As a small treat for my readership, please enjoy a little Omake I wrote up this past Christmas on QQ!

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IMP AND SKITTER'S EXCELLENT (short) ADVENTURE

(or, Merida's Plan B for making Khepri do something)

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The Pale, 10 Second Seed, 4E200

About 200 yards east of Khepri's house, along the beach

Partly cloudy, warm, wind's kinda nippy though

"Watcha find, Imp?"

This was Bori's life now; sure, he was a Houscarl of the Pale, but really, did Khepri even need an escort to walk down the beach and help Imp collect seashells?

Though that didn't look to be the case, as the no-so-little-anymore Chaurus was digging at the dirt, Khepri simply watching and brushing some hair out of her face. The moonstone prosthetic looked nice against her signature blue-white tunic and boots.

'Could be worse,' the bored knight of the Hold thought, glancing over at Skitter, who looked just as bored as him; ice and fire, sometimes he was still struck by the size of the Praetorian, horned bronze chitin and all, a body built to protect. To see the big, loyal girl counting blades of grass while lying on her belly.

Bori sighed. Skitter buzzed the approximation of a sigh.

Sure, it was relaxing... but it was boring.

Thunk. "Oh, a chest."

"Thank the gods," Bori groaned, dropping to the rocky shore with a thump, Skitter doing so with more clacking and care; she was damn near the size of a grizzly, after all, "Let me take a look first, Lady Khepri, make sure it's not trapped."

"Oh, there's not much inside it," waved off Skyrim's youngest Thane with a smile while Imp tried - and completely failed - to unstick the chest from the sands, "Just a large rock, some jewels and jewelry... and I'm pretty sure that axe is enchanted," she finished while turning thoughtful, "Warm, but not hot like a fire enchantment. Turn Undead, maybe..."

Looked like she and Brelyna were still exchanging letters; Bori would have to visit Cristus, update the betting pool.

Skitter plunged a forelimb into the sands, then pulled the chest onto the beach. Imp at least had the sense to let go. This time.

Bori knelt by the keyhole and grumbled, "Still, you don't know; might've trapped it with magic."

"Skitter says it's clean."

Bori glared at the huge Chaurus. The Chaurus looked right back at him and buzzed. He sighed, then stood back from the chest, "Have at it then."

Imp chittered excitedly, and Khepri smiled, "Course you can have first pick, Imp, you found it!" Skitter put the tip of her left forelimb in front of the lock; the claw split into three sections... then she stabbed all three into the lock. The lid popped open with a crunch.

Bori still kicked the water-logged chest open and looked over the offerings, just to make sure: a white marble boulder (looked a little odd, but people had oddities in their homes; just look at Desmerius with his cactuses), he couldn't see the jewels but there was a gleam of gold, and, "Oh, dwemer. Good catch, Imp." Chitter!

"People really just bury stuff like this around?" Khepri asked with a tilted head, while Imp decorated her antennae with a couple gold chains; Skitter looked unimpressed, "I mean, we saw chests in the ruin, but this just seems... cliche."

"Not as much as you'd think," shrugged Bori, "Not common, mind, but people who served in the Legion, if they've got nothing left, bury their stuff out in the wilderness. S'why you'll find one or two in a bear cave sometimes. There's a rumor that Nirn herself refills some of the chests, but," Thane and Housecarl shared an eye-roll, then the latter gestured at the chest, "Go 'head."

Khepri smiled, "Such a gentleman. Your wife is lucky," she looked at the murky water; well, she was wearing gloves already, "That stone does look nice..."

"zzzQueenzz."

Both Bori and Khepri looked at Skitter; the Praetorian gestured at herself, then pointed at the rock.

Khepri blinked, then smiled, "Sure, Skitter. It would look great in your den." Bori had to agree; the white would go good with the glow-stones.

Skitter chittered happily, and picked up the stone in a three-clawed grip.

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The Great Alpha She Who The Queen Named Skitter - more commonly known as Skitter, or Queen's Guard among her fellows - picked up the pretty white stone her people's Saviour gave to her. She would treasure it alw-

"A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE... wait. Are you a CHAURUS?!"

If Skitter could have blinked, she was certain she would have; Skitter did stiffen however. Voices in one's head never meant anything good, but at least they weren't the hated Tyrant. She sent a look to The Annoying But Useful She The Queen Rightfully Named Imp; the other She showed no signs of corruption or subjugation, so it could not be the Tyrant...

"AH, YES. MY SISTER, MEPHALA TOLD ME ABOUT THAT ONE."

Skitter chittered worriedly, and spoke to the Queen, "Queen, there is a voice in my head. It says that Mephala is its sister."

Khepri, the Great Liberator, looked very surprised indeed. Then her beloved Queen's visage hardened, "And who precisely does this voice belong to?" Bori, her Queen's butler, drew the puny toothpick on his belt, his own face hardening; Skitter mentally scoffed. She was certain her own claws, which could pierce steel, could not break the stone in her claws.

"KINDLY TELL YOUR QUEEN NOT TO FEAR, FOR I, MERIDIA, HAVE A TASK FOR HER THAT IS BOTH JUST AND RIGHTEOUS!"

If Skitter's face could've gone flat, it would have; instead, she fell into a relaxed pose - so as not to worry Bori because Bori worried a lot - and spoke into the Hive Mind, [it says it is Meridia, Queen, and that it has a task for you.]

"I'm retired, as I keep telling people," her just and clever Queen deadpanned.

[the Queen says no.]

[yes, go away!] chirruped Imp, somehow managing to pull off a glare without eyebrows, waving a claw at the rock.

Skitter hoped she could keep the rock. It was still a very nice rock.

"UGH, Sanguine said this would be difficult. OKAY, CHAURUS. THERE IS A BLACK THREAT TO SKYRIM'S PEOPLE, ONE WHICH HAS DUG INTO MY ABANDONED TEMPLE LIKE A TICK."

[the Queen said no, whatever you are.] Skitter was getting rather tired of the voice. Maybe if she hit the rock against another rock, or Cristus's beard?

"I AM ASKING YOU TO DO ME A SERVICE, CHAURUS. WILL YOU PURGE THIS THREAT FROM SKYRIM?"

Imp looked at Skitter. Skitter looked at her annoying but adorable little sister.

[queen?] [queen.]

Again, and not for the last time, Skitter wondered what blinking felt like, [Queen.]

Her Queen turned from talking to her butler about the remaining contents of the chest, "Yes, Skitter?"

Skitter spoke, with her mandibles and wings, "Queen, Merida is asking if I will go to her temple and destroy a black threat to Skyrim."

Queen Khepri and her butler stared at Skitter. Skitter still did not know why humans kept their mouths open like that when Skitter spoke sometimes... or when Imp did something reckless, like play with that ice wraith. Wait...

"She wants... you, to go on a quest?" Skitter nodded her regal, beautiful head in reply to her Queen's question. Skitter knew what a quest was; her Queen read her books out loud, sometimes, so the Chaurus could hear the stories within.

"I DO NOT HAVE ALL DAY, YOU KNOW."

[strange voice] [impatient]

[apologies] The Queen shook herself, then squinted at Skitter, "Well..."

"Khepri, no," rudely objected the Queen's butler. Skitter hissed at him, so he would remember his place.

"Stop that, Skitter, Bori's just worried for you," Skitter nodded, but did not stop staring at her Queen, who asked, "Do you want to?"

"It is a threat, Queen. We swore." Imp nodded, sending [agreement] and [understanding] through the Hive Mind.

"Finally, THEN BRING MY BEACON TO MOUNT KILKREATH, WHERE MY TEMPLE RESIDES, SO WE MAY SPEAK FURTHER!"

Skitter related the actually quite irritating and loud voice's message to her Queen, who looked and felt mightily [displeased] at the information, "No. You will explain now, or the rock will go back in the-"

"EITHER BRING MY BEACON TO MOUNT KILKREATH, OR THAT BEACON WILL INCINERATE YOU ALL. Calling that lovely gemstone a rock, no respect these days."

Skitter rather liked not being incinerated. Her sister, Queen, and the butler all agreed with this sentiment.

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The Amazing and Talented She Who The Queen Named Imp did not like Mount Kilkreath very much. The marshes were nicer, and her Queen had gathered a sizeable following from the warm wetland to assist her noblest knights, Imp and Skitter, the Annoying but Awesome Older Sister Who Can't Fit Through Doors Anymore.

Indeed, there were many new sisters and brothers and pretty plants and stupid bears hidden in the marshes. Her belly was full, she'd found two dens to donate a few eggs for a lucky couple - because Skitter couldn't lay anymore - and she'd found more than a few shinies for her Queen and the butler Bori, who was carrying all their stuff!

It was a better adventure than facing the... the thing in the bad place. But the thing was dead, and the marshes were great!

But the Queen couldn't live in the marshes. Her home was among the people who shared her skin. But Imp was sure that someday she'd find the right shiny to convince her Queen.

And then they left the marshes behind, which made sense to Imp even though it made her sad; no mountains in marshes, and they had to go to a mountain.

Now that they were at the mountain, though... Imp decided that she hated mountains. But a statue was there, and Skitter still had the pretty marble, which she was explaining the use of to the group.

[I am to place the... beacon on the altar, and only then will Merida speak to me]

"That is silly," shivered their Queen, which made Imp all the more irritated; the Queen was risking life and health and the strange voice wanted to stand on ceremony? When Imp got her claws in the strange voice, "That is completely unnecessary. I can see what's inside the temple just fine!"

"And?" grunted the butler unhappily; Imp did not blame him. He was far from his chosen mate. She could sympathize, as she hoped The Bulky He Who The Queen Named Bentley did not discover her shiny collection.

Khepri looked between Skitter and Imp, then looked northward, "Skitter, just put the beacon down, then take Imp to that cave in the woods. Bori, get a fire going and set up the tent, please," their Queen sighed in [resignation], "It appears there's a necromancer below."

The butler spat in disgust and got to work. Skitter sighed and set the rock down, then beckoned her shivering sister, [come. we explore for Queen]

Imp just hoped the cavern was warm.

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"Okay, I think we got off on the wrong foot... talon... I am not familiar with insects, you understand. Tis not my province."

[chaurus. not insect, strange voice], replied Skitter to the now much quieter and more pleasing voice, lounging at the entrance to the cavern while her little sister savaged the wolf that dared attack them.

"Chaurus, then. I am Meridia. I have followed your race for some time. The deeds you and yours have struck against the Falmer pleased me greatly, hence why I was willing to... bend the rules, as it were. We don't usually deal with... Chaurus, or the other chitinous races of Nirn."

Skitter did not answer, thought the voice's words were nice to hear. She did not trust it. Her Queen was her liege, and no pretty words would shake her faith. Or Imp's.

"You Queen already dealt with the necromancer, you know. Oh, yes. The reason she has not contacted you is... because she's resting. Goodness! Try to get someone to do a good deed, and they get all suspicious! Who do I look like, Molag?"

Skitter did not think the voice looked like anything. It was only a voice.

[sister] Skitter looked over at her little adorable annoying - that was a walking skeleton. With a sword.

Luckily, Skitter could make very good unamused faces, [slay it]. Her sister did so with much delight, then used the skull as a plaything.

"Well at least someone's having fun slaying undead... Know any good jokes, Chaurus? Skitter, was it? I have a bet with Vaermina to settle."

The Praetorian was about to emulate her Queen and take a nap when magic flared in her enhanced sight. A distant chanting made itself known against her antennae, one which even Imp noticed, as she jerked away from the tunnel that went deeper into the nice warm cave.

Her little sister looked at Skitter, [trouble] [investigate?]

Skitter nodded, then crept after her much smaller and stealthier sister.

"Hmm? Found something? Oh, is it a secret cult to the King of Worms? Please tell me it's a secret cult to the King of Worms, I want to smite something."

Skitter wished the voice would stop distracting her...

[alarm] came from Imp, right as Skitter's eight yellow eyes beheld one of the biggest caverns she'd ever seen - Blackreach didn't count - a cavern that held an entire fort within its depths! Blue-black magic was swirling around the central tower, and a fell chant of many voices filled the air.

"Wolf Queen, hear our call and awaken. We Summon Potema!"
"We Summon Potema!"
"Long have you slept the dreamless sleep of death, Potema. No longer. Hear us, Wolf Queen! We Summon You!"
"We Summon Potema!"

Skitter did not know who this Wolf Queen was - wolves weren't very dangerous, but Khepri was Queen of the Chaurus, and could be very frightening indeed, so... - but, in addition to Skitter's own estimation of the situation at claw, the voice didn't seem to like her very much.

"STOP THEM! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND PURE, STOP THEM!"

Skitter looked at Imp. Imp looked at Skitter.

Skitter pointed at the top of the tower with a claw, whose chitin had rent the Tyrant, [evil] [exterminate]

Imp bounced happily, [agreement]

Her little sister slinked into the shadows, while Skitter...

The Praetorian noticed a draugr skulking about below; Skitter lunged down and crushed it, then bashed through some weak stone. A Bosmer squealed in terror and tried to set Skitter on fire. She ate his head, then heard the growl of another draugr above, then a thud. Imp's claws clattered about while the She broadcasted [humor] to her sister.

Inside, Skitter felt some disappointment; why could conjurers not use daedra instead of weak draugr? Maybe they got their names mixed up when starting out?

"THEY ARE NOT MISTAKEN, THEY ARE SIMPLY NECROPHILIACS! KILL THEM! CRUSH THEM! DESTROY THEM! EXTERMINATE!"

Skitter did not know what a 'necrophiliac' was, but Skitter knew what a necromancer was (a bad thing that should die), so that made the situation doubly bad. [haste] Skitter buzzed to her sneaky little sister, who dutifully moved to deal with the ritual group, while her big, strong sister provided a distraction.

Several of the necromancers - and one of the draugr - gaped in horror at the grizzly-sized bronze Chaurus Praetorian, as the noble creature burst through a stone wall and let out a bowel-loosening screech of [hatred] and [fury] before pouncing upon the hapless screaming meatbags-who-were-not-off-limits.

Skitter was very good at distractions.

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"We have an intrudeeEEAAAAAHHHH!"

As Imp sliced a forelimb through the groin of a very, very ugly human, Imp delighted in the appreciative screams of the human female who was being treated to the sensation of Imp's acidic spit as it melted the flesh of her upper body. For good measure, Imp knocked the woman over the side of the tower before she could heal herself, then lunged at a fool who tried to run.

They always tried to run, but Imp was always faster. But Imp could eat later, as one of the bad people was still trying to fry her. He had very good aim, too; Imp was nearly hit twice before she started focusing!

Then Big Sister reached over the side of the tower, grabbed the dangerous person's robes - why weren't they wearing armor? Butler Bori said armor is a must, living in Skyrim, but then these fools weren't wise like butler or Queen - and tossed the fool screaming to his fate.

[joy] chirped Imp, before noticing something blue and glowy over on a table, with some other cool stuff that Queen Khepri the Wise and Maker of Delicious Treats might like! Shinies!

Another scream came from below as Imp poked the bluish-white crystal, then put it in a nearby satchel as the sound of splintering wood, flashing spells, and more terrified screams came from below. Big Sister didn't need to distract them anymore, but Big Sister Skitter was also bored a lot lately, with no threats to their Queen. Imp decided to leave it alone.

Besides, there were shinies to collect!

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The snow had thankfully stopped the next morning. Which was good, as I didn't much appreciate having my time wasted by a lazy Daedra. Yawning, I exited the tent...

And came face-to-face with Imp, who was now wearing a gold and ruby crown? "Imp?"

[sister] [champion]

What.

Imp moved to one side, her overfilled knapsack full of trinkets rattling...

"Skitter, I said go wait out the storm in the cave. Where did you get that glowing sword?" I asked my biggest girl, who'd used said sword, held in her mandibles, to dry the campsite.

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Meridia sat down at the bar. Sanguine, that fucker, was grinning like Saturnalia had come early, "What'll it be, my lovely sister?"

"The strongest thing you have. I need to forget the last few days. Never again."

Mephala walked in with a grin that was somehow bigger than Sanguine's, "Meridia, darling~, I heard you made a Chaurus your Champion! Oh, how the mighty have-"

"Finish that sentence, and I will raze half your webs." The Queen of Infinite Energies then spent the rest of the year getting totally plastered.