Welcome to a bran-new story! This one has been coming to me so fast I feel as though I can't write it down quick enough, so expect very regular updates!

This is a time-travel story, which I heard that every Harry Potter fanfic writer eventually does, so here's mine I suppose. It's another Theodore/Hermione, so I hope you all enjoy it! It has a lot of tropes attached to it; fake marriage, time-travel, Witness Protection Program, enemies to friends to lovers, Voldemort!Wins AU...just to name a few, and expect more to come.

Daily Prophet

July 24th, 2001

DEATH EATER RAID GONE WRONG LEAVES SIX DEAD, TWELVE WOUNDED

By Rita Skeeter

Imagine a beautiful summer day. Imagine the wind blowing across with just enough force to urge the summer heat into a warm glow. Imagine families playing a game of pick-up Quidditch on the beach, teenagers playing Exploding Snap, and lovers walking along the shore. Imagine how beautiful this is, and think of how it could be, if it were not for the wretched rebellion blowing up a beloved family vacation spot.

The plight to catch the infamous slippery criminal, Harry Potter, was thwarted by the unwelcome addition of the Order of the Phoenix to a fight, showing that Mr. Potter needs everyone else to fight his battles for him.

At approximately 7:28 pm, after entering a derelict building near the shoreline on a tip from a loyal and righteous Dark Lord supporter, a team of twenty of the highest-ranking Death Eaters were ambushed by a vile group of Dumbledorites. The fight quickly exploded from the confines of the building onto Banshee's Beach, a previously well-loved vacation spot among many.

The leader of the raid, Dolohov, commented that 'they (Harry Potter's 'do-gooders', a lasting comment from their side and not ours) attacked without mercy' and 'were ruthless'. For all that they claim to be fighting on the side of the light, these witches and wizards were not aiming just to stun!

The skirmish lasted around half-an-hour, in which time Dolohov and his men quickly realized they'd been set up and Potter, spineless coward, was nowhere to be found. Instead, he'd sent his followers to do his work for him. At this time, the battle had already resulted in a number of deaths.

Two non-combat civilians vacationing near the sea were caught in the crossfire; we mourn the loss of Mr. Hammar (54) and his daughter Selina (32). Mr. Hammar worked for the Ministry as a liaison in the Magical Cures and Curses lab, and we can only assume that he could have saved many had his brilliant mind not been so violently slain. His daughter, Selina, was a waitress at the Three Broomsticks, beloved by many, and reported that she touched the lives of many with a bright smile and good service. They were both shining purebloods in our community that will never breathe another day. Information about their service can be found on page 7, with the other obituaries.

On Potter's side, one mister Colin Creevy (Gryffindor, Mudblood, 21) was heroically taken down by Crabbe Sr. Crabbe reports that he would have stopped them all if he could have, had he not been hit by a jinx that knocked him out within the first few minutes of the battle. We know that you would have, good sir, and we thank you for what you did manage to accomplish!

On the side of the true light, the side belonging to our illustrious and benevolent leader, The Dark Lord Voldemort, three brave and true Death Eaters met their end. We are in anguish over the loss of G. Montague (Slytherin, 25), A. Carrow (Slytherin, 44), and T. Nott (Slytherin, 22).

They each will have a full page in tomorrow's Prophet chronicling their lives.

The attack has left many more wounded, including Lucius Malfoy, who we can only pray will pull through and make a speedy recovery.

An inside source says they are actively investigating the trail of this tip to see if it was a set-up by a traitor to our cause or an honest mistake. We may have a rat in our midst, Merlin knows that if you were the horrible wizard who is to blame for the deaths of some of our best warriors, and you have done so knowingly, you may want to start running now. Trust me when I say that it might not matter; our Lord is graceful when he needs to be, but he does not appreciate dishonesty and he will hunt you down to the ends of the earth and make you wish as though you'd never been born. I hope it was worth it. Then again, I hope you get exactly what you deserve. The blood of this battle is on your hands.

There is still no confirmed sightings of Potter. He remains as hard to catch as ever. His best friend, and likely lover, Hermione Granger has also not been seen for a good few months (though, once, an unkempt broom in the window was mistaken for her atrocious hair). There are conflicting reports that Ronald Weasley, blood traitor, was present at the battle. However, other sources claim that it might have been Fred. As all those Wealseys look quite similar, no one can be certain.

There is a hefty galleon prize on all of their heads- dead or alive- so if you see these dangerous individuals, do not hesitate to alert a Death Watchman immediately! If you think you are doing a good thing by harboring these villains, remember that you will most certainly be thrown into Azkaban for breaking the law. Ask yourself; are these three, who are throwing the equivalent of a toddler's tantrum, truly worth your life and all you have to give the Dark Lord's society? Think hard, and do the right thing in the end.

Remember, the sooner these children are found, the sooner we can retire to a more peaceful society.

This is extremely short, I do agree, but updates will be once a week! The rest of the chapters will be a bit longer. Next chapter, we see what Hermione has been up to in this post-Voldemort wins world.

ALSO, this story is currently unbeta'd. If this first chapter is jiving with you and you're interested in seeing the rest of it live its best life and would like to be the beta for this story, reach on out!

If you are excited about this at all or are digging the first chapter, please leave me a review! Reviews give authors life.