CHAPTER ELEVEN

If I was being completely honest, I might have pretended to be sick for far longer than I actually was. When I woke up the next morning, I wasn't one hundred percent, but I might have given off the impression that I was just as bad as the day before.

After I'd had a night to calm down and think about how I had reacted, when Edward had told me he could not take me back to see my father, I didn't want to face him. I awoke to find myself in his arms and cringed immediately. Had I put myself in this compromising position? Was he to blame for our close proximity?

I slowly rolled out from his arms and turned over, hoping my actions seemed natural, as I snuggled back under the warm blankets. However, the actions brought to my attention my full bladder, and if I didn't want to increase my humiliation, I would need to make the long walk to the outhouse soon.

I waited for a few minutes, my ears focusing on his breathing to try and decipher if he was sound asleep, but when I finally couldn't hold it any longer, I slowly stumbled out of the bed. Holding my head, I pretended to use all my might to hang on to the walls, as I made my way towards the inconvenient potty.

"Bella? Do you need help?"

I didn't want to look back at him, so I groaned and waved him off. When I finally did make it to the outhouse, I sat there anxiously, wondering what I was going to do next.

I was still a tad lightheaded, so I wasn't completely being false. What I wouldn't give for a proper bath, to lay around and soak in warm water that would help heal me from all that ailed me.

The one great thing about the past twenty-four hours was that it gave me a lot to think about, instead of focusing on the real issues at hand. Edward wanted me as far away as possible from the controversies of this time period, and between the sickness, confessions made in France, and my personal humiliation, I was no longer thinking of the book we had come here to find.

I spent the next two days lying in bed and only leaving to go to the outhouse and wash up. I made sure I did so only when Edward was off milking the cow or whatever he busied himself with these days. He tried to talk to me a few times, but I would rub my head and give him a look of fatigue, and he would immediately back down, leaving me with whatever food concoction he had managed.

I stayed to my side of the bed and kept my back to him to make sure there wasn't any misinterpretation. Deep down, I wanted to explore my feelings, but the moment my mind would wander, I would find ways to shut them down immediately.

I couldn't have feelings for Edward. For my own self-respect, I couldn't possibly allow it. For one, he didn't want me. He hadn't chosen me. Destiny had, or as he believed, his God had. If I entertained a relationship with this man, for the rest of my life, I would know this one truth. Edward Cullen, if given the chance, wouldn't himself have chosen me.

My heart hurt just thinking about it. For the first time in my existence, I had entertained the idea of having someone in my life. Someone who would just see me as an incubator and nothing more. Every touch he would make would just be to further the time changer species. Every declaration he would voice, it would be just part of the plan. No self-respecting woman would accept those terms.

"Bella?"

I closed my eyes immediately and pretended to be asleep. I stiffened, as I felt his weight applied to the bed.

"Please, Bella. Would you please just…talk to me?"

Stupidly, my breathing ceased, afraid it would give me away.

"I know you're angry with me. I wish I could give you what you want. I'd do anything to make it happen if…if there was a way."

I felt his hand come up on my shoulder, and even though I wasn't mad at him like he thought I was, I still felt a tear escape. Feeling thoroughly embarrassed for my behavior, I didn't want to face him, but I knew it wasn't right to have him believe he was solely responsible for my anguish, so I turned over to look at him.

"I'm not mad at you, Edward."

He looked confused.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…overwhelmed," I sighed and sat up, facing away from him once again. I found it easier to make confessions if I didn't see his reaction.

"I understand, and it was silly of me to think I could just have my dad back that easily. It was childish. People die, and no matter what, we don't get to have one last time. One last word. One final goodbye. That's not your fault. I'm sorry for what I said. I wasn't thinking."

I waited for him to say something, but instead, he placed his hand on my shoulder. I winced at the touch, reminding myself that his affection was only a role he was meant to play.

I stood up and walked towards the window, hoping he would go and leave me be, but I heard no movement, causing me to wonder how long he planned on sitting there, not getting the hint.

"You're…you're still mad at me. You must be really mad at me. You've had no problems letting me have it in the past, but now, you can't even look at me," he said, and I turned around and sighed.

"I'm not mad at you," I quickly responded.

I bit down on my lip and awkwardly turned back towards the window. It wasn't a great view. Mainly, the outhouse, which probably gave him a reason to press on.

"Okay…then, what is it?" he asked cautiously. "Look, I know I'm not the easiest person to be around. I've made countless mistakes since I met you. I…if you could just tell me what's wrong…"

"Please, Edward," I huffed. "Don't make me say it."

He laughed humorlessly and stood up. "I'm afraid I'm going to insist. I have no earthly clue as to why you're upset. If this is about your father…"

"I told you, I'm not upset about that!" I nearly yelled.

"Well, your actions would lead me to believe otherwise."

I smacked my hand to my forehead and rubbed hard, staving off the impending headache. My mind was running rampant with all the thoughts I had been mulling over the past few days. I looked at Edward and could see his eyes squint as if he was putting all his focus into reading my mind.

"How are you okay with this? Knowing and feeling as if you have no control whatsoever? You can…see into the future. You can go there. Change the past, even, and yet, you looked through time and saw that you were stuck with me. Not the…gorgeous, leggy blonde or the Rhodes Scholar I'm sure you wish would've come up in your crystal ball. You just…were satisfied. Or did it make it easier for you to pursue me, because you only wanted to fulfill your duties and collect your prize? I'm a person, Edward. Not just some blip on a timeline."

"I know that, Bella," he replied sincerely, his body anxious, as he tried to come closer. "Since I began with this responsibility, I've worked extremely hard at remaining focused. I can't think of how it works. Feeling the loss of control, because I was afraid it'd cause me to not want to perform my duties. I look at faces, and I'm not allowed to see a person. This person lives…" he held out his hand, "…while this person dies. I'm the executioner. The man who must turn away instead of help. Any moment of weakness could have catastrophic consequences. Save those women back in Dachau and somehow be responsible for World War Three. That's the curse I must live with.

"And now…not only am I to carry this burden, but as my father says, now is the time to find the one who'll birth the child who I'll willingly pass the burden along to. Am I not a person? What kind of person does that make me? My whole life, I've always wondered why he didn't look at me with affection. I think it makes it easier for him…to not love me.

"I looked into the future and saw you were the one. I saw our son…and I can't love him," he nearly broke, but then he quickly regained his composure. "I can't…or else I might not do what I have to do. Have him carry this burden. And that could mean the end of the world."

I sniffled and quickly wiped away the tears that stained my face.

"I wish I could be apathetic. Sleep with you and…forget you. Not care what happened after…"

My mouth opened as I went to respond, but I couldn't find the words quickly enough. So, I took another moment of silence to prepare, so I wouldn't completely screw up what I wanted to say.

"If I really have no choice…I guess I wish that I'd slept with you that first night, when you were so insistent on getting me into that bar. It would've been a stupid mistake. I would've thought it was my fault, went on with my life and possibly even slapped you, when you showed up eighteen years later."

He smiled. "I could…go back in time. Find a way to make it happen that way. If it'd give you peace."

I closed my eyes. "Only think of you as a sperm donor and nothing more?"

Edward would undo everything he had done. No Dachau. No Salem. No time travel. No Edward. I could become nothing more than a blip on a timeline. Going back and sleeping with a complete stranger would be the responsible thing to do, if you could imagine.

Or I could give in and let destiny unfold, accepting that I was chosen for Edward, but Edward never chose me. Fall for him, while he pretended for the sake of responsibility.

"I should say yes. I…I'd happier in the long run, right? And you'd be…able to go on with your life…forgetting about me."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "My memories wouldn't be erased. I'd remember everything. Every moment we shared. Another burden for me, but…I'd do it, if it'd make you happy. I'd do it, Bella."

I reached out to take his hand. "No. I don't want that. Ignorance is bliss, but I don't want to keep my head in the sand. And I don't want to add to your burdens…"

"Bella!" he said, taking my face into his hand. "Don't worry about me. I need you to do what's best for you, and I can't say that a part of me doesn't think this might be best. At least, I wouldn't worry about any unforeseeable outcomes your presence here could change. You'd be safer away from me. You have no idea how much safer."

My heart warmed, and instead of choosing to be practical and remember that his words might only be a lie destiny had willed upon him, I chose to believe his sincerity.

Something else occurred to me. I kept believing I had no choice. No options. But that wasn't true.

"Edward, I'm placing my faith in you. Not destiny. Que sera, sera."

"No, that's not true. If anyone would know, it'd be me."

"The future is always changing. You told me that, and you were right. I could…say no and tell you that, under no circumstances, will I ever sleep with you. I could change destiny with my act of defiance. What could you do? Go back in time and spend however long trying to get me to sleep with you just to prove me wrong? Somehow, I doubt you'd waste your time, just so you could fulfill the prophecy. You and I keep thinking we don't have any options, but that isn't true."

His mouth moved to form a rebuttal, but I wouldn't give him the opportunity.

"And I don't think your father doesn't love you or care about you. He looked through time and saw you. He could've changed his destiny. Decided that this son he was to have wasn't worthy. Ignored Esme and left her to die. We make decisions every day, and someone who's as seasoned as your father at the time-changing gig can't honestly believe he has no hand in his own destiny. In the end, I think our hearts play a much larger part. You…care about me. You don't want to see me die. Not because I'm supposed to carry your child. You don't want to see me die because…"

I waited to see if he would finish.

"Because I'm already falling in love with you," he said with one exasperated breath.

I was the brave one. I closed the gap, and it was me who reached up and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him. My forwardness took him by surprise, but when he managed to catch up, he quickly took over, causing us to fall onto the bed. His weight on mine had me worried if this rickety bed would ever be able to handle our affections properly.

I opened my legs and felt stupid for it. We had on way too many clothes. These damn costumes were their very own chastity belt. I barely even registered Edward's hand on my breast from all the layers.

But he stopped quickly thereafter, probably annoyed with the same issues I was thinking on.

"No…we can't. Not now…not here in Salem."

I sighed and nodded my head, noticing that he was still very much on top of me.

"You're right. We should focus on finding the book. We should uh…"

His weight shifted, and I felt this hungry desire.

"But…we could…continue to a point…" I said, wondering if he would allow for it.

He smiled down at me. "We could…as long as we don't…"

He began to kiss me again and moved on towards my neck. I let out a loud, obnoxious groan I would berate myself for later. I pushed my pelvis up to meet him, and he stopped once again. This time, however, he rolled off me.

"Bella…we need to be responsible, and I don't know how much more…I might not be able to stop."

I slowed my breathing and nodded, even though I was thoroughly frustrated.

"Aw, the company line," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

I shook my head, not wanting to finish.

"So…for now, we just…" I began, but then I quickly became flustered, "…I mean to say…in regard to you and me…us…are we an us? What, exactly, does this mean? Should we remain professional?"

"Professional?" Edward inquired. "Bella, it means that, in public, we're still married. We should continue to play our roles and act married."

I nodded, but I was still confused as to what he meant when we were not in public. Not wanting to press the issue and make myself sound desperate to define our…whatever this was, I smiled and stood up from the bed to make myself busy with gathering my dirty clothes.

"I should get these out to wash. I've been neglecting my responsibilities for long enough. If you'll excuse me."

I focused on the garments in my hands and avoided all eye contact, but Edward quickly stepped in front of me.

"Let me do that. You should still rest and relax, and you deserve to indulge…"

My eyes questioned his use of the word "indulge." We were stuck in the 1600s. How, exactly, would one indulge in anything? Edward's hand reached out for the door handle, as his other grabbed onto my dirty clothing.

The door swung open, and the sight nearly left me breathless. Sitting in the center of our kitchen-slash-living area was a large wooden basin. It nearly looked like a trough, but only larger. Large enough to fit a person.

I walked slowly towards it, my mouth agape at its presence.

"You might have to give me a moment. I didn't foresee our talk taking this long. I just need bring over some more hot water. Sorry I was unable to bring in a hot tub. Unfortunately, I'm only able to time travel with whatever I can physically carry…"

I jumped into his arms, causing my dirty laundry to fall to the floor. I didn't know where we stood. I wasn't sure if I would survive Salem, Massachusetts during one of the most horrific periods in their history. I was completely unsure of my future in every way, but when I saw the bathtub he had managed for me, I might have just agreed to any proposal Edward might ever deliver.

My arms nearly hurt from the squeeze I gave him, and I was sure it was silly but, when I finally pulled back, I couldn't help all the tears that fell down my face.

"This is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me," I blubbered.

Edward smiled sheepishly back at me and seemed a little embarrassed by my declaration.

"You deserve it, Bella."

He let me go and walked towards the cauldron on the fire, bringing it over to the wooden basin. He slowly spilled it in and then took a long wooden spoon to stir the water around, finishing it off with a quick test from his hand to ensure that it wasn't too hot.

"Enjoy," he whispered, before placing the cauldron back and gathering my clothes from off the dirty floor.

It took a solid minute of me staring at the damn thing, before I snapped out of my daydream and quickly disrobed. I wasn't sure how long Edward planned to be gone, but the bath was large enough for me to sit down and completely immerse myself. The tub was so dark that you couldn't even see to the bottom so even if Edward happened upon me, I doubted he would be able to see much.

I let out a slow groan of appreciation, before sinking down and completely covering my head with the divine, rapturous warm water. My mind screamed out for a God I wasn't even sure existed, but on that day, I thanked him. If I died now, I couldn't imagine heaven being any better than this.

The water's warmth managed to hold for longer than I would have thought. In fact, I made a solid plan to not leave this temple of tranquility until the water turned icy. My fingers perfectly wrinkled was a sight I had begun to wonder if I would ever witness again. I kept dunking my head underneath the surface and running my fingers over my scalp to feel the cleanliness I had taken for granted for so many years.

The door opened, and Edward's feet stopped instantly upon seeing me still sitting in the bath.

"Isn't the water cold by now?"

I shrugged. "Honestly, I wouldn't care if it was. I wouldn't care if you brought in a bucket of eels and dropped them in with me. The more the merrier," I replied, lightly splashing around.

"Don't be ridiculous. You need to get out soon, or else you could die from hypothermia."

He walked over and placed his hand in the water to confirm. I should have felt self-conscious, with my breasts being so close to the surface, but instead, I felt a growing desire to have him join me. He would never fit, but it was a pleasant thought.

"Just five more minutes," I pleaded, sounding like a child.

He sighed and walked back over to the cauldron, pulling it off the hook.

"I'll go get you some more water," he replied, taking it outside.

I waited until he left to squeal in delight. He returned shortly with the water from the well and placed the cauldron back over the fire.

"Give it a few minutes."

A slight draft caused me to shiver slightly. I sunk down deeper into the water, hoping I could hold off until Edward's water was ready.

"So…earlier, I know you were asking me where we stood," Edward began apprehensively.

"You don't have to answer that," I replied, waving him off.

"No, I do." He paused. "I want to have a relationship with you, Bella. I don't know if it's possible, though. I want nothing more, but being with me isn't as simple as riding off into the sunset and living happily ever after. I saw it with my mom. My father, for everything I fault him for, I know he loved her. But being with a time changer comes with risks. Unimaginable risks…and sacrifices."

I looked down into the water and tried to work out what he meant. When the cauldron was hot, he brought it over and poured the water in near my feet. I immediately felt the warmth, and even though I thought it would instantly relax me, I was far too worried about his little speech to appreciate it.

"Remember when I told you I wasn't the only one trying to change time?"

I looked up at him, remembering thoroughly that argument. He sat down beside the tub, facing me.

"I need to tell you now…what I should've told you from the beginning. You need to know how dangerous being near someone like me can be, especially for someone like you."

A conflicting wave of emotions overwhelmed me. On one hand, I was positively giddy that Edward felt he could finally trust me with this information. On the other, his warnings nearly made my teeth chatter.

"Around the fourth century A.D., there were two brothers who could do extraordinary things. One had the ability to see throughout time, as far as time would reach. The seers. The other couldn't see, but he had the ability to go. The time changers. Believing they were blessed by God himself; they took it upon themselves to see that God's work be done. The brother who could see to the ends of time, he saw the final destruction of earth and God's people. He believed it'd be better to end things sooner rather than later.

"But the brother who could travel through time didn't agree. They fought and parted ways, each vowing to continue with their opposing missions. One to try and end the world. The other to ensure that didn't happen.

"The seers have no ability to move through time, but they've grown very powerful. Even now, they know we're here, trying to change time. They're on their way as I tell you this. However, they're completely at the mercy of this period's transportation. Hopefully, by the time they manage to get here, we'll be gone. As you said, time is always changing so it is difficult for them to see where I am going to be since my actions are always changing. Therefore, it's safer for me to stay lengthy periods in the past. The longer I spend in the future, the easier it is for them to find me. And they want to find me, Bella. They want to stop me. They want to stop me, before I have the chance to make another time changer."

I shivered, but it wasn't the cooling temperature of the bath that caused me to do so. Edward noticed and stood up to go and get a blanket.

"You should get dressed."

He handed me the blanket and walked back out the front door. I stood up and went through the motions of getting dressed. I briefly wondered how we would unload all the water from the bath, but my brain fired questions off that Edward wasn't here to answer. Would he answer them honestly if I asked? Would he lie to spare me?

Edward was finally trusting me, and now, I wondered if I should have remained ignorant. I looked out the window and saw the outhouse, but my mind played tricks on me, imagining that there were a whole slew of ninjas waiting behind it. Okay, so maybe not ninjas, but religious fanatics who were hellbent on ending the world. Not much better.

I lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Edward came back in and lay down beside me, but no longer did I have questions regarding our relationship. Those idle thoughts were gone, now that I had more pressing concerns.

"I shouldn't have told you, right?" he asked.

At the time, I had wanted to say yes. I'd wished he hadn't told me, but looking back, it was a good thing he had. For what was to come, I would have been so very much in the dark.

AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. So...sorry to say I am not sure when I will be updating next. Unfortunately working from home with two small kids who aren't in school doesn't exactly leave me time to write. I will try so hard to get this done. As some of you know, I am due in May with baby girl number three. Like most of you, I am super concerned with what is going on in the world right now. Going to a hospital and giving birth during this time in our history is not exactly reassuring. I hope you will have a good thought sent my way as I wish each and every one of you to be safe and healthy. If something should happen to me, DOLLYBIGMOMMA has a vague outline of this story and I hope she would continue it. Once again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your families!

Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for taking the time to edit this.

STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.