Kiss the memories, don't kill them.

A darvey fanfiction

Everything kept pounding in his head. He thought he would be okay – because this wasn't about him. It was about Samantha's burden. How she could have dug deeper into her past all those years instead of focusing on herself. He'd gone there too. But it seemed the past had defined her today. Harvey was happy for her and seeing her feeling invigorated had been a sight to see. But while meeting her dad had changed things for her, it did quite the opposite for him. Everything hurt. He had no father to run back to or some hidden part of his past to discover anew. The lying and the cheating was part of the professional game. On a personal level though, he'd accepted his weaknesses. Caring for the people he loved made him stronger; made him a better man and the kind of lawyer that still closed, still won, still avoided trials and beat the odds.

Gordon once said that young boys had to get bruised before they could get mad. Eyes on the road, trying to forget the pain he felt, barely able to listen to Samantha's glee, he'd bruised his hands driving all the way to Pittsburg – gripping the steering wheel on the way back as if it would make the car go faster and the thoughts go away. But that was just it – self-punishment. The vain attempt at hurting random parts of his body didn't work. What right did he have to make himself feel this way?

He wandered around the parking lot for a moment. The dream – like a broken record – of having it all was a forgotten nightmare. He got everything: forgiving his mother, accepting whatever goddamn name was next on the wall and getting the woman he wanted all along. He wouldn't kill the lawyer. So, why kill the man who was finally where he was supposed to be?

He paced back and forth, looking at his cars – alluring, a perfect representation of him but without any meaning. Life wasn't long. It could take everything away from him – the woman he loved, his life's work and end him with a heart attack. Nothing was certain and yet none of this would happen in that order. Because he was a workaholic, because death was kinder on some and waited; and Donna would never cheat on him. Unlike his father, Harvey Specter had money but having reached the top of his career, he felt empty professionally.

He hadn't been privy to the details of Samantha's conversation with her father. But Samantha had something to look forward to: personally and professionally.

The never ending power-struggles of the firm put his family in disarray. The firm was wearing itself out just like his dad's records. As he'd made them disappear to pay Jessica, maybe the next step was to make the firm disappear to move on.

Harvey dropped his keychain on the console after closing the door and thought he was alone for a moment.

"Donna?" He called out until he let out a sigh of relief seeing her waiting for him, seated on the couch by the fireplace, a glass of scotch in hand and sipping slowly.

"Hey." She welcomed him with the best heart-felt smile he'd seen all day. "I thought you'd never get back. I was about to go to bed."

"I'm sorry." He rubbed his forehead.

"It's okay, Harvey. I didn't think you'd make it back till tomorrow to be honest." She placed her glass on the table and got off the couch to meet him. "How did it go with Samantha's dad?"

"I don't know all the details but she said she could scratch that off her list."

"Really? That's all she said?" She narrowed her eyes, standing a few feet away from him.

He bridged the gap between them, circled her waist and pressed his forehead against hers thinking reassuring thoughts. "She was… terrified at first… chasing a nightmare. I told her about my own family."

"Talk about a drive down memory lane." She ran her hand through his hair.

"And it turns out she got something akin to a dream instead." He broke the skin to skin contact and offered her a tiny smile.

"What about you? How did it make you feel?" Donna wasn't treading on eggshells. She was bold and simply knew when something was wrong.

"I'm fine, Donna."

"You averted your eyes the second I caught you in a lie." She analyzed in retrospect, searching his eyes.

Harvey did it again, wishing he could roll them at her. Sometimes he wished he'd taken drama for extra-credits in school.

As he exposed his neck to her, she brought her face closer to kiss a spot between his jawline and his jugular. "Harvey…"

Watery eyes were just a formality at that moment. He couldn't keep them at bay any longer. She was the anchor he'd been searching for – after having capsized all day. "I miss my dad, Donna," he sobbed.

She was cracking the shutters of his heart piece by piece with her eyes and soft hands. "I knew you would."

"Why didn't you tell me last night?"

She wiped one of the tears that had rolled down his cheek with her thumb. "There's a reason why you offered to drive her there. Maybe more than one… They make you the man you've always been. Someone who cares, someone who would do anything for those who matter to him. And I wasn't about to compromise that. Especially for Samantha."

"Yeah but I didn't think about what it would do to me." Given the circumstances – and the physical space he suddenly needed – he let go of her as gently as he could and walked over to the table by the fireplace to finish her drink.

He watched her watch him gulp it in one go. She bit the inside of her cheek.

"What?" He asked.

"This is something else," she stated, keeping her distance.

He was desperately trying to even his breathing as he waited for her to enlighten him.

"Every time you changed something about your life, it was because someone had pushed you to. Your father, your mother or about the firm."

"You. It was you. Battering down my walls… Mending things with my Mom. The funeral. Getting rid of my dad's records." He enumerated with his fingers.

"It wasn't always me, Harvey. Of course I wanted to help. But when you came to me that night... It was all you. You only thought about why you'd come over afterwards. You chose to feel…"

He was breathing deeply in the silence that her pauses granted.

She slowly walked back to him. "Because you want to feel. And you chose to give pieces of yourself plenty of times before, Harvey."

"Are you saying I chose to drive Samantha to feel something I wanted to feel today?"

"I'm saying you helped her and it cost you a piece of yourself." She tentatively brought her hand to his face. He leaned into her touch easily. "And that's why I love you so much."

"I didn't know what to say on our way back. I just listened and pretended to at times." He lowered his eyes as he pressed his palm against the hand that could soothe all evils and misdemeanors.

"It's okay." Donna hugged him tightly, pressed her mouth to his ear and added, "You can't always win for two. But you're home now with me and I just –"

"He'd be so happy about us," he let out.

She welcomed his interruption with a chuckle. "You took the words right out of my mouth."

He broke their embrace and smirked proudly. "Cocky."

"Sassy," she corrected.

He noticed her taking a step back and caught her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere, Harvey. I just want to show you something," she explained, squeezing his hand as she led him to the bedroom.

At the foot of the bed was an all too familiar painting. Duck, doll and mother were the three words that breathed completeness to his heart.

"But…How is that… How did you –" He stumbled on his words.

"Possible? Get it back from Stemple?" She paused, biting her bottom lip. "Let's just say Alex had a case against him which he'll tell you all about in the morning." She rubbed his arm before continuing: "And I knew you needed something positive in your life. So we got it back."

He stared at the painting, eyes tainted red but the tears had dried. As he felt her lean on his shoulder, he heaved a sigh and closed his eyes. "Thank you."

He felt her shudder but he could tell she was relieved. "You're welcome."

"Did I tell you I love you so much too?" He turned his head to face her.

She watched him intently, gaze darting upward to meet his.

"Can I say what I've been meaning to say for a long time…" he wet his lips before adding, "knowing exactly what it'll do to me?"

"Hm… hm," she mumbled, smiling from ear to ear.

"I love you so much." He bent down, brushing his nose lightly against her cheek to trace the line of her cheekbone wanting to kiss her. He had no time to feel the shivers that she reached up, knotted her fists in his light brown jacket and pulled him in for the kill as gentle but possessive lips took his mouth hard against her. His intention was lost for a moment against her burning mouth. It thrilled him, excited him that she'd sought the win. Boys had to get bruised before they could get mad. And mad about her, he was. Harvey had nothing left to do but get in the ring, kiss her and everything that he was because he'd held on tight to the memory of her.

Maybe Donna and Harvey were his life's work. And everything new could come out of it.

The end.

Thank you ff readers and twitter friends for reading it! Don't forget to leave me a review if you liked it. :)

Thx to my Blue friend for her positive words. And thx a lot to those who said they wanted to read another fic from me. You know who you are. ;)

Love,

B.