It wasn't that she was despairing.

It was that she was right back where she started.

And no one understood, because she couldn't explain. Not really.

Rey was eating her meal, watching the sun set on Jakku. It had been one month.

One month since she left the Rebels. One month since she returned to her home planet, since there was literally no place for her to go to.

She finished her supper and went inside the hut she was now living in. And she thought that even though she had given balance to the Force, she felt terribly out of sorts. And Rey knew why. But she couldn't think about it…all she could do now was move on.

But where? She felt so stagnant.

BB-8 rolled in. "Hey," she smiled at the droid. It beeped at her…You're sad still.

"No. I'm not sad," she hung her head.

Go see master and Finn.

"I will. But not yet," and she started to get dressed for bed. "I need some more time, BB. Time to sort out my…" she swallowed. Sort herself out. Because she was a mess.

Dark and cold were her dreams, much as they always were now. She was uneasy and fraught. Her mind was mired with unsettling thoughts when she awoke…of death and of stone and water and ….she stopped. She sat up.

Why couldn't she let go? It wasn't like…like…

Rey shook her head and stood. "I need a bath, BB," and she took some things and left the hut for the watering hole.

There weren't many there, it was too early. She slid down the sand dune, smiling as she went. Rey undressed, mostly, and stepped into the cool water. She took her soap and scrubbed. She looked into the sky.

She really needn't stay here. She could get on her ship and go. There was nothing to keep her here anymore.

Maybe she would. It was a big galaxy...she could go somewhere. Get lost. Find herself again.

She stepped out of the pool and dressed herself.

Rey drudged up the dune and sighed. She had thought that after a month's time, she'd be feeling better about things.

But she wasn't. She wasn't.

And she was haunted, but in a much less mysterious way than what she might've hoped for.

Rey entered her hut and chided herself. How could she wish that upon her life? To be haunted. How ridiculous.

But she had spoken with Master Luke. With Leia. Perhaps he wasn't as able to open the seam between life and death.

Or, she thought, perhaps he did not want to be.

And that's what hurt.

Rey wanted to be imposed on, for she felt cheated. Cheated out of a something that was indescribable…something that her heart whispered that she wanted.

Go see Finn, Master Rey. You're too sad.

She smiled. "I know, I know," she adjusted its antenna. "He was powerful, BB. He could do almost anything," she swallowed and looked out of her makeshift hut. "That's why this hurts."

She was wasted on Jakku, and she knew it. But sitting here gave her solace. It somehow made sense to stay put, just in case there was a chance he came looking for her.

But, she also reminded herself, they were connected by the Force, not a geographical location.

Rey was trying to think of a place to go, or if she should just go to Finn and Poe on Dantooine. She laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She had promised Poe that she'd bring BB-8 back to him soon.

She just hadn't said when, exactly.

"What do you think, BB? Maybe tomorrow we can travel to Dantooine and see Master?" she smiled.

It felt odd.

Of course, that meant that she'd be all alone. And that, no matter what she told herself, was depressing.

Rey took a good long while to fall asleep that night. She supposed it mostly had to do with anticipation about leaving the next day. She hadn't notified them…and if she was being honest, it was because she thought she might cancel her plans last minute.

At long last, when Jakku's sun was less than an hour from rising, she dozed off.

And she was walking.

It was hot there, wherever she was. She wiped her brow. The ground was soft. It made no sound.

Further through the overgrowth she went, thinking that she knew the place, but couldn't really say where she was.

She moved a low hanging branch and ducked under another one. She heard creatures around her, but she wasn't frightened. She felt a kindred something tethered to her surroundings.

There was a thinning of the overgrowth, and she tread on, not knowing where she was going but convinced she was heading the right way.

And a precipice emerged. She slowed her pace.

Out into the distance, black clouds were churning. There was a sun peeking out, struggling to be seen. Rey narrowed her gaze.

"You're making a mistake."

She turned. "Leia," she smiled.

"Hello, Rey."

"I miss you so much," she went over to her, but stopped short of taking her hand.

"I haven't gone anywhere."

"You…" Rey smiled. "You died."

"And here I am."

She nodded, swallowing. "I'm so confused."

"I know. But sometimes confusion can be helpful to make us see."

"I don't know…I don't know much of anything anymore."

Leia's gaze was sorrowful. "I never knew much. Least of all my son."

This stopped Rey. And she looked away, following Leia's own gaze.

There he was, standing at the edge, watching the sky.

"Ben," Rey whispered.

And she woke with his name on her lips.

She sat up, rubbing her face. She didn't remember saying his name at all since she uttered it on Exogol…trying to avoid it.

Was she asleep when she said it? She couldn't tell.

But he had been there, in her dream, even if he wasn't looking at her. She smiled. "Time to go, BB," and she stood.