, breathing a sigh of relief. At first, I thought he was talking about me like _I_ was the one he'd hurt, but I'm the friend he's talking about now, instead.

Wait. But if he wasn't talking about me, and yesterday struck a chord with him, that means...

"Wait a minute," Ladybug said, a smile emerging. "Chat Noir... did this friend you're talking about have a crush on you?"

Chat hesitated, open-mouthed... then laughed a little. "You're too good at this," he replied. "Yes... she did." His humor faded fast, though, as he added, "And I'm kind of confused as to what to do about it. It's really delicate and... I can't hurt her more than I have already."

"I can relate to that more than you know, Chat," said Ladybug... trailing off, stopping herself from going too far with that line of thought.

"Like my crush on you, you mean?" Chat parried.

"I wasn't going there," backpedaled Ladybug. "But... you know, maybe that does relate a little bit. Because I have this wonderful partner, one of the sweetest guys I know underneath all the... punning and the bravado and the chest-puffing..."

"I do not puff my chest up," Chat insisted, with wounded dignity. "This is all me," he said, thumping his pecs.

"...And he's had feelings for me that I haven't been ready to return yet," she continued, ignoring that with a smile. "And I've kind of been walking on eggshells sometimes, because he really is dear to me, he means so much to me, and I don't ever want to hurt him even if I can't go there."

"All right," Chat smiled. "That does sound a bit familiar." A tiny voice in his head echoed Yet?, but he suppressed it for the moment.

"So how do you feel about her?" Ladybug asked. "Is there anything there that could work out?"

"I don't think there is," he replied, sadly. "I'd... part of me would like there to be. I'd never even considered it before, you know? I'm rethinking a lot of things about feelings in general right now... but I missed my chance with her for sure."

"Then let me suggest this, Chat," Ladybug said, softly. "Kind of like how you and I aren't dating... but we're close like this, and I've tried to be as honest as I can why we're not dating? When you get the chance... talk to her. Be as honest as you can about what you feel and what you don't. If it's complicated, tell her why it's complicated. Don't let me stand in your way if it's something that you want to pursue, either."

"And every day that I'm near her, I'll have a burning feeling in my stomach over what I did to her," Chat moped. "And I'll deserve it."

"You can't wave a magic wand and fix it. So do what you can do. Tell her what you think. If she cares about you like you say she does, she'll want to listen."

He smiled back at her. "That's kind of where I was planning on heading with this... but it's good to hear it from someone like you. Makes me feel like I might know a little of what I'm doing."

An errant thought struck him. "If I do go that way... and something does work out, somehow... you're not going to feel funny about it, are you?" Chat asked.

"Funny?" wondered Ladybug, with a curious expression.

"If I'm falling for someone who isn't you, for once."

To his surprise... she didn't have a quip ready to knock that aside. In fact, she seemed at a loss for words for a moment.

"Chat..." she said, "all I've wanted for you is for you to be happy. Even if it isn't with me. And it probably shouldn't be," she added, with a grin.

Probably, he thought. Also an odd choice of phrase.

Is she... blushing a little?

"All right," Chat mumbled, trying to defuse the situation. I'm confused enough already as it is, he reasoned, no need to go THERE tonight! "Can I check on you now?"

"What's there to check on?" Ladybug wondered, trying to look innocent.

"I... saw the footage of you and the Radiation Leek today. University campus, so it was on Twitter in, like, ten seconds," he explained. "I'm not sure that I've ever seen you react like that."

"I didn't want the crowd around us to get hurt," Ladybug said. "I wanted to end it quickly."

"That crowd could've scattered any time they wanted to," Chat pointed out. "And you weren't, like, yelling 'Get away from him!' or anything like that. Not that they probably would've listened."

"He could've blasted them with radiation. It was in his name, even," she attempted next.

"He could barely raise those stubby little arms high enough to aim at you! This was not Hawkmoth's finest moment," laughed Chat.

Ladybug started to speak, then stopped, rummaging in her head for what might be a more plausible explanation.

"And I know you, Bugaboo. You're the thinker of the two of us. You're always looking for a way to beat Akumas with your brain, not to just come out swinging. What if that Akuma hadn't been that durable? What if he'd zapped you on contact?" he argued. "I know you can handle yourself, Ladybug; that's not what I'm getting at, I don't need to hold your hand out there. But you were... you really weren't yourself today."

"I can... have a bad day like anyone else," she replied, defensively. "I'm allowed, right?"

Don't look at me like that, Chat, thought Ladybug. You're right, I'm really shaky... but I don't really want to face that right now. But when you give me those sad eyes, when you're so worried about me...

"Of course. But if I can help spare you one of those..." Chat said, looking even more concerned. "What's really going on, my Lady? Is there anything you can tell me?"

All of a sudden, she felt like Marinette sitting on her bed again, looking across at a handsome superhero who'd come to visit her, wondering what to say next.

And when that moment passed, her willpower reasserted herself. And I'M a freakin' superheroine and I don't need this right now!

"I don't want to talk about that, Chat. I'm sorry," she said, some grit returning to her voice. "I'm having some problems in my personal life, kind of... kind of like what you were just talking about. Feelings problems. It's nothing you can help with, this is not an invitation; I'll be fine once I... get over some things."

"I'm serious. I've been doing this with you for a long time now, and I've never seen you this shaken up," Chat continued, undaunted. "Maybe I can't help. But I want you to know that-"

"Chat... let's patrol, or something, okay?" Ladybug announced, abruptly. "C'mon. I need to move!"

Chat stared as Ladybug hopped up, dove over the edge of the roof and sent her yo-yo flying. He chased after her, now more worried than ever.

"Wait!" he called, straining to keep up with her.

This is not happening, he panicked. I'm not driving away _both_ the girls that I...

"I don't want to talk about it!" she called back, over her shoulder as she swung at high speed. "I just don't! It was humiliating! One of the worst moments of my life! And I don't need to hear whatever little one-liners you'll come up with about it!"

"I promise you, I wouldn't do that!" Chat shouted. "You tell me all the time that I tell too many jokes, and you're right! I won't-"

Ladybug's mind went completely blank.

WHAT did he just say?

About three seconds later, Chat Noir had the unenviable experience of watching Ladybug's grip loosen on her yo-yo, followed by her splatting like a bug onto a billboard.

"LADYBUG! Are you all right?" Chat shouted, leaping to her side once he managed to believe what he'd just seen.

Was there some Akuma attack that I didn't see? he panicked, looking all around and brandishing his baton. When nothing seemed to leap out of the night at them, he knelt immediately by Ladybug's side; she didn't seem hurt, just stunned, now up on one knee and holding her head.

"Are you okay?" he asked, tenderly. "What happened? I didn't - YIIIII!"

With a growl from deep down, Ladybug lunged at Chat and bowled him over. He landed hard, flat on his back with Ladybug's hands pinning his shoulders down, and from the fury on her face he felt fortunate that they weren't around his neck.

"Start talking," Ladybug shouted at him, her eyes raging. "Did he put you up to this, somehow? Did he? How dare you! How DARE YOU!"

Chat's face was pure panic. "How dare I what? Who put me up to what, Ladybug?" he choked out.

"What you just said! Where did you hear it? When did he tell you that? He had to have told you that!"

"You try to get me to be more serious all the time! Just yesterday at the wax museum, while we were fighting those villain figures, you did it again!" Chat pleaded.

"No, those exact words!" she growled, her right hand clenching into a fist. "I said something kind of like that during the fight... But the way you said it just now! It was exactly like he did-"

"He WHO?" shouted Chat, flinching as best he could while pinned down.

Ladybug closed her eyes, and shouted back, all rational thought gone in the moment...

"The boy who broke my damn HEART!"

Silence reigned for quite some time.

Chat Noir barely noticed when the pressure from Ladybug's hands diminished, when her weight on top of him shifted, and when she rolled off of him, leaving him staring straight up at the evening sky.

He had other things on his mind.

The girl that I love... tells me all the time that I tell too many jokes.

That's what I said. That's what started this whole disaster, me and my big stupid mouth.

But I didn't say that to LADYBUG... I said that to...

It isn't possible...

It just isn't POSSIBLE...

Chat sat up, slowly and warily. About two meters away, his partner sat alone, staring into space, her hand over her mouth as if trying to cram her words back inside of her.

"Oh, no. Oh, no," she panted, to no one in particular.

But it's true. Just look at her face; she knows what she just said.

She knows that you know.

That I know...

That MARINETTE is...

Slowly, Chat stood up, and his brain shouted out one overwhelming directive, blotting out the fireworks exploding in the rest of his mind:

STOP.

Don't think too hard. Don't freak out. Plenty of time to go insane later!

Go to her, NOW. Fix this. Say what you need to say. Say how you feel. Just let it all out. NOW!

It all depends on this moment.

Ladybug looked up at Chat Noir with pure helplessness in her eyes.

I was alone with Adrien in that car. The driver was the only other one who heard what he said, and I know _he_ didn't tell anyone.

Chat had to have heard it from Adrien... maybe Chat went after him after I told him what had happened to me... that's the kind of big, stupid, gallant gesture I know he would make. "Defending my honor" like a well-meaning goof. And if he knows that that's exactly what Adrien said...

...I just blew my secret identity! There's no way that Chat can't know now.

She watched as he walked the short distance over to her, then sat down beside her legs, his body pointed the other way so that they were face to face. His eyes were huge, his face a picture of shock - of course it is, I just threw my biggest secret right in his face like an IDIOT - and yet he looked more sad than excited in the moment.

"Ladybug..." he said, very, very quietly. "There's something that I need to say right now."

"You know," she sobbed back. "I know you do."

"I know a lot of things that I didn't know two days ago. That's what I need to tell you, to be completely honest with you about, if you'll listen, okay?"

She nodded, unable to do much else.

"There's this girl... the one that I was telling you about a few minutes ago. The one that I hurt with careless words that I'd do anything to take back," he began, softly. "She hasn't wanted to even look at me ever since, and I can't blame her one bit, because she told me just how deep that hurt went. How careless I had been, how stupid I had been, how I'd been right next to her for months and never seen the obvious because I had spots in my eyes."

"She said it a lot nicer than that, of course, because that's what she's like. She's the kind of person who sees the best in everyone, even when they don't deserve it. And I know that I don't deserve her."

Ladybug nodded again, trying to process his words, unable to reconcile how hauntingly familiar they sounded, noting a prickly feeling starting to form on the back of her neck.

"And you're right. I didn't mean to... when I said that now, I wasn't thinking of... okay... what I said just now was what I said that afternoon, the words that broke her heart. She knows that I didn't mean to hurt her, I know that I didn't mean to hurt her... but I did it, just the same, and I'm so sorry. All the more sorry because once I realized what I'd done, once she'd told me that from her own lips..."

Wait, thought Ladybug.

Wait!

She tried to stop him, but she couldn't move, she couldn't speak.

Adrien said those words to me... you didn't. You weren't there! Of course you weren't there.

And I...

I talked about what happened with YOU. Not with Adrien. I haven't talked to Adrien since!

How can you know ANY of this?

...Chat?

Chat Noir looked deep into Ladybug's widening eyes, and continued, "I'd had the most important person in my life right next to me, all that time. Someone who'd had a piece of my heart all along, someone who'd given me all of hers to carry, and I didn't realize it until I'd broken it. Someone that I had lots of emotions about that I didn't understand... but now I think I do."

"She's someone I fell for a long time ago," he whispered, "not tonight. Not from what was just said here. Not because you're Ladybug. But because of who you are, no matter what you're wearing." He added, fighting a smile, "Not that you don't look really good in red and black."

"I'm... I don't... Chat?" Ladybug gasped. "I'm not sure if I'm thinking straight. Are you telling me..."

"I'm telling you that there's something that you really, really need to know right now..." Chat said, then took a deep breath.

"Claws in."

"GAAAAAH!"

Adrien watched Ladybug shift from raw panic, scooting backwards... to absolute astonishment... to something in between that and wonder.

Very slowly, she inched her way back to her original position, then extended a hand to Adrien's face, as if afraid that it would pop like a soap bubble. Its warmth, its softness reassured her.

"This is real," Ladybug whispered, double-checking which world it was that she lived in.

"It is. And I had no idea until tonight."

The gears spinning in her head started producing a far better grade of realizations.

"So... the 'girl that you love...' The one you'd mentioned in the car..." she gasped.

Adrien simply nodded, daring to smile again. "She's here. I think they're both here."

Ladybug nodded once more, a smile unsuccessfully trying to emerge, still taking it all in, still reeling.

"If that other girl was here... and you were going to tell her how you feel about her, how you really feel... what would you tell her?" she asked him, desperately.

"That sounds like a question I asked her, and she didn't want to answer," Adrien teased, gently. "Not that I blame her, it was totally unfair of me to ask..."

"Please?" Ladybug said, with needful eyes. "I... kind of need to hear it right now."

Adrien swallowed hard.

"She needs to know that she's the reason I look forward to school every day. I know that I'll see her, I'll be warmed by her smile, I'll hear her sweet laugh that's music to my ears," he began, haltingly. "That from the very first day I met her, I knew that I'd want her to be part of my life. That's why I didn't just let the gum-on-her-seat misunderstanding stay that way. Why I knew that I had to reach out like I did, though I'm still not very good at it."

"How I worry about whether I'm a good enough friend to her. I worry that a lot," he continued. "I really didn't understand why... why she got nervous, why her words got mixed up sometimes, why I was the only person that seemed to happen with. Why I sometimes had doubts that she even liked me, let alone LIKED-liked me..."

"You know me, Bugaboo," he smiled, sadly. "You know how new I am at all of this. I thought, well, you fall in love, you just throw yourself at them and charm them and everything falls into place. And when I did that with you... it kind of didn't, but you put up with me anyway! And I didn't really grasp how people express those feelings in other ways."

His eyes sank for a moment. "The ways that... she did. She tried so hard, so many times, and I was so thick-headed. And I'm so sorry for that. I really wish that I'd known."

He looked up at Ladybug once more, whose eyes had never left his face. "I don't know how I would've reacted at first if she had, I'll be honest; I was so... so... head-over-heels for you that it sort of swallowed up everything else in my head. I don't imagine you know what it's like to have an overwhelming crush like that, would you?" he asked, wryly.

That got a giggle out of her. "Maybe... just a little," she said.

"I knew who I wanted. I didn't realize that who I needed was right there the whole time. And neither of those were who she might've thought it was... there will be no 'perfect little fencer babies...'"

More nervous laughter spilled out, and an actual smile from Ladybug.

"So I don't know what she thinks about all of this," Adrien said. "I don't know if she can forgive me, or what tonight will change between us. But I know that the girl that I called my everyday Ladybug... she's someone I want to be near every day."

Ladybug sat still for a long moment, smiling softly at him, searching for any words that would come to her.

They looked at each other, silently... then with wider smiles... and then laughter burst out of both of them, uncontrollably, letting much of the tension in the air slowly drift away... taking some pain away with it.

"It's not like I could ever stay mad at you, anyway," Ladybug sighed, gathering her breath once that passed. "But my life makes so much more sense now."

"I hope so. I hope that you'll let me be a part of it again," Adrien replied, eagerly. "Whatever part you'd like me to be."

"Close your eyes, Adrien," Ladybug said, in a soft tone. He did, wondering what she meant by that.

"What I think," she added, "is that after all of this craziness, all of this heartache that we've both felt... what we need is a fresh start. We should wipe the slate clean, we should start over, and we should really get to know each other. The real us. Warts and all."

"I'd like that very much," Adrien replied, his smile growing.

"You're sure? You can put up with a silly girl that stumbles over things, gets tongue-tied, has wild daydreams and kisses statues?" she grinned.

"Especially because of that," he breathed.

"Spots off."

Adrien's eyes snapped open... and his favorite blue eyes in the whole world were gazing into them, as she leaned in close.

"Hi," Marinette blushed. "You wouldn't have an umbrella I could borrow, would you?"

~fin~