"… our prevailing forces were divided into five starfleets…"

I nodded solemnly. I learned to do it so well, that I could have taught solemn nodding in schools.

"… Resistance lost two ships…"

I remembered the importance of keeping my posture, keeping strict and severe expression. I could not allow myself to be a child that I was just a few months ago. No anger, no temper.

I am the Resistance menace, I am the First Order ruler.

"… lost within 30 minutes…."

I knew what he talked about. This water of words was just going to one conclusion: we brought Resistance to their knees and took over the East Manara system.

And it was good. I let the general continue to boast along because it meant that I could daydream for another 15 minutes.

I was happy that we took over East Manara.

Well, I was almost happy.

Almost because I loved to see the sun on her.

I loved to watch how she was stretching her hands to its soft shining. I loved to see gentle tan appearing on her skin. It was not Jakku, it was one of those cozy worlds that you could grow old and be happy for the rest of your life.

She smiled a lot there.

"…do you agree?"

"Yes, general, I agree with you."

The general's expression became even more pompous.

I wanted to roll my eyes.

Instead, I let her laugh play in my memory. Yes, she laughed a lot there. Mostly with Finn. He was around a lot. As much as I was.

The meeting was (finally)over. We stood up and my knights took their place at my sides. They were good. We occasionally trained together and I made sure that they would be better than knights that protected Snoke.

Snoke… I should be grateful to him. This connection that he helped to create was ... convenient.

It was so easy to break the wall and see her. It was so easy to guard myself from her eyes.

It was easy to spy on her, to see their forces, to use it in the strategy.

I told it myself over and over.

The only reason why I was coming over and over again to her is to destroy the Resistance. Solely, purely…

I washed my face and I already knew that I would it again.

Lifting the veil of my reality was as effortless as ever.

There was only dim light where she was. I searched the room looking for her.

"Don't. Please."

I turned around astonished by the sound of her voice. We had never talked since Crait. My heart made a familiar jump seeing her seeing me.

"I suspected that it was because of me. Two times in a row. We lost two ships… Well, you know that. So… don't, please."

"What are you asking me about?" I said with my voice foreign in the silence of this room.

"One hour. Just one hour for them to get away."

Pleading, begging… Was she so desperate?

"And why would I do that?"

"Well... you want something from me, don't you?"

"I don't."

"You have been watching me for all these months. Did you think that I was unaware?"

I gulped. Silly, but I did think so. I thought I mastered it so well. The forgotten feeling of shame crippled in.

"It doesn't matter," she said quickly, "I won't join you. You know that. So... do you want something else?"

I felt a lump in my throat. Did I want something else?

My gaze wandered over her neck and stuck at the of her shirt.

"You can have my life," she said quickly.

Determination and sincerity in her eyes shamed me even more. What do you think she was offering, Kylo?

"You can kill …"

"No!" I exclaimed in a hurry. Too much in a hurry

"You can jail me."

"What bars can hold you, Rey?" I asked almost mocking the whole situation.

"So... I was right."

She dropped her head and then brushed her hair back. Her feet touched the floor letting her footsteps echo in my ears.

I had to hold my breath for a minute just not to get intoxicated with her smell.

She raised her head. These eyes were so full of honesty, truth, and sacrifice. Deep green color. I saw these eyes being happy, I saw these eyes in tears. Oh, Force, I loved those eyes.

"You can have ... me," she whispered.

My heart skipped a bit. Did I want her… in that way? Did I? Did I honestly?

She didn't wait for my response.

Her small, almost petite, hands took my hand, unbuttoned a glove around the wrist and pulled it off. I was so mesmerized by her touch that I didn't notice how her hands trembled. Her skin was warm as if the sun of East Manara hadn't left her skin. As if she took this sun with her. She took a lot of things with her.

Her waist was so slender and when she pressed my palm to it. I sighed. I did want this. My other hand was still in the glove, but I allowed myself to touch her shoulder. This is when I noticed shivering. Was she scared? Disgusted? All at once?

I stepped away sharply putting a safe distance between us.

"You don't want me."

"I do!" she protested and tried to touch me again. I caught her wrist.

She was a stubborn girl. She would get in bed with me if it saves those people that she loved. She did love them. Them…

We stood for a moment like that. I wondered what the hell should I do with her.

"You need to stay away from them if you want to keep them safe," I said quietly.

"I know."

It was a different voice. Confident, decisive. I didn't know that she had that in her. There was something that I didn't know, something…

"You are alone here," I guessed, "Where are they?"

"You will hear soon enough. Didn't you wonder why you haven't heard your surroundings for the past 10 minutes?"

"You isolated me," I guessed again.

She smiled triumphally. I felt an urge to smile too. She tricked me. She did trick me.

"You have learned something."

"I did," she smiled quietly and freed her hand.

I was ready to shake off her grasp on my mind, but she suddenly jumped to me, wrapped her hand around my neck and pressed her forehead to mine.

"It is not too late, Ben. You still have time to fix it. You still have people in Resistance who cares about you."

"Leia," I whispered. Rey nodded, closing her eyes.

Feeling of her skin next to mine, her quick breathing, her closeness. I wrapped one hand around her waist almost instinctively.

"Not only," she whispered even quieter.

And then she embraced me. Briefly, hastily, leaving her scent with me, leaving traces of her soul on me, and disappearing into nothing.

Her room was gone, my peace was gone.

All communicators were blinking panicky and someone was knocking at my door. I was alone in my room and she was somewhere far away. Space away, yet painfully close.