A/N: *EDIT*

No...No reviews? That hurts...

Despite the title, this one's the True Lancer Naruto, because people kept whining about it. Also, this story is nice and LONG for you all. I do hope that everyone likes it, because I'm working a double today. Looking forward to hearing from you all when I get back~!

WARNING!

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE APPROACHING!

SUSPEND YOUR DISBELIEF AND EXPECT SHENANIGANS!

Lets face it, I can see a young Naruto doing this sort of thing. Hope you like it~!

*bawls happily*

YOU GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!

Oh you magnificent glorious bastards, I don't' deserve you! You're the best! You know what you did! Thank you, thank you, thank youuuuuuuuuu!

As for the detractors...hmm. I suppose its time I addressed them. Didn't I say that I had plan for this series?

Instead I hobbled home from a double shift to get slapped with spam and such. Someone called it "over-saturation" but the truth is, I'm building a universe here. Rome wasn't built in a day-despite what Nero might say-but there won't be many more new stories if I have my way. Now, then.

Lets address Berserker and Caster.

I haven't updated those two yet because the chapters. Are. LONG! We're talking an excess of ten thousand words and I want them to be just right! I'm not going to push out shoddy and rushed work, certainly not for those two! Don't even get me started on the sheer craziness of the rest.

I've updated Saber, Lancer, Card, Rider, Master, Avenger-not to mention other genre-in the last few weeks and all I ask for is patience.

But since some people insist on spitting and cursing me at every opportunity...well!

Here. Another story. Out of spite for the trolls. Enjoy it. Have at ye.

Now buckle up, cause we goin' on a FEELS trip! Ready? Set! Go!

Reviews are love. Reviews are life. Reviews make me strive.

As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it.

References are glorious and I own nothing~!

Rocky Balboa is a true, grand inspiration.

And yes, that's Hashirama's armor.

Naruto took a distinct liking to it.

And the quote says all:

"Hmm. If I can't have a family, I'll just make one."

"Naruto...that's not how families work-

"That settles it. You're grandpa."

~a life altering decision.

A Most Unlikely Fighter (True)

When I was three, I made a tree.

Everyone was quite surprised, none moreso than me!

Alright, alright, alright, that's enough. I'll stop tormenting you with rhymes now.

Mind you, it was little more than a sapling on the orphanage windowsill, but folks noticed quickly. Really quickly.

I was hauled before the old man that very day and, when he kindly asked me to do try the same for him with a potted plant...I did. It was easy. Beyond easy. As though a part of me had simply woken up. I reached into the soil and willed the seed there to grow, to create a tree, before my meager chakra reserves failed me. Hey! I was three! I'll never forget the look on his face. He didn't shout. Didn't scream. He just...stared at me. I've never seen his eyes get that big before.

He told me that I had been born with a bloodline, one that hadn't been seen in a terribly long time.

That I had Senju blood-however diluted by the years-and had awoken something wonderful.

He said it was a great power and with great power comes great responsibility.

I didn't think it was wonderful at all.

I wanted to cry.

You see, I thought I was in trouble, that I'd done something wrong. Perhaps I had. Perhaps it was more than that. I don't remember much about that day, but I recall that moment clear. The Third got down from his desk and hugged me-me!-close, telling me it would be alright. I believed him. The mind of a three-year-old isn't a complex one, yet somehow I had the horrible feeling that my life would never be the same. That whatever path I'd been set upon had been suddenly and irrevocably altered.

I was right.

He took me out of the orphanage and allowed me to stay with him for a week. Good. I hated the orphanage. Everyone hated me. The adults beat me. Seven days passed in a blur for me-blissfully unaware of no fewer than five attempts on my life. One to kill me, and when it became apparent that wouldn't work, kidnap me. He fended them all off personally. I wouldn't discover until quite some time later just what he'd done for me. He led all the defense for me when no one else could or would, he didn't let Danzo have me. He KILLED Danzo. For me. Lost his left eye in the doing, but that just meant he got an awesome eyepatch.

I don't care what anyone says, it made him look badass.

When the week elapsed and the Third finally returned to his duties, he introduced me to Tenzou. Or was it Yamato? Never was wholly sure of his real name. Did he even have one?

From him I began to learn what it meant to be a shinobi. Now that I had somebody to actually show me what to do, I progressed by leaps and bounds. Had that been the long and short of it, I might've emerged as a fully functional individual. Unfortunately-or fortunately, because normal is boring-that's where the rest of my dysfunctional family came in. You see, the Third was getting old. He knew he wouldn't be around forever. I had a big brother of sorts in Yamato, but even he couldn't watch over me constantly. And despite the death of Danzo, the vilage still had her enemies.

Leave it to Kakashi Hatake to stick his nose where it didn't belong.

I am...so very grateful for that nosy idiot. If he hadn't interfered, I never would've learned a valuable lesson:

"In the Ninja World, those who break the rules are scum, that's true...but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum!"

If I recall correctly, at the time both of them were both still in Anbu Black Ops. To be fair, I'm certain Yamato didn't say a word about me. He always struck me as too stubborn. But his reticent silence must've made him suspicious-that was all it took to catch his eye. Y'see, Kakashi's like an old dog with a bone. Once he gets a hold of something, once you catch his interest, that's it. Game over. He's not going to give-and he's certainly not going to stop-until you've spilled the beans or wound up in the ground.

One day my "brother" opened the door to his apartment to find a familiar eye staring back at him.

Its funny, really. Despite being five, I remember that day quite with vivid clarit.

"Yamato!" he'd grinned beneath his mask, "You've been keeping secrets."

Just like that, the jig was up.

I'd later discover he was a student of my father's; perhaps that was why he was so insistent on actually teaching me now that the secret was out. If Yamato was my brother, then Kakashi fell firmly in the uncle category. I loved calling him that, much to his exasperation. Heh. Uncle Kakashi. Ohhhh how that made him squirm.

Never did let him wriggle away from that name.

Another year on, the old man managed to wrangle Tsunade and Shizune back to the village. I think he actually threatened to label her a Missing Ninja if she didn't come home; because she was actually sober-and none too happy-when she kicked down our door. Can you believe it? With that, the rest of my already unusual life snowballed in the most spectacular-and wonderful!-of ways.

The moment I met her, I was smitten-no, not like that!

While she was the third such person to take an interest in me beyond my fighting style or rapidly developing ninjutsu, she was the first one to ask me what I wanted. It floored me. Back then, I hadn't found my dream yet, or much of anything, really. I was too busy just trying to survive-endure!-my day to day training Where he got those kind of neurotic notions, I have no idea. Though they worked-I did learn, after all-no one ever stopped to consider what I wanted out of life. Maybe they thought I was too young to bother with that yet?

Tsunade thought otherwise.

And from that moment on, she became the center of my world.

There could only be one word for her. I didn't care what anyone else called her.

She was my mum and I couldn't be made to think otherwise. Even the revelation of my parents identities-startling though it was-wasn't enough to shake me. Nothing could sway me. Much to her consternation, and later, adoration, I latched on for all I was worth. What?! Don't give me that look! I was only six by then! I needed a mother figure and she fit the bill! Shizune was "auntie" and nothing save death would convince me otherwise, though she really didn't try to fight the label.

Also, I...may have picked up a gambling habit from one of them.

At least I'm a decent hand at it these days.

Looking at you, mum~!

On my tenth birthday Jiraiya finally made his appearance. The Third had eventually recalled him as well, but later, dithering for reasons I didn't yet understand. I knew nothing about the Akatsuki threat back then; not the danger they represented, not their intent, nor their motives. He'd been collecting information on them, researching-actual research!-

I think he was afraid of how I'd react.

Why would I hate him? None of this was his fault.

Leave it to Kakashi to let slip that the 'ol pervert was my godfather.

Well! That simplified things. In mind I thought, take out "god" and you had father.

When I called him "dad" on the spot I think he actually had a heart attack. Everyone else just laughed at him.

In time I was trained by legends and learned to fight like one. I studied the healing arts. I learned the difference between right and wrong. I was taught the Shadow Clone jutsu without ever having to steal a certain scroll, and various other jutsu besides. I retained the true nature of who I was, but I learned...more. So much more. I kindly refused the Slug and Toad summoning contracts and chose the Dogs instead. Dogs. Are. Awesome. In a word, they're loyal, fierce, strong, and as puppies they're just...so...cute! And their Boss is an absolute tank. Perfect for me!

I've never heard Uncle Kakashi cackle before. He won a lot of money that day.

When the time came, I had to beg just to be admitted into the academy. Not for any lack of skill mind you, but because I was starving for attention. Training and family is all well and good when that's all you've known for the majority of your life, but I wanted to have FRIENDS, peers my own age. Mum finally agreed to it on the stipulation that Shizune lead any team I eventually served under. I think she wanted to keep an eye on me, just to be safe. I was twelve; as a result, I didn't dare argue. Dad's pretty chill, but Mum's scary when she's mad.

The academy was a godsend; if only because I had nothing to prove.

I was just happy to be there.

Even if I entered later than most, it did me a world of good. If I hadn't learned to associate with fellow shinobi I might've ended up like Orochimaru. Ugh. Now there's an unpleasant thought. But I could not, I would not, and I most certainly DID NOT have an idiotic crush upon a certain pink-haired banshee. If anything, I pitied that girl, chasing after Sasuke the way she did. Why pine after someone you can never have? Why harass an unfortunate soul who wanted nothing more than to be left alone. I knew trauma when I saw it, and, being me, I tried to help; to offer my hand.

He slapped it away and I didn't offer again.

Perhaps had I been a loner desperate for attention, I might've tried a second time.

Two years flew by, and I graduated near the top of my class. In the blink of an eye I had my own headband and found myself, on a team with Ino Yamanaka and Hinata Hyuuga. We must've seemed like an odd fit to some; a lot of folks weren't happy that I'd disrupted the traditional Ino-Shika-Chou formation. Though I had gained a bloodline, many of the less-than-informed thought I was still a threat to the village. I didn't give a damn about any of them. I had what I wanted. My dream was no longer a dream but a reality. I'd fight to keep it.

I may have balked at my teammates initially, but they...they were good for me.

Ino was a talker, good at drawing people out of their shell. Hinata was still shy, but nowhere near as bad as she'd been back in the academy. When you pick up someone with a tree root and drag them into a conversation, it tends to break down a few barriers. She was...happy to work with me. I didn't know what to make of that. I was only twelve. It took the coaxing of months to get her to open up. Well worth it. By then she was happy to learn what I knew; after all, no one said I couldn't teach anyone else.

And so it went.

Our fist C-Rank mission under Shizune ran exactly contrary to what one might expect; what should've been a simple mission to wave rapidly escalated into an A-Rank.

The Demon Brothers went down in less than thirty seconds, but Zabuza...

...Zabuza nearly killed us all.

Don't misunderstand me; Shizune's a great fighter. But the Demon of the Mist was just a bad matchup for her. I still don't know how we pulled through that fight, but we did.

Now, when Zabuza's little "friend" tried to save him, Hinata immediately saw through the ruse; what followed was a short but nasty fight that pushed each of us to our breaking points and beyond. It taught me another valuable lesson. It doesn't matter how skilled you are; numbers can overwhelm any shinobi. If Haku had been more ruthless...if I wasn't a jinchuuriki...if she hadn't hesitated...two of us would've died. But we didn't. We captured them and dragged them back to the Leaf when were finished.

Gato? Who's Gato? I know no Gato. Only a stupid little man that I skewered with a thousand wooden stakes.

Was that his name? Oh. I killed him too quickly, then.

All too soon, time flew by and the Chunin Exams were upon us.

I still think it was too early for us to enter, but somehow, we scraped by.

Ino absolutely pounded Sakura into the floor with a nasty ninjutsu combination.

Hinata beat the tar out of her egotistic cousin while the two of us roared ours heart out.

My match was...less than pleasant. To this day, I don't know if some trickery was at play, if someone manipulated the preliminary rankings, or worse; outright rigged from the beginning. Looking back, it really does seem as if an outside force actively interfered. Why, you ask?

Because I had to fight Lee.

LEE!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight someone with that absurd level of speed?! Let alone using the Eight Gates! I only managed to win by turtling up and outlasting the bastard! Anyone else would've been flattened outright! How can someone kick that hard, I ask you?! That was a right devil of a fight and I have no desire to ever live through it again! That is hell! HELL! Almost as bad as watching Lee and Gai hug each other! How do they even DO that blasted sunset genjutsu?! It hurts just thinking about it!

And so it went again.

I distracted a certain Snake and gramps survived because of it.

I EARNED the rank of Chunin, slapped some sense into a psychotic redhead, and protected everyone I could.

I strangled a traitorous Uchiha into oblivion when he fled the village, fangirls be damned. He tried to kill me. He died.

I learned what it meant to commune with nature and became a sage of the earth, just like Hashirama. I fought, I trained, fought some more.

Years passed. I grew older. Stronger. Taller.

I fell in love with the two most beautiful women in my life. If you don't know who they are by now dear reader, then you haven't been paying attention. It was...an odd relationship. But we were happy. The three of us all brought out the best in one another. We became stronger, not just to protect ourselves, but for each other.

And at the end of it all, when the Akatsuki came knocking, we destroyed them.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not a good person.

The moment I learned of the organization hunting me I resolved to break them. I grabbed every bit of information I could and shared it with those closest to me. To beat them. To kill these legendary S-Ranked shinobi, in the most painful way possible, and any who dared follow in their footsteps. Whatever it took. Be it drowning, stabbing, burning, slicing, or impaling with stakes. Hmm. There were a lot of stakes at the end. Perhaps I was a bit...excessive. Maybe that's what changed my legend so much...

For example!

Did you know that immortality is next to USELESS when you can't move? Its quite true, I assure you. I've tested that theory...a lot.

Hidan learned that when I skewered him into the earth. Research techs are still learning all sorts of secrets from his body.

Not good enough? What about Kakuzu? He certainly couldn't move after I dropped half a forest on his head.

Or perhaps Sasori? When "you" consists of nothing more than a beating heart, what good are ya?

Next we come to Tobi! Tobi was a good boy. Tobi couldn't run when it rained stakes.

What good is swapping bodies, when your soul is trapped in an illusion?

Just ask what's left of Orochimaru.

I can't claim all the credit of course; Hinata decimated Kisame. Chakra means nothing when all your tenketsu points are closed. Less when your entire face is a pulpy mass. Even Pein, for all his strength, just needed to be distracted. An army of clones kept his bodies at bay while Ino snared his true body with one of her Mind jutsu. I did the rest. Konan surrendered when Jiraiya cornered her. Itachi...I never saw Itachi. Wonder what happened to him. Did he kill Deidara, I wonder? I never saw either of them, so something must've happened, but what? Hmm.

Now, I could go on and on, listing the inventive and horribly PAINFUL ways in which the rest of our enemies died, but I won't.

I never wanted to be Hokage. I was content to just...be.

To marry my teammates and have lots of blue-and-pale-eyed children running underfoot.

Yeah, it was a good life. Can't ask for much more than that, you know? Well, if I could...it would be to give others the same happiness.

My legend was never about me. Yes, I killed all my enemies with ruthless dispatch. Yes, I took my time with some; because they hurt my friends. My family. Madara most of all. When it became apparent I couldn't beat this so-called "God" by myself, I resorted to cheap tactics. The last I saw of him, he was screaming as his body was sucked apart into a true black hole. Piece by piece. We're Ninja, you see. And ninja...cheat. But at the end of the day, I'd only managed to come this far because I had help. It was never about me, you see. It was my friends. My family.

It was a good life. Why? Because it was ours. Because we fought for every inch of it.

Let me tell you something you already know. A wise man one said the following: The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.

You've gotta fight for it.

Sometimes that's all you can do. I am a Fighter.

Though, now that I think about it, I could also be a Lancer.

I fought, clawed, and scraped for every bit of strength I now possess.

Yes, there were easier paths. Yes, I could've forsaken them all. But I didn't.

That's not who I am. I fight for those who deserve it, for those unable to help themselves.

Because, in the end, we're all the same. We're all alive. We're all just trying to survive. Its a fight.

And you know what they say about a fight. Offense is good, defenses is better...but ya gotta be willing to take the hits!

(...0o0o0...)

No one could touch him.

Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald considered himself a genius in his given field. A prodigy from a young age, all his life he'd been raised to believe that he was something. Someone. This upbringing had reared its ugly head long ago and dominated his life ever since. His every act was molded not by altruism but arrogance. As the ninth of his generation to bear his family crest, he believed himself to be a magus beyond compare. He had no need at all for the common folk and believed himself wholly and utterly above reproach.

This Holy Grail War would be the turning point of his career; a pedigree unlike any other.

Far too proud and arrogant by half, he nevertheless approached the summoning with the same, detached air with which he regarded those beneath him. He traced the runes, used the appropriate materials to conduct the base ritual-while simultaneously bending a portion of it to his will-and made the necessary preparations. He provided the Command Spells. Sola-Ui, his fiance, would essentially serve as a backup battery of sorts, a second source of mana for the Servant to draw upon while they fought. Oh, her dislike of him was certainly known and noted, but he cared for her, in his own way.

Moreover! She wouldn't be able to talk down to him after this!

Once he won this war, once the Grail was with his grasp, he would be...legendary.

Until that moment, he was resolved to ignore every slight she tried to level against him.

Safely ensconced within his room here in the Hyatt Hotel, and behind an array of traps that would make the most hardened magus shudder, he began the summoning. Much to his delight, it went off without a hitch. Wave upon wave of light rushed into the room, followed by a rush of scalding smoke,. As an unknown party had stolen his first catalyst, he'd been forced to make due with the backup he'd prepared. It would serve. At least, that had been his initial opinion.

"Well!" a fresh voice rose as the light faded. "This is unusual. Didn't think I could be summoned."

At a glance, the newcomer certainly cut an intimidating figure.

Clad in a dark black suit and darker red armor constructed from numerous metal plates bound into multiple protective guards along his body, he nevertheless radiated a regal air. Calm blue eyes framed by a shaggy mess of blond hair and whiskered cheeks stared straight head, firm arms folded before his broad chest. His firm leonine jaw stood set in a small smile, one that didn't quite reach those eerie blue orbs. This was clearly a Servant yet Kayneth knew at once that something had gone wrong.

This was not Diarmuid.

"Who are you?" he demanded at once.

"Lancer, at your service." the newcomer hummed happily. "Nice to meetcha, Master."

That did not answer his question. No, not in the least. Drawing himself up to his full height, Kayneth found himself somewhat taken aback. This Servant certainly seemed nice enough, but he wasn't the sort to trust easily, much less a young upstart like this. Perhaps things would be better if he had. But Kayneth had never been the sort to believe in anyone but himself and as such, he immediately took affront to this breach of etiquette. No, he decided, he didn't trust this man. He was entirely too...happy.

Poor Kayneth.

"I was speaking of your true name," he ground out, drawing both arms behind his back. "You will tell me it. At once."

"Uzumaki Naruto." the young man frowned, thumbing a hand against the strange black band wrapped around his forehead. "You haven't heard of me?"

"I have not." Kayneth sniffed imperiously.

"Now, dearest." Sola-Ui interjected, because of course she did. Sometimes he swore that woman lived just to spite him. "He could simply be from a different era."

He snapped a glare at her, but the young man was already perking up. The gall.

"Exactly!" Quick as a flash, Lancer darted around him and moved to her side. "I think I like you. You were the one who summoned me, right?"

Sola sputtered and Kayneth found himself turning hostile.

"Nonsense." he growled. "You will do as I say. You are my familiar, and I am your Master." A muscle jumped in his jaw when the blond merely arched an eyebrow at him. "My fiance serves solely as an additional source of energy for your convenience. The only orders you need concern yourself with are mine."

"Any order, you say?" Lancer's voice grew eerily quiet. "Anything at all?"

"Yes, any order." Kayneth frowned, not at all liking his tone.

"And if I refuse one of them?"

Kayneth brandished his marked hand like a club. "Then like an unruly dog you will be brought to heel."

"Hey, there's no need for that." a lone palm rose to wave his anger aside. "We're allies in this, right? That means we're all in this together. Lets get along~!"

It was precisely the wrong thing to say.

Kayneth bristled like a scalded cat as Lancer stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. This...this meager familiar! He dared to believe they were equals?! Nonsense! He was the Master! This was merely a Servant in his service! In his mind, he-more fool he-didn't rate any more use than a blunt instrument; a tool that would be used to smash his enemies and gain him prestige. And it had the nerve to speak to him as such? No, that would not do, not at all! Unacceptable!

"I am your god for all that it matters!" he snarled, slapping the hand away. "Your king! You will do as you're told!"

The air turned cold.

There could be no other word for it; scarce had he struck Lancer's hand than ambient temperature in the room plummeted, abruptly rendering everything chilly by comparison. Nonsense. What kind of spell was this? And why was his Servant looking at him with that expression? Had he finally accepted his place? Whatever it was, it lasted for the merest of moments before abating.

"Very well." Lancer bowed, though the act smacked of condescension. "Master."

Just as quickly, he tilted his head to the right. "But first, what's up?"

Kayneth blinked. "What's...up?"

In his peripheral vision, Sola-Ui took a sharp step backwards. Perhaps she realized what the Servant was about to attempt; what was to come. Kayneth most assuredly did not. In his arrogance he never once considered the danger; the risk of having a literal hero standing less than a foot away from him. A hero whom he'd just provoked. His placid expression gave no hint of what was to come. His body language reflected the air of some sleepy peasant, belying none of the coiled tension lying beneath.

All at once, he beamed.

"Why, you are, my good man."

"I most assuredly am not, youuuuuuuuuuuu-

Kayneth's snarl shattered into a startled squeal as his Servant punched him in the throat. In the next instant, a coiling branch burst from the floor, wrapped around the mage's body, and shot upright into the ceiling, taking him and the Servant with it as the latter hopped onto its writhing tendrils to rise alongside it. It proved itself all too sudden for Kayneth; there was no time to ready his mystic code, no time to defend himself, no time to do anything . He could only gurgle in wordless pain. A heartbeat later and the next floor above him shattered like so much glass, then the next, and the next, and the next still, until quite suddenly he found himself outside the hotel entirely.

This is the roof. some small, animalistic part of his brain squealed. He's brought me up to the roof. Why?

Without word or warning, the root released him, leaving him to stumble away.

Right into a fist.

Clenched knuckles roared into his right cheek with all the force of a sledgehammer, stunning the magus and sending him spinning away. Through bleary eyes he glimpsed the slanted vision of a foot in his peripherals; not a heartbeat later it rocketed into his face to fracture his jaw. He'd only just stumbled to his feet when another blow rocked him, cracking a tooth.

"Such a lovely evening," his Servant hummed softly as he stormed after him. "What a shame that I have to sully it with your blood." when he tried to speak, an open-palmed slap sent him stumbling away again. "I really wanted to work with you, ya know." Another slap, another blow of contempt. "But apparently you're an insufferable idiot with a god complex." Slap. "I've already dealt with one too many of those in my lifetime." Slap. "I won't be dealing with another."

Dark starlight loomed overhead and Kayneth finally managed to master himself before lancer struck him again.

A Command Spell leaped to his lips. "I order you to-!"

Until Lancer grabbed his larynx and squeezed.

There was no pain beyond that brief, initial flash, just the complete and utter absence of sound; a void swiftly filled by Kayneth's croaking gasps.

Even as he choked and clutched at his throat for some semblance of breath Lancer calmly stepped in and seized him by the neck yet again. Just...hoisted him up as though he weighed no more than a fly. Three steps carried them forward together, toward the roof's edge. Instinct bid the magus look down and he desperately wished he hadn't. That...was a long drop. Lethal, without his mystic code to protect him. His oh-so precious defense, now left behind in his room, well out of reach. If only there was a way, if only...!

"Nothing personal, Master-no. Wait. I lied." Naruto hummed. "This is very personal."

The Servant's free hand flicked out, took hold of Kayneth's wrist, and tugged. Little more than a flick of the wrist, an errant pull against his sleeve. It shouldn't have done anything. Nope. Nothing at all. And yet in that moment, Kayneth's arm betrayed him. Pain flared across the length of that limb as it tore free at the elbow with a decidedly meaty splat, leaving his body to convulse in paroxysms of pain. Lancer flung it over his shoulder, leaving it to land listless behind him. His Command Spells went with it, any and all hope of victory gone in a blink of the eye.

Kayneth couldn't scream, not with a crushed throat, but he found he could squeal.

"Oh dear, did that hurt?" Red eyes loomed large before him. "Too bad."

A palm collided with Kayneth's chest and he flew.

His back struck the roof and sent him flipping end over end, tumbling without control. No! He hissed at his faltering form, trying to control through sheer will alone. Cease! Desist! Stop! This wasn't supposed to happen! He should be in control! Not like this! He refused to go out like this! This war was meant to be the beginning of everything for him, not the end! No! No no no!

By some grace, he managed to grab the rooftop's edge before he went sailing over.

He clung on for dear life, but only just; even now he could feel his grip slipping, feel himself waning.

"Tenacious, aren't you?" Strolling closer, that traitorously smiling Servant deigned to peer in his general direction.

"Let's face, it Master." Lancer's gentle voice dripped with vitriol as he crept closer to the edge. "You and I, we just wouldn't get along. Perhaps your fiance will be more...accommodating. She seems to be the one giving me energy anyway. Now, then." pausing, he loomed over him. "What did you call yourself? My god? My king?" the word emerged as a hiss. "Well then, your majesty!"

A hand closed over his and for a terrifying moment, Kayneth thought he was going to be saved.

Naruto leaned close. Closer still. Those red eyes dominated the mages vision.

His fingers dug into Kayneth's lone palm, causing a fresh wave of pain.

Those tan whiskered cheeks dimpled in a dangerous grin.

Four words sealed his fate. "Long. Live. The King."

With a sneer, Naruto flung him from the roof.

A/N: Yes, I just did that. References are references and I own absolutely nothing~!

I doubt anyone will feel sorry over Kayneth's death. He was an arse.

As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it.

I'll say it right now. All. Slots. Are. Open.

PLEASE READ THIS AS ITS IMPORTANT:

I've used Artoria sparingly, but she has no place in the madness of this story. Sorry. She's in other tales, but not this. So cast your votes, your suggestions, your grand aspirations. I'll gladly listen to them all. And who knows? I'm more than willing to listen to good ideas for the roster, provided they're inspired. Now, onto the rest of the 'ol note.

Yeah, that bit about Kayneth?

I CHANGED MY MIND.

He summoned Fighter!Naruto, and was killed for it. Can you blame him? Even on his best day the man's a total arse. Did you know he was willing to sacrifice CHILDREN at one point? Children! All for a power boost! I read that somewhere in the original manga. Or was that the light novel? Hmm. Either way, Naruto wouldn't sit still for that. He'd flip his lid. Likewise, if Ryuunosuke EVER managed to summon him he'd be attacked on the spot. Instantly. Even canon Naruto wouldn't tolerate that shit.

Let's see if Sola-Ui can survive. She better try~!

Here we have a Naruto raised and trained by Tsunade-whom he firmly believes to be his mum despite all appearances to the contrary-and with an awakened Wood bloodline at that. His raw physical strength is off the charts and hes an accomplished healer to boot. Now, he CAN use Sage Mode like his canon counterpart, but its not his strongest skill. Now then, if any of you have seen even HALF of what Hashirama got up to with the Mokuton bloodline in the show and the movies, well...

*cackles madly*

We're gonna have some fun.

This Naruto also enjoys taking absurd risks.

Why, you ask? Simple. Because he can. Because he enjoys it.

I feel I should emphasize that our boy here possesses the rare Double Summon skill, making him a Lancer/Caster. That's right, he's an actual Lancer! Using his bloodline as the latter, because we've all seen what a skilled practitioner can do. That's right, I'm not revealing what the other class is. Ought to be obvious given his startling skillset

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas......Review, Would You Kindly?

And of course, enjoy the previews! References are references and I don't own jack.

Really, everything is own by their respective media owners; I just play with their toys from time to time.

Oh, and you'll all get to see Jack in this...but as an adult. An alternate, of sorts.

Just imagine her for a moment, with that outfit. As a grown woman.

And on that note, YOINK! I'm out!

(Previews!)

Assassin tilted her head.

"You...we know you." she murmured.

Golden eyes widened in awe. Then recognition. "Naruto?"

Before he could protest, the young woman lunged and glomped him.

"Do we have to fight~?"

To Sola's dismay, Lancer collapsed on his knees.

"Its no good, Master. I can't do it. I can't hit someone that adorable."

A muscle jumped in her jaw. "Stop being dramatic and fight already, damn you!"

"I don't understand. Why go that far for someone like me?"

Lancer beamed. "I took a gamble on you to be sure, but I had faith."

His smile was pure as sunshine. "That's all we have in the end, you know? Faith."

His opponent collapsed with a wordless sob.

"I'll be blunt. We're long past the age of heroes and kings, you know. You and are I just ghosts. Now is the time for humanity to prove themselves."

"Better to burn them all." came the snarling retort. "Look at them. They're unworthy of us."

"You'd have to go through me."

...I would, wouldn't I?"

"You're nothing! Just a second-rate Lancer! I don't want your pity! I don't need your help!"

Lancer was silent for a long, terrible moment as he absorbed the insult. His back stiffened, shoulders turning tense.

Then he began to laugh. Softly at first, little more than a chuckle; one that grew louder with each moment, swelling in strength until he physically doubled over and clutched at his sides in an effort to contain himself. His stretched into a smile as his opponent looked on in abject horror, unnerved, as he threw his head back and outright cackled. Bright blue eyes bulged as mirthful tears burst from them and still he laughed. It was a fierce, inhuman sound, one that had no business emerging from a man's throat, and yet it Just. Didn't. Stop.

"I've never seen you laugh before." his opponent grimace. "I don't think I like it. Cut it out! You're giving me the creeps!"

And just like that, Lancer ceased; straightening in a single movement.

When next they looked, those azure orbs were like diamond.

Wholly, utterly unbreakable.

"You little fool."

R&R~! =D