Them together on the sith throne. The image was clear before her eyes. At this point she didn't know if it was the vision coming back to her over and over again or was it just her imagination. Were they married? She was pretty sure they were an item, the implication was strong. As well as the implication of his offer to accept his hand and rule with him. It was hard to imagine them as platonic royal couple.

And as much as she was ashamed for it that was the part of the image she really liked. She tried to lie to herself and pretend there was absolutely nothing tempting in Kylo Ren as her consort, pretend that was the worst part, but at some point she gave up and started being honest with herself. She would really like him to fuck her.

The thought of them sharing a bed every night was just… too much. It made her blood get warmer and flow faster. It certainly wasn't something to think about with other people around. It was more for the times when she lied alone in her bed in nothing but very thin, almost transparent nightdress and he could appear any moment and she would pretend she didn't hope he see her like this.

First time he would be strong and confident but also gentle and kind. Very attentive to her reactions. Talking to her with this deep voice of his. At the beginning they wouldn't go for penetration, she would use only pieces of her knowledge about giving pleasure she had from Jakku and take his long hard shaft in her hand, spread his precum on the tip and stroke the whole length of his member. She used to do that for food and money and considered herself to be quite good at it.

Over time they would start having rougher sex, try more things. She imagined it would take some time for her to get used to being fucked. Especially since she never used her vagina to masturbate, to fondle her clit was enough to get her orgasms. Maybe it wasn't even possible for her to climax from fucking. She didn't like taking this possibility into consideration, but who knows.

The thing is, would her even care if she had orgasms? In her fantasies always. He was dominating but affectionate, thoughtful. She even imagined him commanding her in bed, which always turned her on. It was entirely possible that she discovered she had a kink for being dominated by someone strong and masculine, or it was just him making her feel this way. She wasn't sure.

Everything about him made her wet. His posture, height, broad chest, strong arms, the way he spoke, the way he walked… It was so wrong to feel this way, but she couldn't deny her attraction. And the worst part was that he wanted her too. It was a lot harder to say no to him when he wanted her than it would be to just hide her shameful feelings. Any time she could just come to him and he would welcome her with open arms, only prize for her fulfillment being the galaxy.

She could not do that. She had to keep hoping he would change someday and join her in the light. Until then she will just keep fighting him while hiding deep inside her desire to get on her knees and suck his dick.

There were moments when she got paranoid over how much of her thoughts can other force-sensitive people around her hear. If he heard her it was actually the least of her problems, they both knew there was something between them anyway, maybe it would even seduce him back to the light side of the force. It is not the best motivation for moral change but hey, better stop with the genocides only to get her to spread her legs than not at all. The galaxy would thank her for being such a catch.

No, she was paranoid over Luke or Leia catching glimpses of her inner sexual life. That would be all shades of bad, uncomfortable, awkward and just thought of it made her wanna leave the resistance and start a new life somewhere where they could never find her ever again. It was nice knowing you, see you never. Maybe she could stand Han knowing, but he was neither force-sensitive or alive.

But the truth was, paranoia did not come back to her very often. At times when she was contemplating over her needs, she was never thinking about any of her mentors. Only mentoring that happened in her fantasies was when she was reflecting on an offer Kylo made her a long time ago when he said he could show her the ways of the force. This was the least sexual of fantasies that she had about him, it was only as sexual as any thought about him.

After she had some lessons with Luke and gained any kind of understating of the force she became lively interested in what teachings he could offer her. Only now she could understand how strong in the force he was and how complex technique he was using. The fact that he had a knowledge on both light and dark side of the force made her even more curious, even though she knew she should never even wonder about the dark.

Also, the thing was that she really lacked in knowledge and experience. How could she try to convince him to turn to the light, while she knew fully well that he knew better than her what the light side of the force even was. There were so many questions he could ask her that she could not deliver answers for… And after she started studying jedi texts and training with Leia she started to notice her own issues with jedi code.

All of it just made her feel afraid. She felt like the temptation of the dark side was getting to her from all around her. And she did not know for how long she will manage to stay on her path.