A/N: Hello! I'm Uranium Whale, and uh... yeah, you might see that I haven't written much. On this site, at least. Well, fear no longer, because I want to write stuff! Yay!

So, the thing about this crossover is that it isn't a regular Half Life/Hyperdimension Neptunia crossover. It's Freeman's Mind and Hyperdimension Neptunia! So, essentially imagine a paranoid, self-centered, slightly sociopathic man arriving in Gamindustri. Fun.

Do note that I've never really written a character like Freeman, so... essentially, I might really flub his lines. Just let me know what you think in the reviews and I'll improve on it!

Italics like this indicate thought, and everything else is Freeman speaking – I like to follow the theory that Freeman's Mind is partially Freeman talking, partially Freeman thinking – and it would make his interactions with the world of Gamindustri much more interesting with this theory, so I'm rolling with it.

So... yeah! Enjoy!

I DO NOT OWN HALF-LIFE, FREEMAN'S MIND, OR HYPERDIMENSION NEPTUNIA! All thanks to Valve, Ross Scott, and Idea Factory/Compile Hearts for making this crazy-ass story possible.

A man in an orange suit picked up shotgun shells as he walked.

He sported an impressive goatee with glasses, his short hair cut and his face grim. Decorated with blood, battle scars, and a military-style ear piercing, he thought to himself. And thought. And never stopped thinking. Even before the mess that was the Resonance Cascade – before his life morphed into a never-ending battle for survival – people had never taken that kindly to him. Some may call him a delusional sociopath. Others may call him very paranoid. Still others would simply stick with "smartass". Then again, most of those people were now dead. So who cares?

Dr. Gordon Freeman, PhD had just finished readying his arsenal for the journey ahead. He had been through it all, and now some scientist was blabbering on about a teleporter. He couldn't care about what he was saying, but now that he mentioned the word "teleporter"...

"Alright, Tickle-Me-Bald Guy, we've gotta talk." He noticed the scientist moving his head down. Oh, he's bowing. Okay... He bowed his head in a confused manner. That should appeal him. "Hey, forget this alien stuff. You need to teleport me to Massachusetts, alright? Massachusetts. That's simple enough, I think you can remember it."

A machine buzzed as he walked through it, striding towards the teleporter. What the hell? Heh, yeah, I guess I am carrying some contraband. Man, it's too bad these teleporters aren't the duplicating kind. Then we can just tell it to not destroy me on this end, and I can create copies of myself.

He entered the vast chamber, wires strewn about, the teleporter imposing itself upon the center of the room. While normally it would be an impressive structure for Freeman to behold, he was too busy discussing to himself the merits of cloning.

"Hello, Freeman!"

With a small exclamation of surprise, Freeman looked up at the source of the voice. A scientist manning the teleporter waved at him - "I'm up here! Practice your long jump if you must, but hurry up!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming, just hold on." deadpanned Freeman. Walking up the supports, he long jumped at the window – no doubt startling the poor controller of the teleporter. Not minding, however, with a small "Hah!", Freeman climbed onto the top of the glass and onto the catwalk. You know, a ladder wouldn't kill you. This catwalk has poor support as it is. There's too much stress on the beam. Actually hold on, is there an exit here? He noticed the door behind him and walked towards it. Like, is there a snack machine in the back or something? Because I could use that. The door didn't budge. No...

Making his way back to the hunched-over scientist, he wanted to set the record straight. "Hey, I don't know what they told you, but I need you to teleport me to Massachusetts. If you can't swing that, just get me to the nearest city, like Los Alamos or Santa Fe would be fine. I should be able to hijack a ride, no problem."

Not responding, the scientist talked... more to himself than Gordon, it seemed, but the orange-clad man still managed to hear - "Alright, I can open the portal now. The process is complicated and once it's begun, I must not be interrupted or I will have to start all over again. Don't enter the beam until I give the okay. Understood?"

Losing his attention at "the process", Freeman absentmindedly emitted a "yeah" from his mouth and went off. I'll get out of your hair, just don't screw up. Man, if the teleporter could make a copy of me...

On he went once more about cloning in his ever-so rambling mind as the teleporter began to power up. "Oh dear!" exclaimed the scientist at the teleporter. "What is it?" That's when the fliers came – and didn't restrain themselves from firing their energy at the physicist. Ah! Shit. Taking no time to take out the first one with his pistol, he immediately began to open fire on the rest. What is that?! They can fly now?! Energy collides with him – no doubt, it stung a bit. Another few shots, another death cry. "Hey, you've got a few bugs in your system!" he tried to yell over the gunfire. Another one falls from its place in the air. "I mean, a lot of bugs! How about fixing that?!" He pulled out the MP5, continuing his onslaught. Another alien corpse slams into the ground. "I don't know what you're doing, but you're doing it wrong! Christ..."

Unbeknownst to the HEV-suit-wearing badass and the scientist, a flier's balls of energy hits the teleporter – the scientist moved to shut it down – start it over! But before he could do so, the glass in front of him shattered – and the yellow balls struck him down. While the teleporter was built to continue the process automatically, a ball that hit the controls... may have jumbled it a bit.

The firefight continued, Gordon suffering more and more hits. He thought he heard a voice – the scientist crying in pain, but could not make it out among the noise. "What?! Do you need me to come up there? Because this isn't working! Shut it down!" No response except from the fliers - the shocks crossing his body.

A final sound from the scientist slumped on the ground did not reach his ears – "I can't hear you!" Finally, the teleporter completed its process; an orb, fueled by the lightning around it appeared. "Hey, it's doing something now! Should I go-" Freeman wailed as he fell into a trench - "I'm not waiting, I'm going to go, don't fuck me on this!", and getting up, a nonstop barrage of energy assaulted his back. "This is so fucked!" - he ran for the portal.

"Backrubs!"

"What?!"

Blackness.

Green.

Oh! That was horrible!

He glanced at his surroundings. Red lava, gray rock, twisted structures dominating his vision.

This wasn't Massachusetts.

Wait, wait. What is this? THIS ISN'T MASSACHUSETTS! Where did they even send me?! This isn't Earth, that's for sure! At least this is solid ground and not... I don't know, a floating island madhouse filled with fucking aliens, but it looks like Hell! Am I in Hell? Did the teleporter kill me? I don't like being killed! I'm too awesome for that!

His thoughts were interrupted by yelling. "I WON'T ALLOW IT!" Freeman looked to the source before a giant robot launched himself into the sky. He saw two... girls? What? He checked his armaments – yep, still there. At least he was loaded.

What the fuck is that?! Is the Army sending mechas now?! When did they develop that? Why are there girls here? Jesus Christ, they look like teenagers! Is this the future? Maybe this is a combat trial for extra food privileges! I'm not sure, but I'm not sticking around! Bye!

Freeman turned to get out of there before he was interrupted by screaming. One of the girls, a brunette in a blue coat, was thrown against the wall. The other was shaking in terror, a giant syringe in hand, rushing towards her friend - yet before she could reach her friend, she was knocked back by a punch from the mecha. After she recovered, she went into her purse and shuffled through it, as if looking for something - and paled as she kept shuffling - where was it, where was it?

"FRAIL! SO MISERABLY FRAIL!" Freeman ran - kept running. But the robot saw the orange-clad man regardless. "ANOTHER ONE? HOW FOOLISH! PREPARE TO DIE!" Oh fuck he noticed me that's not good BAD ROBOT BAD ROBOT! As he dodged a swipe from the automata, he pulled out his trusty best friend - a rocket launcher. Fucking Iron Giant over here has to learn the hard way, huh?! We can learn the hard way! Yeah, the Army or whatever sends their battle mech against teenage girls, so someone has to respond to it. Well, I am that response!

The rocket flew out of the death tube, guiding itself to Freeman's target - the chest. While the girls' attack may not have registered - this one did. With a roar, the robot looked to the assailant - already moving. That's all the time that was needed for the brunette to get back up - and continue the assault. With the robot guardian focusing back on the girl, Freeman continued running -and tripped. Shit! Getting back up, however, he noticed something on the ground. Hey, what's this? Some sort of crystal? Whatever, take it, I can pawn it off later.

Taking it, not noticing the girl with the syringe still frantically searching around her, he continued his sprint, dodging another attack from the robot - shooting a rocket in the process - and found, no, stumbled upon a sight.

Five women, all scantily-clad, wrapped in tentacles.

...what the fuck? This is wrong. I don't know what this is, but this is fucking wrong. Are these strippers? What kind of place is this?! Not something I'm into, that's for sure! Jesus Chr-FUCK! These things fucking grab! FUCK, ANOTHER ONE! Stop, stop, no no no no-

Out of options, he throws the crystal at the tentacles - they shrink back from him. YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! THE POWER OF ME COMPELS YOU! Oh God one of their eyes opened. They probably hate me for ruining their fun, but honestly I've got a few bigger problems right now like a giant robot trying to crush me and-

Rolling out of the impact zone in time, Freeman decides to do the best thing he can do in this situation - go away. Nope nope nope fuck this I'm out, you all can have your fun, I'm sure that your tastes will fall on someones ears but fornowI'mdoneholyshitTHAT'STHEAXE- another blow dodged, barely. That's enough for him. As the light-haired girl ran to the freed captive, she did manage to make out, finally, the flash of orange - their hero - and the crystal, on the ground next to her. But they had a job to do first, even if he was… running away.

It was time to destroy the robot.

The girls battled for a while, trying to take it down. But no dice - each and every attack seemed to do nothing, even with the freed girl's power becoming apparent. However, she had an idea. "Wait! If we use all the Sharicite's power, we might pull through!"

The giant machine did not leave the girls unnoticed. The perfect opportunity. What fools! One swing of the axe should do it. With a battle yell, he swung- "Yaaaaaah!" The woman found her opportunity, holding the crystal in her hand. With a bright flash, it activated, delivering the white light into its eyes.

While the robot screeched, the other two girls looking in awe, the purple-haired woman went down on her knees - feeling weak… "It's working! Way to go, Gear!" She couldn't even turn her head. "Did we… make it? Augh…" Her vision turned black, and she crumpled to the floor.

"AGH! WHAT'S THIS LIGHT!? MY EYES, MY EYES! UNFORGIVABLE! ONCE MY VISUAL SYSTEM REBOOTS, I WILL TEAR YOU ALL TO PIECES!"

"Please retreat. We cannot handle this situation given our current condition." The two other women looked at each other. Could they really leave the other women behind? But… they couldn't - they didn't have any power anymore. They saved… only one. But… it was better than nothing. But even that one was due to someone else… speaking of.

The light-haired woman was the first to speak up, shock still apparent on her face, talking to her companion while running from the now blindly rampaging robot. "That man… he s-saved Ge-Ge! We need to find him and thank him!" Doubt crept across the brunette's face. "I'm not sure, Compa. What if this guy is… like, ASIC? He'd want us to fall right into his trap!"

"What?! Why would he be that?! Maybe we can at least find him! And we can ask him stuff!" replied Compa. "If you wish to do so, it is better to hurry. We do not know how long it will take for his visual system to reboot." replied the voice from the portable device. With the brunette and Compa nodding, they rushed out towards the direction of the man, angry robot swinging blindly behind them. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen a man wearing orange, even in a place like the Graveyard."

Freeman had to collect his thoughts - again. Alright… I am here. Behind this… comfortable rock, with no robot here to decapitate me. On this… alien world… with no food. And lava. Plenty of lava to go around! Take a bucket home today. And… weird crystals. I wouldn't be surprised though if anyone started a shiny rock business here. Maybe those girls needed it! Maybe I just landed into a Mad Max society where shiny rocks are king and giant robots try to take them while guarding people wrapped in tentacles. Was that in the original movie? I don't remember-

"Hey! Are you the guy who helped us with that robot over there?"

Freeman almost-instantly swung around with his shotgun, pointing it at the two adventurers and the unconscious figure who appeared behind him, the awake girls raising their hands in immediate shock and fear. "NOBODY MOVE AND YOU WON'T GET MONEY FROM THE BLOOD FAIRY!"

Fade to black.

"I'M JUST HERE FOR THE ROCKS!"

A/N: And thus, our first episode concludes. How will this situation be handled? Will Gamindustri be safe? Can Freeman ever get his rocks? Find out next time!

As I said, this is pretty much my first real fanfic I ever wrote. I'd like to hear feedback so I can get better, so if you got some, or just wanna ask questions, go ahead! As I said before, I don't own anything in this fic other than my writing. So, yeah! Let's see where this goes.