"I don't… think I'm the right person to ask for this?"

The blond shrugged, apologetic and awkward. Weiss sighed. It was something she ought to agree with. A voice in her head, the voice of a younger Weiss, was certainly saying it. But she'd already thought this through, and she knew that there was nobody else she could turn to on this matter. Nobody knew this side of Ruby better than Jaune.

So she looked him dead in the eye. "If you weren't the right person to ask about this, I wouldn't be speaking to you."

She had only just started dating Ruby. But she had been in love with her for a much, much longer time. She first realized she it not long after the Fall of Beacon, when, despite all the chaos, uncertainty, and emotional upheaval, the only thing she could find herself thinking about in Atlas was if Ruby was safe and how long it would be until she saw her again. And once she realized it, she constantly imagined, rehearsed, and daydreamed how she'd tell Ruby how she really felt, but once they were reunited… she lost her nerve. She wanted to tell Ruby her feelings, wanted it more than anything, but she just… couldn't.

When Ruby took the initiative and asked her out, she nearly burst into tears on the spot. It was the happiest moment she'd had in years, and yet… she felt guilty for it. Ruby had so much to deal with, between the truth of her silver eyes and the growing burden of leadership she was taking on. She shouldn't have to worry about relationship drama. She shouldn't have had to be the one who had to be brave and risk herself by putting her feelings out there. She, more than anyone else on Remnant, deserved a girlfriend who would take the initiative, so that she could focus on the really important things.

So Christmas felt like a chance to really express her feelings and let Ruby know just how deeply she cared for her. To let her know that she wouldn't let herself be ruled by fear and wouldn't need to be rescued. That she would take care of her. It had to be perfect.

And through some bizarre twist of logic, the only way it could truly be perfect is if she went to, of all people, Jaune.

Of course, he wasn't quite on with the program. "I don't want to remind you of this, but when I tried to ask you out, it was…" She grimaced, involuntarily, but she did it all the same. Yes, it had been awkward, and though they had rebuilt their relationship since, it had taken them a long time to do so. "So, maybe my advice won't actually help? I really think you should just, you know, go with your heart on this. I don't think anyone's closer to her than you are."

Weiss sighed, "It's not about 'closest,' it's more of a 'I'm her girlfriend, but you're her best friend' situation."

He cocked an eye at her. "No, you're her best friend. Best Friend Forever, technically—you're at the top of the chart, after all."

"But we're dating so- wait, what chart?"

He clicked open his scroll and opened a document, then showed it to her. "…the Ruby Rose Friendship Hierarchy Master Document? Surely you've seen this by now?" Glancing at the complex array of color-coded tiers and qualifiers, she immediately felt as if she recognized the document, but, like with so many of Ruby's Action Plans and Advanced Notices, she'd long since resolved to just glance at their nonsense, piece together a summary, and move on.

"I- I have to admit- wait a second," she pointed at the chart, where three boxes were in exact parallel. "I'm not at the top of the chart. You and Yang are right there!"

"Yeah, because Yang's her sister and I'm her First Beacon Friend, which are parallel friendship tranches," he said, as if those were words, "however, you'll notice that your name is in red, so-"

"We're both in red!"

"I'm more of a burgundy, really, you're more of a, um, a…" he searched for the word.

"…ruby." Of course. Her name was in a bright ruby red, her girlfriend's absolute most favorite color. It was hard not to be touched.

"Yeah, exactly!"

She took a moment to breathe and remind herself that she didn't love her girlfriend in spite of her ridiculousness, she loved her because of her ridiculousness. Her informality, her unrestrained joy, her un-Schnee-ness. Weiss loved and cherished Ruby because she'd spend a day creating a completely nonsense document that clarified that Maria was a "cool scythe buddy," with a line linking her with her uncle, Nora and Ren's names were linked with "together/together-together?" and a series question marks, and that Cardin Winchester was nearly at the bottom at "Rank ZZZ," with their actual villains awkwardly crammed in beneath that. It was… such a Ruby thing to do.

"It's… because of these things that I am going to you for advice," she started slowly, "You… might be the only person who actually reads everything she sends to the group chat. I love her, I love her more than anything, but you… you get her."

"We are socially awkward buddies," he murmured.

"Is that on the chart?" He started to point, so she cut him off. "Nevermind. But that's what I mean! You're on her wavelength! You're both—and I mean this with love—dolts! If I want to get her something really, really special, you would know what that is!"

He sat for a second, quietly thinking through her words. "I don't know if I could tell you, but!" he quickly added as her face fell, "I… guess I could help you through a Leadership Decision Matrix? It's a method Ruby and I developed back in our Beacon leadership class on how to figure things out—even if it doesn't really work for you, it might help you think through how Ruby approaches things like that. Does that sound… sensible?"

It… kind of did? Well, it couldn't hurt! "Thanks, I'd really like that." She smiled at him. She was glad they were friends now. And speaking of friends… "So, um, do you know what you're getting Blake?"

He turned pale before speaking in a tuneless, but resolute, voice, "There's a chapter in her… personal copy of Ninjas of Love that is heavily, heavily annotated. I… know exactly what Blake wants."

The way he said it, Weiss decided she didn't actually want to know more.

Where he'd scrounged up a white board and a full pack of colored dry erase markers, she'd never know. Did they do this for every plan? It seemed extravagant, but… everything about this process seemed needlessly extravagant. She couldn't make heads nor tails of the complex flow chart scrawled in Jaune's less-than-precise handwriting, but he seemed excited that she was even participating in this.

"So!" he shouted, writing his last note with a flourish, "Let's start—what ideas have you already had?"

Here goes nothing. "I… I was thinking of buying her some high-end weapon parts. She's been having issues with her scope recently, and I was thinking that I still have enough connections to get her a top-of-the-line SDC model." It was definitely an option she'd considered, and, even cut off from her family wealth, she had the resources to afford it. "But… I keep thinking I need to get her something that's not from a store or anything like that, something really special and unique, something that only I could give her."

Jaune stroked his chin. "Hmmm, your reasoning on that is solid, but, as you know, Ruby's… still a little childish. So you getting her the expensive thing isn't a bad place to start. But for a heartfelt gift…" He seized the whiteboard, flipping it to the backside, where there was an even more elaborate flow chart of options and operations. "We've got to start the Idea Creation Matrix, which has us starting in the anterior middle portion, here, and then we start with…" and then his words turned into a senseless buzz of… she wasn't sure what to call it. Language?

Weiss was fairly certain that most of the things he was saying were not words, or, at least, not words that she respected. Was this a prank? Would Yang and Blake leap out with streamers at some point and they'd all have a good laugh at her expense?

No, that wasn't what Jaune was like. It was far more plausible that he and Ruby legitimately used this insane nonsense process as a key part of their decision making. If anything, watching as he drew a box around the words "Consult Magic 8 Ball," it made things make a whole lot more sense.

She wondered what Salem would think if she knew that this was what she was up against.

"…then we get to the Weiss-check- er," he attempted to correct himself, as Weiss's eyes went wide, hearing her name bringing her back to reality. "I mean, the… common sense check?"

"Wait, do you mean that I'm regularly part of this process?"

"No! Sometimes it's Ren, or…" he sighed, sheepishly, "It's pretty much always you."

"Well, at least you're thinking of me," she shrugged. Suddenly, a whole bunch of bizarre "hypothetical" questions Ruby had asked in the past made a lot more sense. And she also had a sense that, if those situations had been produced by this decision matrix thing, this might be leading her to only the most absurd outcome.

It's for Ruby, she reminded herself. And when Ruby learned that she went through one of her bizarre decision trees to find her way, Weiss knew she'd be delighted. She would have found the perfect gift for her girlfriend, and she'd make it even better by having the perfect story behind it!

"Alright, Jaune," she pumped her fist in a way she hoped looked affirmative, determined, and self-confident, "let's get started!"

They had journeyed out of the city and into the wilderness. It was a risky choice, not only because of the hazard of Grimm attacks, but also the fact that they had enemies who might be lurking, waiting for a chance to strike. Qrow would pitch a fit about it if he knew—but judging from how late it was when Ruby finally dragged him home from the bar, he probably wasn't going to be aware of much of what was happening today.

After some distance, Jaune stopped her at a clearing. "So, we went out into the woods, because the first step is actually to reach outside of ourselves, going to those we trust, and asking them for help."

She shot him a quizzical look. "Aren't I already doing that, talking to you?"

"Oh, no, this isn't about people," and she immediately knew what he was going to say next, "you brought Myrtenaster, right?"

Of course. Of course. Jaune surely had some "commune with my ancestral sword" nonsense and Ruby thought nobody knew that she talked to Crescent Rose when she thought everyone was asleep. They were dolts, after all. Dolts she loved, but dolts all the same.

She held up her sword and looked at it. An elegant weapon, one she'd obsessively worked to maintain its pristine look back at Beacon, but since the Fall, she'd allowed it to bear the smudges and chips of age. It was no less well maintained, and, indeed, with Ruby's help, she'd even improved it's fighting ability, but she was much less concerned with appearances now. No Grimm cared how the light gleamed off the blade; they only appreciated how swiftly it pierced their hides.

She smiled at that. Sometimes, even now, she wasn't sure if she was becoming a better person. She'd realized that the Weiss who went to Beacon was immature, stubborn, entitled, and demanding, and she was doing everything she could to grow up. But sometimes, from her temper or when she was the only one complaining about things, she felt that she still was the old her. Holding Myrtenaster in her hand and comparing its seasoned blade to what she used to carry, though, was concrete proof that her values had changed.

And she had Ruby to thank for that.

A memory came, from back in their Beacon days, of them in the workshop. She had finally given in to Ruby's pestering and allowed her, with much fanfare, to help her maintain Myrtenaster. She had immediately regretted placing her weapon, and it's delicate machinery, into the hands of her most hyperactive teammate. And yet… Ruby handled her sword with a careful focus she rarely saw in her leader. More than care, it was respect. She respected her weapon, as both a prized possession and the thing that marked Weiss as a Huntress.

And she felt ashamed.

She had been thinking of Ruby like an excitable kid who couldn't wait to play with her shiny, expensive toy, but for Ruby, Myrtenaster wasn't a status symbol. It was something significant, important, even a little sacred. Her obsession with Crescent Rose, which had seemed so silly, she now realized was a proof that Ruby could be serious, focused, even diligent—she would need all those traits to so carefully and studiously assemble and maintain a weapon as customized as Crescent. In Ruby's hands, Myrtenaster was what it had always ought to be to Weiss—a true companion, a sign of her standing, her skill, and her duties as a Huntress.

She'd left the meeting chastened, and with a new sense of respect for her leader. It was one of the first steps to both growing up and discovering her feelings for Ruby. It was a deeply cherished memory.

She looked up from her blade to Jaune, who was looking back in rapt excitement. "So!" he started, "Did that give you any ideas what to get Ruby?"

Oh yeah, that.

She, sadly, shook her head no.

But Jaune's positivity was undeterred. "Alright, well, on to the next step!"

"So would you say that memory was more fire-based or water-based?"

She stared at him for a few seconds. "What?"

He held up his notepad, covered in illegible scribbles. "It's for the Matrix. I need to tabulate your current score before we can figure out which exercise to move on to. It was all in the walkthrough?" Oh yes, that.

Weiss sipped her coffee. They had retreated to a small coffeehouse to escape the cold and plot their next move. Jaune, notepad and pen in hand, had asked her for as much detail as she could recall from what she was thinking, feeling, and doing in the last exercise, which he proceeded to make absurd calculations out of.

Well, she wanted lunacy. She shouldn't be surprised when she got it.

She watched as his pen rapidly scratched out some equations. She had to admit, Jaune was surprisingly good at math—even if the numbers were nonsense, his calculus was sound. Likely due to coming from a non-combat school background, where he would have taken more general education classes, but it was still not something she would have expected of him a year ago. But evidently, he'd found the answer he needed without having her classify the elements of her memory. "Okay, looking at this… Yeah, this next step's pretty simple."

"Excellent." She tried to look enthusiastic, to put her best foot forward. "What do I do?"

"Well, I had to do some hedges here, considering we're on a deadline, and my back-of-the-envelope math isn't really that precise…" he rambled, then noticed the steely look Weiss was fixing on him, "Ok, sorry. I was thinking—the problem, I think, is indecision-"

She cut him off, "How can it be indecision if I don't even have one idea to be indecisive about?"

He didn't seem offended by the interruption. "That's actually something Ruby and I have to deal with a lot. When there's so much pressure to come up with ideas, sometimes we come up blank because we're too focused on having a good idea, and that fear makes us come up with no ideas. Back at Beacon, we learned that, sometimes, you've just got to jolt your brain out of its normal operation to get you to accept the ideas that come. Which'll be easy, because we're at a coffee shop. So let's have you order The Ruby!"

No. Not that! Anything but that! Weiss looked at him in horror. "The Ruby" was the name given to Ruby's personal coffee order, a nightmare of sugar, caffeine, and 67 distinct add-ins that even Nora thought had too much for her to handle. The first time she'd ordered it, the barista had refused, citing safety concerns. A manager made her sign a waiver when she proved undeterred. She'd gotten a letter from the CEO of the chain, saluting her trailblazing spirit and politely requesting she never order it again.

Could Weiss ever attempt it? Could she survive it? Ruby's diet had been… well, she'd made progress. Things were definitely better now. It had started as her forcing her partner to attempt a more balanced diet, and Ruby resentfully following her orders, but now, she seemed to genuinely take food seriously, as something that kept her going as a professional fighter.

And… would it really be so bad to try it? Not only had Ruby made an effort to try the foods Weiss liked, it's not like Ruby had steered her wrong in the past, like when she introduced her to funnel cake. What Weiss had thought to be a messy and hellish mix of fried dough and excessive sugar—combining two different health concerns!—had proven to be a delightful treat that, thanks to their overindulgence, led to an even more delightful sugar high that sent her and Ruby into fits of giggling as they explored the various stalls and shops that catered to the Tournament crowd.

But like all memories from the Vytal Tournament, remembering it came with a bittersweet pang. It was hard not to contrast their lives now to their carefree lives then, where the worst thing they had to fear was being bested in a staged fight, not… she shook her head clear. This kind of thinking would only lead her down a bad way. But that was why she was putting so much effort into this gift, right? To try and give Ruby back her sense of normalness and fun, even if for a little while, to show her that, as her teammate, Weiss would stand by her as they fought against Salem and impossible odds, but as her girlfriend, she could ensure she still had a place where she could be the joyous, fun-loving Ruby Rose.

Steeling her courage, she finally spoke up to Jaune. "I- I think I can do it," she whispered.

"Nope, I think we've got it."

"What?"

"All I wanted to do was to put you into a new mindset, and I'm pretty sure I achieved that with… whatever was going through your head right now. Did that give you any clarity to what you want to get her?"

Weiss concentrated, steeling her mind to focus on that memory, the sense of that blistering sugar rush, letting herself as fun, the sound of Ruby's laugh…

…Cookies? Was that a thing she could get Ruby for Christmas? It would definitely be a popular gift, and there already were Christmas cookies as a concept, so there was some precedent for invoking them as a potential-

No. This wasn't an idea, either. She shook her head again, appreciative that Jaune didn't seem annoyed that they were still at this plan.

"That's fine. On to the next step!"

After that, it felt like they had tried everything. Meditate under waterfalls (using a shower instead as no waterfalls were nearby), throw darts at a board while hanging upside down from the ceiling, shout the first words that came to her head as Jaune asked her a series of questions, break for lunch… which was probably just a legitimate lunch break, but with this insane process, she was confident that Jaune was making notes about how she ate her salad. And through it all, as Jaune tallied… whatever it was he was keeping track of and adjusting numbers for whatever inscrutable purpose this had in the decision making process, she felt no closer on what to get Ruby. She was honestly thinking of just getting her an SDC gift card. A gift card!

Jaune, however, seemed completely oblivious to her plight. Of course he was. He probably had to go through this every time he had to decide an appropriately dumb name for a combination attack. No, she stopped herself, it's not his fault. There's no reason for me to lash out when he's helping me. They were back in the woods now, and, once they'd reached a clearing, Jaune turned to her. "This is the part where we try to get some help from adrenaline. I've asked Nora-"

"Hello!" Weiss almost screamed when a redheaded bundle of electrical energy simply burst into her field of vision. Where the hell had- no, she was not going to get frustrated. It had been a long day, and she had nothing to show for it, and now Nora was here to probably set her on fire, but she would not let her temper get the best of her! For Ruby's sake!

But Jaune seemed as pleasant as he had been since the beginning. "Nora's been instructed to-"

Nora cut him off, "Yeah, shoot Weiss with grenades, I read most of your message."

"Wait, Nora-"

But she was already firing. Firing and laughing, because of course she was. This is what I get for not losing my temper, Weiss thought as she raced for cover, explosions rocking the ground beneath her. Time for strategy: she and Jaune together could take on Nora, if Jaune could distract her long enough to let Weiss get in close, but it'd be a tough fight, and it wouldn't help her come up with a gift idea!

She dove over a fallen log, the BOOM of a dust grenade making her ears ring as a shower of dirt and wood chips rained down on her. She was fairly certain Jaune was probably already out of the fight—a good hit from Magnhild would do that to anyone who tried to stop her fun. And now she was next.

If she didn't come up with an idea now she was going to die trying to think of a gift.

Or worse, she'd have to see what Jaune had prepared for the next step on the Matrix…

She wasn't sure if it was fear, frustration, revulsion, or exhaustion, but whatever it was, she was struck by a profound wave of not wanting to keep going with this process. How did Ruby manage to do this ever, much less regularly! How did Ruby… no, that wasn't right. How would Ruby handle this. How would Ruby…

She leapt up from behind the log. "Jaune! I've got it! I've-"

She was cut off by the sight in front of her. Jaune was holding Magnhild over his head with one hand, while holding back a furious Nora with the other, as she flailed away, trying to grab her weapon back. Weiss had to admit, she really hadn't expected him to do so well. However, being distracted by Weiss, he looked away for a moment, giving Nora the chance to solidly punch him square in the stomach. Doubled over, he was no longer able to keep the weapon out of her hands.

Time to step in. "Nora!" she shouted, in her sternest, Weiss-est voice, and stamped her foot. "No! No more shooting!"

Nora immediately made a pout, "But I haven't even been able to use my new-"

"Nora! No!"

Grumbling and pouting, Nora put Magnhild away as Jaune caught his breath and stumbled over to where she was. "You… figured… it out?" he wheezed. A punch from Nora was serious business, even when she was play-fighting. Probably even more so when she was play-fighting. But Jaune was made of sterner stuff. Besides, he had the aura to take hits like that.

But she wasn't here to note Jaune's combat ability. She smiled proudly as she placed her hands on her hips and proclaimed, "A coupon book!"

He blinked, owlishly. "A… coupon book?"

"Yes! A coupon book! But handmade, with coupons for free hugs and kisses, or getting out of lectures from me, or having me do the boring, responsible stuff she hates doing. It's perfect! It's cute and informal and a little childish, but it's also sincere and familiar and, well… It's…" she felt her cheeks grow warm with a blush, "everything I love about Ruby."

Jaune nodded at that. "Yeah, that makes sense. A coupon book was what I was thinking of when we started this."

"I know! Isn't it- Hold on. You mean…" realization was dawning on her, realization and fury, "this whole time, you knew exactly what I should get her and you still made me go through that insane Decision Matrix nonsense!"

"…No?" he feebly attempted to lie.

Jaune toppled backwards, scrambling on his hands and knees, as Myrtenaster was immediately in her hand. She loomed over him, trying to ignore Nora's hooting and cheering, and gave him her sternest, most-Weiss-like look, and then-

She smiled.

"Thanks, Jaune," she said, helping him up and ignoring Nora's boos. "It wouldn't have been the same if you'd just suggested it."

"Oh, um, you're welcome?" He seemed taken aback by her change in tone. "For, uh, whatever it was I did?"

"I wanted to get her a gift that showed her how I felt about her, but I also…" she felt a faint warmth surge to her cheeks, "I wanted to understand more about her. I spent the day going through all this craziness and remembering everything that I love about her. I really couldn't ask for anything else." She smiled at him, then remembered their earlier conversation. "Oh, and Jaune… for Blake's gift, just remember: safe, sane, and consensual. Even if she is your-"

At that, Jaune's eyes shot wide in alarm. "Why does everyone keep thinking what I'm getting her is some kind of crazy sex thing!"

"Because Yang keeps telling us it is," Nora replied, nonchalantly, "and because you're dating Blake, and it's something from her smut books, so…"

"Ninjas of Love isn't just smut, it has real, literary value!" he shouted, cutely unaware how closely he was quoting his girlfriend in this moment, "It's just… the scene in question, it's about intimacy and vulnerability and it involves-"

"And that's my cue to leave!" shouted Nora, "Have fun with your crazy sex thing!"

Dolts, Weiss thought, laughing to herself as Jaune chased after his teammate, I'm surrounded by dolts. And I couldn't be happier.