A/N: Okay yeah, hi, I'm late to the Haikyuu! Bandwagon, but I've drunkenly jumped on and will not be letting go. Enjoy my crack version of the good old 'Boss and Secretary Falling in Love' story.

"Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu!"

Kageyama Tobio stares blankly at the mop of orange in front of him. He can't fathom how someone with a Carrot-Top even got an interview at his company, let alone actually hired as his secretary's assistant.

He glances at Kiyoko, who knew him so well by now that she instantly read his incredulous face asking a silent "This guy?" She responds with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"We are really lucky to have you, Hinata-kun," Kiyoko says, patting the young man on his back. "I'm sure Kageyama-san would agree."

Head still bowed, the new hire misses Kiyoko shooting a cold glare at Tobio.

"Mm," Tobio grunts noncommittally.

Carrot-Top-Hinata Shoyo-finally raises his head, giving Tobio a blinding, toothy grin. Tobio jerks back at the sheer brightness of it. His assessment of the man's face didn't end there, noticing Hinata also had large brown eyes that seemed to take up half of his face.

Right. The new guy is 50% eyeballs, 50% smile, and 100% not going to last. After all, Tobio had already driven three prospective assistant secretaries to quit just this past month.

This new one, short and puppy-like, didn't look tough enough to handle the terms and conditions one emphatically ignores when downloading a new app, let alone the complicated, multi-million dollar contracts that Tobu negotiates.

"Okay," he says, after a moment. "I'm sure Shimizu-san will show you everything."

"Oh! Yes, sir!" Hinata answers enthusiastically, bowing again.

Tobio gives a dismissive wave and walks back to his office, still slightly unnerved by Hinata's excessive cheeriness.

Still thinking about his tall, taciturn CEO's lukewarm welcome, Shoyo asks, "Is he always like that?"

"Like he's got a permanent stick up his ass?" Kiyoko replies as she settles behind her desk. "Yeah."

Shoyo splutters, "I-I didn't mean it like that…"

"It's fine, Shoyo," she says with a roll of her eyes. "He prides himself in his stick-up-his-assholish-ness. Thinks the only way to rule is with an Iron Fist. That's why…"

Here she lowers her voice, eyes scanning the reception area, "...everyone calls him King Kageyama."

Shoyo giggles. "That's kind of an awesome nickname."

Kiyoko shakes her head. "Never let him hear you say it."

After a pause, she regards Shoyo with a somber expression.

"He's a good man, you know," she says. "Just...a little hard around the edges."

"Eh? He looks hard all over," Shoyo says without thinking. He immediately realizes the innuendo in his words and smacks a hand over his reddening face. "I didn't mean-not like that-!"

Kiyoko just chuckles and boots up her computer.

"Careful there, Anastasia," she teases."You wouldn't want him to show you his special playroom, I promise. It probably has an actual Iron Maiden."

Face redder than his hair, Shoyo turns to his own computer as a merciful escape.

"Well, he does look hard all over," a voice in his mind whispers, traitorous, "Except maybe that ass. It looks firm, but still very squeezable."

Shoyo shakes his head clear of the lascivious thought.

"No! Remember your HR training on sexual harrassment, Shoyo!"

He dives into the pile of work Kiyoko has started explaining to him, grateful for the distraction.

By noon, Shoyo has learned why his new boss' nickname is "King Kageyama."

"Although," he thinks to himself with gritted teeth, "Dictator Kageyama is more apt."

Just in the first four hours of Shoyo's first day alone, Kageyama has demanded they promptly respond to hundreds of e-mails, set several appointments with people who seemed to only be free on the same days and times as each other, and locate an endless amount of files for him to peruse.

All without a single "Please" or "Thank you."

"Let's get lunch, Shoyo," Kiyoko said with a sigh. She stretches in her chair and rubs her tired eyes.

"Sure," Shoyo says. "Let me just drop this file off to Kageyama-san."

He knocks politely on the imposing door with a brass nameplate declaring: "Kageyama Tobio." Underneath is his title: "Chief Executive Officer."

Shoyo knocks politely, then opens the door. Kageyama is bent over his desk, scrutinizing a document. He doesn't look up at the intrusion.

"Sir," Shoyo mumbles. "I have the file on Ichiro Suzuki that you asked for."

Kageyama beckons without a word and Shoyo tentatively walks up to place the file delicately on his desk.

Shoyo stands there for a long moment, staring nervously at Kageyama. Seconds tick by until Kageyama realizes Shoyo is still, inexplicably, in his office.

"That's all," he says.

"Umm...well! Sir, I just wanted to say...it's just that..." Shoyo takes a deep breath and then charges headlong, "You see, sir, my Mom taught me to say 'Thank you' when someone does something for me."

The leaden silence that follows must be every living thing waiting with baited breath, Shoyo thinks. It takes Kageyama some time to process what his subordinate just said. When Shoyo's words finally reach him, he furrows his brows.

Shoyo stares back haughtily as Kageyama leans back in his plush, leather chair.

"Probably made to fit to his ass measurements," Shoyo thinks. "Dammit. Don't think about his ass now, Shoyo!"

"Go on then," Kageyama says.

"Sir?" Shoyo's teeth chatter. The room's temperature seems to have dropped ten degrees. Or maybe that was just the cold glint in Kageyama's dark blue eyes.

"You wanted to say 'Thank you' to me, did you not?" Kageyama stares intently at Shoyo. "I personally don't think it's necessary, but go ahead."

A nerve pops in Shoyo's forehead.

"No!" he screeches. "You should say 'Thank you' to me! Idiot!"

The silence before was a cacophony of sound compared to the absolute quiet now. It is so quiet Shoyo can hear his own racing heartbeat, hear Kageyama's jaw drop, hear the wailing cry of an infant in the distance.

On second thought, that might have been his inner voice weeping about his undoubtedly short-lived career at Tobu.

Welp. Shoyo knows there's only one thing for him to do.

He backpedals his way out of Kageyama's office and sprints past a befuddled Kiyoko down the long hallway, fully intending to run to the Eshima Ohashi Bridge and launch himself into the welcoming waters of Nakauimi Lake.

"Oi! Hinata!" he hears from behind him. He turns to see his boss charging after him, absolute fury in his face.

"This must be what the people feel during the Running of the Bulls," he thinks. "Good thing I'm so fast."

He kicks himself into a higher gear and skids in front of the elevator, frantically pressing the Down button.

"GET. BACK. HERE." Shoyo's eyes widen as Kageyama closes the distance, his life flashing before his eyes until-

DING!-like a deus ex machina, the elevator arrives.

Shoyo launches himself into the elevator and mashes the Close Doors button. As the doors slide close, he breathes a sigh of relief.

Until a large, slender hand appears in the small gap still left and forces the elevator doors open. Shoyo's eyes widen in fear as a panting Kageyama looms over him like an Angel of God.

Kageyama stomps into the elevator and places a hand on Hinata's now windblown hair. His fingers tighten around orange strands.

Shoyo gulps.

A/N: Oh wow I really did it, I wrote a whole chapter. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. Or just plain compliments are fine too. Actually, probably just give me compliments. My fragile heart can't take any perceived slight right now. Or ever.