Dear Reader,

Welcome to my MSec project!

About this Story

The idea for this story first came to me in August 2018, though it was only rudimentary back then, and the story now bears very little resemblance to that original snatch of a thought. I started planning the story in November 2018, and I've been working on it every single day since, barring being forced to take time off for major surgery—though I did of course take my notebooks with me into hospital, perhaps a little optimistically hoping that I'd be able to do some work whilst I was there or at least distract myself from the fact that I might not have had the opportunity to finish this story. I could easily spend another year, if not longer, rewriting and developing this piece. There are plenty of things I would do differently if I were to start afresh, and I'm aware that the way I chose to write this piece and the scenes I used to tell the story are just one of an infinite number of possibilities, but I think if I were to take another year, the moment may have passed, and without taking a blank document and starting from the planning stages again, I feel like I'm just shuffling words around the page. Given that I don't have the luxury of being able start a new draft, I think I need to accept that the piece is as good as I'm going to get it given constrains of time and current ability. The perfectionists amongst you will understand how much that frustrates me. I hope that this version of the story is still enjoyable, even if it's not the best version.

The starting point is the end of season 4, and I haven't watched season 5 yet, so it's pretty much AU from there.

I give times/dates in this piece. If the chapter starts without a date reference, you can assume it's set on the same day as the previous chapter.

A Note on Triggers

I'm not a fan of trigger warnings, not only because life doesn't come with a warning (trite but true), but because I find triggers to be highly specific and what I think is triggering might not be triggering for you, and conversely, what I think is safe might trigger you. Most of my stories deal with grief and mental health to a certain extent, this one is no exception. That said, I think there is a good mix of light and dark overall, and I made a conscious decision to keep it roughly at the same level of detail as you'd expect to see on the show. If you have any concerns at any point, feel free to send me a message. I'll do my best to answer any questions, but at the end of the day, only you know what's right for you. Trust that.

Language

There are three F-bombs in this piece. You'll spot them, I'm sure.

I'm aware that I often use 'who' or 'whoever' when it should be 'whom' or 'whomever', but the grammatically correct version sometimes sounds clunky. Personally, I'd rather it be grammatically incorrect than wrench the reader out of the story. All other mistakes are due to ignorance or dyslexia.

Reviews

I'm more than a little concerned that I might have wasted a year of my life writing what's turned out to be complete trash, so reviews are most definitely appreciated. I'd love to hear your thoughts, which bits you like and which bits you don't, or just a quick note to let me know that you're still reading. Each review that lights up my inbox lights up my brain as well, and those little puffs of dopamine make it all worth while. Constructive criticism is always welcome too—I might spend a few months licking my wounds before I take it on board, but in the end, it'll help me improve.

P.S. You can find me on Twitter, and I'll be posting this piece on WattPad too.

ⓐnonadhesiveness