Chapter 1

Severus looked into Potter's eyes, searching for Lily. The pain from Nagini's bite was excruciating. He could feel his life force ebbing out of his body. The last thing he felt before losing consciousness was something dousing his neck. He knew no more.

It was a long time before Severus slowly opened his eyes. He was surrounded by a grey fog. Unable to get his bearings from his prone position, he sat up and looked around. The fog encased him, keeping him from seeing anything. Looking down at his person, he noted he was dressed in a white robe. He'd never been fond of solid white robes, but this one seemed to suit him. Glancing up again he noted the fog seemed to be thinning somewhat, and he was beginning to see some odd shapes. A slide and a swing set began to materialize as the fog cleared further, but they had no true color. Grass appeared beneath the swings, but it too had a silvery hue. Finally, he recognized the place of his childhood. The playground where he'd first met Lily formed from the haze. He smiled to himself. This was one of his favorite places. Lily and he had spent many hours as children playing here, and their friendship had been cemented right there by the tree that was near the swing set.

He rose from the ground and wandered over to the slide. He caressed the ladder leading up to it and then moved over to the swings. He sat on the one on the left—his swing. Looking over to his right, he regarded Lily's swing. How he wished she were swinging in it.

And just like that, she was there. His eyes widened at her as she turned to smile at him. She was wearing a white robe similar to his; her red hair was stark against all the silver, white, and grey.

"Lily?"

"Severus!" Lily cried. "It's so good to see you!"

Severus' eyebrows narrowed. "What's going on here?"

"You're in a magically induced coma. The war is over, and Voldemort is finally dead. I wanted to come here and thank you for watching over Harry."

"I'm sorry he had to die."

"No, Severus, he lives. He killed Voldemort."

"But, I thought…"

"He was struck down by Voldemort, but survived again." Her hand went to Severus', which was holding the chain of the swing. "You made it possible for my boy to defeat him. I can't express how grateful I am for all that you've done. You've kept him alive so he could save our world."

Severus rose from the swing, never taking his eyes off Lily. He bowed low before her and looked into her eyes. "Lily, I never stopped loving you."

His hand came up, and he caressed the back of her neck, pulling her toward him. His lips touched hers reverently. His heart soared as he finally kissed the woman he'd loved for so long. Too quickly she was pushing him away.

She giggled. "I'm not THAT grateful, Severus."

Severus' face fell. Lily caressed his cheek. "I know you've loved me all these years, Severus, but I love James, and always will. You need to forget about me."

"Never!" Severus declared. He withdrew a little and sat back on his swing.

"The war is done. You don't have to hide behind your love for me anymore. You can live your life and be happy."

"Lily, how can I be happy after what I did?"

"Severus, my death wasn't your fault. It was Voldemort's. You must stop beating yourself up over that."

Severus looked at her. He saw her sincerity, which calmed him. "You truly don't blame me?" he asked softly.

Lily shook her head. "Of course not! I know you would never do anything to hurt me, Severus. Please stop torturing yourself over it."

Severus looked down, his brows furrowed. He felt Lily's hand on his arm. "Severus, I'm serious. Forgive yourself."

He nodded imperceptibly, not looking up at her. After a while, he spoke again.

"You said I'm in a coma?"

Lily nodded then. "You'd lost so much blood, the Healers felt that if they slowed down your metabolism you would be able to heal."

"Do you know if I'll live?" he asked tentatively.

"I have it on good authority that you will."

Severus scowled. "I wanted to die. There is nothing for me to live for now. I'll be sent to Azkaban and spend the rest of my days there."

"You've already been cleared of any wrongdoing," Lily explained.

Severus looked at her then. "How?"

"Harry and his friends fought for you. They even managed to have Dumbledore's portrait speak on your behalf. You're free, Severus. When you wake, you'll be able to do whatever you like."

"What I'd like, is to be with you… forever."

"Oh, my friend." She chuckled at his arched eyebrow. "Yes, you are my friend. I forgave you a long time ago for that incident in school." She reached over and grasped his hand. "You are free. You can finally put your feelings for me away." She held up her finger at him as he tried to say something. "I know, Severus, I know you care for me, but you hid behind your love for me all these years. It served you well as a spy, but now… now you can finally be yourself and be happy."

"Lily, I love you."

She squeezed his hand. "Give it some time. You'll see that there is a love out there for you that will overshadow your feelings for me one hundredfold."

"Impossible!" Severus declared, frowning severely.

"Do you trust me, Severus?"

He looked to the ground. "Implicitly."

"Then believe me when I tell you there's someone out there for you, and she will make you forget you ever knew me."

"I will never forget you, Lily. I have lived only for you all these years."

Lily smiled. "Of course I know you will always remember me, but you will find that you no longer feel how you do for me."

"How do you know this?" Severus asked as his eyebrows knit together.

"I have it on good authority."

"You keep saying that!"

She laughed at him. "That's because it's true."

"What if I don't want to fall in love with anyone else? What if I want to love you for the rest of my life?"

Tears came into Lily's eyes. She touched his chest. "In there, you know we wouldn't have worked out. You know I didn't feel like that about you."

"Because of Potter," Severus said bitterly.

She looked at him as if he had two heads. "Well, yes!" she cried. "James and I are soulmates. We were always destined to be together."

Severus rose and stalked off, stopping a few feet away. "Who would have thought in the afterlife I would still be losing to Potter," he huffed.

Lily rose and moved behind him. "We're not in the afterlife, and you haven't lost to anyone. Your soulmate is still out there."

He whirled around and glared at her. "You are my soulmate."

Lily gazed at him sadly and reached for his chest again. "Look in here," she whispered as her hand covered his heart. "Your heart will confirm to you that we were never meant to be soulmates."

Severus pulled away from her and stalked off. Would he ever be happy anywhere? Even in this non-afterlife state, he couldn't have his dream. He stopped and gazed into the haze. Thinking of what Lily had said, he looked to his heart. It was a fragile thing. He'd shielded it behind armor that not even he could penetrate. If he were honest with himself, he hadn't paid attention to that particular organ in a long time save for his pining for Lily. Perhaps it was time for him to unlock his heart and see what was truly in it.

He closed his eyes and sighed. He pictured his fragile heart, mentally unlocking the metal casing that protected it. He gasped. Reaching up to his chest he grasped at it as if he could pull his decrepit heart right out of his body. He crashed to the ground and doubled over as he continued to grasp his chest.

Everything escaped him. His feelings at killing Dumbledore, seeing Charity Burbage slain in front of his eyes, every revel he'd needed to attend, his love for Lily, his loneliness this past year as everyone glared at him with hatred, years of kissing up to Voldemort, it all came to a head, and he felt every second of it. Tears streamed down his face as great sobs escaped his lips. He felt Lily's hands on his back, soothing him. Despite her efforts, he felt his heart would explode, it was so filled with pain. He screamed in agony while clawing at his chest.

"Make it stop! Merlin, make it stop!"

Lily's arms surrounded him. "Let it out, Severus," she urged.

He turned into Lily and grasped at her, clutching her to himself and enveloping her in his arms. He squeezed her so hard that if she'd been alive, he'd have suffocated her. They stayed that way for a while before Severus finally composed himself and pulled back from her. He sniffed.

"I hadn't realized I'd buried so much," he murmured. "I could never let any of it out for fear I'd be found out."

"How do you feel?" Lily asked as she grasped his arms.

Severus regarded her for a few minutes while he assessed his emotions. "Better," he said finally.

Lily smiled. "I'm glad." She squeezed his arm. "Now how do you feel about me?" she asked.

"I love you."

She frowned. "Severus!"

"Well, I do." He smirked at her frown. "However," he continued, "I see your point. Even as a youth, I knew in my heart you didn't care for me like that." He looked to the ground, then back up at her. "Lily, had I been… different… do you think you might have…"

Lily thought for a minute. "You were more like a brother to me, Severus…. My best friend… I never felt like that about you. It wasn't just because you hung around with the bad crowd and called me that horrid name." She regarded him for a minute and then frowned. "I'm sorry."

Severus nodded. "You can't help it."

"I know you don't like hearing it, but James and I…"

He scowled. "I do not want to hear about Potter!"

She stopped. Looking into his eyes, she went on. "I know you'll always have some feelings for me, Severus, but you can push those aside and find someone who does love you as more than a friend."

He snorted. "No one would ever feel that about me. I am a murderer and in league with Death Eaters."

Lily hugged him. "Give yourself a chance. When you awaken, you can start fresh. I told you, you've been cleared. Not everyone will look upon you with hatred. Most already think you're a hero."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, the most awe-inspiring man in the entire Wizarding community."

She pulled away from him and batted his arm. "Severus Snape, you are your worst enemy. I want you to remember that, and when you have the urge to be horrible, give yourself a break, and be nice."

He scrunched his face up at her. "I doubt I know how to be nice."

"Yes, you do." She placed her hand over his heart again. "…in here. Follow your heart. Become the man you would have been had you not been buried in all this espionage. You deserve to give yourself that, Severus."

He looked into her eyes and read her sincerity. He gave a quick nod.

Lily looked around and noticed the fog was thickening again. "It looks like our time is almost up, Severus." She hugged him tightly. "Thank you again, my friend. I will always remember what you've done for Harry. Now you remember to forget me."

He gave her a rueful smile. "That's easier said than done, Lily."

She nodded. "I understand, but I know you can do it, and you will feel better about yourself and your life if you do."

He frowned. "I don't see how that is possible."

"You said you trusted me."

He shrugged. "I do, but…"

"No buts. I have it on good authority that this is the key to your future happiness."

He narrowed his eyes at her, but with no ire. "Who is the good authority you keep bringing up?"

She opened her mouth to answer but started to fade away.

"No!" Severus cried, becoming frantic. "Please don't go! We've had so little time. Lily, stay with me! Stay with me!"

She faded from his arms as he plead with her. His heart shattered as the grey enveloped him again, smothering him until everything went black.

hr width=9%

Severus opened his eyes. The antiseptic walls of St. Mungo's accosted his senses. Looking to his left, he noted the Granger girl snoozing in a chair. He cleared his throat, and she jumped up as if she'd been shocked.

"Professor, you're awake!" she cried. She rose and rushed to the bed. "What hurts?" she asked.

He was about to say something caustic, but then remembered what Lily had said. He took a deep breath to collect himself. "My neck, of course," he said in a huff. Well, it wasn't nice, exactly, but compared to the scathing comment that was about to come out of his mouth, it was positively pleasant.

She grimaced. "Of course. That was a stupid thing to ask. I'll call the Healer." She cast her Patronus, and Severus was surprised to see an otter bounding off to get someone. "Would you like some water?" she asked.

He nodded. She took a glass with a straw in it filled with water and ice. She lifted Severus up slightly so he could drink. When he was done, he pulled away.

"A straw?" he asked.

She blushed. "I thought it might be easier for you to drink, so I conjured up one earlier."

"Why are you here, Granger?"

She shrugged as she sat back down on the chair by his bed. "I thought you might like to have someone here when you woke up."

He nodded and gingerly touched the bandage on his neck. "How bad is it?" he asked.

"Well, the Healers say that you're lucky to be alive. Thankfully your vocal cords weren't affected. You've been in a medically induced coma for three weeks to slow down your metabolism because you lost so much blood."

"Three weeks," Severus muttered. "How did I get here?"

"I had dittany in my bag. I doused your wound with it before we left the Shack. I wasn't sure if it would help, honestly. After everything was done, Madame Pomfrey and I came back, and thankfully you were still alive."

He looked at her for a long time. "Why?"

She worried her lip for a little while. Her eyes filled with tears. "I couldn't let you die. I didn't know you were on our side at the time, but I've always respected you, and the thought of you dying on that floor…"

Severus looked and felt very uncomfortable. Finally, he looked at her with a scowl. "Come now, Miss Granger, spare me your platitudes. I'm sure you were rejoicing in your head."

She sat up a bit straighter. "I assure you I wasn't. I know you were nasty as our professor, but I've always hoped that some of your vitriol was part of your spying act."

Severus arched his eyebrow at her. "Given your propensity for regurgitating facts, I'm surprised that you have come to such a conclusion. With the Dark Lord gone, I suppose I can affirm your suspicions."

Despite his cutting remark, the girl didn't seem to be phased. Perhaps her travels with her friends had given her some backbone.

"Wait," Hermione said. "How did you know about Voldemort?"

Severus didn't want to divulge his vision with Lily to her. "If he had won, you certainly wouldn't be here."

"Oh, right…"

"You can fill me in on the details if you'd like."

At that point, the Healer finally came in. "Sorry," she said. "It's been a bit crazy today."

"I'll step out," Hermione said. "We'll continue this when you're done."

He rolled his eyes, but she had already turned and left the room. He supposed he'd have to put up with her fawning for a while longer if he wanted to know what really happened in the battle. If he were to be honest with himself, she hadn't been horrid to speak with. She'd definitely done some maturing since she'd been on the run.

Turning to the Healer, he listened to her explain his condition, which was much what Lily had told him.

"How long before I'm fully healed?"

The Healer waved her wand over him a few times. "You're healing as expected." She removed his bandage and examined his neck wound. "I don't see any signs of bleeding from the bite. That's very good. We've had trouble with this snake's bite before. The potion we developed for Arthur Weasley seems to have worked."

She straightened up and looked down at Severus. "I would like to observe you for another two days. If your neck continues to recover as it is now, I am fine with you being discharged at that time."

Severus sighed. At least it wasn't longer than two days. He hoped he would be able to stand it. He hated hospitals and hated being poked and prodded. Remembering Lily's admonition, he kept all of this to himself. Finally, he nodded at the Healer.

"I'll be in this afternoon and tomorrow morning to check on you," the Healer advised. She then turned and left.

There was a light knock at the door before Hermione poked her head in.

"Just hovering by the door, hmm?"

Hermione turned twelve shades of scarlet as she slunk back to the chair she'd been sitting in. Pulling it closer to him and angling it so she could see him well, she sat down in it. By this time she'd composed herself and looked at him.

"We were going to talk about the battle. Are you still ok with that?"

Severus nodded. He was surprised she'd asked instead of just diving into it. It seemed she wasn't as impetuous as she'd been in the past either.

They spoke for a while. Severus controlled himself until she'd gone. Once the door closed, though, Severus shuddered and put his hands over his face. He fought back tears as he mourned the lost and also mourned his life and all he'd experienced over the years.

"He's gone finally. I'm free. Both my masters are gone." Severus sobbed.

"Lily…"

Finally, he dried his eyes and face. Staring up at the ceiling, he assessed his feelings. Relief was his greatest emotion. Sadness for the fallen came next. His eyebrows knit in confusion. His feelings for Lily had diminished considerably. He thought about his visit with her and all she'd said. He had to admit, he didn't feel the same way about her. He still loved her. He supposed he always would. But now, the intense feeling of loss was gone. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to live that new life Lily said he could have. As he thought about it, he hoped it would be possible.

A/N: Thanks to brenamarie for betaing this story. This is complete in 11 chapters plus an epilogue and will post weekly.