Scared Straitjacket

"The mayor will be with you shortly, Dr. Leland."

"Thank you," said Dr. Leland, head of Arkham Asylum, as the mayor's secretary returned to her desk. Dr. Leland checked her watch, and then rifled through her briefcase for her notebook. She opened this to find a piece of paper stuck inside – it appeared to be a bingo sheet, with several phrases instead of numbers, and a note written at the bottom: Thought you could use something fun to distract yourself during the mayor's meeting, Doc – if you get a bingo, I'll buy you lunch! Love, the Joker.

"Oh my God, how did he get in my briefcase?" demanded Dr. Leland.

"Something wrong, Dr. Leland?" asked Mayor Hill, emerging from his office at that moment.

"Uh…no, Mr. Mayor," said Dr. Leland, shoving the sheet back in her notebook and standing up to shake the mayor's hand. "It's nice to see you again."

"Yes, I always look forward to our annual briefing," agreed Mayor Hill, gesturing her into his office. "I hope you have good news for me regarding Arkham."

"Well, our breakout rate is down by .02% from last year, so that's something positive," said Dr. Leland, forcing a smile as she sat down.

"That doesn't sound like a lot," said Mayor Hill, frowning.

"No, but every little bit helps at Arkham, right?" laughed Dr. Leland. "And our employee turnover is at an all-time low, with only 50% voluntarily electing to leave their positions this year."

"What about the other 50%?" asked Mayor Hill. "They volunteered to stay?"

"They…didn't have a choice," admitted Dr. Leland. "They lost their lives on the job."

Mayor Hill sighed. "Well, at least they didn't become supercriminals themselves, like Dr. Quinzel."

"Yes, we've had no doctors become romantically involved with the inmates, or join their cause," agreed Dr. Leland, nodding. "So that's always a positive development."

Mayor Hill sighed again. "I'll be frank, Dr. Leland – Arkham is a continual thorn in my side in terms of my re-election campaign. The people of Gotham desperately want something to be done to curb the inmates' activities, and they're not going to keep voting for me unless I do something about it. To that end, I'm launching a bold, new initiative."

Dr. Leland looked down at the bingo sheet – the words Bold, new initiative were written in the center space, and she circled it. "And what is that, Mr. Mayor?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Well, this sort of perennial problem requires outside-the-box thinking…" continued Mayor Hill, as Dr. Leland circled the Outside-the-box thinking space in the upper right-hand corner of the sheet.

"What's needed is to turn Arkham from a negative to a positive in the eyes of the voting public," finished Mayor Hill.

"And…how would we do that?" asked Dr. Leland, slowly.

"By making the inmates of Arkham provide a service to the community," he replied.

"A few of them did do community service once, and destroyed the Iceberg Lounge in the process," retorted Dr. Leland. "Oswald Cobblepot is still paying for the damage."

"Well, your mistake in that case was letting them leave Arkham," retorted Mayor Hill. (Dr. Leland thought it best not to remind him that it had originally been his idea.) "No, I'm talking about community service they can do while still being locked up," he continued. "Have you ever heard of the Scared Straight program?"

"You mean the program that sends petty juvenile offenders to prison to spend time with hardcore criminals, and which has been found to have mixed results at best, if not entirely negative ones?" asked Dr. Leland.

"Well, mixed results are better than nothing," replied Mayor Hill.

Dr. Leland glanced down at the sheet again, circling the square which read (Insert terrible idea here) is better than nothing.

"So…you're proposing sending vulnerable and troubled young people to Arkham?" asked Dr. Leland, slowly. "To spend some time with our inmates in the hopes that they can dissuade them from a life of crime?"

"I am indeed," said Mayor Hill, nodding. "I think it's about time these people contributed something positive back to the community. And if we can prevent at least one young person from following them into a life of crime, well, that's worthwhile, isn't it?"

"And what if it backfires?" asked Dr. Leland. "Which studies have shown these programs can do. What if spending time with the inmates only makes the idea of a criminal lifestyle more appealing, as in Dr. Quinzel's case?"

"Dr. Quinzel didn't have a criminal record when she was hired, did she?" asked Mayor Hill.

"No," replied Dr. Leland.

"So there, you see?" asked Mayor Hill, beaming. "It's a completely different case. Less of the lure of the forbidden with these youngsters, having already had a taste of a life of petty crime. I'm very optimistic about this initiative achieving positive results."

"And what if I don't think it's a very good idea?" Dr. Leland asked, slowly.

"Well, you're not in charge, are you?" asked Mayor Hill, smiling at her. "I think it's an excellent idea, and so do all my advisors."

Dr. Leland sighed, circling the square that read Unqualified idiots think it's an excellent idea. "Well then, I guess there's nothing more to be said," she sighed, standing up. "When should I expect these young people at Arkham?"

"In the next week or two," replied Mayor Hill. "You might want to forewarn the inmates so they're not surprised by them. We've got a young woman who's a serial shoplifter, a young man who committed assault with a deadly weapon, and a young man who's been involved in counterfeiting fake IDs."

"And these people's parents are all ok with the possibility of their children not surviving this experience?" asked Dr. Leland.

"They've signed waivers," retorted Mayor Hill.

"So that's a yes?" asked Dr. Leland.

"It means we're not liable, and that's all I care about," replied Mayor Hill.

Dr. Leland sighed again, circling the final square that gave her a bingo – Not legally liable for terrible idea, so apathetic about consequences of own stupidity. "Ok then," she said, forcing a smile. "I guess I'll go back to Arkham and prepare the inmates. Always a pleasure, Mr. Mayor," she said, shaking his hand.

"Likewise, Dr. Leland," said Mayor Hill. "I'll be making the announcement about the program at a press conference tonight, if you'd like to join me."

"Well, evenings are when we need all hands on deck at Arkham," said Dr. Leland. "That's when most escape attempts happen. So thanks, but no thanks, Mr. Mayor. I hope it all goes well though," she said, heading for the door. Her smile dropped the instant she left, as her mind went over the several thousand possibilities of everything that could go wrong with the mayor's plan on her way back to the asylum.

"Hey, Doc, how was the mayor?" asked the Joker, smiling as she entered the cell block.

She said nothing, but crumpled up the bingo sheet and tossed it into his cell. "You owe me lunch," she muttered.