Torn

In past weeks his life changed abruptly from war to the seemingly peace now. However, it was precisely this change that caused an undefined feeling of dread in Harry Potter, which was far higher than anything else he ever felt throughout the long years in Voldemorts shadow. All this time, Harry never had to fear that his concerns might become as real like right now.

The low temperatures of this early night made his breath visible. On top of the astronomy tower, Harry stood alone and kept looking into the distance lost in thoughts. In far east first stars could be seen but for this sight, he had no muse. After Voldemort was defeated, the grieving of all the people lost over, Harry, Hermione and Ron had decided to get back to Hogwarts and finish their seventh year if not just for some kind of normality in life.

At first, it seemed so easy to forget about the time at war, and Harry even felt like in his sixth year after he finally got together with Ginny. Already then he didn't believe they could ignore just like that everything that had happened in this second magical war, too much had happened and ultimately changed them more or less as persons. He didn't know how much and how it would affect his relationship with his best friends at that time.

Already Ron's reaction after Harry was named Headboy, should have warned him, that nothing would be like it used to. The months without Ron, while hunting the Horcruxes, had brought Harry and Hermione closer than ever something that became a problem slowly. Both knew why Ron had abandoned them, and they began acting soon accordingly.

They avoided giving Ron any reasons to be jealousy. He, on the other hand, frequently started to use up all Hermione's free time. Of course, he was her boyfriend, and Harry understood they would spend more time alone with each other until he realised there wasn't any moment left where he was alone with Hermione. Only in their shared duties, some stolen minutes in the little common room of the headquarters were left. But even this was too much for Ron. Harry could read it from his expression every time the topic came up, how jealousy Ron was and probably preferred if Harry and Hermione didn't spend a single second without his supervision.

At the same time, Harry tried to rebuild his relationship with Ginny. It was remarkably easy to fall back into the old patterns. It allowed him partially to forget his anger about the romance between Ron and Hermione and what it meant to their friendship. But soon the first dark clouds on their rosy pink sky appeared. It was difficult for Harry to see Ginny as equal, and she couldn't understand his worries. Hermione, as well as Ron, would remain a part of his life, only the dynamic was about to change.

"Well, what do you want, that everything stays the same? Harry, they'll have, just like you, their own family. Of course, it will become more important than any friendship." He could still hear her saying.

Ginny just didn't understand that Harry felt in parts guilty because of his close friendship with Hermione. Too often, it had caused heated arguments and strained situations between all three. Harry also felt anger that Ron acted this way, at all. Ginny always had been the princess of her family; she couldn't possibly know how to feel unloved and worthless.

The final school year neared it's ending, and Harry's anxieties grew each day. He could picture perfectly the future. Shouldn't Harry and Hermione work together at the ministry, then they'd met, if at all, by the Weasley's. In the end, there would be only a few stolen moments between two people, who had too much sympathy for others that they lost each other in the process. The once close friendship would completely evaporate into regretting memories.

His grip on the railing got so tight that the white of his knuckles could be seen. Never in his wildest dreams, he had expected to hate the fact that Ron and Hermione were together like he did now. Already now, he missed her fiercely, he couldn't imagine how it would be in a few months.

"Here you are, Harry. I've been searching for you." He heard Hermione's voice and turned to her.

She stood near the top landing, wore a red strapless dress and watched him worriedly.

"Is everything alright?" She sounded almost rhetorical.

Harry just weakly grinned at her, and it was enough for her as an answer. She knew too well the reason why he was worked up.

"You look beautiful." He finally found his voice.

"Thank you." Hermione smiled flattered, but soon, her expression darkened again. "We should leave now. Ron must be wondering already where we are."

She turned around to leave.

"Why are we doing this?" Suddenly, he pressed out and grabbed her hand to stop her.

Endless long Hermione intensively gazed at him, as if she wanted to tell him everything with her eyes what she couldn't say to him with her mouth. The silent communication had become their sanctuary.

"Harry!" She sighed heavily and lowered her head.

"Fine, you are right, of course, we really should be leaving. It's after all, Ron's birthday." Harry gave reluctantly in; it was already difficult enough.

Gratefully she squeezed his hand. Together they left the tower and walked to the Gryffindor common room. Even before they reached the painting, they could hear muffled music. The party had started. Inside they couldn't understand their own words, but Harry grinned.

Maybe he needed this distraction. It would probably be good for all of them. They hardly had passed the entrance he could already see in the distance Ron moving with a bright smile on his face through the crowd towards them.

"Hermione, you're just in time here." He started to talk when he reached them and took Hermione's free hand, led her away from Harry.

Surprised, she looked back at Harry, while he felt her hand slip away from his. Ron stopped only when they had reached the centre of the room. He used his wand to get the attention of all party guests. The music got turned off, and an airy silence ruled the room.

"Good, now that I got your full attention, let me introduce to you a very dear person. A few of you probably know her already." Laughing could be heard. "Hermione Granger and hopefully soon Weasley."

A murmur went through the room, while Harry watched stone-faced from Ron to Hermione, who looked just as surprised as he felt. Ron held already a little box in his left hand and opened it.

"Hermione, do you want to be my wife?" He finally asked.

Shocked Harry gaped at Ron. It lasted at least a few minutes till he noticed that Hermione hadn't answered but instead looked horrific at Ron. A few times, she opened her mouth, but no sound came over her lips. A complete, uncanny silence laid over the common room. Nobody dared to say anything.

"I can't, I just can't do that." At first only barely then louder by seconds, Hermione repeated the phrase frenetically.

"I'm really sorry, but I can't." She said and looked to Harry's amazement to him as if she needed to apologise to him.

Shock and disbelief were written all over Ron's face, while he abruptly let go of Hermione's hand. The appalled whispering about what just had happened grew louder. Hermione, however, used her chance moved away from Ron before she fled the common room entirely. Harry only heard how the painting closed with a bang and saw Ginny embrace Ron.

Without a second thought, Harry turned towards the exit in an attempt to follow Hermione. Ron had enough people to comfort him. He didn't need him too. Despite it all, Harry felt relieved.

Hi,

this story came to mind, while I was writing on "A Desperate Deed". Several ideas I just couldn't use their, I'm going to use here instead. It actually means a few, to me at least, frustrating things from canon will be mentioned and dealt with accordingly. This one is going to take some time considered I got to rewrite, plot some stuff. It is to date my longest fanfiction project. There is going to be some built up, some OCC reaction but in due time you should be able to understand the why's. I hope you'll enjoy this one.

Phoenixwriter