"Look, all I'm saying is that I don't get the appeal of cars or trains or whatever. What's wrong with walking?" Suika repeated for at least the fourth time in the past hour. Why was it taking over an hour to reach our destination? Multiple reasons, all of which could be answered with 'Suika' one way or the other. Would you take an oni on a train? Yeah, didn't think so.

"The problem is distance and time," I explained once more in the hopes that this would be the time I would get through to her, "Let's say your boss wants you in at work at 8 AM sharp, which is of course code for 7:50 AM sharp at least," I trailed off upon seeing Suika's lost expression, but decided I was in too deep to stop now. "As a typical Japanese salaryman, you probably weren't home until the wee hours of the night as a consequence of being exploited for unpaid overtime by an uncaring corporate machine. Upon arriving home to your cheap apartment, you might have figured that you already weren't getting a full night's sleep, so maybe you even squeezed in an hour of personal time before finally getting to bed. Now this leaves you with a choice; would you rather wake up an hour early and walk to work, or sleep in for another 45 minutes and drive yourself there?" Suika thought silently about it before her eyes lit up in some form of understanding. Could it be?

"I think I get it… In that case, I'd quit my job and go back to sleep!" Suika said with great satisfaction. She folded her arms over her chest and gave a proud 'How's that?' grin.

"That's right. It seems you finally understand," I sincerely congratulated her and grasped her shoulder to show solidarity. I hadn't thought I'd ever get through to her, but it seems I had been underestimating her all along. She managed to come to the correct answer all on her own. Yuigahama looked upon our interaction with disgust.

"That didn't explain anything! Quit giving gross explanations, Hikki!" Yuigahama chided me. I don't want to hear any complaints from someone who couldn't even bring herself to look away from her phone this whole time! Sure enough, a now-familiar chime from her phone dragged her attention away from us and back to her conversation. A faint 'Ehh~?' escaped her lips before she began furiously typing a response. Kids these days!

"I covered the important parts," I waved it off, comfortable in the knowledge that she was no longer listening to me. No doubt she was occupied with reassuring her mindless clique about her absence from school with empty reassurances and even emptier platitudes that people like them so enjoy. I winced as I processed that thought. That was overly harsh even by my standards. I'd been feeling strangely irritated since waking up on that park bench, and I was only now noticing the effects it was having on me. Any guess as to the source was beyond me.

"Man, Yukarin was right. Humans on the Outside have gotten weird in the last century. I thought she was just messing with me when she told me all that crap…" As a human currently on the Outside, I take some offense at that remark. Not because it isn't true, but because you're not supposed to say it out loud. "The villagers suck, but even they're not as bad as all of that. Well, most of them anyways. Some of them are kinda…" Suika grimaced, no doubt from thinking of the villagers. Yes, I completely understand your reaction, Suika. I myself have a similar expression when thinking about them.

Bastards.

"I can't say I'm a fan of people here either, but at least they didn't call me a youkai and throw me into a forest." Yet. There was still time. "Like with anyone else, they're just terrible in their own unique ways. As society developed and other people's opinions became able to make a tangible impact on your livelihood, humans had no choice but to become sneakier when it came to expressing their cruelty. That means- and you're not listening." I trailed off as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk with her eyes glued to a store window with several electronic toys displayed. Just like I had previously, I elected to give her a few minutes before dragging her off. So long as she stayed within sight, I saw no problems. The whole point of this trip was to kill time, so I'd take what I could get. I winced slightly as I realized this once again had the side-effect of leaving me alone with my thoughts.

With Suika occupied being an obvious tourist and Yuigahama tied up with her phone like the millennial she was, I was given the time to sort through my situation and make plans for the near future. This seemed like a good thing on paper, but I was apparently terrible at it and had made no progress. Yuigahama wanted answers and I wanted to give them to her, but at the same time there was a substantial part of me that didn't. Why not? No clue. Whatever the reason, the hesitation was there, and it would continue to drive me up the wall unless I figured it out. That being said, I made sure to keep Suika in my sights in spite of my inner conflict. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… well, still shame on you. How dare you fool me twice! Stupefied oni in sight, I allowed myself to retreat into my thoughts.

Let's take a look at the past few days. Everything thus far had happened so quickly that I had been perpetually stuck on my backfoot and operating entirely on instinct, AKA letting the logical side of my brain handle things while the emotional side of my brain was having a gibbering panic attack in some dark corner of my head. Lost in an insanely dangerous forest? Find a way out ASAP, don't think about dying. Mistaken for a youkai and banned from civilization? Ah well, guess I'll hang out with the actual youkai, don't think about dying. Offer of shelter from a scary lady that might kill me? I was probably going to die in Gensokyo anyways, so I might as well do it in comfort while trying not to think about dying. Exact copy of myself taking over my life? Well, I didn't actually know the proper way to react to that one, but I think I did an OK job. I didn't even have to worry about dying for that one.

The point is my way of handling things felt… off. Not bad, just… off. And yet, looking back I don't think I would have done anything differently in hindsight. Could that be where the feelings came from? After all, Hikigaya Hachiman is a creature filled with regrets over the past. I learned from my history so that I was not doomed to repeat my mistakes, but that only meant that I was free to make entirely new mistakes. Hell, it was only recently that I had some severe mistakes pointed out to me. Was I just anxious because things were going well, and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop? I wracked my brains for any other explanations, but I was sadly derailed by the increasingly familiar feeling of someone clambering onto my shoulders once again. Looks like my time was up. I thought I had a couple more minutes of Suika's gawking left to go, but clearly it wasn't meant to be.

"Why." It was less of a question and more of a statement. Still, I felt that single word carried a large amount of emotion with it.

"Why what?" Suika's voice came from my side, freezing me in place. Suika was still standing in front of the display window. That's right, I never let her out of my sights, so how could it be her? Yuigahama looked up from her phone to stare in concern at me, sensing something off in the air with her highly tuned social kung fu. The weight on my back giggled lightly, raising the hair on my arms. Neither Suika nor Yuigahama reacted to the laughter at all.

"…Nothing. Never mind. Come on, let's get going," I spoke slowly and haltingly as I began to walk again, this time keeping some distance between myself and them. Yuigahama looked up from her phone every now and again to stare oddly at me, whereas Suika never quite let me entirely out of her sight. I sighed lightly, preparing myself for a tough conversation once I was certain there was enough distance between myself and the girls. "So, what will it take to convince you not to break my neck?" I asked casually, but my heart was racing. Whatever this youkai was, and I had no doubts it was a youkai, they had me dead to rights. I could only assume the worst and hope for the best in a situation like this. If negotiations broke down, then it was my hope that Suika would have enough time to react and keep Yuigahama safe.

"Mmm~ I dunno! Whatcha got?" A girlish voice chirruped directly next to my ear, sending a different kind of shiver down my spine. Damned teenage hormones! Not the time! She didn't bother waiting for a reply as she stuck her hands in my pockets and began to fish around in them. She was likely just looking for my wallet, but it's not nice to give men false hope, you know? "Awww what? Nothing?" She whined. Oh right. Yukari already robbed me. I doubted she knew this would happen, but that wouldn't stop me from blaming everything on her anyways. "Since you don't have anything does that mean I have to break your neck now?" She wondered aloud, as if she didn't particularly care one way or the other. The sheer callousness of the remark told me everything I needed to know.

"If you break my neck then you'll have to walk on your own," I blurted out as my mind raced to think of a real argument to get out of the youkai's grip. That almost alien part of my brain began to silently hum as my stress levels elevated and my body prepared for a fight. "Or I could-" I started, but it was wholly unnecessary.

"I could fly, but… I guess that's fine too," She said happily as she changed her grip to a light hold. It was only the fact that she was behind me that kept me from gawking at her. That actually worked? She wasn't going to kill me? Who would have thought that my anti-bully strategy would come in handy here? After all, there's no need to fight against your aggressors if you can just make yourself so annoying that's it's more convenient to leave you be. I never took it to the same extremes as Zaimokuza, but I can safely say that-

"Are you braiding my hair right now?" I said blandly, completely losing that train of thought. The scary stranger's fingers were working locks of my hair into no-doubt intricate knots while humming an offkey tune. It was admittedly relaxing. Despite keeping my voice low, Suika shot me a strange look from the corner of her eyes. Her gaze drifted up to my hair, and her mouth set into a smirk moments later. Don't laugh at me! I'm fighting for my life here! Probably. I wasn't really sure about that anymore.

"Mm-hm! Your hair isn't very pretty, so I'm fixing it!" She said this without stopping her fingers. "Onee-chan's hair isn't much longer than yours, but she pulls off the scruffy look so much better than you." Her words were like daggers into my thankfully already deadened self-esteem. I wasn't aiming for the scruffy look, I was aiming for the lightly tousled look! My sister said it looked great! Well, her exact words were 'I guess that's the best you can hope for,' but that's pretty much the same thing if you think about it.

"Ehhh?!" Yuigahama's voice rang out, dragging all our attention to her. She didn't seem to notice and just resumed her texting with a renewed fervor. No doubt Miura had just inundated her on some inane detail that was extremely fascinating to anyone without a brain. I winced again at the harshness of the thought, wondering where that had come from. Sure, Yuigahama was indisputably slow, but there was at least a brain in that head. There was no time for that though, so I shook it off as best I could.

"So, what are you?" I asked, grimacing as I realized I had said 'what' instead of 'who' like anyone with an ounce of tact would have. It seemed someone had replaced my silver tongue with aluminum while I was distracted.

"I'm a girl!" My warm backpack cheered. Thank you for the clarification, but I was already perfectly aware of that due to two very soft reasons pressing into my back. "Oh, you probably meant species, huh? I'm a youkai!" She cheered with the exact same level of pep from her first answer, and also with the exact same level of obviousness. Was she messing with me? I was having trouble reading her without a face to put a voice to.

"…I figured as much. Humans don't really climb onto my shoulders that much." Not since Komachi entered her rebellious phase, anyways. "What kind of youkai are you? Any tentacles I need to worry about?" I pressed, only half-joking. Any humor I felt died a quick death as several thin purple tentacles began to flit in and out of my view. I really hoped this wasn't going where years of the internet led me to believe this was going. Was it too late to talk her into snapping my neck instead?

"Ohh~ Why didn't you say so sooner? I'm a satori!" She answered, and I immediately tensed up. Satori, weren't those the mind readers? And this whole time I've been… thinking about things I really shouldn't be, but are perfectly normal for a boy my age to be thinking about. "Ah, you're thinking of something perverted!" She laughed. Shit, she really was reading my thoughts!

"H-Huh? Nah, that's not me. You're probably reading Yuigahama's thoughts. She's a total pervert." I dug myself deeper and deeper into my hole. If this youkai didn't kill me, then Yuigahama definitely would. "Don't bring it up though, she hates when people talk about it. I think she's embarrassed." I instantly tried to do damage control, but I knew better than to hope for success. I glanced at her to gauge her levels of murderousness, but she was occupied with giggling at her phone.

"Silly, I can't read people's thoughts! Nee-san said boys are always thinking about something perverted." Now that's just rude! Boys aren't always thinking about- wait, 'nee-san'? As in another satori? Hmm, maybe she's onto something there. Who am I to disagree with a mind reader? The satori's hands stopped playing with my hair momentarily as an outstretched index finger entered the top of my peripherals. "That one's Yukigahora, right? Yeah, she does look like a perv…" Yep. Super dead. Also that wasn't even remotely close to her name, are you even trying?

"So, why can't you read people's thoughts? I could be wrong, but I thought that was a satori thing. Did the books get that one wrong?" I desperately changed the subject. It wouldn't save me from eventual righteous retribution, but I had to try. "My name is Hikigaya Hachiman, by the way." Quickly, distract her with manners you really should have shown from the beginning!

"I know! I've been following you for a while now!" She laughed as if that wasn't creepy as hell. A cute face leaned over into my sight, somehow not losing the hat to the grips of gravity. Just like every youkai besides Yukari I had met thus far, she was an exceedingly cute young girl. Her hair was a bright green that gave off a fleeting sense of familiarity, but one that I couldn't quite place. On a second glance, one of the thin purple tentacles was being used to keep her hat settled onto her hair. I thought I saw an orb on one of the tentacles, but I was never able to get a good look at it. Her eyes… I swallowed hard when I met her gaze. "My name is Komeiji Koishi! Nice to meet you, Hoshizora!" She grinned happily, but the look in her eyes never once changed. They remained empty from beginning to end.

"Yeah… You too," I mumbled, not bothering to correct her. I hadn't known it was possible to get a sense of uncanny valley from someone's eyes alone until I met her. Everything about her body language and facial expression gave off a feeling of warm happiness and contentment, but there wasn't a single emotion to be found in her green eyes no matter how hard I looked. I was reminded of my first meeting with Yukinoshita Haruno, but this was on a completely different level. Haruno carefully hid her emotions away behind layers of masks. Koishi wore a mask as well, but I doubted there was anything hidden beneath it.

"You were right about satori, though. Thanks to our third eye," The purple orb flitted into view, showing details I had missed until then, such as the eyelashes and the crude stitching through the center. The whole time, she continued to stare directly into my eyes as I walked onward, hoping I wouldn't hit a telephone pole or walk into traffic. "We can read the hearts of others. But, well, people's hearts aren't very nice, you know?" A cold feeling of dread formed in the pit of my stomach as the pieces began to put themselves together.

"I think I get it. So you closed your 'third eye' to stop yourself from hearing the cruelty of others," I guessed. Koishi's grin widened as she nodded with not-quite joy on her face. The cold feeling in my stomach intensified at the confirmation. This girl…

"Yep yep! I'm kind of an idiot, though…" She bonked her head with a closed fist and stuck her tongue out. "I just wanted to shut the voices up, to stop hearing everyone's thoughts, but I didn't know it would shut my own thoughts up too!" She giggled lightly, as if she was sharing an embarrassing anecdote from her childhood.

"Do you regret it?" I asked, despite knowing the answer already. Koishi gave a thoughtful hum and tilted her head slightly, her face screwed up in thought. For a single moment I thought I might have seen her third eye twitch lightly, but I easily chalked it up to my own wishful thinking.

"I dunno! I guess I probably should, huh?" Koishi waved it off with little care before going back to staring into my face. "Your eyes are so creepy, Hikikiki. That's OK, though. People say my eyes are creepy all the time! Hey, hey, wanna be friends? We can be creepy eye buddies!" She asked with pure hopeful joy radiating from her every pore. I felt for this girl, I could say this with absolute heartfelt honesty. When confronted with the two-facedness of humanity, the idea that someone would treat her kindly while plainly broadcasting their intent to stab her in the back, she had withdrawn from it all. As someone who suffered from this exact thing in the past and swore to never let it happen again, I felt I could understand her like few others could.

"Sorry, that's impossible. I don't think I could ever be friends with you," I said without looking away from her eyes. Her face screwed up in disappointment, but as I expected, the look of her eyes didn't change at all. It was because I understood her experiences and the decision she had made that I could wholeheartedly say that the existence known as Komeiji Koishi filled with me disgust. Calling someone like this a 'friend' would cheapen the meaning of the word simply by including her under the definition. Someone like her was incapable of giving me what I sought.

"Ehh~ what's with that? Learn to read the mood, you idiot!" Koishi whined loudly, lightly beating her fists on my shoulders as she finally got out of my face. I said nothing and just kept walking while she got it out of her system on my poor shoulders. I felt much more comfortable now that I knew more about her. After all, it's not like she was capable of being angry in the first place. After several seconds of silence, she hummed thoughtfully. "Hmm… Then, does that make us enemies? I could still break your neck, you know…" She asked meaningfully, her voice laced with a hint of not-quite-malice, but also not-quite-levity. Luckily, I was prepared for our conversation to take this turn.

"Not really. I don't like you, but I don't dislike you either," I answered honestly. If I had to put my feelings for her into words, I suppose I would make liberal use of the words 'disgust' and 'pity.' As for 'like' or 'dislike', I couldn't say I felt anything like that for her. How ironic that my feelings for such a half-assed girl would be so half-assed in return.

"Hm? Hmmmm? Hmmm…" She hummed to herself with various tones as she tried to process my words. With the revelations from before, I wasn't nearly as afraid of her as I was at the beginning of our conversation. That said, there was always the chance she would do something completely unexpected and put me in danger. "…Ah!" she gasped as she reached a conclusion. I tensed slightly, preparing for whatever the outcome may be. "Not quite friends, not quite enemies… that makes us rivals then!" Her voice carried a certain gravitas as she completely shattered all tension in the air.

"Uhhhhh," I eloquently stated. I thought I had been ready for something totally unexpected, but it seemed that was beyond me after all. I wasn't given a chance to rearrange my worldview around this new development and offer a rebuttal, as Koishi excitedly gave me an expectant look that seemed to scream 'I'm right, right? Praise me, Onii-san!' Alright so maybe her expression didn't actually say that, but I was running critically low on Komachium. I was delirious! "Rivals have to be competitive over a shared goal, so I don't think we qualify." I weakly stated rather than directly refute her.

"Is that so? Then what are you good at, Hijikata?" She asked. Oi, do I look like shinsengumi to you? Please don't answer that as it will likely hurt my feelings either way. Now then, how to phrase my response without admitting that I'm not actually good at anything- "I've got it! From now on, you and I are love rivals!" Are we even having the same conversation anymore?! At least give me a chance to answer!

"What the hell are you even going on about?!" I snapped at her. Going by the not-quite-joyful laugh she gave, she hadn't noticed my frayed emotions finally snapping. "There's no way that I'm-" I began but never got the chance to finish.

"Alright then, the rules are simple! The first one to win Yaoyorozu's heart is the winner! Now remember, I want a good clean fight. Stop when you hear the whistle, and no hitting below where your belt should be. May the best fighter win!" She pushed off my shoulders and leaped over my head in a strange variation of leap frog and made a direct course for Yuigahama's position, giggling madly all the while. I reached a hand out to try and stop her from… from… why was I reaching towards Yuigahama? I felt like I was trying to stop someone, but I couldn't remember what for. Well, whatever. If I couldn't remember, then it probably wasn't important to begin with. I shrugged and buried my hands in my blazer's pockets. Suika looked back at me and grinned as the set of her shoulders relaxed slightly. Wonder what that was all about? She slowed her pace momentarily to let me catch up with her and struck up a conversation.

"How ya holding up back here?" Suika grinned at me. Her hand reached her waist, doubtlessly for her gourd, but froze for a second when her grasp only met air. Her grin turned just a shade sharper than before. "Fine… Fine… I don't mind sharing, so you better not take advantage of my kindness too much, you hear me? Sooner or later, I'm gonna start getting thirsty," Her comment was directed at a patch of empty air. Was this a youkai thing I was too human to understand? Well, far be it from me to question someone else's culture. That's right, it was purely out of sensitivity, and not because I didn't want to get involved.

"I'm alright. Just got a lot to think about, I guess," I answered more or less honestly. Suika placed her chin between her thumb and index finger while adopting a faux serious expression.

"I see, I see… Well, you're at that age. Nothing to feel ashamed about." Suika solemnly stated. Really? Going for that low hanging fruit of a joke? I expected better from you, Suika. "More importantly, how are you supposed to be my tour guide when you're all the way back here? I can't believe you'd just leave your cute, beautiful, lovely, wonderful, amazing, beautiful friend high and dry in foreign land." Suika woefully shook her head, raising her hands in a 'what am I supposed to do with you' motion.

"You said 'beautiful' twice when it didn't even need to be said once," I dryly pointed out.

"Ah, you're right. It just goes without saying, doesn't it?" She smiled brightly. I chuckled quietly, feeling the corners of my lips pull up. A bit of banter was always a good way to raise my spirits. Yukinoshita might call me a masochist for that thought, but it was far from the worst thing she had called me. Yuigahama shrieked something about alcohol from up ahead, but neither of us paid any attention to it. Her reactions to her phone were getting old. For a moment, I wondered how Yukinoshita might have reacted to all of this talk about magic and youkai instead of Yuigahama.

'I always knew you would flee to the comforts of insanity sooner or later, but to think you would attempt to drag others into your delusions… Truly, the fault lies with me for having inflated expectations of you, Hikkicrazy-kun. I must apologize to your family for failing you, though I have no doubt they won't hold it against me due to already expecting as much.' Yeah, something like that, but with far more insinuations of me being a molester of some kind.

"Well, if it's a tour you want, then I would be happy to oblige," I started. Suika perked up and gazed at me with eyes shining brightly. "If you'll look straight ahead, you'll see the Chiba Municipal Library. Seeing as this is our last stop for the day, that concludes our tour," I smirked, seeing the light die in her eyes as our destination finally lay in sight.

"You're so mean, Hachiman…" Suika slumped over, not looking nearly as disappointed as her voice would lead you to believe. Her eyes lit up upon noticing her gourd was now back in its rightful spot at her waist. To celebrate the happy event, she broke away from our conversation to try and drown herself in its contents. Yuigahama had stopped several feet ahead, looking utterly shellshocked as she gazed into the horizon.

"Yuigahama?" She jumped at the sound of my voice. "Everything alri-"

"Yep! Everything's fine!" She said stiffly as her face erupted into a bright blush. "Definitely nothing to see here! Let's go!" She hurried onward to the library and entered before I could think to say anything else.

"…Why does she smell like sake?" I wondered aloud before shrugging it off as proximity to Suika. I grabbed Suika and pulled her with me up the steps, but she broke my grip at the top so she could hold the door open for me. What a gentleman! Wait, did that make me the lady? I needed to be more careful then. Hikigaya Hachiman is nobody's cheap date!

Chiba Municipal Library was an interesting place. Every few years a new bill would pass to renovate the place, leaving it with an odd mishmash of old and new. All of this was in spite of the fact that most people barely even knew it existed. At this time of day, we practically had the place entirely to ourselves. Still, I felt it was best to avoid tempting fate, so I chose an isolated table near the back of the library to set up our base camp. We each grabbed our own respective stacks of books and made ourselves comfortable for the long wait. As comfortable as you can be with company like this, anyways.

"Hey Hachiman, look at this one! They've got a picture of me! Looks just like me, right?" Suika pointed out a picture in the book I was holding, which showcased an enormous hulking beast with thick red skin and tightly corded muscles. The expression on its face radiated sheer malice even through the book's childlike artstyle. If the trees in the picture were an accurate frame of reference, the monster in the picture was at least four times my size. "Man, those were the good old days…" She sighed wistfully. I honestly couldn't tell if Suika was joking anymore, and that thought terrified me more than words could express. Like most of my problems since entering Gensokyo, I decided it was best not to think about it.

"Heehee…" Yuigahama giggled at her phone, instead of giggling at the pictures in the anatomy textbooks like she had been for most of the past few hours. Suika had set her gourd on the table once we got settled in, but there were times when I simply lost track of it. Despite never seeing her take a drink, I could no longer deny the fact that Yuigahama was getting steadily drunker as time went on. The only reason we hadn't been kicked out is because the librarian was stealing drinks of their own from a hip flask. Seriously, was this library OK? Regardless, I tried not to think about it too much.

As for myself, I was tearing through books on Japanese mythology as quickly as my admittedly split focus would allow. I threw in a few books from other countries when Suika offhandedly mentioned Gensokyo having European vampires, but I more or less kept the focus to Japan. Suika was 'helping' me with my search, even if it mostly pertained to laughing herself sick whenever a book got something extraordinarily wrong… which happened frequently enough that I was beginning to wonder why I was bothering with this in the first place. It didn't help that I kept finding mysterious shoujo manga volumes in my stack, with titles like 'All's Fair in Love and War!' and 'Kyu~n Kyu~n Doki~ Doki~'. One more, I elected not to think about it too much.

"Ugh, I need a break," I grimaced, slamming shut another unhelpful book. Turns out books on mythology weren't written with the intent of actually having real world uses. Suika's gourd was missing again and Yuigahama was back to talking to herself, so I looked over to see what Suika was up to. "Huh… I never took you for the type to be interested in marine biology," I commented at seeing the thick book that Suika was working through.

"Well, sushi is pretty good…" Suika chuckled at her own joke, "I'm not really the kind of person that likes to read, but there isn't much else to do here… so I figured I'd at least read about stuff that I can't find in Gensokyo. Did you know that certain fish in the deep ocean use red light to help them hunt prey because most fish can't see the color red?" She said excitedly while flipping the book to me and pointing excitedly at the most disgusting looking fish I'd ever seen in my life. At least, I think it was a fish. Suika's eyes were practically sparkling as she waited for my response.

"Huh, so it's like how loners are able to talk to each other with body language alone without normal people noticing anything?" I offered, to Suika's apparent disappointment as she returned to her book.

"Literally nothing about what you just said makes any sense," She sharply retorted without looking away from page. Wow, rude! Yuigahama giggled at nothing in particular with a light blush on her cheeks. See? Even Yuigahama is unsettled by your lack of manners.

"They have some computers here. I bet you could find some videos of them if you're interested," I said offhandedly while stretching out my back, pausing when she winced. "What's wrong? They don't have computers in Gensokyo?" I tried not to let the dread I felt at that leak into my question, but I'm unsure how successful I was. How much anime was I going to fall behind on while in Gensokyo? The third season of my favorite anime is airing in a few weeks!

"Not… really?" Suika said, "I mean, Yukari showed me one once, but she just kept showing me these weird pictures and videos and then getting upset when I didn't laugh. She did that for hours, Hachiman! I had to wait until sunrise when she went to bed before I could get away!" Suika cried with a traumatized expression. While I do understand your trauma in this situation, I can't help but feel bad for Yukari as well. Who among us hasn't been in that exact situation before? On the other hand, this is making me feel bad for Yukari, which is obviously not right.

"But you guys have 'shikigami', right? Aren't those sort of like computers?" Yuigahama chipped in, snapping out of her one-woman conversation. Wait, what? Where did she hear that from? I couldn't remember this coming up before.

"Nah, I mean, sort of? Well, Yukari says they are, but I don't see it myself. I think she just likes making weird connections to make herself seem smarter than she really is," Suika roasted Yukari with absolutely zero hesitation. It was these sorts of comments that showed me they truly were friends.

"Where did you even get that from? The only thing I've read about shikigami so far are these paper charm things," I said while glaring at the nearly useless books about the Fae. Suika had suggested they'd be more useful as kindling, and I was sorely tempted to test that theory.

"Oh, Ran-chan told me that!" Yuigahama stated happily. My mind whirred as I put the pieces together. So that person she's been texting all day… Wait, Ran was disguised as me, which means that 'I' have been texting in class nearly all day! What's with that amateur shit, Ran? People are going to see through your disguise instantly if you're making rookie mistakes like that. If someone sees Hikigaya Hachiman texting all day long, they'll naturally suspect that I've been replaced by my stunt double. "She's super nice! She answered all my questions and even offered to help with my cooking!" Yuigahama smiled, looking truly pleased about the last part. It seemed that Ran just couldn't help herself when it came to teaching hopeless people, huh? Source: me.

"Hm, that's good. I should have thought of that, it would have saved me the headache of trying to figure out what to tell you," I half-joked, because I had once again completely neglected to spend time thinking of that and instead wasted that time on these incredibly unhelpful books on folklore. Yuigahama just gave me a severely disappointed look. See, this is why I don't tell more jokes. Nobody appreciates them.

"I didn't ask her anything about what happened to you," she stated, to my surprise. My surprise must have shown, as she grew even more upset. "Of course I didn't ask her! If you don't want to tell me, then I'm not gonna go behind your back like that! I just…" Yuigahama trailed off, eyes lowering to her clenched hands on the table. "If you don't want to talk about it then that's fine, but I- I just want- I needed to know if you were safe, Hikki. Do you know how scared everyone was when you just… disappeared? Yukinon wouldn't stop crying when you weren't answering your phone!" Yuigahama remained upset, but it was no longer directed at me, and more of an aimless frustration at the world.

"I…" I choked out, unable to form a sentence. I felt like such an ass. It had never even crossed my mind that my disappearance had hurt someone. Sure, I figured people would be worried, but to be this affected? I hadn't even considered the possibility. What did I even say to that? 'Sorry' didn't seem like enough somehow, and it wasn't even my fault. But that wasn't true, was it? If Yukari was telling the truth, then my twisted mindset had found an entirely new way to hurt the people around me.

"Oh, is that all?" Suika's out-of-place carefree tone snapped me out of my spiraling thoughts. She was leaning back in her chair and balancing a pencil between her lip and nose. "Don't sweat it, then. He's with me now, so I ain't gonna let anything too bad happen to him on my watch. You can consider that a promise from an oni," Suika grinned, letting the pencil drop to her visible disappointment. "Heck, even Yukarin likes the guy. You know what she does to guys that mess with people she likes? It's pretty messed up. Nobody does it anymore unless they've got a death wish, and probably not even then." Note to self, don't fuck with Yukari. I added that mental note beneath the dozen nearly identical mental notes I had made since meeting her.

"Hehe… Ran-chan told me a lot about you," Yuigahama looked up finally, with a small smile on her face. Her eyes were red, but she wasn't crying. "I guess I'll leave him to you for now. Just be careful, OK? Hikki is an idiot, so you have to stop him when he starts acting gross." The two of them laughed, for all the world acting like I wasn't there. Ah, the familiar sounds of two girls calling me gross and laughing about it. I thought I could hear someone else's laughter for a moment, but there was nobody else here but us. Yuigahama turned back to me looking far more relaxed than before. "Sorry Hikki, I guess I just let my worry get the best of me. You don't need to tell me anything unless you want to," She gave me a tender smile filled with an emotion I couldn't quite place. I grumbled something incoherent while Suika giggled at my embarrassment. "Actually, I do have one question. Why is your hair braided?" Why is my hair what now? Also, why are you blushing while asking that? Thankfully the ringing of Yuigahama's phone saved me from having to give answers that I did not have.

"Oi, hurry up and answer that before we get kicked out!" I hissed, more to take attention off of me than any actual irritation. I glanced at the librarian to gauge their reaction only to see that they had fallen asleep at their booth. Besides us, there didn't seem to be anyone else in the building. No seriously, was this place really OK? As Yuigahama fiddled with her phone, I subtly ran my fingers through my hair and sure enough felt several intricate knots that weren't there before. Just… why?

"S-sorry. Oh? It's Ran-chan… Yahallo!" Yuigahama chirped upon answering the phone. A look of surprise stole across her face before she turned a wide smile my way. "Um… It's for you, actually," she said while passing me the phone and hiding her smile ineffectively with her other hand. I wordlessly raised an eyebrow, but accepted it nonetheless.

"Yo," I greeted plainly. I ignored the eye rolls from both Yuigahama and Suika at my form of greeting. A deep intake of breath on the other end of the line was the only warning I received, and it proved insufficient in saving my eardrums.

"OOOO-NIIIIII-CHAAAAN!" A voice so loud that the cheap speaker on Yuigahama's phone crackled slightly as the sound rang out into the air. Even Suika winced lightly at my side. I noticed none of this however, because I was recoiling from the phone like it had just struck me with a physical blow. After a moment of allowing my brain to catch up to the chain of events, I quickly put the phone back to my still-ringing ear.

"Komachi?!" I asked, my voice an equal mix of surprise and hope. Yuigahama's concealed smile widened even further, whereas Suika was simply watching me with her face resting on her palm.

"Yep, yep! It's your adorable little sister!" Komachi responded with no hesitation, once more proving herself as my superior when it came to conversation. "I know better than to expect my useless onii-chan to call me first, so I'm calling you instead. How's that? Worth tons of points, right?" I felt a tension I hadn't known existed begin to ease the longer I heard her talk.

"Yeah… I give it at least 3 points," I fired back, a small smile now sitting firmly on my lips.

"Ehh?! Cheapskate!" Komachi whined. "Just for that, I'm deducting a million points from you!"

"Oi, what's with these unfair conversion rates? Surely the economy hasn't tanked that hard while I was gone," I complained, but the smile never left my face. I wasn't an idiot, I knew what her calling me meant; Ran had spilled the beans. I hadn't expected her to fool my sister for long, but now I was wondering if she had even tried.

"Eh? It hasn't, though? That's just how serious your offense is!" My adorable sister reprimanded me. Cheeky little… Sounds of muffled chatter came through the speaker. "Oh right, Ran has something to talk to you about too. OK Ran, you're our next lucky caller!" Several seconds of silence passed after her cue, followed by a sigh from Komachi. "…I put you on speaker, Ran. He can hear you now," She explained much more plainly this time.

"Truly? Ah, how wonderful!" Ran's delighted voice came through. Sorry Hiratsuka, but my new teacher is way cuter than you. I guess being out of touch with this generation is only a redeeming quality when it's several generations. "Good evening, Hachiman. I would like to inform you that Yukari-sama shall awaken shortly, thus I found it necessary to inquire as to your whereabouts. It would be beneficial to all parties to keep Yukari-sama's search efforts to a minimum." Her voice was back to formal mode, with the former childlike wonder nowhere to be seen. Somehow that only enhanced the cuteness factor.

"That and she was suuuper worried about you, Onii-chan. She kept asking if you would be fine on your own, if you had enough money for food, if you had any problems with your health…" Komachi snickered, as if the very thought of my qualifications for living in solitude coming into question was worthy of laughter… Which, yeah, that's fair.

"I was not-!" Ran coughed slightly and regained her calm, "I merely queried your sister as to any potential complications that may arise down the road, as you will fall under my responsibility as your… teacher." Ran's voice was prim and measured, only catching slightly at the end. That poor fool had no idea what she was dealing with here. Any second now I would hear the sounds of Ran's pride shattering via Komachi's mischievous-

"Hey Onii-chan, Ran has my approval if you want to marry her." And there it is, just like clockwork. Turns out that the sound of Ran's pride shattering is a high-pitched squeak of shame.

"Sorry, but I don't want to deal with her child. Chen was pretty cool, though," I said dryly, already long used to my sister's habits.

"But that just means she'll be able to take care of you when you evolve into your final form as a useless NEET!" Oi, why is that my final form? I refuse! I press B! "Ahh, I'm sorry Ran! I promise I won't tease you anymore, so please stop pouting," Komachi plaintively spoke. Don't believe her lies, Ran! "Alright, I haven't given up on Ran yet, but she told me that Gensokyo has tons of girls. How about it? Got any nephews and/or nieces for me yet?" Alright, too far. Time to stop this.

"…Komachi, please don't inquire about my sex life ever again. I'm begging you," I asked desperately. I didn't like the twinkle in Suika's eye at where this conversation was going. I already told you, the loli route is a no-go!

"Fine, fine…" Komachi sighed, and there was silence on both our ends for a time. Eventually, Komachi spoke up with a much smaller voice. "…Hey, Onii-chan? I'm glad you're OK. I- I was really worried about you. When you didn't come home, I- and then you did come home, but it wasn't really you and-" Komachi cut herself off with a stuttered intake of breath. "Sorry, you're the one going through all this and here I am making it about me… Onii-chan is an idiot, so I have to be clearer if I want him to understand, right?" She joked, but I recognized the forced levity for what it was.

"Yeah… Sorry. You have to be blunt if you want a chance of getting through to your hopeless Onii-chan." Komachi giggled weakly at my attempt at a joke, bringing a slight smile to my own face.

"Right? Then you better listen close, OK? It's fine even if you only understand a little bit." She took a deep breath. "Don't worry about me, please? Or mom and dad, or the service club, or… or anyone but yourself, OK? Ran didn't tell me everything, but I know that you really shouldn't be here right now. You could get hurt! Please don't come back again until it's safe for you," Her voice was mostly worry, but there was a bit of chiding as well.

"It's not like I meant to come here. I already know it's not safe, but I guess I got turned around while I was-" I was cut off before I could get too far.

"That's a lie and you know it." My teeth clicked shut. "Onii-chan… Please don't worry about me, OK? The last thing I want is to be the reason you get yourself hurt," She finished knowingly. I sighed, and gave a wry laugh. My cute little sister really had grown up, hadn't she? I felt silly for worrying about her in the first place. She always had been more put together than me.

"Alright… I guess I can do that," I sighed and acknowledged she had a point before moving on. "When Ran is done moping, tell her I'm at the Chiba Municipal Library."

"I am not mopin-" Ran's distant voice came in before Komachi talked right over her.

"Aye aye, sir!" I imagined the image of Komachi saluting the phone. Cute~ "Just remember, I won't accept any girl other than Ran as your wife unless they seek my approval first!" Komachi's serious tone was contrasted by Ran's embarrassed sputtering. Really, shouldn't she have had more tolerance than this? She lived with Yukari. There were several sounds of an ensuing scuffle, this time followed by a beep as the call cut out. I prayed she would go easy on her. Komachi, that is. That girl is a devil. For a while I just stared at the phone with complicated emotions, before deciding to talk to break the strange silence as I passed Yuigahama's phone back to her.

"You know, my parents aren't around much because of work. Never have been, really," I said offhandedly, not quite sure where I was going with this, but afraid of stopping, nonetheless. "Back when we were kids, Komachi was a huge crybaby. Every little thing set her off. Dad is a sucker for girls crying, so he would do anything to get her to stop, even when it was humiliating for him." I snickered at the clear memory of my dad stoically having his nails painted a glittery pink. "He'd have done just about anything she asked for, and yet she never once asked him to spend more time at home. Mom used to tell us that they were working for sakes, and I think Komachi actually took that to heart. Honestly, what kind of no-good adult makes half-assed excuses like that to a kid that young? There should be a limit to being shameless," I scoffed.

"That… But it's the truth, isn't it? I mean, my dad's not home much either, but it's thanks to him we're able to live comfortably, you know?" Yuigahama said hesitantly. I snorted bitterly, looking up at the ceiling instead of looking at their expressions. I think a part of me knew I would lose my courage if I could see their faces.

"Hardly. They're workaholics, plain and simple. The kind of people that live to work, instead of work to live. Don't get me wrong, I know they love us, but… What's the point if they aren't around?" I could vividly remember the day I came home to Komachi crying her eyes out in the living room, after she came home to an empty house. I never talked to her about it, but she certainly noticed when I was always home before her without fail, to make sure she wouldn't come home to an empty home again. Come to think of it, she stopped crying so much after that. "I'd rather be dead than end up like them. I guess that's why I decided to come back and check on her rather than stay in Gensokyo," I distractedly stated, lost in the memories. "Anyways, Yukari should be here soon to take me back. Ran said she was awake-"

"Have you ever talked to them about it?" Yuigahama cut me off. Surprised, I met her stare only to see her determinedly looking back. Suika watched on with interest. "My parents used to fight a lot about my dad's hours, so he started spending more time with us when he could. It wasn't a lot, but he does the best that he can and that's always been enough for my mom and me," She stared expectantly at me as I really thought about it. Had I ever talked with them about it? I figured I had made my displeasure known, but… Huh. Looking back, I don't think Komachi and I ever said anything specifically about it to them. A hand on my shoulder snapped me out of those thoughts.

"Well, something to think about later. I think you've got enough on your plate already," Suika, bless her soul, saved me from having my worldview shaken once again. I can only take so many revelations in one day. I thought I felt a hand ruffle my hair, but looking back I only saw air. With the tension broken, Yuigahama smiled and went back to texting on her phone. "So what's the plan now? Any clue when Yukari's gonna be here?" Suika asked as she tossed another book onto her pile.

"Nope. She knows where we are now, so I guess we just have to wait. Yukari's probably going to do something stupid when she gets here, so we might as well enjoy the peace while it lasts," I shrugged, cracking open another book on urban legends. I flicked to a random page, only to be greeted by an endless black void filled with eyes staring back. The only part of the page that was visible was the title, which simply read 'Sukima-onna.' I dispassionately raised an eyebrow, whereas Yuigahama had tipped over in her chair at the sight. I closed the book with perhaps a bit more force than needed. "See, this is what I'm talking about. Would it kill you to use the door? Or the window? I'd settle for the window at this point," I groaned loudly as muffled giggles came through the closed book.

"Pranks are no fun if you don't play along, Hachi-chan," Yukari's sing-song voice came from above. I tilted my head back and was greeted to the sight of Yukari's upper body leaning out of a gap. Despite her words, her eyes clearly showed she was having plenty of fun.

"Kyaa," I spoke in a dull tone. Rather than be upset, Yukari looked positively delighted at my half-assed scream of terror. Truly, I was a fool for going into this meeting sober in spite of the easy access to alcohol. Yuigahama had the right idea, for all the good it seems to have done for her.

"What a nice surprise to meet you here!" Yukari chirped, all smiles. "What brings you to Chiba?" She asked with utter insincerity before narrowing her eyes at me. "Something about you seems different… Did you do something with your hair?" She settled in further to her slouch as she prepared to torment me.

"I live here," I said tiredly, not quite feeling up to discussing my apparently braided hair that I don't remember getting. Yukari feigned surprise, because she enjoyed prolonging my suffering.

"Oh! My apologies, I had assumed you lived in a cave of some kind," She said with a shocked expression on her face, as if still not quite believing that this was not the case.

"Is that so," I said dully, deciding not to continue down that conversation tree. "Where's the rest of you anyways? Being an inconvenience somewhere else?" I asked while lethargically leaning my head over to try and peek behind her gap to see what mysteries it beheld. Strangely, the view never shifted no matter what perspective I looked at it with. Yukari gasped in shock once more.

"Trying to sneak a peek at my butt again, Hachi-chan? Please try to control yourself!" She admonished. Shit, she noticed that? Wait… I didn't actually do that. How dare she accuse me of a crime I would absolutely commit but hadn't gotten around to committing yet! "I suppose I must applaud your discerning eyes for noticing my best feature so quickly," She mused while her hands idly toyed with a fan.

"Your best feature is that you own a house," I scoffed. "And honestly? Even that is creepy as hell." Any house with an endless hallway as a feature deserves all the scorn it gets.

"How rude! My lair is not creepy!" She pouted as she waved happily at Suika all the while. Suika seemed to be enjoying our impromptu manzai routine more than I was.

"Oi. Calling it a lair automatically makes it creepy," I pointed out. Honestly, was there anything more suspicious than calling your home a 'lair?'

"Well I can't call it a cave… That's your thing," She refuted.

"Why are caves suddenly my 'thing?'" I groaned, putting my head to rest on the table. The change in perspective brought Yuigahama into my peripherals, where I noticed she was watching our back-and-forth with no small amount of trepidation. But why was she…? Oh, right. Yukari was currently halfway sticking out of a crack in reality. Frankly, I should be happy she hadn't started screaming. "Relax, Yuigahama. I know she's horrifying to look at, but she's just here to take me back to Gensokyo, so you don't need to be afraid of her." Afraid? No. Annoyed? Absolutely.

"She most certainly does!" Yukari admonished me. "It's only natural for humans to be afraid of youkai, Hachi-chan. Honestly, you shouldn't be giving such thoughtless advice to your… Friend? Acquaintance? Hostage? Help me out here." Stop making this harder than it needs to be, damn it!

"By that logic, shouldn't I be afraid of you then?" I pointed out to her. Yukari simply smiled as if I was being silly.

"Of course not. Hachi-chan is Hachi-chan." She nodded as if that explained everything. "You have absolutely no reason to be afraid of me!" What's with that logic? Ah well, at least she hadn't joked about me not being human. That one was getting old.

"I can think of at least ten good reasons." I said, although truthfully I could only think of around six or seven. I was sure I could come up with more if given time though.

"And yet, here we are!" She smiled wider. Well, she had me there.

"Fine, fine… Let's just get out of here. I can't sleep, but I think I'd really enjoy lying face-up in bed and staring at the ceiling for a while after the past few days," I groaned. Today had been a long day, and the night before had been equally long.

"Ah… That's right, before I forget… You may wish to stay clear of the Hakurei shrine for a while," She stated with trepidation. This time it was my turn to blink in confusion. She actually winced a bit at my inquiring look. "Yes, well… I stopped by Reimu's place on my way here. When Ran said you were there, I thought I might ask if she had any stories to tell me about you embarrassing yourself whilst intoxicated that I could use to embarrass you." Of course she did. "Imagine my surprise when I came upon a nearly ruined building and a fuming miko! It seems that she is holding you at least partially culpable for it," Yukari finished.

"What?" I blinked rapidly, "That's… Well, I don't remember much so I guess it's possible, but I don't even think it's possible for me to wreck an entire building!" I glanced meaningfully at Suika, but she simply gave a helpless shrug and a shake of her head. No luck there then. Yuigahama just followed along dazedly. Don't worry, Yuigahama. You get used to it. Eventually. Sort of.

"Yes, Reimu said much the same thing about not remembering what happened… but I'm afraid she has taken your flight to the Outside as an admission of guilt," She smiled in commiseration. "Friendly advice, Reimu can be a bit… unreasonable, when it comes to these things. I would recommend waiting for her hangover to pass at the very least." Her eyes clouded over as she lost herself in a traumatic memory.

"…Awfully thoughtful of you," I said with a narrowed glare, as I made no attempt to mask the suspicion in my tone.

"Rule number one of Gensokyo, Hachi-chan: Siccing the Hakurei Miko on someone for anything less than an Incident is a major faux pas," Yukari explained seriously, the 'I' in 'Incident' clearly capitalized in her tone. That sounded like a rule with an interesting story behind it. Yukari flicked her wrist slightly and a gap opened up in front of me. "Now then, come along. Chen has been pestering me all morning as to your whereabouts and I can only give her so many amusing lies before she catches on," she tittered. I stood up and cracked my back before looking at Yuigahama.

"Well, that's my ride I guess. Sorry about… Well, just sorry," I rambled, not quite sure what to apologize for. The only response I received was Yuigahama tackling me for a tight hug, leaving me to try and figure out what to do with my hands.

"Please be careful," She mumbled into my chest as I settled awkwardly patting her back. She let go a moment later and stepped back with a bright smile. "I'll be in touch with Ran-chan, so let her know if you need anything from me!" She continued to smile and said nothing more. Her smile softened at my answering grunt, much to Yukari's and Suika's apparent amusement. Meanwhile, I eyed Yukari's portal like it would bite me any moment until Yukari finally lost her patience.

"Oh, what's the hold up now?" Yukari whined, "Did you forget something? Whatever it is you can just have Ran deal with it later, so hurry up so I can find something to eat. It's bad enough that Ran is too preoccupied to see to every meal, I don't need you delaying things even further!" I nervously eyed the gap in front of me, not once breaking line of sight with it.

"…Are you sure I won't break this one?" I asked. In response, Yukari rolled her eyes in sync with the eyes in her gap, then drew a finger across the air. A second later, I found myself falling momentarily before being sprawled out on a tatami mat floor. I lifted my head off the ground to find myself staring deep into a cat's eyes.

"Hachiman! You're back!" A weight slamming into my back drove the breath from my lungs. "Yukari-sama said you joined the circus! Is that true? Can you take me there?! I've never been to a circus before!" Chen babbled excitedly. In response, I simply groaned despairingly into the floor. I could never blame Chen for this, so I decided to continue blaming Yukari. "I like your hair! It looks so pretty!" Chen complimented with absolute innocence.

"…Thanks," I sighed. Just take the compliment, Hachiman.

A/N – Hi everyone! Been a while, huh? I got hit by the seasonal depression stick pretty hard this year. Spring has (mostly) arrived though, so I'm getting back into things. Should be good to update, right? Well, then Animal Crossing released. And then that whole 'epidemic' thing started going and making work stressful and… Anyways, the point is that I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm worried it's not as good as previous chapters due to being off the saddle for so long, but hopefully it's at least good by its own standards. Even now I'm resisting the urge to go back and keep tweaking it more, but such is my eternal struggle. Next up is Yakumo family fun times! As always, thank you guys for reading, especially after all this time. It means the world to me.