r/AskReddit
Teachers/College Professors of Reddit, have you ever witnessed any on-campus drama? What happened?
[deleted] 2.5k points 2 days ago
I work at a university in Virginia, USA. Recently, we got a new head of the Classics department, this guy Professor O. Most people seem to like him, but ever since he arrived, he's been at odds with one of the science department heads, Professor F. They've had a couple of semi-public disputes these past few months. Highlights include:
F accused O of switching out her coffee for decaf and hiding her lesson notes. They were shouting about it in one of the computer labs.
O had this big meeting with the school board right after F, but they were so into F's presentation that O's appointment was delayed by half an hour and he basically had to sit there and watch everyone else praise F while ignoring him.
They do this weird thing where it looks like they're insulting each other but also like they're flirting? O will be like, 'You're looking especially radiant in that dollar store cardigan today.' And then F will say, 'That hair gel caked around your ears really brings out your eyes.' And so on.
Last month, they were chaperoning Casino Night in the campus ballroom. No one knows exactly what happened, but they ended up crashing into the refreshments table and breaking a roulette wheel. And they were screaming again. And insult-flirting. I'm surprised it didn't end up on Youtube.
That's just a quick summary, but trust me, one of these days they're either going to kill each other or fuck wildly. EVERYONE on staff thinks so, and it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if the students are starting to catch on.
(Personally, I'm all for them fucking…)
|They're probably already fucking.
||They're probably already married.
|||They're probably already killing each other.
||||They're probably secret agents at war.
|||||They're probably interdimensional warriors locked in eternal combat while also grappling with severe unresolved sexual tension.
||||||Did we just write an anime?
|||||||I-it's not like I like you, baka! *blush*
||||||||Fuck all you guys.
32 more replies
Darcy: Holy crap Jane!
Darcy: Holy crap Jane!
Darcy: Holy crap Jane!
Darcy: Jane!
Darcy: Jane!
Darcy: Stop ignoring me. This is important!
Darcy: Jane!
Darcy: Jane, if you don't answer me, I'm going to cry.
Darcy: Do you want me to cry, Jane?
Darcy: I'm going to send you a picture of me crying!
Darcy: Janieeeee!
Jane: Hello, Darcy.
Darcy: Jane! You're alive.
Jane: By some miracle...
Darcy: Why weren't you answering me?
Darcy: You were ignoring me, weren't you? *pouts*
Jane: Yes Darcy, I'm afraid I was far too busy doing trivial things like teaching a class. Next time, I'll remember to prioritize every single hysterical text you send me.
Darcy: See that you do!
Jane: Okay, what's up? I thought you'd be in class right now.
Darcy: My professor cancelled. Personal issues or something.
Darcy: And I was just screwing around online and you'll never believe what I found!
Darcy: [link]
Darcy: Read the top comment!
Jane: A teacher got caught snorting powdered chalk?
Darcy: WTF! Ugh, it must be further down now. Just keep scrolling.
Darcy: Or better yet, search keyword 'Professor F'. That should do it.
Jane: Okay...
Darcy: Are you reading it?
Jane: Yes…
Jane: Not sure why.
Darcy: What do you mean you're not sure? That post is all about you and Loki!
Jane: You know there are a lot of schools in Virginia, right?
Darcy: But how many just got a new Classics professor with the initial O, hmmm?
Jane: That could just be a random pseudonym.
Darcy: Well, how else would they know about the coffee thing? Or Casino Night! C'mon Jane.
Jane: First of all, nothing happened at Casino Night. It was an accident.
Darcy: Uh huh…
Jane: Second, even if this was about me and Loki, why do you care so much about someone else's venting? I thought you hated reddit.
Darcy: Now when did I ever say that?
Jane: Not in so many words, but you did say it was a pseudointellectual trash heap full of galaxy brain assholes who think they have all the answers to life even though they're still emotionally twelve years old.
Jane: Something to that effect.
Darcy: Okay, fair, but that just makes it tumblr for guys, doesn't it?
Jane: I wouldn't know.
Darcy: The point is, people talk. They've seen the fights, the pranks, the passive-aggressive comments, the 'maybe contemptuous, maybe longing' looks.
Darcy: They know tension is building and they're just waiting for one of you to snap.
Darcy: And by snap I mean bone.
Jane: Have you considered that maybe we just don't get along with each other?
Darcy: Please. How boring would that be?
Darcy: Anyway, I thought I'd give you fair warning. Someone is watching you guys. I just wish they hadn't deleted their account so we could figure out who it is.
Jane: Why don't I let you worry about that? I have literally anything else to do.
Darcy: Okie dokie Janie! Detective Darcy is on the case. :D
Jane: Fantastic…
Jake hawkman19
How to spice up a boring pre-req class: have a humanities prof show up to school science prof on own subject. #betterthancable #passthepopcorn
Jake hawkman19
He's like, 'your reasoning is solid but your evidence is lacking.'
Jake hawkman19
She's all, 'thank you, but I do have evidence.'
Jake hawkman19
He's like, 'then let's discuss the mechanics of building an interdimensional bridge and how you would explain such a gross expenditure of taxpayer dollars to the school board.'
Jake hawkman19
Holy shit the STEAM coming out of her ears! #deathglare
Lisa whereswhenswhys
hawkman19 LOL she should go school him and his class next time!
Jake hawkman19
whereswhenswhy She was super pissed. She might just eat him first. #notinthefoodway
To: Loki Odinson
From: Jane Foster
Tues, Nov 12, 2:01pm
Dear Professor Odinson,
I didn't get a chance to thank you for returning my book in class, so I just wanted quickly do that.
I'd also like to request that next time you want to speak to me, please do so during my office hours. They are 2pm-4pm Mondays and Wednesdays, and I will be happy to discuss your thoughts on my research then. Otherwise, I would appreciate it if you didn't interrupt my class and attempt to engage me in a debate in front of my students. As you know, they are here to learn, and with finals coming up, they don't need any more distractions than they already have.
Of course, I'm certain you're already aware of this as the head of the Classics department. I know you want to do right by your students just as much as I want to do right by mine. That means we must focus our energies on helping them reach their potential. Any personal issues you might have with me or vice versa can wait until the semester is over.
I appreciate your time and hope you're having a good day.
Respectfully,
Doctor Jane Foster.
Department of Astrophysics
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Tues, Nov 12, 2:37pm
Jane, Jane, Jane. Always so formal over email. I think I prefer our face to face interactions.
Regardless, I am accustomed to teaching classes which are largely discussion based. It is expected, if not encouraged, to employ critical thinking skills when reading older texts and formulate one's own interpretation. In my humble opinion, if my students do not speak over each other at least once per class, I have failed them as a professor.
Perhaps it is my own personal bias which led me to believe a science class would function much the same. I do believe your students learned more about general astrophysical theory during our twenty minutes of discussion than they have in however many hours they've spent pouring over textbooks. In that sense, I have helped you. Regulating me to office hours as though I were a simple freshman is counterproductive for the both of us. I hope you understand why I must therefore deny your request. In fact, I might just sit in on one of your advanced classes. I can only imagine how intellectually stimulating it will be.
I await your thanks for returning your book and greatly anticipate our next meeting.
Yours most sincerely,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
To: Loki Odinson
From: Jane Foster
Tues, Nov 12, 3:10pm
Please do not come to my advanced classes. Or any of my classes. I understand that discussion is important, but one professor challenging another in front of students is highly inappropriate. If I barged into one of your classes to undermine your authority, I'm sure you'd understand where I'm coming from.
And I already said thanks. That was the entire first part of my email.
Respectfully,
Dr. Jane Foster
Department of Astrophysics
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Tues, Nov 12, 3:16pm
You said you wanted to say thank you, but the words 'Thank you Loki' were never spoken.
What if I were to stand in the back and watch? I promise to keep my comments to myself.
Always yours,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
To: Loki Odinson
From: Jane Foster
Tues, Nov 12, 3:19pm
Saying 'I wanted to thank you' can be easily read as a proper thank you. Which I'm sure you already knew.
But if it means that much to you, thank you Loki. Thank you so very much. Without you I'd be down to six copies of Galileo's Dialogo and whatever would I do with myself then?
There you go. You can repay me by not coming to my classes anymore.
Respectfully,
Dr. Jane Foster
Department of Astrophysics
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Tues, Nov 12, 3:31pm
If I didn't know you were using an automatic signature I'd think you were mocking me.
Though I'm sure you would argue that I deserve it. You might even be right.
However, you are quite mistaken if you think I would be offended by your involvement with my students. In fact, I'm sure you'd have much to say about early era scientific practices. We could even discuss your bridge proposal and why your financial projection of such a device is not feasible.
We never did finish that discussion after all.
Yours eternally,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
To: Loki Odinson
From: Jane Foster
Tues, Nov 12, 3:40pm
I am not coming to your class, Loki. Do not come to mine ever again. I don't need your opinion on a theory I've spent YEARS developing. I have my colleagues for that. Anyone else's input is nonessential and unwanted, especially yours.
And if you don't want a signature, you don't get one. How's that?
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Tues, Nov 12, 3:45pm
There we are. That's the Jane Foster I've come to know and love. Always so quick to anger. Oh how that fire in your eyes excites me. If you think I challenge you only to incite anger, you would be sorely mistaken. It is, in fact, the highlight of my day.
If you won't come to my class and I am banned from yours, I will just have to meet you elsewhere to continue our debate. How does my office hours sound? They are whenever you want them to be.
Yours forever and always,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
To: Loki Odinson
From: Jane Foster
Tues, Nov 12, 3:47pm
I'm free on the 31st at 13:00. That work for you?
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Tues, Nov 12, 3:48pm
December 1st at 1pm at is then. I look forward to seeing you.
To: Loki Odinson
From: Jane Foster
Tues, Nov 12, 3:49pm
Go fuck yourself.
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Tues, Nov 12, 3:51pm
You do know these emails are stored on the school's internal database, yes? I would save such language for our in-person disputes.
I look forward to seeing you again very soon, dear Jane.
Always,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
kate cukay-kay
omg just saw my sexii classics prof try to flirt w/ another prof and get torn down! O:
kate cukay-kay
'hello june (fake name lol), you look lovely today'
'i'm busy'
and then she walks away!
kate cukay-kay
hot prof looks sad! ugh why would she say no to hiiiiiim? #hotprof #ivolunteerastribute
THE WORLD BEFORE!
Ever wondered what the ancient Greeks ate for dinner? Want to know how the Egyptians tracked weather patterns? Come to Culver University's third annual Classics Fair! Bring your family and friends for a full introduction to the civilizations that came before us.
Learn to tie a toga!
See how the irrigation ducts were built!
Keynote speech to be given by department head, Professor Loki Odinson.
Student entry fee: 5 dollars. Guest entry fee: 10 dollars. Children under 12 admitted free!
Wednesday, November 20th, 2pm-7pm
Darcy: Morning Jane!
Darcy: Jane are you ignoring me again?
Jane: No, I was trying to decide between getting coffee or killing you for waking me up.
Jane: I decided it wasn't worth the effort.
Darcy: That's good. How's the coffee?
Jane: French roast.
Darcy: Mmm…
Jane: What's up?
Darcy: Just wanted to give you an update on Project Undelete.
Jane: Project… what?
Darcy: Because we're trying to find out who that deleted reddit account belonged to. We want to stick a face on that anon mask.
Jane: Ah...
Darcy: So we are UNdeleting them!
Jane: I suppose so.
Darcy: Anyway, it is definitely not the janitor who works in my dorm. He's never heard of reddit.
Jane: Okay.
Darcy: It's also not any of my teachers. I asked and they barely know you guys.
Jane: Good. I barely know them.
Darcy: I thought it might be this one girl in my research methods class who's always gossiping about everyone, but right now she's onto this macho jock guy who might also be a drag performer at one of the clubs downtown.
Jane: Isn't that something.
Darcy: And once I went through that list of suspects, I started on the people outside my major.
Darcy: Right now my money's on that library assistant who always wears the purple shirt. You know the one.
Darcy: There's something shifty about her.
Jane: Okay, well I'm glad this is keeping you busy and you're not wasting too much time studying for finals.
Jane: I have to teach a class in two hours and I'd like to use my unexpected free time to organize my notes.
Darcy: Speaking of which, are you going to that ancient fair thing?
Jane: The one the Classics department is doing? Probably not.
Jane: This isn't you try to segue into talking about Loki again, is it?
Darcy: Well, actually, I was going to ask for your opinion on Mesopotamian astronomy, but now that you mention it…
Jane: You're not funny.
Darcy: I mean, rivalry aside, I thought you'd at least like to see how Loki tries to explain your area of expertise to a bunch of book nerds.
Jane: What makes you think he's going to talk about astrophysics?
Darcy: He borrowed your Galileo book, didn't he? Or did you think that was for no reason?
Jane: I didn't ask why he needed it. I just gave it to him.
Darcy: And that's another thing. If you don't secretly like him, why would you trust him with one of your precious babies?
Darcy: You think I don't remember being in your class? If I so much as glanced at the books in your office you were ready to pounce on me.
Jane: I'm turning the phone off now.
Darcy: Translation: I'm right and you don't want to admit it.
Jane: Goodbye Darcy.
Darcy: PROJECT UNDELETE LIVES ON!
John johbrown
I don't know why I bother going to the library to study. If it's not obnoxious freshmen playing with their phones it's a bunch of girls giggling over which professor is the hottest.
John johbrown
I now know more about Professor Odinson's gigantic crush on one of the STEM teachers than I ever cared to.
John johbrown
I'd say they should just fuck already, but that will probably just make the fangirls louder.
John johbrown
Fuck it. I'm going back to my dorm. #studytroubles #stopshippingteachers2k19
Classics Fair Theme Revealed!
Professor Loki Odinson, head of the classics department, announced today that the major theme of this year's World Before fair will be the birth of astronomy and early attempts by classical thinkers at star charting. Professor Odinson's keynote speech will focus on the works and innovations of Galileo. Students wishing to attend are encouraged to research the Dialogo and bring a notebook to the event. Professor Odinson would also like to thank Doctor Jane Foster, head of the Astrophysics department, for her invaluable contributions to his research. The fair will take place on November 20th between 2pm and 7pm. Professor Odinson is expected to give his speech at 2:30.
HunterMoon: Hey, how's school?
Wynd: Not bad. Lot of classes. Lot of homework.
HunterMoon: That's why I told you to go for art history instead of astronomy. Way easier.
Wynd: And just as useful.
HunterMoon: :P
Wynd: :P
HunterMoon: Any big news?
Wynd: Not much. Went to my first college party last weekend.
HunterMoon: Yay!
Wynd: It was boring. The beer sucked.
HunterMoon: Boo.
Wynd: Also I think one of my professors is on the verge of a mental breakdown.
HunterMoon: Oh?
Wynd: Another professor barged into class a week ago and started arguing with her about her research. Ever since then, she's been completely out of it. She'll trail off in the middle of a lecture, check her phone constantly, and yesterday I overheard her calling him a 'presumptuous ass' and 'fucking crazy if he thinks I'm going to fall for this.'
Wynd: The 'this' is a mystery.
HunterMoon: Oooooooh. Sounds like sexual tension. :D
Wynd: Are you shipping them right now?
HunterMoon: You act as though I've never shipped before. Do I need to show you my thesis on why Zuko and Katara should've been together?
Wynd: Nope. Once was enough.
HunterMoon: lol :D
Wynd: But that's what I don't get. How is hating someone a sign that you want to date them?
HunterMoon: If it's UST, they don't actually hate each other. They just think they do. The disagreements and head-butting is how they show affection.
Wynd: Uh huh.
HunterMoon: Until one day the tension breaks and they make out in an empty classroom before finding a nice roomy closet to be alone in.
Wynd: Are we still talking about my professor?
Wynd: Or do you do this at your school, too?
HunterMoon: I plead the fifth.
Wynd: Of course you do.
HunterMoon: No u.
Wynd: No u.
HunterMoon: :P
Wynd: :P
HunterMoon: I bet you ten bucks I'm right, though.
Wynd: Happy to accept that wager.
HunterMoon: Damn, you must really like losing.
Wynd: Aren't you the one who failed to correctly identify the canon ship of… every fandom you've ever been in?
HunterMoon: It's not my fault if writers can't understand true love when it smacks them in the face!
Wynd: Sure it isn't.
HunterMoon: Your professor wouldn't be constantly checking her phone for updates from this guy if she didn't secretly want them.
Wynd: Never said she was texting him.
HunterMoon: And you don't jump in front of lightning for someone unless you are deeply in love!
HunterMoon: LIGHTNING DAMMIT!
Wynd: I know.
HunterMoon: DANTE BASCO AGREES WITH ME!
Wynd: He sure does.
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Sat, Nov 16, 5:32pm
I hope to see you soon.
1 attachment
invite . jpg
Jane: Is he kidding?
Darcy: I'm busy crossing names off my Project Undelete suspect list, but that's a loaded question when you're talking about Loki.
Darcy: If I had to guess, he's not, but I didn't know you needed personalized invitations to go to public events.
Jane: You don't. It's just more of his BS. He dangles the olive branch over my head, so when I reach for it, he can hand me a bomb.
Darcy: More like a pie in the face.
Darcy: He's not exactly dangerous when you think about it. He's more like a playground kid pulling at your pigtails..
Jane: The difference is kids are supposed to grow out of that. He clearly hasn't.
Darcy: Have you?
Jane: What?
Darcy: Sorry if I'm weirdly serious right now. I've found strawberry daiquiris tend to do that to me.
Jane: And how many have you drank?
Darcy: ...more than one.
Jane: Great.
Darcy: Anyway, you say he's messing with you, and maybe he is, but you haven't exactly been the mature one either. Must we discuss Casino Night?
Jane: I don't know why you would, considering that was an accident. That had nothing to do with either of us.
Darcy: Thirty witnesses saw you push him into the refreshments table.
Darcy: Jane?
Darcy: Do not turn your phone off again. You have to face this like a big girl, young lady.
Jane: Look, whatever I might think of Loki, he's not someone I have time to worry about. I have classes to teach, final exams to write, and end of semester conferences to get through. Not to mention the speech I will be giving in December to the AAS.
Jane: I'm not wasting my time with Casino Night or random vent posts on reddit. People can think whatever they want about me. I know how I really feel.
Darcy: But do you, Jane? Do you really?
Darcy: Jane?
Darcy: Jane?
Darcy: Fine, be that way.
Alex alex_duck25
Just saw my ancient scandinavian history professor faceplant while trying to talk to another teacher. #awkward
Alex alex_duck25
Wait she just faceplanted too. Did he trip her? I think he tripped her.
Alex alex_duck25
Now they're yelling at each other. All up in each other's faces. I think they might kiss. #willtheyorwontthey
Q koolasnike
alex_duck25 pics?
Alex alex_duck25
koolasnike Didn't take any sadly. He helped her up and they both stormed off all huffy..
Jaycee jilloro
alex_duck25 Boo that sucks.
Alex alex_duck25
jilloro Maybe next time.
Jane: It's me.
Jane: We can't keep doing this.
Loki: Hello Jane. This is an unexpected treat.
Jane: I'm serious.
Loki: As am I. I didn't realize you had my personal number.
Loki: How did you get it out of my brother?
Jane: Does it really matter?
Loki: It's my personal information.
Jane: We're friends on Facebook and I DM'ed him. Told him I needed to talk to you about the Classics fair.
Loki: And he believed you?
Jane: You went and told the whole school I collaborated with you, so whose fault is that?
Loki: Fair enough.
Loki: Now what sort of 'this' are you concerned about?
Jane: Please don't do that. You know exactly what this is about.
Loki: I assume it involves our encounter this morning in the Kirby Science building?
Loki: Or was it something else?
Jane: It's a lot of things, Loki. It's everything that's happened since the day we met.
Jane: You can't act like you haven't been antagonizing me since the day we met.
Loki: I wouldn't put it in so many words, but I do recall questioning several key facets of your theory.
Jane: More like the whole damn thing. In front of my bosses. When you're not even in this field and yet you think you can talk down to people who have dedicated their lives to this!
Loki: I wasn't aware questions constitutes talking down to someone, but thank you for informing me.
Jane: There you go again. Playing dumb. I can just see you right now, grinning like the smug jerk you are, slipping tea in some fancy upper class men's club with a stripper in your lap.
Loki: Well I do have tea.
Jane: You act like you're better than everyone. Like your students, your colleagues, all of us only exist for your entertainment. I could never have a serious conversation with you.
Loki: And why is that?
Jane: Because you don't take me seriously.
Loki: Don't I?
Jane: You've never acted like it.
Loki: Has it occurred to you that I ask questions because I want to hear your answers? That if I didn't take you seriously, I wouldn't be so persistent in challenging you?
Loki: If I truly thought you a fool, I would never give you the time of day.
Jane: So you're saying you are just pulling my pigtails.
Loki: Pardon?
Jane: What you're failing to understand is intent doesn't matter if it doesn't come across. When you challenge me in front of my peers, it feels like you're trying to embarrass me. When you interrupt my class, I find it disrespectful.
Jane: You may say I'm not a fool but I feel like I'm being played for one.
Loki: Would an apology help?
Jane: Apologies don't mean anything if you don't actually try to change.
Loki: And you believe I won't.
Jane: I believe you have way too much fun getting on my nerves.
Loki: So you do understand me after all. I knew you would.
Jane: I'm not even going to dignify that.
Jane: I just want all this to stop. No more fighting, no more 'friendly debates'. Why can't you just go your own way and I'll go mine?
Loki: Is that why you tripped me today?
Jane: Don't change the subject!
Loki: And why we ended up covered in punch and cookie crumbs at Casino Night?
Jane: That was an accident. I slipped and fell into you. That's all.
Loki: You looked quite incensed while doing so.
Jane: Because you'd been bugging me all night! I was trying to do my job and be responsible, but you insisted on floating around me all night instead of paying attention to the students. If your thousand dollar Dolce and Gabana suit was ruined by some cherry juice, that's your problem.
Loki: Then what about today. I distinctly recall you sticking your leg in my path.
Loki: Do you have an explanation for that?
Loki: Nothing to say?
Loki: And now we see the other side of the coin. You say I provoke you, and yet you always rise to the challenge. You call me childish, yet you resort to petty trickery in order to one-up me.
Jane: Petty trickery like stealing my coffee?
Loki: Just like that. As soon as your own failings are pointed out, you must immediately divert attention to mine.
Jane: And didn't you just do that to me a second ago?
Loki: Of course, but I don't deny it.
Loki: One day you must face it, Jane. We are more alike than we seem.
Loki: I look forward to seeing you on Friday.
Jane: We'll see about that.
Loki: Do not give my phone number to people on Facebook anymore.
Thor: Two weeks without contact and this is what I wake up to.
Loki: Hello, brother, happy to be speaking to you again.
Thor: You as well. Sif says hello.
Thor: Now what's this about me giving out your number?
Loki: I just finished a rather interesting conversation with a certain colleague of mine.
Loki: One whom I don't recall ever giving my information to.
Loki: If you're laughing right now, please stop.
Thor: You know me too well, brother. :)
Thor: And if you mean Professor Foster, I was under the impression that she was a friend of yours.
Loki: A friend who needs to ask others how to contact me.
Thor: True, but you've never been the easiest to get close to.
Thor: I'm guessing your talk didn't go well.
Loki: She has not yet wished death on me..
Thor: That's a step in the right direction.
Thor: Remember what Sif said when I proposed?
Loki: If I recall, she challenged you to a fight and then kicked you in the face.
Thor: She certainly tried to.
Loki: She did. I remember the bruises perfectly.
Thor: Regardless, you know this was how we came to bond. Fighting is its own form of romance for us.
Thor: Is it possible that this battle of wits between you and Professor Foster is much the same?
Loki: There are very few things I find impossible. Though I doubt Jane would agree.
Thor: But you don't know. If you want my advice, and I know you likely don't…
Loki: I don't.
Thor: Perhaps it's time you spoke to her truthfully about your feelings. In person, mind you. Texting is fine for us several states apart, but this should be more intimate, for lack of a better word.
Loki: So you say.
Thor: I know you better than you think, brother.
Thor: You don't have to tell me what you feel, but she deserves the truth. And if she refuses you, at least you will have that closure.
Thor: You don't have to respond to me either, but I was just on the phone with Mother and she's expecting you home for Thanksgiving this year. Also, she wants you to call her.
Thor: Not to pry, but I would've expected a response by now.
Thor: I hope you're not dead. You know how I feel about you dying in glorious combat without me there to proclaim your greatness.
Thor: I just saw you typing.
Thor: Whatever you need to say, it stays between us. I want you to do that. You can trust me.
Loki: I'm afraid it might be too late for us.
Thor: You still have to try.
To: Jane Foster
From: Darcy Lewis
Tues, Nov 19, 10:49am
Progress report!
1 attachment
Project Undelete . docx
PROJECT UNDELETE SUSPECT LIST Ver. 6.0
1: Gina Gavin, secretary. Was in the building during the board meeting referenced in r/deleted's post. Potential witness of key events.
2: Rudolph Olsson: board member. Present at the meeting. Has ready access to all security footage and incident reports.
3: Manuela Delgado: board member. Present at the meeting. See above.
4: Clarence Cooper Jr: board member. Present at the meeting. Extra incentive is his openly pro-Jane stance, as evidenced by his frequent praise in the school's newsletter.
5: Dave (last name unknown). Janitor in the building at the time of the meeting. Was cleaning the men's room at the time. Heard a lot through the vents. Believes Loki has a sexy bedroom voice.
Current conclusion: I didn't realize this before, but the board meeting story is extremely telling. There's no way your average student or staff member would know about that. It can only be someone who was in the building at the time and in close enough proximity to the meeting room to overhear what was going on. Or someone who was actually in the meeting room.
Speaking of which, I haven't ruled out the possibility that Loki wrote the post using a fake ID.
The investigation remains ongoing and I will continue to provide updates as they come in.
To: Jane Foster
From: Loki Odinson
Wed, Nov 20, 7:51am
Good morning, Jane. Today is the day.
You never responded to my last email. I hope you were able to access the attachment. I also hope you will change your mind about attending the fair. At the very least, I'd like to hear your thoughts on my speech. I meant what I said in the memo, you were a great help to me. Without our debates and your persistence in defending yourself, I would be lost.
I've reserved a seat for you in the front row. Your name will be on it. I look forward to seeing you and continuing our discussion.
Respectfully,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
Nikki nikkibellamina
Sitting in a lecture hall listening to a speech about astronomy for extra credit- not as fun as it sounds.
Nikki nikkibellamina
Something something Galileo something something principle of relativity something. Ugh. At least the speaker is hot.
Nikki nikkibellamina
Any questions? Yes. Are you trying to kill those poor shirt buttons? Also something stars and something. #bored
Nikki nikkibellamina
Someone just asked this guy if he got all his info from a five minute scan of a dubiously word translation of the Dialogo. Damn, that's some shade.
Nikki nikkibellamina
Ooooooh I think hot speaker guy is ready to throw down! He's grinning evilly and he's all, 'if you could do it better you'd be up here instead of me.' #shotsfired
Nikki nikkibellamina
'We can't all count on daddy's money to give us a leg up.' OH FUCK!
Nikki nikkibellamina
'Which is why I got where I am through hard work and unwavering perseverance.'
'I think you mean dumb luck.'
'You would know all about that.'
FUUUUUUCK!
Nikki nikkibellamina
OH MY GOD SHE'S GETTING ON STAGE.
Nikki nikkibellamina
Someone behind me is all 'yeah Jane, get him!' I agree.
Nikki nikkibellamina.
'You really think you're funny.'
'I think I'm honest. Are the two synonymous for you?' #doubledeathglare
Nikki nikkibellamina
Everyone's all 'wtf?' Some people are leaving. Don't know why.
Nikki nikkibellamina
'Why did you want me to come in the first place? To watch you drone on about something you clearly don't understand?'
'I understand the general theory of relativity is a mere plaything to you. Isn't that enough?'
Nikki nikkibellamina
She's fucking pissed, but I think they might kiss? Their faces are so close together right now. #somuchdrama
Nikki nikkibellamina
More people leaving. Good. I can hear them better.
Nikki nikkibellamina
'Jesus Christ, it's like you have no understanding at all of how basic human interaction is supposed to work!'
'So you say before a crowd of over a hundred with a microphone in your face.'
Oooh good point.
Nikki nikkibellamina
'You know what? I don't care anymore! I just don't care. Let everyone hear this.'
Go Jane or whoever you are! We got a badass right here.
Nikki nikkibellamina
'We are settling this and if we have to do it now, then so be it!'
'Well, this is the Q and A portion of the event, so please do feel free.'
Nikki nikkibellamina
'You think you're so special. You're such hot shit because everyone loves you and wants to be you. You think you stand taller than everyone.'
'I stand taller than you.'
LOW BLOW! TIME OUT!
Nikki nikkibellamina
'But it's all just bravado, isn't it? Deep inside, you know you're just like the rest of us. Just another face in the crowd. Half the people at this school don't even know you exist.'
LOWER BLOW! RED CARD!
Nikki nikkibellamina
'You've said quite a bit, but I didn't hear a question.'
'Here's one: did you know you explained heliocentrism all wrong? It existed long before Copernacus was even born.'
Nikki nikkibellamina
'Thank you for the correction. Here's my question, did it help you to make that reddit post Miss Deleted?'
Nikki nikkibellamina
That same person behind me just freaked the fuck out. Don't know what her deal is.
Nikki nikkibellamina
'You really can't stop avoiding the issue.'
'I didn't want to do this in public anymore than you did.'
Nikki nikkibellamina
Speaking of which, I just heard someone say that school officials are coming to break this up? Holy crap, shit's about to get real.
Nikki nikkibellamina
'Then here's my question: why did you want me to come today?'
'Answer mine first: why did you make that post?'
Nikki nikkibellamina
More death glares! More bedroom eyes! THE DTF ENERGY IS REAL!
Nikki nikkibellamina
'You make me crazy.'
'As do you.'
'I might kill you someday.'
'I might do so first.'
'You're never going to stop messing with me are you?'
'Will you ever admit that you love every second of it?'
Nikki nikkibellamina
SHE KISSED HIM! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! WE HAVE A FULL BLOWN MAKE OUT SESSION AT THREE O'CLOCK!
Nikki nikkibellamina
People are gasping. Some are cheering. A guy just wolf-whistled. Freaked out audience girl is losing her shit. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen!
Nikki nikkibellamina
Uh oh, some stiff suit guy is here. He wants everyone out of the conference room. The heat's on for Professor and Jane (and they are themselves also in heat).
Nikki nikkibellamina
Fucking suit guy made me leave. Asshole. I wanted to see if they rode off into the sunset together.
Nikki nikkibellamina
Oh well, I hope Professor Klein will like an extra credit report on the aphrodisiac effects of early astronomical practices.
STUDENT EVENT GETS STEAMY
Earlier today, Culver's annual Classics department fair, The World Before!, was briefly interrupted by an altercation between department head, Professor Loki Odinson, and Astrophysics department head, Doctor Jane Foster. Witnesses say Dr. Foster stormed the stage to argue with Professor Odinson about his speech before the two began kissing in front of a gathering of students, parents, and fellow faculty members. Both professors were removed from the conference and asked to leave for the remainder of the event. It's been speculated…(Read more)
HunterMoon: Say it.
Wynd: No.
HunterMoon: Say it.
Wynd: No.
HunterMoon: Say it.
Wynd: I will steal all your root beer.
HunterMoon: First you have to say it!
Wynd: Ugh fine.
Wynd: You were right.
HunterMoon: :D :D :D
HunterMoon: WHOOO!
Wynd: I hate you.
HunterMoon: Love you, too!
HunterMoon: And I eagerly await my ten dollars. :D
To: Jane Foster
From: Darcy Lewis
Wed, Nov 20, 9:59pm
You'd better fuck him tonight, because I am so kicking your ass tomorrow.
Also let me know what he's like (I bet he's a total animal).
Loki: Did you receive a write up?
Jane: Did you?
Loki: The threat was made, but it seems for the moment I'm too valuable for the school to lose.
Jane: I'm not sure I'll be so lucky.
Jane: I have to see the Dean tomorrow. I'm scared to even think about what he's going to say.
Loki: He isn't nearly as frightening as he thinks he is. Just remember to look at the patch and not the eye. He loves that.
Jane: I bet he does.
Jane: So what now?
Loki: What indeed?
Jane: I'm not sure where we go from here.
Loki: Well, I was just about to have some wine, finish grading papers, and think about you right before I fall asleep.
Loki: I can't say what you have planned, but I imagine it will be much the same.
Jane: Some of it maybe.
Jane: How did you know about that post?
Loki: Does it matter?
Jane: A little bit.
Loki: Then let's just say you have quite the devoted friend looking out for you. Though if she wishes to pursue a career in investigation, she should remember not to leave printouts of the evidence in the suspect's office after interrogating them.
Jane: That's Darcy for you.
Jane: She's been blowing up my phone by the way.
Loki: Perhaps she is angered by your deception.
Jane: I wasn't trying to trick her. I just didn't want to tell her it was my post..
Loki: And why is that?
Jane: Honestly, I don't know anymore.
Jane: When I wrote it, I wasn't even thinking. Sure, I made it sound like I was someone else, but I think that was just my way of trying to detach myself from the whole thing.
Jane: From what I was feeling.
Jane: You drive me crazy Loki. You make me want to scream, throw things, pull my hair out…
Loki: And I make you want me.
Jane: You sure don't beat around the bush.
Loki: I would never do such a thing. I want you, too.
Loki: I want you right now even.
Jane: Is that your way of asking me out?
Loki: It can be.
Loki: Unless you want to skip dinner and get right to the main event.
Loki: There's an a capella group performing in the Lee Theatre building in ten minutes. If we hurry we can make it in time to fornicate on stage in the middle of the show.
Jane: You're such an asshole, you know that?
Loki: I do it all for you, Jane. From the day we met. I always have.
Jane: It's so messed up that that's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.
Jane: Your place?
Loki: I'll be waiting.
To: All Students
From: Jane Foster
Mon, Nov 25, 8:09am
Good morning all!
I'm sorry to do this on such short notice, but I'm going to have to cancel my office hours for the rest of the week, starting today. Hours will resume as normal next Monday. If you need to reach me in the meantime, feel free to drop me an email.
Also, I may be a bit late to class today. Don't panic. I haven't forgotten you guys. I just have some personal matters to deal with at the moment.
See you all soon!
Respectfully,
Doctor Jane Foster
Department of Astrophysics
[DRAFT]To: All students
From: Loki Odinson
Last saved: 8:11am
Dear students,
I am pleased to inform you that office hours are cancelled indefinitely, as I will be spending my time outside of class having my way with a lovely science professor.
Thank you all for your understanding.
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics
Loki: Does this look suitable to you?
Jane: Sure, if you want to get that write up.
Jane: Come on Loki.
Loki: -sigh- It seems you already have me wrapped around your finger.
To: All students
From: Loki Odinson
Mon, Nov 25, 8:19am
Dear students,
My regularly scheduled office hours will be postponed for the rest of the week due to personal matters. If you have an emergency, you may call or email. If you wish to come to my office anyway, feel free, but I'd strongly advise you to knock before entering.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving (I certainly will)!
Respectfully,
Professor Loki Odinson
Department of Classics