Download

Fandom: The 100

Pairing: Clexa

Rating: T

Summary: Set at the end of Season 6. Raven completes the download of Sheidheda, but is that all she manages to get off the Flame?

"Download Complete" flashed across the screen, and Clarke was breathing a sigh of relief. But Raven wasn't done yet. There was one more thing she had to try, at least try, because she knew what it would mean. What it could mean, if it was possible.

"Niylah," she called. "Get me one of the wiped mind drives. Now!" she barked, and the grounder bolted from the room. She was back quickly, and Raven connected it to her computer.

"Work, damn it," she muttered under her breath, her fingers flying furiously over the keys. Madi was starting to convulse. She was running out of time, but kept going.

"We have to get the Flame out," Clarke was saying loudly, hand shaking holding a scalpel. Jackson took it from her with a steady hand.

"One more second," Raven begged. A line of code was scrolling down, and she was double checking, praying she got it all. For the second time, 'Download Complete' appeared on the screen.

"Ok, go!" she told them, and then Jackson was making the incision and the flame was out. Raven looked at it. This was the first time she'd seen it, and likely it would be the last. Madi and Clarke were embracing; the girl pulled through. Raven looked at the mind drive, still connected, and removed it gently, almost reverently.

Clarke looked over at her, smiling widely.

"Thank you, Raven," she said sincerely, reaching out a hand to grasp hers.

"Don't thank me yet," Raven said slowly. She passed the mind drive to Clarke, who took it with a bewildered look on her face. "At least until we know if this works."

"What?" Clarke asked her, looking over the drive in askance.

"I had time to download a bit more off the Flame," Raven explained. "And the mind drive is big enough to hold one consciousness. So... I downloaded one."

"Sheidheda?" Clarke asked, holding it up.

"No," Raven shook her head. "Lexa."

Clarke's mouth dropped open as she looked at the drive in her hand. Lexa was in here? She was torn between throwing it away, and holding it close to her heart where it would be safest. The room had fallen in a hush, and Jackson wordlessly motioned to the assembled group, and ushered them out, until only Raven, Madi, and Gaia remained.

"Lexa is in here?" Clarke asked her, hand held out.

"Yes, if I did it correctly," Raven added.

"How sure are you?" Clarke asked sharply.

Raven hesitated. "90 percent. I spent time trying to separate Sheidheda's code from the others, and I started to see patterns. Once I knew what I was looking for, Lexa's stood out."

Clarke swallowed hard. Her gaze stayed on the drive, and she hated herself for the bloom of hope that swelled in her chest. She had no right to this; she'd experienced first hand how it felt to have someone take over her body. Yet how could she not desire it?

She suddenly had a lot more sympathy for what her mother did to save Kane. Her mother. A sharp stab of pain at the thought of her coursed through her chest. Her own mother had died and been replaced by one of these mind drives, and she was even considering this? What sort of monster was she?

"I can't," Clarke whispered, thrusting it out. "I can't do that to another person, even to bring her back."

Madi looked at her sadly. Raven's mouth was a thin line.

"I couldn't just wipe her, knowing there was a chance. I know this is a lot, Clarke."

"A lot?" Clarke answered sarcastically. "A lot? It's a ton. A sheer fuck ton of too much for me to handle right now."

Gaia stepped up. "So let me keep her safe. For now." She added hastily. "Until it's not." She looked at the device in Clarke's hand with reverence, and that look made her hesitate. Shrewdly, she knew how Gaia viewed that drive. A replacement for the Flame. A piece of the mind of a Commander. Possibly the last one. Her Fleimkepa training would not allow her to walk away knowing this chance existed.

"She goes into no one," Clarke said sharply. Gaia nodded immediately. "No one dies so Lexa can live."

"Sha, Wanheda."

"Don't call me that."

"It's a title of honor, Clarke. You should wear it proudly."

"I bear it, and I own my actions, but I don't see it as an honor. It's a punishment for the destruction of an entire people. And I won't be that person again. I won't kill so my people can live. And she would understand that," Clarke added, holding up the drive before setting it gently into Gaia's waiting hand. It went instantly into the case, and Clarke knew it was the safest it could possibly be. She held her hand out to Madi, who took it, and they walked out wordlessly.

The next few weeks were some of the hardest Clarke had faced. They were rebuilding the way Sanctum viewed the world, a world without Primes to lead them, and it was exhausting work. She threw herself into every task she took on, be it farming, building, cooking. She worked from sunrise every day until she collapsed with fatigue every night. Yet it was still not enough to quell the thought in the back of her mind. And it did not stop her from dreaming once she slept.

Madi looked at her knowingly, never saying a word. But she knew. She had to. Clarke had woken up screaming more than once, Lexa's name fresh on her lips, with Madi's kind hand grounding her in the dark.

After a few weeks of this, the girl could stay silent no longer. She broached the subject as they sat around a cooking fire one night, just the two of them.

"You know, Lexa loved you a lot."

Clarke's eyes stayed focused on the flames, and she did not speak. Madi continued.

"All the Commanders would weigh in on events, and she would always give me these visions of you, and of her. My favorite was when she knelt to you, and swore her allegiance to you. It was supposed to be a reminder that the Commander had made a promise, and that I should honor it if I could, but really, it wasn't that. It was a pure admission that she regretted ever leaving you. It was declaring her love without actually saying the words."

"She never said she loved me." Clarke responded quietly.

"Not to you, but she told me." Madi revealed. "She told me a lot of things. And showed me a lot. Maybe more than I should have seen," Madi blushed slightly.

Clarke groaned. "Please never tell me," she pleaded, hiding her face in her hands.

"Anyway," Madi continued, "when she said 'That is why you are you', you had to know what she really wanted to say. I think you wanted to say it too."

"I did," Clarke agreed. "But I told her I loved her. In the City of Light. The last time I saw her."

Madi nodded. "I saw that too. The point is she protected you, and loved you. And it's completely understandable that you want her back. And it's ok that you dream of her. But that mind drive isn't going anywhere. So stop driving yourself crazy thinking about it. Just let it be."

"When did you get so wise?" Clarke asked, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

Madi shrugged. "I had a good nomon," she answered with a smirk, resting her head on Clarke's shoulders.

Madi's pep talk did the trick, and they settled into a rhythm in Sanctum. Clarke took up healing with Jackson and the Sanctum doctors, learning about their medicines. She found peace in healing and caring, rather than destruction and death. She'd seen enough of that to last her for the rest of her life. The work did make her think of Abby, but she found that with time, over the course of months, it didn't hurt so much as it gave her a small pang of regret and sadness. Perhaps she was just getting used to death, or, just maybe, she was more accepting of it than she had been.

She couldn't say she never thought of the drive Gaia still carried, but it didn't consume her thoughts like it had at first. And she didn't harbor any ill feelings towards Raven for it, as she had originally. Raven had the best of intentions when she did what she did; Clarke was grateful to her. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how devastated she would have been had the Flame been destroyed with Lexa still on it. Knowing that some part of her dead lover was still alive in the tech had been a source of comfort, even if she hadn't known at the time.

Since that night at the fire, she and Madi had spoken more about Lexa, a topic she'd never broached at length since the leader's death. Madi had seen firsthand many of their interactions (to Clarke's perpetual embarrassment) but she didn't know Clarke's point of view.

"Lexa thought you were crazy for not leaving her behind with the pauna," she revealed. "She didn't understand for a long time why you had done it. She didn't believe you when you said it was because of the alliance."

"I told myself that," Clarke had told her. "But the truth was that I didn't want her to die either. She was... intriguing."

"You thought she was hot." Madi translated.

"No!" Clarke protested. Madi raised one eyebrow. "Well, yeah, I did, but that's not the only reason I wanted to save her life."

The pair had dissolved in laughter so loud Bellamy and Indra had come to investigate.

"What is going on here?" He asked them.

"We're swapping Lexa stories," Clarke said. "Indra, you must have some, being her General for years."

"Sha," Indra said slowly.

"Tell us one?" Clarke asked, looking at her.

"Shall I tell the story of how I told her not to get involved with the girl from the Sky? That we would be better off if we just wiped the Skaikru out?"

"Nah," Clarke waved her off. "I already know that one. Took a sword to the gut until you let me pass."

Indra grunted, remembering.

"Tell us a funny one," Madi requested. Indra took a seat, and thought about it.

"When Lexa was training with the other natblidas, she challenged one of them to climb to the highest branch of a tall tree. She was heavier than the other goufa, and a branch broke. She fell down, catching limbs to try to slow down, and managed to disturb a nest of stinging insects. We all had to run to water, the nearest of which was a muddy pit. Anya, Gustus, Lexa, and I, along with the other natblidas were completely covered and still got stung. Anya was so angry she made Lexa clean everyone's clothes and polish all the armor and weapons. Twice."

Clarke laughed, picturing a young Lexa covered in mud, only her wide eyes visible.

"That must have been funny."

"Not at the time," Indra grumbled. "But now, the memory is... humorous."

It felt so good to remember Lexa with those who knew her. Clarke's heart was lightened.

Sanctum itself was growing and at peace. They no longer had to fear outside attacks, and people were slowly adjusting to life without the specter of the Primes looming over them. Over the course of the next few weeks, she was able to forget about the drive for whole days before it crossed her mind. But she wasn't as consumed with the moral dilemmas as she was at the start. She'd never do it, could never do it. Take away someone's life in that way? She'd finished with that life and she wasn't that person anymore. But she could content herself that Lexa wasn't as lost to her as she had been. The hope was always there, a bubble in her heart.

One day, Clarke and Madi were in the fields, helping with the harvest, when a shout rose. Clarke immediately ran to see what the cause was, Madi fast on her heels, and found a group gathered around the infirmary.

"Come quick!" One of her junior doctors yelled from inside. He was frantically giving compressions to a young woman, with long blonde hair. Clarke recalled seeing her around Sanctum, but was not sure of her name. She was drenched, a trail of water leading to the table where she lay, unmoving, except when her body jerked as the healers feverishly worked.

"She was in the water a long time," one explained. "We did the breathing as you told us."

"Good job," Clarke praised. "Let me take a look at her. She hasn't started breathing on her own yet?" She examined the woman closely. Her lips were blue, and when she lifted her eyelid, she saw no response. "How long was she in the water?" she asked hesitantly.

"Many minutes, before someone saw and pulled her out," the guard off to the side supplied.

Clarke's heart sank, but she retained her composure. "Let's take her to the bigger medical bay, and get her on a ventilator."

There was likely nothing she could do to save the girl, but she had enough resources at her disposal for the woman's loved ones to say goodbye.

They were quick moving her, and Clarke got the equipment set up, and helped clean her up a bit. Madi stayed by her side the whole time, and once the excitement had died down a bit, and the rest of the healers left, Madi spoke up.

"She's not going to get better, is she?" she asked sadly.

Clarke reached her arms out and held Madi. "No, she doesn't have any brain function. She can't get better."

"But she's still alive?"

Clarke nodded. "Yes, the human body is very resilient. And these machines can keep her alive indefinitely. But we won't do that to her. After her family gets to see her, we'll let her go peacefully."

They both turned to look, as a crying woman was led in, supported by a tall blonde man, with kind eyes.

"No," the woman moaned out, reaching over the girl and touching her cold cheek. "Not my baby."

Clarke stepped forward. "I'm so sorry."

"Is there nothing that can be done?" The woman begged desperately. "She breathes. Is there no hope?"

"I'm sorry, but there is nothing that we can do to bring your daughter back," Clarke was compassionate, but honest, not wanting the couple to misunderstand her meaning. "She has no more brain function. Although her body lives, for now, her mind is gone.

"Why? Why did this have to happen to her?" The woman was despondent, her face now pressed against the girl's abdomen.

"It was an accident," the man said, his hand on the woman's shoulder comfortingly. "She'll be with the Primes now, and the ones who've moved on."

"The Primes," the woman said, looking up again. "Can we not give her to the Primes?" She looked to Clarke, her eyes pleading.

Clarke hesitated. Despite their best efforts, many Sanctum residents still worshiped their former gods, and she hated to have to let the woman suffer again.

"The mind drives were destroyed," she explained. "So that no Prime could ever force someone to give up their life again."

"Even if it's what she would have wanted?" The woman had straightened up, composed herself enough to speak clearly to Clarke. "Dinarah never renounced the old ways. Her greatest regret was that she was not born with the blood that would allow her to serve. But when she learned that you could give her the blood, she wanted that, she prayed for that. Please," The woman begged her, reaching for Clarke's hand. "Please let my daughter be a vessel."

Clarke's heart sank. She hated that she had to disappoint the couple, but all the Prime's drives were wiped after their victory. Then the bubble of hope in her heart gave a stutter. Not every drive was empty. But she couldn't. It wouldn't be right. She looked down at Madi, who seemed to come to the same conclusion, judging by her widening eyes. Madi nodded emphatically, but Clarke gave her a sad smile and shook her head.

"No Madi, that wouldn't be right."

"What wouldn't?" The woman drew closer.

"There is only one drive left that has someone on it, but she is not a Prime," Clarke explained. "She is someone important to my people. Someone very important to me personally. I could not ask you to do that. It wouldn't be appropriate."

"Our daughter... she will not come back to us any other way. This is what she would want. She would want someone else to get to live in her place."

Clarke's heart was in her throat. She wanted this, she wanted it badly, but it would be completely selfish of her. "I think you should take your time, and say your goodbyes to Dinarah. We'll be in the next room, if you need us." She took Madi's hand and led her from the room.

"Clarke, this is the perfect opportunity," Madi said in a hushed whisper.

"Madi, we cannot do that. As much as I love Lexa, bringing her back at the expense of someone else is not something we can do. Those people in there loved their daughter, and it would be wrong to give them some sort of hope that it would still be her. We are not the Primes."

"No, you are not," a voice from behind them called. Clarke looked over to see the woman had followed them out.

"Ma'am," Clarke said respectfully. "I'm sorry-" she was cut off.

"Merina," she supplied. "My name is Merina. And I am not under the delusion that it would be my daughter coming back. You've been up front and honest, and if you can do this, if you can bring back your Lexa, and give my daughter's death some meaning, that is what I want. That is what we both want," she rephrased, indicating her husband, who had joined her silently. "Please. Let us do this for you. Let her do this. She would have wanted that."

Clarke met her eyes silently for a few long moments, then, finally, she nodded. The woman released the breath she'd been holding.

"Madi, go get Gaia." The girl hurried off, leaving Clarke with them.

"I can't say thank you enough," she said quietly.

"You don't need to, we understand," the woman said back in the same tone, reaching out and taking Clarke's hand, and giving it a squeeze. They waited there, connected, until Madi came back, breathless, with Gaia in tow, clutching the case tightly.

"Can we stay?" Merina asked her. "While you do this?"

Clarke nodded. "Of course."

The group went back in. Clarke needed to work on herself first. She needed bone marrow to make the nightblood. She explained the procedures while she worked, telling Madi no when the girl volunteered herself to take the marrow from. Clarke barely winced, knowing that her pain would be hard for the girl to take. It helped knowing where it was going. She readied it quickly, knowing time could be important if Dinarah's body gave out before it was complete.

It went smoothly, and Clarke, Merina, and her husband turned the girl gently to receive the mind drive. Gaia stepped forward, holding out the open container, and with steady hands, Clarke took the drive. Gaia whispered words of prayer and supplication and Merina looked over to her.

"Lexa was someone of great importance to our people, much as the Primes were to you. A leader. Gaia's position is Flamekeeper to the Commander. When Lexa returns, she will likely be seen as the rightful Commander. Gaia is honoring the traditions," Clarke explained.

"Your Lexa was a leader?" Merina asked. Clarke nodded.

"A great leader, who brought together twelve warring clans. Peace was her legacy. She was an amazing woman, and I was lucky to have her."

"Then I'm glad Dinarah could help. And she would be too," Merina promised. Clarke smiled at her, and made the incision.

The procedure was complete more quickly than Clarke could anticipate, and they turned her over, watching her face anxiously. Merina and her husband had stepped back, not wanting to overwhelm, but Clarke stayed directly in what would be Lexa's line of sight. Partly to help ground the girl, and partly out a desperate desire to be the first thing that Lexa would see when she awoke.

Clarke knew it had worked when she started coughing, resisting the tube in her throat. She removed it, breathing a sigh of relief that the girl kept breathing without it. But she hadn't yet opened her eyes. Clarke supposed it took time to acclimate. She took Lexa's hand between her own, and softly called her name. The effect was instant. Lexa squeezed hers tightly, and opened her eyes.

"Clarke?" she croaked out.

"I am right here, niron."

"Niron?" Lexa asked, looking over her face. "You have never called me that."

"I promise this will be the first of many." Clarke gave her a crooked smile of relief.

"Sha, hodnes," Lexa responded. "But how am I here? I died." Then she seemed to realize. "The flame. The mind drives. I have been resurrected in a new body?" She looked downward at herself.

"Yes," Clarke explained.

"Clarke, I pray you did not end someone's fight just to bring me back," Lexa looked panicked.

"No, I promise. The life of this girl ended in a tragic accident, but her parents wanted this, wanted you to come back in her place. I will explain everything," Clarke promised, stroking her worried face. Lexa looked momentarily appeased.

"I wish to thank them, for this gift. Immediately."

Clarke smiled sadly. "You can, they are here." She indicated in Merina's direction, and encouraged them to step forward.

"Mochof," Lexa said, bowing her head to them. "This is a great gift, and I am honored. I am forever in your debt."

"Our daughter would have wanted to help. She was very caring." Merina said with pride.

"I am sure these are qualities taught by her nomon and nontu," Lexa said politely. "What is your daughter's name?" She asked quietly.

"Dinarah."

"A beautiful name. I will give thanks for her gift to me every night," Lexa promised. "And if it is at all possible, I would like to hear more about her. When... if... you are ready to speak of her life."

Merina nodded once. "In time," she agreed. "We will leave you to rest now." She took her husband's hand and they left, leaving the group.

"Madi," Lexa said first, looking at the young girl. "You did well. I'm sorry I could not help you more against Sheidheda."

"You helped me enough," Madi gave her a wide smile, and launched herself into Lexa's arms. Lexa looked alarmed, then slowly reached around the girl, hugging her back. Gaia pulled Madi back after a few moments.

"Give her a chance to breathe," she admonished.

"Fleimkepa," Lexa greeted her. "We should speak later." Gaia nodded.

"As you wish, Commander."

"I am no longer Commander," Lexa argued. "I do not carry the Flame."

"The Flame has been destroyed. The mind drive you carry is the closest replacement we have. In the eyes of our people, you are rightfully Heda."

Lexa's eyes clouded. "We can speak of it later," she relented. Gaia nodded and put her hand on Madi's shoulder.

"Come, yongon, Clarke and Lexa would probably enjoy a moment alone." Madi waved at them as they left the room. Now it was just the two of them, and suddenly Clarke was more nervous than she could imagine.

But Lexa was not. She reached over, took Clarke's hand and stood to face her. "I missed you, Clarke."

"I missed you too," Clarke echoed. Lexa leaned forward, resting her forehead against Clarke's. She had to stoop down to accomplish it.

"I'm going to have to get used to being taller than you now," she teased. Clarke laughed.

"You're blonder than me too," she pointed out. Lexa grabbed a strand of her hair and looked at it critically.

"Hmm, so I am. Will it be a problem for you?"

"I don't care what you look like, as long as I have you back, that's enough for me," Clarke whispered, tucking her head into the crook of Lexa's neck. Lexa's arms went around her automatically, and they stayed like that for several minutes, while Clarke tried to stem the tears that threatened to fall, and Lexa pointedly avoided mentioning it. When Clarke could breath normally again, she pulled back just far enough to stroke Lexa's cheek, and look into her eyes. "It has been over seven years. Seven long years. And a lifetime in cryosleep on top of that."

"Has it been too long?" Lexa asked her seriously. "I would understand if you did not feel the same for me after all this time."

"So quick to think I would want to do without you, when you're finally back in my arms," Clarke responded, her tone light and teasing.

Lexa gave her a shaky smile back, but did not look reassured.

That was the last thing Clarke wanted, to see this supremely self confident woman with such uncertainty in her eyes. 'Then again,' Clarke mused to herself, 'I'm the only one who ever got to see her so vulnerable.'

"Lexa," Clarke said softly. "Look at me." Her eyes, which had been down-turned, flicked back up to meet Clarke's. "I never stopped caring about you." Clarke's gaze darted to her lips, then back up just as quickly, but Lexa had seen her look, and now wore a knowing smirk.

"In the City of Light, I promised you I would always be with you."

"You did. And you were," Clarke finished. Lexa leaned in slightly, bending to reach her, and Clarke stretched taller, drawing nearer. It seemed inevitable, but they were both disappointed.

"Yo," Raven called, opening the door, with one hand over her eyes. "Is everybody still dressed in here?" She peeked out around her fingertips to see the pair pointedly stepping away from each other, and grinned a little. "Sorry, am I... interrupting? Everyone in the large group assembled outside the door was too afraid to come in."

"No Reivon," Lexa said quickly. "Clarke was just about to explain how I came to be alive once more."

"You can thank yours truly," Raven gave her best attempt at a curtsy. "Welcome back, Commander."

"Mochof, Reivon," Lexa nodded to her, and reached her hand out as Raven got closer. She took it, and gripped the girl's arm tightly. "I had resigned myself to an eternity of only living through the experiences of the new Commanders. It was... difficult... to only see and not be able to act to assist my people. Our people," she corrected. "I owe you a great debt for bringing me back."

Raven waved her off. "Consider it paid. Clarke's been really missing you," Raven stage whispered, covering her mouth with the back of her hand dramatically. Clarke crossed her arms, and rolled her eyes.

"And I, her," Lexa offered. "Only seeing through Madi's eyes and not being able to reach out was nearly more than I could bear. But getting the chance to see you alive and well made it worth the effort," she addressed this last part to Clarke directly. Clarke gazed back at her, this woman who wasn't Lexa, but was Lexa, in everything but body.

"Always a charmer," Raven said loudly, breaking them out of their moment. "I just wanted to check, make sure everything went well, that I didn't miss some code while I was downloading you. You remember when you called me the smartest genius in all 13 clans, right?"

"I do not recall that, although I do not doubt it."

Raven shrugged. "Well, there was a lot of code to find, not surprising if I missed anything."

"The smartest genius in all 13 clans couldn't possibly have made that mistake," Lexa pointed out.

"Right you are, Commander," Raven winked. "Have a good afternoon. Don't do anything I wouldn't." She turned back around at the door. "Well, honestly, you probably will do plenty that I wouldn't. But don't let that stop you."

Clarke couldn't help but chuckle as she left, swinging her hips deliberately. Lexa gave her a questioning look.

"You missed the part where she said there was a large group out there?"

"No," Lexa answered quickly. "But I'd say we can leave them waiting a while longer." With that, Lexa crossed the distance between them and tilted Clarke's chin up as she bent down, joining their lips together soundly. Her kiss was gentle, but solid, leaving no doubt about her feelings in that moment. Clarke moaned as she wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders. It didn't matter what body she was wearing, this was her Lexa. She could feel their connection at every point their bodies met, which were numerous since Clarke was in the process of molding her entire length against Lexa. Lexa, for her part, was helping by gripping Clarke's hips and angling her closer.

They only parted when breathing became an issue; Lexa panting against Clarke's cheek. Clarke murmured soothingly to her, running her shaking fingers through Lexa's hair.

"My stamina is not what it used to be," Lexa groused. "I am grateful for this body, but we have much training ahead of us."

"Mmm," Clarke mumbled. "We can work on your stamina tonight, Heda, I promise." She grinned up at Lexa who promptly turned beet red and hid her face. Clarke just laughed, feeling more carefree than she had in years.

"Tonight then." Lexa agreed, when she'd recovered from her embarrassment.

"Shall we?" Clarke asked, gesturing to the door.

"Sha," Lexa agreed, holding out her hand for Clarke to take. Her warm fingers slipped into Clarke's own, and it felt like they had finally come home.