So I was listening to Unmade by Thom Yorke and I started writing this and I'm just so emotional. This doesn't have to do with the song, but the vibes of the song make this so much better. Big Angst.

Enjoy:

I've wanted to say this since I moved to Forks. I've wanted to tell you how beautiful you are, how much I wished we could be friends, if only to give me the slightest relief from the pain. I didn't know if you realized it was me, if you realized that our eyes meeting was what caused color to swirl into your life. I wanted to deny it was you, but no matter how bright the world suddenly seemed, none of it was worth seeing if I couldn't see you.

I know you'll never read this email, but I'm so hopelessly in love with you. I wish sending this email, confessing all of this out in the open was enough for me, but it's not. I want to say it to your face, I want to tell you all of this, but I can't and will never get the chance.

Yours for all of eternity,

Bella

I read the email a million times. Alice told me it might be a good idea to hold onto the account, as much as I wanted to ignore her, I knew my sister was never wrong. This wasn't what I expected, but the part of me I tried to kill off was so happy to see her name on my screen; to feel her emotions through the computer.

Alice's old account received many emails throughout the week before she deleted it. Mine was quiet before and long after hers was tossed away, but today, nearly a year after our departure, I'm realizing why it was so important to hold onto this last connection to that wonderful human girl.

I always saw my family in black and white, I always saw them as blurs of grey just as everyone else did. The day she walked into my life was too great of a moment for any word to properly describe; for any combination of words. When the rush of color hit me, it wasn't my siblings I rushed to take in, it was her. Her long mahogany hair, her chocolate eyes filled with sparkling awe, her chapped pink lips and the gorgeous smile she graced me with.

Isabella Swan caught my attention and even now I couldn't remove her beautiful face from my mind. I didn't think the image of her would ever leave me and that was the smallest mercy in my heartache.

My fingers traced the letters of her name on the screen and I wished with all of my soul that I could find the courage to reply to her. She deserved the entire world and I wanted nothing more than to give it to her. I would put the royal crown on her head if she asked for it.

"Then go back." He whispered over my shoulder. I made no attempt to reply to him, he could hear my every thought, he could find his answer in the depressed whirling. He was the reason we left, but he wasn't the reason I held myself captive in this cottage; the cottage that I had built for her and I. How could I look into her eyes? How could I survive the betrayal that was likely to live there?

"She isn't going to accept you with open arms, especially after all this time, but you belong together." He placed his hand on my shoulder, his fingers squeezing gentling before releasing.

When the vote to leave was brought up, I was the first to say yes, the first to say we should leave my only joy to survive on her own. I couldn't bear being near her, seeing her adoration, seeing her love. I wanted to be perfect for her, but I was far from it. I wanted to be everything she deserved, but I felt like so little compared to her soft, loving soul.

"She doesn't care about that. She just needs you to be who you are. Who you really are." He wasn't given much credit by a few of our family members, but he seemed to be the one who could understand me most in these moments. He spent many years before and after his change feeling like he wasn't nearly enough as he was. I was changed to become his mate, but when his grey eyes met mine, I knew we weren't right for one another.

He became my best friend and confidant. He had his moments, but when he needed a shoulder, I was there and he never left me to wallow when I was feeling my most self-deprecating.

"You're a good friend, Edward." I finally spoke. I turned in my chair and stared into his eyes, they were golden and I had one person to thank for allowing me to see it. She was in Forks all alone and I had many months apart to make up for.

"Only because you have shown me what it means to be one." He smiled and gave my shoulder another squeeze before leaving my cottage. Many hours passed with my eyes reading over her email again and again.

A small noise and a bright light in the dark drew my attention. I stood quickly and turned to the doorway, my breath catching in my throat as the yellow light of a flashlight hit me.

"You're..." She began, her eyes taking me in with disbelief.

"Here." I finished, a single tear dripping from my eye. Her eyes mirrored mine; amazement, wariness, hope.

"Edward sent me this address, he said I needed to come here." Her eyes scanned the room, stopping on the only photo of us together there was in existence. It was resting on my desk, in a place I could see it often. Her bottom lip trembled as a sob tore itself from her throat.

"Bella." I whispered, my dead heart breaking in my chest as she turned from me. "You can't-"

"Wait!" She cried. "There's something I want to say." She lifted her head to stare me in my eyes again. "I'm so in love with you; so in love that it's killing me. I can't live without you." She clutched her flashlight tightly, the light pointing at the floor and shaking almost violently as her emotions raged through her. I could see her pain, I could see her anger, but her longing was something I could feel as she spoke, I could feel her love like I felt the air entering my lungs. "Please don't make me leave."

"I'm not. I was going to say you can't understand how much I've missed you." I whispered. Her eyes widened for a moment before her flashlight dropped to the ground and she launched herself into my arms. I held her tightly, I didn't think my sanity could stand it if I let go right now. This is where I was meant to be, where I should have been all this time. "I'm so sorry, Bella." My tears dropped on her shoulder, relief and regret pouring from my eyes. Regret for so much time lost, for all the heartache I caused. I would spend every moment of eternity making it right.

What do you think? I wasn't the biggest fan of Edward a while back (like a week ago), but I'm trying to stop disliking him. Best friend Edward is a great guy, best friend Edward is gay and old school, with new school vibes, he's such a sweetheart under all that emo and that's how I'm going to write him from now on. That's if I write about him at all lol.