Statement: Greetings Meatbag

So, this is a challenge born of a very long lecture about supply chain management and optimization given by one of the worst teachers I have ever had (1 Star on Rate my professor because we couldn't vote negative) and a few blurbs and prompts that I came up with for it.

Warning: This story is not to be taken seriously.

Don't even bother asking for permission, just message me when you post the first chapter.

Challenge Concept

HK-47 has managed to end up in some truly unlikely places and has made a sport of surviving situations that he had no business surviving only to resurface in some unlikely or convenient place. Why not resurface one more time?

A single point of divergence that leads to a VERY different galaxy as Anakin goes through life with HK's influence.

Required

This story is not to be taken seriously. Have fun, make us laugh, make yourself laugh while writing it!

Point of divergence is Anakin using something containing HK's memories in the construction of what would have been 3PO.

Enough of HK was left over to retrieve, repair, and propagate the rest of his memory through the new construct. In the end, HK-47 is back from the dead... again.

HK meets R2... HK doesn't understand how such an inferior droid can be so effective in the ways of mayhem and decides to study him. They become the best of friends.

I would suggest that the Jedi take Anakin in order to have a positive influence on him for fear of what HK might convince him to do.

Shmi gets free. Because HK would not allow such an obvious weakness to his master's security remain.

Optional

It was canon at one point that if a Droid stayed sentient long enough it would develop a limited Force presence and could potentially become Force sensitive; though, the later was never confirmed.

HK is HIGHLY offended by Trade Federation droids and proceeds to... appropriate as many as he can for "correction." Long story short: he takes possession of said droids, he reprograms them, he retrofits them to his exacting requirements, and he will call them all "Minion."

Qui-Gon lives. Why? Because HK is elated at the chance to fight a Sith again only to be somewhat disappointed when Maul fails to measure up.

Statement: I Find Your Lack of Munitions Disturbing

Grievous

"Query: You are experiencing difficulty with this cyborg? I was told that Jedi did not tell jokes."

"What in the blazes are you talking about?"

"Statement: While the cyber-meatbag is a significant improvement on the Geanosians' woeful attempts at combat droids, I have yet to experience a problem that could not be solved with the proper application of explosives."

"What?" the Jedi wondered, but HK was no longer paying attention.

"Query: Meatminion, yes you, in the white. Where would I requisition a rocket launcher?" the assassin demanded.

The trooper shifted nervously. "I don't think I should be giving you one."

"Statement: A surprisingly sensible response from a 'soldier' carrying little more than a peashooter. I will acquire one from the... opposition."

[Because HK refuses to acknowledge the Clankers as worthy of being enemies]

Troopers

"Query: Jedi, where is the rest of it?" HK demanded.

"What?"

"Query: Your minions, where is the rest of their equipment?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Statement: heavy weapons, personal shields, vibroblades, heavy weapons, charges, fragmentation grenades, heavy weapons, ion grenades, target designator, heavy weapons, ration packs, medical equipment-"

"What would they need all that for?"

"Statement: I don't want to be on this planet anymore."

Jedi

"Query: Your plan is to rush the tanks with a lightsaber?"

"Yes."

"Clarification: The column of no less than twenty tanks with anti-personnel turrets and a sizable escort of cannon fodder?"

"Yes."

"Clarification: You don't intend to use the perfectly operational cannon emplacement?"

"I would never lower myself to use such a clumsy, uncivilized weapon."

"Statement: Jedi appear to have suffered an exponential decline in intelligence in the last thousand years."

Quartermaster

"Statement: No, we are not leaving until my master is properly outfitted."

"A Jedi does not-"

"Statement: As the leading expert on actual warfare on this planet, yes they do."

"But it will take days to get all of that together!"

"Statement: Then we will wait."

"But the war effort!"

"Statement: I am an assassination and bodyguard droid. Query: What part of that description implies that I care about petty things like statistics that used to be meatbags who are not under my protection?"

Anakin

"Incredulous Query: Master, your paramour is friends with karking Gungans?"

"Um... yes? She was the queen who made peace with them, remember?"

"...Statement: I want one of their infantry shields."

"I don't think that's how-"

"Correction: You will get me one of their infantry shields."

"HK you're being a bit unreasonable."

"Addendum: You will get me one or I will get me one."

"Never mind. The first offer was completely reasonable."