Chapter 1

More than four weeks had passed since the day Alex Dawson had arrived at Holby to inform Cameron and Serena of Bernie's death. Cameron had barely said more than a few words to his friends and colleagues, Serena was doing all she could for the young man, the son of the woman she had loved, the woman she still loved. Something had been nagging at Serena ever since Alex had arrived, there had never been a body, only Alex word that Bernie was dead, all because she had identified Bernie's body armour. Serena looked up when she heard the soft knock on her office door, Ric stepping inside.

"Thought I'd check on you?" He smiled.

"Sorry, I haven't been much use today, have I?"

"You okay…sorry stupid question."

Serena sat up straight in her chair, opening Bernie's journal, going back to the last page, smiling at the drawing of Serena's garden. Rick took the chair that was by the door, and brought it over to sit beside Serena, as she continued to look at the drawing.

"I just don't understand it all, everything Alex has told us about Bernie's funeral plans, their engagement. Bernie would never rush in to anything, let alone an engagement. She's only been away for eight months."

"We can't imagine what it's like to be over there in a dangerous country. I suppose it's only natural that you develop quick friendships, relationships out there when you're faced with that kind of danger every day."

"But engaged, I just don't believe she'd do that, and why draw this? Why draw a plan for our future if she had no intentions of ever coming back here."

"What might have been perhaps."

"I just don't buy it, and neither does Cameron and I'm sorry but identifying her body armour is not proof that she's dead."

"Is it possible that you just don't want to accept Bernie's death?"

"Of course I don't want to accept her death, or Elinor's, nobody wants to accept the loss of a loved one, but I'd accept it if there was proof, a body, not clothing. Until I have that, I just can't."

"If she were alive, what would you do?"

"I know it's my fault she left in the first place, Leah was my big mistake and I know I wasn't sure about Bernie long term."

"And now?"

"I never should have let her walk out of Albie's that night, I've never been the same since she left, I know that. I try to put her at the back of my mind but, these past few weeks have just made me realise what a bloody fool I've been."

"What do you want to do?"

"Without a body, as far as I'm concerned, she's still missing, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give up on her."

"Serena, you really need to think about this. Think about what this would do to Cameron, he's already devastated over Bernie, he's already dealt with a funeral, a memorial."

"A funeral with no body? I know alright…I'll talk to him first."

"You aren't actually thinking about going out to Nairobi are you?"

"If that's what it takes to find her, then yes."

"Serena?"

"I can't let this rest until I know, I have to know Ric. I need to see a body, dead or alive."

…

Serena walked into AAU the next morning, a small niggle of nerves in the pit of her stomach at the thought of the conversation she was going to have to have with Cameron. She dumped her belongings in her office before stepping out in to her department. Donna and Cameron attending to one of their many patients. Fletch was at the desk, getting discharge papers for another patient when Serena came up to him.

"Morning Fletch?"

"Oh hey, how are you today?"

Serena could see the sympathy in his eyes when he asked the question, knowing she was still raw.

"I'm okay, how's Cameron this morning?"

"Quiet, same as yesterday and the day before and…"

"Yes alright I get the idea, when you're finished with what you're doing, could you take over from him and ask him to come to my office please?"

"Yeah sure, everything okay?"

"Not too sure, as soon as you can."

Serena gave a small smiled before retreating back to her office.

…

Serena watched as Fletch made his way over to Cameron a little while later, seeing the worried look on the young man's face as he looked towards the office. Serena took a deep breath as he made his way over to the office, standing in the doorway.

"Fletch said you wanted a word?"

"Yes, come in and close the door behind you."

Cameron did as she asked, standing awkwardly by the desk.

"Sit down there." She said, pointing to the sofa.

He sat down, Serena wheeling her own chair over so she was in front of him.

"Have I done something wrong?" He asked.

"No, no you haven't done anything wrong. I wanted to talk to you about something personal."

"Alex?"

"Your mother."

Serena saw the sad look on his face, and in that moment all she wanted to do was hold him.

"What about Mum?"

"Cameron, in your heart…do you believe that Bernie's dead?"

"There's no body."

"Do you believe she's dead."

"No, it would take more than a bomb to take my mum out."

"That's what I thought."

"Why are you asking me?"

"I feel the same way you do, I need proof that she's no longer here, and frankly I don't believe a word Alex has told us."

"Their engagement?"

"Cameron I don't know what your mother told you about why we parted but, I made a mistake, a stupid one and it's one that I regret. I still love your mother, and if there's a chance that she's still alive then I want to go and find her."

"Go….to Nairobi?"

"If that's what it take then yes."

"You can't."

"Cameron I…"

"There's a chance Mum's already dead and now you want to go over there and risk your own life."

"I just want answers."

"And so do I but you going over there is insane, dangerous."

"Well, I have to do something?"

"Yeah but what, without you risking your own life. I don't know, I'll have a think. I just wanted to make sure you'd be okay with me pursuing any avenues. I wouldn't want to upset you?"

"If there's a chance of finding Mum alive, then I'll agree with anything, except you going to Nairobi."

"If it's the only option?"

"Then I come too."

"Oh Cameron I…"

"If you're going to risk you life by going out there for Mum, then so am I? I need to get back to my patient."

Serena nodded her head as Cameron got up and went back to work.

…

To Be Continued…