A truck full of horse sperm exploded. The angels wept. Thots everywhere cried out in happiness. White thots, anyway. An unsuspecting victim of Peach Creek cried out two words in fear:
"Buttered Toast!"
The sperm covered Ed, causing him to freak out. As everyone in Peach Creek came out to see what happened, Ed ran up and hugged the first person he saw. That person happened to be Kevin.
"I'm scared! Hold me, Kevin!" Ed yelled, hugging Kevin and getting horse semen all over him.
"Get off me, you dork! You're all sticky!" Kevin yelled.
Ed refused to let go and hugged Kevin even harder.
Kevin was now gay from so much sperm touching his body. Ed was already gay, so he was reverted to being straight.
Nazz suddenly walked by, covered in sperm.
"Oh god, I'm covered in sticky stuff!" Nazz yelled.
Kevin stared at Nazz in absolute gay horror.
"Nazz! Oh no!"
Kevin ran up to Nazz and started to beat her. There was no way he could love a girl that was covered in sperm. That would be gay.
"You stupid dork! I'm not gay! IM NOT GAY!" Kevin screamed with a sexual fury.
"I am now black AND gay!" Ed stated proudly.
Edd and Eddy walked up to him, both also covered in sperm as well.
"Get real, Ed! I saw you looking at those big tittied furries earlier!" Eddy yelled.
"I didn't need that many details, Eddy." Edd replied.
"But one does have to wonder, how did all this sperm get here?" Edd asked.
Meanwhile, Rolf was drowning in a hole filled with sperm.
"Oh no, the hole I dug last week has a guy stuck in it!" Johnny yelled.
"Why did you dig it in the first place?!" Edd asked.
"I had Ed dig it so I could store my hentai DVDs in it!" Johnny butted in.
"HELP! HELP!" Rolf yelled.
Ed picked Edd up by his collar.
"DOUBLE D WILL SAVE YOU!" Ed screamed, hurling Edd in the pool of semen like a dumbass.
This didn't do anything to help since Edd immediately started to drown.
"Oh no! I can't swim in sper— *Gags*."
Everyone watched in horror as Edd and Rolf drowned. No one had to stomach to save them… Well, no one except for…
THE LEGENDARY SUPER FAGGOTS! I mean, the Totally Spies!
The Spies then jumped in to help.
"Don't worry, we're completely used to swimming in semen!" The Spies yelled, jumping in to save Rolf and Edd.
They pulled Rolf out of the sperm pool, however, Edd was close to unconscious.
"Oh no, he's out cold! I'll have to give him a resuscitatory blowjob!" Alex yelled, pulling Edd's pants down.
"I'll work the balls!" Clover yelled.
"I'll film it as a YouTube tutorial!" Sam added.
Alex began to suck Edd's dick while Clover licked his balls, waking him up instantly.
"Gah! what are you DOING TO ME?!" Edd yelled.
"We're resuscitating you! Hold still so we can finish waking you up!" Sam replied.
"You're filming this?!" Edd yelled again.
"God, I wish that were me, Eddy." Ed stated.
"I thought you were gay." Eddy replied.
"ALL QUEERS MUST DISAPPEAR!" Ed screamed.
Kevin stopped beating Nazz and looked at Ed slowly.
"I AM NOT QUEER, YOU FAGGOT! You're the queer one!" Kevin yelled.
"Oh my god, shut the fuck up! Only queer guys yell that much!" Clover replied angrily.
Kevin quickly went dead silent and resumed his slow descent into becoming White Chris Brown. Instead of Chris Brown, you got Kevin White.
Despite this, the erotic display was sexy enough to distract everyone from the beating that Nazz was receiving. Truth be told, nobody really cared anyway.
Edd moaned as Alex gave him a deepthroat, while Clover continued to work his balls. Sam couldn't help but fantasize about Double D while filming. This made the footage very shaky and just good enough to be considered an artsy film. (It would later go on to make 20 million on opening night)
"Gee, Sarah, what are those ladies doing to poor Edd? Also, what are those bulges in their pants?! Girls aren't supposed to have those! IM SCARED, SARAH!" Jimmy asked.
"Don't look, Jimmy! SURRENDER, TRANSGENDER!" Sarah yelled.
Rolf finally recovered, and immediately got up at the sound of a person ignorant on the topic of sex. Rolf was extremely angered by this.
"YOU FOOL! DO YOU NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BULGE IN A MAN'S PANTS AND THAT OF A WOMAN!" Rolf screamed angrily, right in Jimmy's face.
Jimmy didn't respond, instead, he pissed his pants. He didn't even start crying, he just kinda stood there. Sarah wasn't sure what to do.
Jimmy was from a Christian family, so the thought of either sex or a transgender person was simply too much for him to bear. He then fainted, landing square in a huge puddle of horse sperm.
"Wake up Jimmy! It's ok! They're just regular girls!"
Jimmy didn't wake up, and only slowly sank into the sperm.
"IM CUMMING, AHHHHHHHH!" Edd yelled, blasting his load inside Alex's mouth.
"An angel just got its wings, Eddy!" Ed added.
Eddy watched Edd orgasm, but not for sexual reasons.
"Wait a minute… I could have made money off of this! Why didn't I think to record it!?" Eddy yelled.
"Mmm…that tasted good." Alex said, swallowing Edd's cum.
"But did it taste like buttered toast?!" Ed asked.
Edd wheezed with exhaustion, he was so out of shape that even getting his dick ZUCCed was exhausting to him.
"I AM BEATING UP A THOT!" Kevin screeched.
Nobody cared, because Nazz always refused to give them the succ.
Jimmy had now sunk into the sperm, some air bubbles coming out of the puddle. No one cared except for Sara, who was frantically searching for him.
"Jimmy, where are you?! I should be the one covered in sperm, not you!" Sarah yelled.
Jimmy mumbled a few words, creating more air bubbles.
"JIMMY!" Sarah yelled, jumping into the sperm pool like a dumbass.
"I've been violated!" Edd yelled as Alex licked cum off her fingers.
"Whaaa? We were just saving your life with mouth to cock respiration, silly!" Clover replied.
"I like black women now!" Ed yelled, a little too loudly.
"I like men now!" Edd yelled with a wheeze.
"We like men too!" Clover and Alex yelled.
"Wait a second! He said he likes men and not women! That means his brain is still lacking oxygen!" Sam yelled.
"You're right! TRIPLE-MOUTHED EXTRA-SALIVA BALL-GRABBING BLOWJOB ATTACK!" The Spies all yelled.
"No mommy, I don't have any more milk…" Edd said to himself before the Spies jumped on him.
"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Edd yelled upon seeing the Spies about to land on his crotch.
"Yes! YES! This is the moment that your life has been leading up to! DO NOT FIGHT IT, EDD BOY!" Rolf yelled, getting way too far into it.
"Camera! I need a camera! There's money to be made on this!" Eddy yelled while rummaging through other people's houses at SUPAHSANIC SPEEEEEEED… Or he was high on Heroin. One of the two, but I guess there's no real telling which.
Eddy had done it at last. From witnessing such amazing sex, he had attained the powers of heaven and Semen Instinct. Oh wait never mind. That's just the heroin kicking in.
The Spies then performed their lewd, crude and totally rude act on Double D. Clover grabbed his nutsack and started to gently massage it with her tongue. Sam and Alex (NOT the lion from Madagascar, you furry dickhead fuck nugget motherfucking ass… Jerks.) gently massaged Double D's dongus with their mouths as well.
Double D began to feel really good around this time.
"Oh wow, you girls are good at this! This isn't so bad after-"
Their attack then began. Clover began to suck Double D's nuts like a fucking Hoover, while the other two created a metaphorical black hole from the gravity of the double succ.
"AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Double D screeched as his genitals were brutally yet pleasurably ASSaulted by the Spies.
Sam stopped succing for a second to tell the other girls something important.
"He's screaming with joy! Let's suck him off EVEN HARDER!"
Double D's eyes grew to the size of sandwich plates upon hearing this. The nerves in his genitals were already overloaded, he couldn't handle anymore without totally seizing up.
"Please no! Think of the children here-THAT BEING ME!"
Eddy could hear the pleasurably anguished cries of Double D and knew he had to find a video camera quickly. To his dismay though, every house he had checked so far had nothing to record with. The only house left was Rolf's and Eddy was terrified of minorities…
Or maybe it was because the cheap-ass heroin he had was just a syringe full of minority juice. (P.S. Minority Juice is a bunch of watermelons put into a blender.)
As Eddy entered the house, he dreamed of not just his Loli waifu being real, he dreamed of soaring. He dreamed of being one with the bitches and master of the hoes. But he needed one thing for that dream to come true, and that thing was… JAWBREAKERS.
Eddy began to fantasize a little too hard and felt his ding dong start to get erect. LIKE THE STATUE OF DAVID, HIS COCK WAS LIKE A ROCK. He started to sweat while fantasizing and layed down on Rolfs couch… Did we mention that he took his pants off? Because that's important.
"Awww yeah… now my dreams will finally come true! My Loli waifu, my 72 virgins, and Bill Cos️by as my Templar ally!"
The excitement from Eddy's delusions of grandeur overtook him, as he began to masturbate. Did we mention that Eddy doesn't wear underwear? Because that's important.
Eddy got so into the masturbation that he started to finger his asshole. Precum and ass-juice started to cover the couch. No sane person would never EVER use that couch again if they knew what was good for them.
Just as Eddy was about to reach his climax, he was interrupted by a loud heavily accented yelling and thumping down the stairs.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS DISGRACE TO MY FAMILY'S SACRED COUCH?!" Rolf yelled.
As soon as Rolf interrupted Eddy, he was greeted by a surprise load of sperm to the face. Rolf got very pissed off from this. Eddy shit himself in fear, which meant he shit all over the couch.
"PREPARE FOR THE ALMIGHTY FOUR-SHOE GENITAL AND FACE BEATING! TWO FOR ONE DEAL!" Rolf yelled.
He proceeded to beat the shit out of Eddy with two pairs of shoes. He rotated between beating Eddy's cock, balls, and face, in perfect sync. Eddy wanted to beg for mercy, but there could be no mercy with Rolf.
He then threw Eddy through the living room window. Eddys body resembled a ragdoll as he hit the ground with a hard thud. As he opened eyes to try and recover, all he could see was the tainted couch crashing down on top of him.
Eddy was still somehow conscious, though in horrible pain. This wasn't the end though, as Rolf walked out holding a gas can.
"ONLY FIRE CAN CLEANSE THE ROT YOU HAVE BROUGHT ONTO THE CUSHION OF SITTING!"
Rolf poured gas all over the couch, making sure no spot was left "unpurified". Eddy could smell the gas but could do nothing about it. He could only accept his fate.
With no gas left, Rolf pulled out his weird foreign lighter. The lighter turned into a hookah and shot fire at the couch. Within seconds, the couch was more fire than couch.
Eddy screamed in terror/pain/HE'S ON FUCKING FIRE! The old couch only took a few minutes of burning before it was reduced to ash. Eddy crawled out of the ash pile, looking blacker than a generic black joke.
"THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT, ED BOI!" Rolf yelled again, his fury being like that of a hurricane.
Eddy began to cry, with both pain and weariness.
"P-Please Rolf, I just wanted a video camer-a-a-a-a!" Eddy pleaded.
Rolf suddenly perked up.
"Well, why didn't you say so, Ed Boi? Here you go!" Rolf said as he handed Eddy a video camera.
"Uh...thanks!" Eddy replied. He then crawled, hoping to avoid another beating from Rolf.
Meanwhile, Double D was still getting harshly succeed by the Spies. Even a Vietnamese hooker couldn't suck as good.
"IT FEELS TOO GOOD! SOMEONE HELP ME, THEY'RE SUCKING MY SOUL OOOOOUT!"
Double D finally busted his nut and moan-screamed loudly while doing so, the Spies sucking out every drop of tasty ball-juice that they could.
Eddy finally managed to crawl his way back to the scene, video camera in hand.
"Oh man, I'm gonna make so much money off this!"
Hearing Eddy's comment, the Spies suddenly got very suspicious.
"Why the hell do you want money from that, you fucking kike?" Alex asked. After all, black women were notorious for antisemitism.
The Spies looked at him with death glares. Eddy knew that whatever was about to happen would end very badly for him.
"Okay, I'll give you guys and/or gals depending on whether you have a penis TWENTY PERCENT!" Eddy yelled.
The Spies saw through his Jewish lies. They knew he worked for CNN. They just replied with a Sasuke-style death glare.
"Uhh...want a dollar?" Eddy said, pulling out a dollar.
The Spies responded by dragging him by his feet to the middle of the cul-de-sac and beating the living shit out of him for everyone to see.
Eddy layed beaten and battered on the ground. Despite his inner Jew telling him not to, Eddy decided to give Edd a bigger cut.
"F-50%... Is that good?" The Spies gave him very sinister smiles.
"Oh no… More than that." Before Eddy could respond, the Spies dragged him up to a house.
"Have you ever heard of… Cock and Ball torture?" Clover asked, clearly turned on.
Eddy gulped as if he had just witnessed his dad undoing his belt.
"NO! NO!" Eddy yelled as the Spies drug him into the house.
Before they shut the door, Alex gave everyone on the Cul De Sac death glares. They all wished that the horse sperm had never made the Spies go mad with sexual power… Or whatever the fuck is making them act like sexual abominations…
Alex continued to stare as she slowly closed the door.
While this was happening, Ed was attending Retard School. Ironic as it was, he was currently in Sex Education...