Okay, there's a bit of drama coming up but keep in mind : I write HEA only!

Xoxo

Chapter 21.

After my conversation with Victoria, I sprinted out of the building, into my car and I went home. Part of me wanted to call Edward and ask him what the hell his problem was, but another part of me wanted to forget him as soon as humanly possible. If I knew one thing, it was that I'd been too easy, that letting him in was a giant mistake. Some little voice inside my head regretted it, the entire thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't.

There was no way I could forget all about Edward Cullen, especially since every room in my home now had an Edward stash. I hadn't realized it before, but his stuff was everywhere: from his favorite mug to the socks in my closet, to the new clothes we bought for him together and the extra toothbrush in my bathroom cabinet.

I sighed deeply and halted, my back against the open door of my bedroom. He was here as well, like his scent stayed and lingered on my sheets. I could feel his energy around me and the worst part of all was that I didn't want it to fade. I didn't want to be a maniac and set my sheets on fire, but I also didn't want to lay down in them and smell him around me all night. My heart sank as I thought about Bree's wedding, since it was getting painfully closer now. I couldn't help but think about the last conversation I'd had with my mother and her words rang in my ears. Maybe she was right. Maybe the relationship things just weren't for me and perhaps I should just go alone anyway. Because nothing will ever work out. People always say that there is no one that knows you better than your own mother, so I guess if she's right, I shouldn't even bother putting myself out there for anything more than one night of fun. Apparently, that was all that I could handle.

New York might be the right thing for me. It could help me get over him faster, and in the meantime Alice or Rose could pack up his things and deliver them to Edward. Yes, that might be a good thing.

I'd be gone for a few months, no visits, no vacation. I honestly thought that it would be my fix. A quick fix to get over infuriating heartache.

My phone rang and broke my thoughts. It was him. Of course, Edward probably was still oblivious to the conversation I had with Alice —since what she told me was supposed to be a secret. I reached for my back pocket to retrieve the phone and kept staring at the picture that lid up the screen as Edward was calling me. He looked so good, he always looked so good. I took the picture when he just woke up: his hair everywhere, the scruff on his jaw and the painfully adorable crooked little smile. It was everything I loved on him. I simply loved him. Him in general, and I knew that now. The inner monologue wasn't any easier either, with one side of me wanting to pick up and hear his voice again and maybe listen to what he had to say. But with everything that happened with Jake in the past, I needed to be cautious. I always had a habit of letting Jake talk himself out of trouble, of making me see his side of things with never even being asked how I felt. Ever. This wasn't going to happen now, I couldn't let it happen.

I opened a new text message, tempted by the sweet words he'd written to me before all of this happened. I couldn't just erase them, not yet, so I started typing.

I'm leaving for New York. I know what you did, and I hate every part of it. I don't ever want to hear from you again. Bye.

I decided against sending it and just let it sit there, the cursor on the screen making me feel extremely uncomfortable. It could wait. I could send it on the plane, that way he couldn't stop me.

I called Rose later, while I was sitting on the now clean bedsheets. I hadn't told her what happened, because I was sure she'd go tell Emmett, who would tell Edward. And I wasn't there for it. I didn't want any meddling, not now. Instead, I just told her that I was accepting the New York position and that I would leave sooner than expected. She promised to come check in on my apartment regularly, and she would find a box with directions of where Edward's stuff was, so she could take it to him.

When she hung up on me, my notification bar was full again. Message after message, asking me if I'm okay and why he hadn't heard from me. I couldn't fathom leaving him in the dark, so I deleted the message I'd composed earlier and started typing again.

I have a splitting headache, going to rest now and turn phone off.

After that text, there was radio silence and for once, I didn't hate it. I wanted to be left alone and I liked the peace and quiet.

That night, I started packing. I decided I would just take the necessities with me and buy anything else that was needed. After all, I couldn't just pack up my entire closet. I cautiously ignored all the clothing Edward ever saw me in and opted for stuff I had loved in the past, but hardly wore anymore. New York was a new city, one I'd never been to, and it would kind of create a new Bella.

I fell asleep with the television on and woke up when the sun was rising and filtered through my sheer curtains in the living room. I slept like a baby, even after everything and it worried me. Was it even love, if it was this easy?

My heart was trembling when I read the good morning, beautiful text from Edward and then I found out: it wasn't easy. It was the hardest thing I'd done in a while. I answered and wished him a good day, but kept it fairly superficial. I responded, because I didn't want any questions. Part of me didn't want to break the spell, the one created by Edward Cullen. I wanted to read whatever it was that he'd written about me, but I was also very scared to do so. Scared of knowing what he really thought of me and what this relationship was about.

Alice came over to drive me to the airport. Things were a tad different between us, but I could tell she regretted informing me about the whole blog fiasco. I had no reason to be mad at one of my best friends, after all she didn't do anything wrong. Alice hadn't written the blog and she had actually told me everything. Rose, on the other hand pretended like nothing was wrong. She talked about her stuff, like usual, and I told her some lies she never questioned. I was a bit angry with her, so I didn't call her to accompany me to the airport.

"Bella, I hope you can things about things a little while you're in New York. You know, just let it all play out in your head and see how you feel about him. If you miss him, it's a sign, and if I see how the two of you look at each other I honestly think you're making a mistake by leaving." Alice sighed. I stopped dead in my tracks, one hand clutching the handle of my luggage tightly.

"You haven't told him, have you?" I barked. I seriously underestimated this break-up, badly. I hardly slept at night, instead I was tossing and turning and reading his texts and email over and over again. I had to delete them, but I didn't want to. Not yet. I just hoped Alice hadn't told Edward that I was leaving today, because he had no idea. I played off the lack of communication and seeing each other to a new and tightly scheduled deadline. I lied. I lied and he believed it, no questions asked. That made me feel bad, yes, but I didn't want him to come over here like some sort of knight in shining armour and change my mind.

"No, of course not. I promised!" Alice held up her bag and looked at me, her blue eyes sad and full of doubts. "I swear on Versace that I didn't tell anyone anything, even though I think it's wrong of you to do this. Bella, you didn't even read it!"

I sighed deeply. "Alice, If you thought it was bad enough that you felt the need to tell me about it, then that tells me more than you can minimize. I know that you care for him and that you love me but,"

"You love him! You fucking love the guy, why is it so hard for you to get that? Stop running, Bella. Please, honey." Alice kept pleading and eventually even a tear made its way down her face.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I love you, but I can't talk about this right now. I'll let you know when I'm all settled in." I turned around, hoping I wouldn't burst out into tears right now either, because Alice's sadness always had that effect on me. She usually was all about happiness and positivity, but whenever Alice felt something, she felt it hard. She made me feel it, too, which was breaking the little pieces of my heart even more right now.

New York, it was a place I'd only ever seen in movies and shows. The city that buzzed with activity, the city that never seemed to sleep and the city with its ever present ambulances and fire trucks. New York now was my new home, for the next few months and maybe if I liked it, a little while longer.

I loved the fact that no one knew who I was, that there was no familiar face in sight and that I had a clean slate here. There was no Rosalie, no Jacob and no Edward Cullen. The fact that I had arrived in my new city, was the time to honor the deal I made with myself. I needed to send that text, the one that would break the rest of my soul and the one that would cut my relationship with Edward and make it bleed dry.

My fingers were shaky as my cab drove me over to the apartment that Victoria'd set up for me. I kept reading and reading, replacing certain words and deleting it altogether. There was no going back, I thought and closed my eyes. Of course it was raining today, and my LA outfit wasn't ready for that, but I didn't care. As I stood on the sidewalk, mere inches from my new front door, I did it. I hit send.

I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I can't be lied to and I can't cope with being played. You did a good job, concealing your true self. You know how you hate reality TV? Well, you kinda really messed up, writing about me —about us without telling me. Even the Big Brother people knew they were being surveilled. I hope you get something out of it, at least you put in all the effort and people seem to be raving about it. I'm in New York now, far away. Trying to forget the man I opened my heart for. It was a mistake, please leave me alone and let me heal myself.