This fic is purely self-indulgent. I need to reconcile my absolute disgust with Yellow Diamond laughing at Spinel's trauma and Spinel living with people who have a history of heavy abuse and unforgiving expectations with the sheer unadulterated joy I felt at seeing Spinel happy without her tear marks in the SU Future opener. The Diamond's change of heart was rushed and unconvincing, but I've got to believe the Diamonds can change, if not for the plot's sake, but now for Spinel's sake. I genuinely hope that, here and, more importantly, in canon, the Diamonds are able to give Spinel the loving guidance and reassurance she needs to love herself.

Lost and Found

The changes enacted on Homeworld were extraordinary, Spinel soon realized. The impact of Steven's influence on the Diamonds were evident the moment she stepped off the ship, when the Diamonds thanked their respective pearls for the welcome and shared a joke with a passing Tourmaline and Amythest guard. From her perch in Blue Diamond's hand, Spinel could see over the main thoroughfare, and was surprised to see that the usual assembly lines and air traffic were far from the straight, orderly routes demanded of Era One. Gems greeted each other openly and casually. Lower ranking gems still saluted their superiors out of respect, but equal ranking gems forewent the standard salute now, and superiors were now asked to acknowledge those under them with a nod or bow. Every gem that they passed saluted the Diamonds passing, but they did so with smiles and gratitude on their faces, genuinely appreciative of the Diamond's guidance and leadership instead of fearful of their retribution or potential punishment.

Spinel had been to the palace with Pink many times before, but the curse of time was no match to the memory of its size and grandeur. Crystal spires loomed above her as they stretched toward the sky, bigger and taller than she ever remembered. The palace was made for the comfort of the diamonds and the diamond's size, and under their might, Spinel suddenly felt very small.

The Diamonds gave Spinel Pink's old room, much to Spinel's chagrin. A Spinel in a Diamond's room? She looked hesitantly toward White, an unspoken question in her eyes. The untouchable, fear-provoking authority figure and nightmare of Pink's past only smiled pleasantly at her, and assured her that Pink would have had it no other way. Spinel sincerely doubted that. She was after all, unwanted by Pink. The thought alone made an uneasy feeling settle as she stepped into Pink's room for the first time in six thousand years.

The room had remained unchanged over time, preserved in great care. Her best memories of Pink weren't here, but there were memories here regardless. Spinel had existed for only a few years when Pink had the garden built. She had wanted to impress the Diamonds – prove that even if she wasn't trusted with the leadership skills to have a colony, she had enough authority to at least give orders to erect a small bio-safe ecosystem out of a seemingly lifeless asteroid. She had been proud of the feat, and Blue and Yellow had been too, to some degree, at least until she spent the next thousand years using it to shirk her responsibilities and play games with Spinel. Spinel hadn't complained. There were more games to play in their garden than in this stuffy room.

The Diamonds left her to explore her new home, sending her off with a blown kiss and a brisque "We're so glad to have such a wonderful reminder of our dear Pink with us!" before they left. In an instant, the warmth Spinel felt clouded and froze in a dense, painful weight in her chest. She stared blankly at the now empty doorway, her mind reeling as she tried desperately to pull herself back to the present.

Calm down, get a hold of yourself. You can't lose control here, you just got here.

They said so themselves. You're just a reminder. That's all you are – a trinket to remember Pink by. They don't care about you, they wouldn't care if you had stayed in the garden for eternity if Pink was still here.

They don't even know you. They haven't seen you in six thousand years. They'll get to know you again. You were made for this. You'll be a friend for them, too.

This isn't about you, this is about her. It was always about her. You're nothing, you're a toy she left behind. She outgrew you. She wouldn't want you in her room and neither will they once they realize how worthless you were to her.

Stop, I said I'd try, I told Steven I'd try.

The tears came regardless, though, hot and aching as they traced the permanent lines of her cheeks. Her gem ached – her whole form ached. She was so tired of crying today. She was so tired all around. Angry and bitter, loved and found, hurt and betrayed, like a never ending cycle that kept playing on loop. Tears spilled down her face as she sunk to the floor, willing it all to stop for just one moment.

Like an unspoken answer to her silent prayer, her train of thought was abruptly cut off by a gentle nudge by her feet. Opening teary eyes, she looked down to see a small group of tiny pebbles gathered around her, mumbling tiny, excited voices to each other as they looked up at her, their eyes shining with happiness, others with concern. Spinel quickly wiped her tears and stooped down. The pebbles eagerly jumped into her outstretched hand with tiny exclamations of "Spinel! Spinel is back!", dancing happily over her arms and cheering as they landed on her shoulder. More followed suite, coming out of their hiding places to eagerly say hello.

They remembered her. The realization brought another wave of tears to Spinel's eyes, this time of happiness. Even though Pink had only brought Spinel into this room a handful of times to play – always insisting they play hide and seek from the ever-watchful eyes of the other Diamonds – these pebbles remembered her even after six thousand years. Suddenly this too-big room felt a little friendlier, the memories associated with the place a little sweeter and easier to swallow. Spinel felt herself releasing a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, a soft smile gracing her face as the pebbles cuddled her all over.

"Aw, I remember you guys, too,"she cooed, setting them gently back down on the floor, "I guess we'll be roommates now, huh? That okay with you?" They responded with more unintelligible cheers, which made Spinel's smile widen. Suddenly the pebbles burst into small groups, getting busy building furnishings for their new roommate.

"Oh, you guys don't have to do that just for me, I'm not"- but in mere seconds, the pebbles had already erected a small stepstool for the small gem and were working on a trampoline. Spinel had to look away from that. The pebbles were sweet to remember her favorite toy from so long ago. She and Pink had spent days jumping around together here on anything bouncy her pebbles could build. Instead she stepped onto the small staircase they had newly built and found herself looking into Pink's large vanity mirror they had brought out. Glassy blood-shot eyes stared back at her, dried tear tracks parllelling already angry, black tear streaks. She was a mess, and she knew she looked it. She frowned at her reflection, wishing she could hide the insecurity, her anger, her sadness so plainly manifest in this stupid, sad excuse of a form. She hated that she looked like such a mess; she hated that she was a mess; she hated that she was pink.

She was ashamed, looking at herself, to be invited into the Diamond's home, to be given her own room here, after everything that she had done to Steven – someone they clearly loved. She felt so ashamed to stand here and be offered a place here when Pink, the person she had built her entire life around, had never felt she had a place anywhere. How could Spinel hope to find home here when her own Diamond couldn't? How could she compete with that? How could she measure up to the impossible expectations that they had imposed on a Diamond? She was just a spinel. A broken one at that, she reminded herself as she looked back into the mirror, her eyes gravitating toward her upside-down gem.

"Can I…maybe borrow a hair brush?"she asked, her voice soft. The pebbles were quick to respond, pulling out a pink hairbrush from their hiding place. Spinel took it gingerly, turning it around carefully in her hand. Spinel and Pink used to brush each other's hair with this brush. They made a game out of styling each other's hair in the funniest way. They could shapeshift their forms, of course, but it had been nice, playing with each other's hair. A happy memory. Turning the brush around, Spinel was surprised to see a single black strand woven around the bristles. Her eyes widened at the sight.

"Was Steven here?"she asked the pebbles. They responded with small excited noises, affirming her suspicions. This had been a space for Steven, too. She was in his room now. Of course. It wasn't enough that she invaded his planet and nearly destroyed it; she had to take his room, too. Spinel felt like even more of an intruder now.

Silently she brushed her hair out, combing out the wild, unkept ends of her pigtails until they sat straight and neat. She couldn't do anything about the rest of her appearance, though, not until she was given an opportunity to reform into something more acceptable, more appealing. The Diamonds in her memory were unforgiving of imperfection, and Spinel was worse than imperfect in this state. She was twisted, evil, a good-for-nothing, forgettable nobody that not even her best friend had wanted around. What was she even doing here, she thought as tears once again filled her eyes, and this time she could see in the mirror how stupid she looked. A cute, friendly Spinel, made for fun and smiles, crying like the broken gem she was. What had Steven seen in her? What had the Diamonds seen in her? Nothing, likely. A memory at best, entertainment at worst.

She clenched and unclenched her hands, her dark thoughts turning angry once more, but at what, she couldn't pinpoint. Her anger with Steven had run out and she simply couldn't be angry at him, not after all he had done to listen to her, forgive her, and save her from her own injector's blast. She couldn't be mad at the Diamonds, not when their treatment of Pink had created such happy memories for Spinel at Pink's expense, and not when they had so clearly changed enough to offer a lowly Spinel a place in their home. No, the only person she could be angry at now was herself, and she hated that it was the only option she was left with, because it was the hardest to face.

"Stupid, stupid, STUPID…,"she whispered, taking the brush and furiously messing with her hair, ruining the work she had done. The brush turned traitorously on its holder, and soon Spinel was not only ruining her hair, but banging herself on the head with it. The pebbles cried out in alarm, hanging desperately on her feet and arms, begging her to stop hurting herself.

"Spinel?" Only the voice of a Diamond could have stopped the dark, self-destructive spiral that Spinel was once again barreling down into. Her breath hitched in her throat as she whirled around, the brush quickly hidden behind her back. Blue Diamond crouched outside her door, her eyes concerned as she looked down at the flustered, smaller gem.

"What's wrong, darling?" Spinel quickly wiped her eyes, all too aware of how pathetic she looked and wishing she could hide. Blue's expression softened, a look of understanding passing over her face.

"Come, dear. We've finished with our business. Come sit with us. We'd love your company." Feeling foolish now for her behavior, having all but destroyed the one part of her appearance she had been able to mediate, she walked forward slowly and climbed obediently into Blue's waiting hand. Desperately she tried to fix herself back up into something remotely presentable as she was carried down a series of unrecognizable corridors. The hallways emitted a brilliant white light as they walked. This was undoubtedly White Diamond's wing of the palace.

They stopped at the largest pool Spinel had ever seen. Light danced across the surface, the water refracting and across a flawless crystal line of blue. Wading in the pool were White and Yellow, already waiting for them. Spinel stiffened, her limbs coiled tightly as Blue joined them, setting Spinel down carefully on the lip of the pool as she eased herself in the water. The water rose with the added mass of Blue Diamond, kissing the tips of Spinel's feet. She hugged her knees close to her chest self-consciously, her feet not daring to touch the water.

"Our new friend was looking rather upset all by herself, so I brought her here to join us,"Blue explained to the other too by way of catching their attention, smiling down at the little pink gem. Spinel felt her cheeks warm at being so directly called out.

"U-upset? Psh, no. I was just trying out a new…trick. See?"she finished lamely, forcing a weak smile. She waved a hand over her face, changing expressions each time her face disappeared behind her hand. This got a laugh out of Yellow, and a surprised "O" from White, but Blue only smiled sadly at her.

"You poor thing,"Blue said softly, drawing Spinel's gaze upward, "It must be strange for you, coming back here. You must have been so lonely, waiting for Pink all that time. We were lonely, too, you see." Spinel couldn't help but intently stare, waiting, looking from each diamond, who only nodded their agreement.

"And to come to Earth after all that, only to find her not there,"Yellow offered.

"And to such a foul planet as well,"White added, turning up her nose, "What an awful surprise that must have been, to learn that all that time Pink was guarding a dump heap." She seemed to catch herself and quickly added, "Not that we're judging. I'm sure the Earth is considered…illustrious to some." Spinel hung her head. They didn't know. They didn't know it was her that had destroyed the world Pink had fought tooth and nail for. What would they do if they knew? If they knew she had attacked Steven, Pink's son, who they loved and adored so? Would they shatter her on the spot? Punish her? Banish her? Before the panic and fear could begin to settle, Yellow interrupted her dark train of thought, forcing her attention back to them.

"I remember when we first gifted you to Pink." Spinel's head shot up at this.

"Ah yes, was it before or after her pearl?"White asked.

"Oh it was long after,"Blue reminded her, then turning back to Spinel, "Pink had become so quiet and despondent. We were becoming so busy with the expansion of our empire that we scarcely had time to be with her."

"It was unideal, to be sure,"Yellow said solemly, "She had her pearl of course, but it was clear she wasn't what Pink needed. She was so lonely, and we…simply didn't have time for her games. We had an empire to expand, and galaxies to conquer…"

"It was Blue's idea, if I recall,"White said, a perfect pointed nail tapping on her chin, her smile and posture deflating as she continued, "I of course, objected, but we were all still on speaking terms then, and you convinced me. Although I…admit now my intentions may not have been purely altruistic when I said yes. It may have been more to end Pink's incessant pestering for my time than to console her."

"She was quite excited to make you,"Yellow said, meeting Spinel's surprised expression with a knowing smile, "She hand-picked a planetoid from our collected conquests to ensure the richest organic material for your insertion point. She waited nearly a century for you to come out. She waited every day with her pearl at your exit when your expected emergence date was close to arriving." Blue shifted in the water, her head coming to rest against folded arms, two large blue eyes blinking slowly at the small pink gem staring back at her, hanging on every word.

"You were well worth the wait, little one. You made Pink very happy. More so than we ever would have,"Blue said, her voice warm yet sad. Yellow folded her arms across her chest, staring intently into the water, her face pulled into a sad grimace.

"The pressure we placed on her, the sadness we inflicted…It was as if you erased it all. You were able to do what even three Diamonds couldn't do,"Yellow said softly. Spinel's face was burning a brighter shade of pink, feeling the eyes of all three Diamonds on her. The compliment made her gem warm.

"…H-ha. That's funny…I'm not…I'm nothing compared to diamonds, I'm just…" Me, she wanted to finish, but the word died in her mouth as White suddenly reached for her. Spinel shrunk back at her intimidating size, staring nervously up at the imposing figure before her. Tentatively she stepped onto the large hand offered her, and felt wind sweep through her pigtails as she was raised up closer to White Diamond's enormous head. There was a remarkable softness in White's eyes that hadn't existed before the first time Spinel had met her – all piercing stares and plastic, posed smiles. There was sadness here now, of losing one of her own, and humility, from having to learn to relinquish the illusion that she knew all. White didn't know all. She didn't know why Pink had left them. She didn't know how to live in a universe without Pink in it. White had loved and loss as Spinel had, and when she spoke, Spinel knew her words were genuine.

"Sweet child, you gave our Pink so much love. Please allow us to repay you for all the love you gave her when we weren't there for her. We made the mistake of not loving her enough once. We didn't realize how much our behavior affected her until it was too late. Her decision to cut all ties with us, start a war against us, and fake her her shattering...I couldn't accept it until I realized for certainty that Pink…truly is gone. Our Pink…truly did surrender everything to Steven…and a human cause that we're…still trying to understand. We won't let that happen again, though. We won't let another loved one drive themselves to that state. Things are different than how you remember, but it's all due to Steven, and his conviction that we tend to the family we already have. As long as you are here, you will be cared for. I swear it, as a Diamond."

Spinel found it hard to speak. Her mind raced, emotions twisted in a confusing mess as she stared, teary eyed, at the face of the most powerful being in the galaxy. A figure who had, for millennia, looked down on imperfection, on the weak, on those who deviated from their purpose. By her standards, Spinel should have been shattered for being the mess that she was. A disgrace to her original purpose, a twisted corruption, a destroyer, an enemy – nothing like the friend she was intended to be. She was nothing short of worthless – to the Diamonds, to Pink, to Steven, to herself, and yet….

…And yet she felt the eyes of the Diamonds boring into her, forgiving, gentle, yearning for something she didn't know how to give, but had a feeling it was the same as what she was needing. Her gem ached from their kindness, a kindness that was so unexpected and cut so deep that tears fought their way to the corners of the small gem's eyes. A small sniff alerted Blue and Yellow to their new friend's state, and they waited patiently for Spinel to compose herself.

"…I hurt someone, too,"Spinel said, her voice small as she slowly wiped her eyes, "Someone I wish I didn't. I'd give anything to take it back now." She paused, her hands folding over her gem. "…I know I don't…look like you remember. I really want to learn how to be a friend again, to make up for the bad I did. You guys make me feel like I can do it. If three diamonds can change even when you've been so hurt by what Pink did, leaving you behind…maybe I can change, too." Spinel raised her head slowly to look up at the Diamonds, surprised and slightly embarrassed to see their eyes teary as well. Blue and Yellow leaned forward, each taking a turn to press a large kiss against Spinel's side, making her giggle at the impact of such large lips against her form. Spinel stretched her arms out wide, wide enough to wrap around White Diamond's enormous frame. Spinel's tiny form was hardly bigger than White's gem itself, but the sentiment was still there. A single manicured finger gently came up to gingerly rub the tiny pink gem's back, a warmth in her smile that Spinel had never known before but would come to know as home.

"Thank you, my Diamonds,"Spinel said softly, releasing her hold around White's neck and landing softly on her shoulder. She looked at each of them in turn, returning their happy smiles. She knew this feeling. This was the same way she had felt with Steven, in the garden. She felt understood. She felt found. And from all the way up here, on top of the shoulders of a Diamond, Spinel felt like she could do and be anything. She could do anything. This was just the beginning. She was going to be better now.

"Thank you, Spinel,"Blue replied, her smile warm and genuine, "I hope you will be patient with us. Change is difficult for us gems. But we are learning that it is worth it if it is for the right reasons."

"And we know what it means to live with regret,"Yellow added, "If there's anything we can do to help ease yours, please let us know so we can help you. There's something to be said for making amends." Yellow met the eyes of the other diamonds. Although Spinel didn't know it, they were thinking of their first trip to Homeworld, sitting together in the waters of Rose's fountain, restoring the damage they had done to Earth's gems. Here, in White's fountain, it wasn't so different. They were healing each other, one day at a time.

Spinel thought a moment on the offer. Steven was surely already rushing to organize a restoration of his planet. Her injector had gone off not even an hour ago. Even with Steven's healing powers and all the time in the world, she needed to do something to make it up to him.

"Actually…,"she started thoughtfully, "There might be something I can do..."

A/N: We won't know what Spinel thought of to help Steven until he comes to visit himself. I already have a lot pre-written, but I'd like Spinel to ideally have her own heart-to-heart chapter with each other Diamonds individually, and maybe with the Pearls as well. We'll see! Please leave a comment!