Chapter 1 – Hence the Problem

The hallway was crowded. If her timing hadn't been off, since she had been hoping to get here right before the final bell, it would have rendered the gauntlet virtually empty. But not much of anything lately had been going Buffy Anne Summers way and this was just one more thing to add to the list. Well, if nothing else, she still had her pride, no matter what else they took from her. Taking a deep breath she stepped around the corner, in the clothes they had gotten from the thrift store and her fly away hair because she could only afford the cheapest stuff now, into the throng of people. Some of them she used to call friend and some were too below her to call friend, but now they were all above her in the social scheme of life.

Her destination was her locker and she headed for it with the single mindedness of a salmon swimming upstream. At first there was a hushed silence at her first appearance since it had happened and then came the soft swell of whispers then the loud taunts that turned her pale cheeks to flaming red.

"Hey, Summers, is that the latest design or did you decide to be original?" Cordelia called out.

"Still think you're too good to date me?" Xander joined in.

"Hey, Xander, I think there is finally someone not good enough to date you." Angel taunted as he reached out to smack her ass.

Everyone in the hallway laughed and she picked up her pace.

When she passed Willow she only saw pity in the other girl's eyes and a touch of superiority, for now she was no longer the bottom of the pecking order. Buffy quickly put her eyes to the floor and wished something huge would come along and swallow her whole. Tears burned her eyes and she blinked them back quickly. She was not going to give them the satisfaction. As her locker came closer she saw them. The Doc Martens standing between her and the end of the line but they stepped to the side as she came closer. Her hand reached for the lock as she glanced at him to see what his reaction to her new situation was.

"Have something to say?" Buffy whispered.

Here was the one person in school that might be below her and Willow and he didn't give a damn if he was. Spike. The town bad boy and social scourge. He lived in a trailer out on in the woods with his never married mother and did whatever the hell he wanted. Everyone said the only reason he came to school was because it was the only way he could stay out of reform school.

But Buffy knew better.

"Just proud of you, that's all."

Their eyes met with an impact that shook her soul and the tears that threatened shimmered ever closer to the surface.

"You cry and you'll ruin it." Spike said softly. "Need to get to class but wanted you to know if you need me I'm here."

"Thanks," Buffy said and watched him walk away. His leather duster flew around him as he moved through the other kids. They all said they hated him but it was funny how they parted to let him through. It was as if they instinctively knew he was somehow more than they could ever be. For a brief moment she let her mind fly back to last summer, right after Angel had broken up with her, and she thought her world had fallen apart. The summer night when her car had broken down on the side of the road and the night she had let Spike…

"You all right, Luv?" He had whispered as she trembled in his arms. "I didn't know it was your first time. Might have been more gentle if I'd known."

His eyes had been filled with concern and passion as she pulled his head down for another kiss which had only led them to more.  It had started off as revenge to have sex with the lowliest boy in town just to hurt Angel but it had turned to real passion as those hands had slid over her body.

Even now thinking of him moving over and in her turned her insides to jelly. They had both known that they wouldn't work as a couple at that point in their lives but they had become friends. Secret friends and he had never let her down. And they had never touched again but she knew that he would if she asked, just as he would stand behind her no matter what happened and she wouldn't humiliate him by letting their friendship out now. He deserved more than to be associated with her.

Once the class princess and now the 'living in a motel, lucky to be eating, wearing thrift store clothes, because you're Daddy decided to do a little IRS non-paying before skipping out of town with his secretary' social ruin that she was, wasn't good enough for Spike anymore.

No, Spike had deserved more before and he deserved more now.

With a sigh, Buffy got her books and headed to class. Once this day was over, she'd feel better. And probably a whole lot stronger.

~~~~~~~

The crickets were singing loudly as Buffy walked to the end of the dock. A smile danced across her lips, as she saw him sitting at the end, just as she knew he would be. After school he had passed her with a cocked eyebrow and she had nodded. It was his standard, 'I'll meet you later' invitation and her usual acceptance of time spent with him signal they had perfected over the last year. She inhaled as the smoke from his cigarette hovered around his head. It was comforting. It was him and it was wrapped up in the most intense pleasure she had ever known. She wondered for a moment if that smell would always leave her tingling between the legs.

"Hey," she said as sat next to him, and reached for his cigarette, took a deep drag, instantly regretting it as it burned down into her lungs, sending her into a coughing fit.

"Pet, slow down on your slide into total oblivion, I like having you around." Spike laughed as he clapped her on the back.

"Thanks."

He handed her a beer from the six-pack he had on the other side of him. This she could handle, thanks to other nights like this, and thanks to him. The lake was calm while the moon light shone across the water. Buffy swallowed half the bottle down in one gulp while he watched in amazement because usually she only nursed one through their talks. Tonight she wanted to forget.

"It was horrible, Spike," she finally admitted. The crack in her voice belied the emotions that were tearing through her. "They took everything. We couldn't even pack a bag. They have to catalog every item in the house before we get anything back. Fuck, even my diary is in the house still."

"Now, that might be worth bidding on in the auction. Might find out how you really feel about me." He half-joked with a bitter laugh.

She turned to him with those emerald eyes shimmering in the night from those unshed tears that she hadn't felt safe letting go of yet. He held his arms out and she burrowed against him, letting the sobs rip through her. In the last year he had been the only real thing in her life. Her only real friend. The others had just wanted to be around her because she was the most popular girl in school. They wanted the prestige and popularity that went with being in her orbit. Spike didn't care about that stuff and always cut through the bullshit with the precision of a sharpened knife.

Now, though he was tender and sweet and she wanted to lose herself in his love for her. But she wouldn't hurt him like that. Prom tickets were going on sale the next week and her original plan was inviting him to go with her. To show the whole school who was really important to her.

Their plans to escape Sunnydale had been building for months as she helped him apply for scholarships and prepare applications to colleges. They were going to go together and she had planned on telling him she loved him when they were dancing together so they could go as a couple.

Now, it was all gone. And she wasn't going to hold him back with her problems.

She cried as much now for the loss of those dreams as she did for her life and the loss of those things she had thought was so important. When one of them was zigging the other was zagging and she wondered if they would ever fit together.

Finally she calmed down and shifted so she was lying with her head on his lap while his fingers played with her hair.

"I'm sorry for crying like that."

"For what? I'm just glad that you trusted me enough."

Her laughter echoed the bitterness of his only a short time ago and her hand reached for his, pulling it to her lips and kissing it softly.

"You're the only thing I trust right now."

"Now that's a shame," he laughed as his hand still clasped hers.

They were both quiet for a few minutes, enjoying the serenity that always came with them being together in their spot, and the freedom of knowing that here they could be who they really were. Buffy sat up but remained close to him, closer than she normally sat; needing the reassurance of his body that she knew would always protect her. With a few quick swallows she finished the first beer and reached for another. Their eyes met as he silently questioned her but she stared at him in determination and he gave in. 

It was as she started on her third that she began to talk again. She told him about them living in a hotel room with a small kitchenette. That if their mom hadn't taken out a withdrawal the day of the eviction that they would have been destitute. The government had frozen all their accounts and credit cards. They had been asked to leave their home with only the clothes on their back. It was that night that they heard from her father. He was at the airport in New York and leaving for Spain. He said he was sorry but that was it.

Her emotions froze off as she spoke and she wouldn't even have felt real if it wasn't for Spike's hand on her back.  He gently rubbed in slow circles as she unloaded her loss of material possessions to someone who had never had anything. It wasn't really the loss of things that bothered her so much. It was the loss of her identity. She didn't know who she was anymore.

"I know who you are." Spike whispered softly as he pulled her toward him. Her head cushioned in the crook of his neck. "You're the girl I love."

"I know."

It was the first time he had ever said the words even though she had known for a while now. She wanted to say the words back. If she did then she would have an identity again. She would be Spike's girl. But she couldn't use him like that. She had planned to go to him as a girl with a future ahead of her and they could start over in a new town as equals. Not now.

She laughed and he froze as he wondered if it was him that she was laughing at.

"Spike, it's funny. Everyone in this town thought that I had the world by the tail. The girl most likely to succeed and that you were going nowhere and now it's totally reversed."

"Nah, you've just had a setback that's all."

Platitudes. The one thing she didn't want or need and she mumbled a quick good-night as she scrambled to stand. The extra beer she had drunk made her dizzy and she swayed on the end of the dock. Her hand frantically tried to find something to hold onto and it was him. As always.

"Come on, Summers, I'll see you home. Car is up this way."

With an arm around her waist he led her up to his old Desoto that he had rebuilt from a broken down shell. Buffy giggled as she wondered if he could do the same for her but knew that he could if she'd let him.  He threw the bag with the leftover beer and bottles into the trunk before directing her toward the front seat.

Her back was against the car as his hand rested on her waist to steady her and the other struggled to get the car door open. It always stuck.

"You gotta lift and pull," she instructed as she turned around to show him what to do. "I know because I'm the one that's been opening this side."

Buffy yanked on the door and it fell open, knocking her off balance, with another giggle she fell backwards, and they both tumbled to the ground.

"Bullocks," he muttered in defeat as she squirmed around on top of him trying to stand. His head fell back with a groan as she sat up on top of his stomach and her hand trying to find something to push herself up with encased his erection.

They both froze, especially her hand, as the knowledge swept through both of them. Wide green eyes met his as she sat there feeling him grow even harder and bigger.

"Pet, if you're not going to do anything about it then would you mind letting it go?"

Which only made her cry again as she realized that now she might never be able to make love to him again. Something she had been looking forward to after she had declared her love to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not good enough for you anymore."

"For what? For sex, to be my friend or something else?"

"For all of it."

Buffy found herself dumped on the ground as Spike decided even the cheap thrills wasn't worth losing their friendship over. She gave him a dirty look as he stood, leaving her on the ground, to look up at him. The way it should be.

"Well, that's a stupid statement coming from the girl who has been telling me for months that it didn't matter if I'm a bastard child, living in a trailer with my mom, that I could be anyone I want to be. The same girl who has been trying to find a way for me to get out of this god forsaken place."

"Yeah, that's when I knew who I was." She told him as she stood again only to start to walk away from him.

"That's what you were doing then?"

"What?"

Spike caught up with her, pulling her around to face him and as the eyes didn't meet his, he knew and for the first time since their friendship had begun, being around her sickened him.

"You were only doing it so that you could bring me up to your level. You were ashamed of who I was and figured if I'd change I'd be good enough to touch the holy shrine that was Buffy Summers. What a fool I've been."

TBC