So.

Ghosts.

They were apparently a thing that existed. And not only in horror movies.

After the whole almost-becoming-a-slave-to-a-witch-who-apparently-communed-with-Satan-oh-and-who-was-also-his-classmate-and-really-wanted-him-to-fall-in-love-with-her-for-some-reason-(not-that-he-wasn't-devilishly-handsome-of-course)-or-become-her-minion-or-something-(he-wasn't-too-clear-on-that-part) thing, he really didn't know why he was even surprised.

But yeah.

Kaito could see dead people.

It was a pretty new development.

I'll just take a trip over to Gunma, I said. Kaito thought frantically, almost bordering on hysteria. The murder rates there are pretty low, I said. I probably won't run into a detective, I said. It'll be nice to have a chance to figure out if I'm going crazy without people trying to interrogate me, I said.

And then of course Edogawa Conan had walked in and Kaito's day had become approximately 1412% worse. Because Conan was, arguably, the absolute worst of the tantei to show up at that moment.

Okay, okay, be calm. Poker Face. You're just a university student working on a paper due at midnight. Yup, no reason to look over here, Tantei-kun.

His disguise was, in fact, that of a university student...except that he had been a bit lazy and basically the only part that could conceivably be called a disguise was the fact that he wasn't wearing his school uniform but was wearing fake glasses.

...like Edogawa Conan.

Kaito resisted the urge to facepalm.

Was he really so tired that he'd thought that would be a legitimate disguise?

Apparently.

He ended up letting his head sink to the table and groaning loudly.

Oh, great going, Kaito. Way NOT to attract attention, he thought to himself as hesitant footsteps made their way towards him. He ignored the sound of someone trying to stifle a chuckle to his left, mainly because that was where the wall was and he was not going crazy, nope, nothing to see here, folks -

"Are you alright, sir?"

He forced himself to peek out from behind his arm to look at the waitress. He pitched his voice lower before saying, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just functioning on about two hours of sleep with a paper due at midnight. Any chance of some more coffee?"

She made a sympathetic noise, saying "I remember what that's like," before flipping open the lid of the coffee pot she was holding. She frowned. "I'll just put on a fresh pot for you. This one's nearly gone. I'll be back in ten minutes."

"Thanks."

"No problem." And with that, she ambled back to the kitchen.

Kaito kept his face buried in his arms because, seriously, that was a better disguise than a pair of glasses .

"Don't you have your kit with you?" someone asked. From his left. Where there couldn't possibly be anyone because he was alone at his table, damn it!

Yeah, not looking great for the whole 'not being crazy' thing.

Kaito shrugged minutely. He did have his disguise kit with him, though at the moment it was only the light version he took to school since he hadn't exactly been expecting to run into any detectives.

May as well take the disembodied voice up on his suggestion.

Oh, wow, he really was going crazy.

Though Hakuba would probably argue that anyone who intentionally poked Aoko into chasing them with a mop wasn't exactly the poster child for sanity.

Actually, so would the rest of his class.

And probably the teacher.

And then there was the whole KID thing.

Huh.

So maybe this weird voice-thing had been coming for a while?

Kaito yawned, stretching his arms above his head and then making his way to the restroom in the back of the café, keeping his shoulders slumped and his head down as if he couldn't be bothered to support them properly. A few people's eyes absently tracked his movement, but no one was all that interested in a procrastinating college student.

Upon entering the bathroom, he locked the door behind him before remodeling his face a little bit. A few shades paler - not enough to be noticeable to the waitress, since she hadn't really seen his face, and he was already paler than normal due to sleep deprivation - and some contouring to make his bone structure look different did the trick, and only took a few minutes. He ran the faucet for a moment and wiped down the counter, checking his clothes and the floor for traces before pretending to rub his eyes as he exited the bathroom.

...and nearly tripped over one Edogawa Conan.

This was his life now, wasn't it. Had Lady Luck deserted him?

No, he hadn't been shot yet. They were still on good terms.

...but maybe he should visit a shrine before he went home tonight.

Just to be safe.

Kaito blinked lethargically, staring at nothing for a moment before focusing on Tantei-kun. "Oh. Hello."

Conan giggled, which was actually really creepy. "Sorry, Niichan!" he chirped.

Kaito resisted showing the shudder that went down his spine.

"No problem, kid," he said instead, patting him absently on the head before dragging himself back to the table where his laptop was set up - screen locked, of course, before he went to the restroom. He perked up a bit at the sight of a half-full steaming cup of coffee. Kuroba Kaito wasn't much of a fan, but Asano Keisuke practically lived off the stuff.

...as long as it was doctored with enough milk, cream, and sugar to cause a seven-year-old's mother to choke at the thought of the impending sugar rush.

Kuroba Kaito could live with that kind of coffee.

Thus, after doctoring it within an inch of its life, he turned his laptop back on.

And quickly exited the solitaire game he'd been playing, because he needed to pretend to work on an essay instead.

He pulled up an old essay and started typing at the end - in code, of course, because one could never be too careful with Edogawa Conan nearby. But not the type of code that was obviously code, with all the mixed up letters that obviously don't make words, no - he used a word substitution code so it would look like an actual paper.

It probably wouldn't stand up to close examination from Tantei-kun, though. Which was why he wasn't going to come anywhere near it.

Well, hopefully.

Who knew what freaky psychic powers Edogawa Conan had, seriously.

Hey, maybe he could help with this predicament Kaito was pretending not to be in.

...He was so sleep-deprived that that was starting to sound like a valid idea.

Kaito snorted to himself and tugged his fingers through his hair before settling into his seat to try and sort some things out.

Like the nonexistent entity that may or may not have been sitting next to him.

And the fact that it sounded suspiciously like his father.

...Honestly, he probably should have just gone home and slept. All this could be explained away by sleep deprivation, and given that he'd only had an hour of sleep since he'd stolen the Spirit's Cry last week it seemed the most likely cause.

Probably.

...He needed to figure out a way to return that soon.

Kaito groaned loudly and let his face fall onto the keyboard.

This wasn't working. He really should have chosen a … library or something if he wanted to have room to think.

...Why had he chosen a cafe, anyway?

Oh, that's right. Chocolate.

Kaito glared at the empty plate by his right elbow, which had once held a chocolate croissant. Everything was all its fault, obviously.

"Did you want another one?"

Kaito blinked, then glanced at the waitress who had just made a reappearance. He took a moment longer than he really should have to process the question. "Oh. Um. Yes, please."

She grinned. "Chocolate croissant, right? Coming right up."

Kaito watched her disappear behind a corner before letting his eyes drift close. Maybe he could just take a quick nap… His brain would work better when he woke up…

"Hey, Niichan!"

"Holy - " Kaito almost jumped out of his seat, eyes snapping open to fall on a very short seven-year-old.

Shit. He'd forgotten about Tantei-kun.

How the hell had he managed that?

Seriously. His dad was probably turning in his grave.

There was a slight snort from over by the window but that was impossible because there was nobody there unless Kaito was finally going crazy.

Kaito placed a hand on his heart, willing it to calm down, before glaring down at Conan. "What the hell, kid? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

...It wasn't so much acting as it was reacting, which was a little worrisome.

"Oh, sorry!" Conan didn't even try to look apologetic. "I just wanted to ask you something."

Kaito sighed. How was this his life, seriously. He ran a hand through his hair, then said, "Sure, go ahead."

"Can I borrow your phone? Mine broke."

Kaito's brain stalled. Was Edogawa Conan seriously asking to borrow his phone?! Seriously. What the hell was his life.

"...What happened to it?" he asked, half afraid to know the answer.

Conan pulled it out of his pocket wordlessly. Or, rather, the pieces of it. The screen was shattered, and the case was held together with hopes and dreams.

Kaito's eyes widened and he let out a low whistle. "You really did a number on it, didn't you?'

Conan grumbled something under his breath - Kaito thought he caught the phrase 'stupid criminals,' so he made the executive decision that he was better off not knowing.

"Sure," he finally replied, almost positive that this was a bad idea. He rummaged around in his jacket pockets, trying to find Asano Keisuke's phone. He really hoped it wasn't in one of the hidden pockets, because that might be awkward to explain. Oh, hey, first try. Maybe Lady Luck hadn't deserted him entirely.

Still, this was edging a bit close for comfort. He definitely needed to visit a shrine on the way home.

Kaito unlocked the phone and pulled up the app for actually calling people before he handed Conan the cell phone, berating himself the entire time. Because, seriously, what had knocked his brain out of his head?

He was not normally this stupid. What the hell?

It had to be the eyes, he decided a moment later as he watched Conan dial a number from memory. The stupid, big, blue, childish puppy-dog eyes.

That's what was causing this weird behavior. Definitely not sleep deprivation. Or a strange sense of kinship. Nope. Not at all.

...It was probably mostly sleep deprivation.

He really needed a nap.

Kaito was snapped back to the present by a hard poke to his shoulder, which he mostly carefully ignored because there was nobody there, okay. Thus, he turned his attention to the person who was actually there and was holding his phone to his ear.

"Hakase?"

Kaito stifled a shiver. Seriously, that voice was so creepy.

"Yeah, sorry, my phone broke. I'm at the café across town, the one where Genta - yes, that one."

So. Creepy. Did he even realize that his voice had gradually dropped an octave and a half?

"My skateboard is a bit - yeah, that. The guy - yes, Haibara, I'm fine. Not even a skinned knee. I jumped off before the blast. I told you, I'm fine ." Conan rolled his eyes. "Yes, I realize I said that right after I was shot, but - "

Kaito's eyes widened. What? When had Tantei-kun been shot?!

"No, it's actually true this time. Yes, really. I'm not even out of breath."

And then came the terrified scream from the back of the shop. Conan's head turned toward the noise like a bloodhound. "Sorry, Haibara, duty calls," he muttered into the phone before ending the call and sprinting toward the kitchen.

Still holding Asano Keisuke's phone.

Seriously. Kaito's life.

"Hey, kid!" he called as he jogged half-heartedly after Conan. He was really not looking forward to this. "You still have my phone!"

At least he was somewhat more prepared than the average person in that café for the murders that seemed to follow Edogawa Conan around like a curse.

... Actually, that might not be completely inaccurate. He might need to subtly inquire of Akako if that was a thing.

And if so, how the hell had Conan pissed off a witch? He was, like, seven, what the hell.

He followed Conan to the back and opened the door, mentally preparing himself for the obligatory murder scene.

And - yeah, no, there was no way to steel himself for all the blood and gore and pieces everywhere.

Someone must have held a grudge.

Okay, Kaito, deep breaths.

He closed his eyes briefly to center himself, then opened them again to better take in the scene.

( Poker face, poker face - )

And then he saw the faded outline of the person on the floor who was quite clearly dead floating above her body, looking around bewilderedly.

"What the hell."

Nope. Not happening.

He saw Conan turn to him in concern before his knees crumbled like cheap crayons and he blacked out.