Love and War

Night had come to Vekta, though not silence.

Jan knew he should have expected this. He'd trained in the ISA Regulars, before transitioning to the Rapid Reaction Force. He was meant to be among the best of the best, the tip of the spear, Vekta's first, last, and yes, even middle line of defence. He'd trained for this kind of thing for years. He'd done survival training, weapons training, endurance training, completed an officer candidate course, and been promoted to captain. Shock of all shocks, when you spent years training as a soldier, chances were you'd get sent into combat.

He hadn't been caught off-guard, he told himself. He'd taken part in deployments before, and on worlds apart from Vekta. The fighting, he could deal with. He could even deal with fighting that constituted a mass invasion from an enemy that was nearly the ISA's equal in tech, and right now, its superior in numbers. He'd fought and killed fellow humans over the years, he could certainly do it to helghast. The fighting of the last thirteen hours? That wasn't the issue. What was the issue right now was the aftermath. The chill of the night. The smell of burning vehicles and burnt flesh. The moans of the dying, both in the ISA's defensive lines, and out in the burning hellscape that separated the city outskirts from the helghast's forward positions. Thirteen hours of constant gunfights, before the helghast had pulled back, at least in this sector. Thirteen hours of firing, reloading, and firing, as defensive fortifications were set up. Now, at 20:26, local time, a lull had developed for both sides. And as tempting as it was to give into the need for sleep right now, he also knew that it was a lull that could break at any moment.

Still leaning against the trench, he gave a quiet nod of respect, watching medics take some poor sod down the trench who was missing both of his legs and an arm. There was too much he didn't know right now, he reflected. The SD platforms had failed spectacularly, and chain of command had broken down as well. Comms weren't working properly, and he had little idea as to how far the helghast had progressed, or the scale of the invasion. Potentially, he and this hodge-podge of units that had been thrown together were the last ISA holdout on this planet. Unlikely, granted, but possible. And after all this, after the fabled Iron Shield of Vekta had failed to even let off a shot? Captain Jan Templar was ready to believe anything.

"Sir?"

He looked at the woman who'd approached him. It was hard to make out her face in the gloom, but on her armour was a tag that said Ngouchi, and on her shoulder, lieutenant's bars. She gave a salute, and he gave one in return, making sure that his arm didn't go above the trench.

"Think I'm meant to report to you sir."

Jan raised an eyebrow. "You think?"

Ngouchi gave an uneasy look that Jan could still make out. "What unit you in?" she asked.

"RRF Fourth Battalion, Bravo Company. You?"

"RRF Sixth, Alpha Company, Third Platoon."

"And you're reporting to me?" Jan asked with a frown.

Ngouchi shrugged. "RRF Sixth doesn't exist anymore sir. What little we've got from Command is that remaining units are to consolidate."

Consolidate. The word was like a nettle entering his ears. The ISA were consolidating. The helghast were no doubt consolidating. The Rapid Reaction Force was given that name for a reason - it hadn't been intended for this kind of static defence, and he had a feeling in his gut that very soon, it would pay the price for it. Nevertheless, when Ngouchi handed him a data pad, he took it. Swiping his finger across the screen, he was greeted with a topographic map of Vekta City. Various sectors were shaded in green or blue, and he didn't need to be a veteran to know which was which.

He looked back at the lieutenant. "How recent is this?"

"Recent as of forty-three minutes ago sir."

"That's when it was transmitted?"

"No sir. It's when I got it."

"Fascinating. But what's its TOO?"

"...too, sir?"

"TOO. Tee-oh-oh," Jan snapped. Seeing Ngouchi was still staring, he added, "time of origin."

"Oh. Um, don't know sir." She glanced down the trench line, before meeting Jan's eyes again, having the decency to still look embarrassed. "Honestly sir, with the comms the way they are, we-"

Jan waved his hand and returned his gaze to the data pad. The comms were on the fritz, the ISA was on defence, and no-one seemed to know what was going on. That said, none of that was Ngouchi's fault. It might not be anyone's fault. Or, so he hoped. Vaughton had command of all ISA forces on Vekta, and if...when, this ended, he knew that questions would have to be answered. Vaughton, as to what he'd done, when, and why, and from Adams as to why the SD platforms hadn't fired a shot. In the meantime though, he zoomed in and out of the pad's display and frowned. Zooming in further, the frown likewise deepened.

"That bad sir?"

Jan looked at Ngouchi. "You think it isn't?"

She let out a bitter laugh. "I'm defending my homeworld from goggle heads who want to kill me and everyone like me Captain. Of course it's bad."

Jan gave a small smile, but it evaporated quickly as he tapped his finger on the pad. "Helghast have breached the city limits in numerous areas, and that's in addition to the landing sites they set up earlier. So..."

"So?"

He nodded down the trench. "Trenches and foxholes aren't the best idea when your enemy can outflank you."

"But we're holding them sir. In this sector."

"For now. But this kind of warfare wasn't conceptualized when space, let alone air superiority was even a thing."

Ngouchi didn't say anything. And while he could think of all sorts of reasons for that, he decided not to press the issue. Words were like bullets - best used sparingly, and accurately.

"Anyway," Jan said. "If you're going to be my second, best you do your job."

"Yes sir. Of course sir." She paused. "And that is...?"

"Go up and down the line, get the lie of the land, see how the troops are holding up, that sort of thing. Assure them that it's all going to work out?"

"And if I can't do that?"

Jan looked away. "Then learn how to," he murmured, before glancing back at her. "Get to my rank, you learn a lot about lies."

Why did I say that?

Jan checked his watch - 22:31, local time. He'd spent two hours going up and down the line, doing everything he'd told Lieutenant Ngouchi to do, and done it without a hitch. The occasional shot rang out, along with the occasional explosion, and in the night's gloom, he could see fire doing its merry dance in various areas of Vekta City. The comms hadn't gotten better, and despite his best efforts, he didn't think morale had either. Still, on the other hand, it hadn't gotten any worse either. Considering the events of the last day, he supposed that could be counted as a victory.

But why did I say that?

The words rolled over and over in his head - "get to my rank, you learn a lot about lies." What did that even mean? It wasn't as if he was involved in black ops or anything. Obviously the ISA had an underbelly, but as far as underbellies went, its gut was pretty healthy, and its exterior pretty shiny. The United Colonial Nations had accomplished what its predecessors hadn't, and brought all of mankind under one banner. Course, militaries existed, and he'd done his share of military things, but for those who decried Earth's empire, he had to ask them what the alternative was? Helghan? A race of fanatics ruled over by a madman? Maybe utopia was out of reach, but that didn't mean that the ledge below it didn't offer a nice view. So why the hell had he-

You know why.

He grit his teeth, tightened his rifle's strap, and kept walking. Yes. He did. Or, rather, he knew why he'd said it, but why he was thinking of that right now, he couldn't say. So when he returned to his command point, when he saw Ngouchi sitting down, dozing off, he couldn't help but give her a kick.

"The hell?!" she exclaimed. She dropped something out of her hands (still there despite her snoozing) and glared upwards. "What the hell do you think you're..." She trailed off, seeing Jan above her.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" he asked.

"Sir," she said, scrambling to her feet. "No sir."

"Really? I mean, obviously you need a snooze. Course there's grunts who have to keep awake since the goggle heads might do a night attack, but seriously, by all means, take a sleep now."

"I...sir, I didn't mean to-"

"The hell you doing here, Ngouchi?" Jan asked.

"Sir?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked again. There was a fire growing in his belly, but it was failing to provide him with any warmth. "You've got an L.T.'s bars, but it's as if you don't know anything about chain of command, or procedure, or any of the shit that's expected of you."

Ngouchi lowered her gaze. Jan could see that it was lingering on the piece of paper that she'd dropped.

"Well?" he snapped.

"Sir, I..."

"Eyes up, lieutenant. What are you doing here?"

She met his gaze. "I don't know sir. Ask the helghast."

"What?"

"Platoon was wiped out. Sixth is gone. Only reason I've got the bars is that out of all the grunts that were left, I was the one who'd actually made an application for OCS."

Jan could feel the fire in his belly begin to dim, much to his annoyance. Anger was easy. Anger kept you alive, and there was a feeling of power to be had when it was directed at other people. A power that not even he, Jan Templar, ISA poster boy, was immune to. But the fire was dimming, and what followed were far more complex emotions. Guilt. Sympathy. Empathy. Emotions that had their place, no doubt, but emotions that he'd learnt to put to the side after...well, after it had happened.

"Anything else, sir?" Ngouchi murmured.

"No." Jan squatted down and picked up the piece of paper. "Nothing else." He got to his feet and, turning the paper around, realized that it wasn't so much paper that he was looking at, but rather a photo. One of a girl, who looked about Ngouchi's age.

"This is yours, I think," Jan said. He handed it back to her, and Ngouchi gingerly took it in her hands. "Sister?" he asked.

"No. Girlfriend."

"Oh."

Ngouchi pocketed the photo, and, facing the ground, murmured, "well, not really girlfriend. More like...significant other."

"Fair enough."

"And actually not so much significant other but as..." She took a breath. "Fiancé."

"Oh." Jan blinked, finally realizing what he was hearing. "Oh."

The fire was gone. The snake had returned. That goddamn snake that had appeared within him on that day, and had never really left. That said, he knew he should say something.

"Don't see a ring."

Something that wasn't actually stupid, he reminded himself.

"Oh, it's here." Ngouchi reached down under her armour and, after some effort, pulled out a chain. "Got it here sir. The whole idea of being close to my heart."

Jan could see her dog tags. What he could also see was the small silver band that was dangling from the same chain, clinking against the iron. Love and war, both close to the heart. One that, given how Ngouchi's face had lit up, was one that he was guessing was beating pretty fast right now.

"It was so weird," she said, as she sat back down in the trench. "Like, there I am on Luna - RRF vacuum training and low-g training rolled into one, y'know?"

Jan nodded - he did know.

"Right, so, that happens, and we're allowed shore leave, and there's me, walking around Aldrin Dome, taking in the sights and the sounds, and bam - literally bump into her." She clapped her hands for effect. "So, there's me, saying sorry, and she's saying sorry, and I'm telling her that she shouldn't be sorry, and she's saying that I shouldn't be sorry that she's sorry, and since we can't decide on who should be sorry, we decide to hash out our differences over coffee, only we find we have more similarities than differences, so we agree to stay in touch, and I spend the rest of my shore leave with her, and..." She trailed off. "Sorry sir. Know this isn't relevant."

"Hmm?" Jan blinked. "Oh No. No, it's fine. You..." He glanced down the line, thinking of all the similar photos, holos, and rings he'd seen tonight, before looking back at her. "Well, you've got to do whatever it takes to keep yourself going. And if that means surviving to tie the knot on Luna, then, well..."

"Actually the plan was that she comes to Vekta and we have the wedding here. Families meet each other, hopefully like each other, and..." She trailed off, biting her lip. "Y'know, I can't help but imagine that when Earth sends a fleet to beat the higs back, she's going to be right there with them." She looked up at Jan. "Earth is sending a fleet, aren't they sir?"

"They...I'm sure they are," Jan said.

It wasn't a lie. Either ISA Alpha Centauri had contacted Earth or it hadn't, but if Vekta had gone dark, Earth wouldn't waste any time in finding out what had happened. Fact of the matter was that Earth couldn't survive without Vekta. Question was, would he survive? Would Ngouchi? Would any of them?

"Anyway," the lieutenant said. "You can count on me sir."

"Good," Jan said. "Because you get first watch."

She nodded, and he gave a small one in return. "I'll be back in two," he said. "Hopefully by then the comms will be working."

He turned around and began to walk towards one of the command posts. Where there'd be food, coffee, and if he was lucky, a bed.

"Sir, have you got anyone waiting for you?"

Unfortunately, bad luck still plagued him this night. He stopped, took a breath, and glanced round at the lieutenant. She was looking at him, and not at the snake, still writhing within his belly.

"I mean, if it's not too personal to ask..."

Jan took a breath. "No," he said.

Ngouchi almost looked disappointed.

"No," Jan repeated. "Me and romance...look, it never happened."

"Oh," Ngouchi said, her look of disappointment turning to something even more galling - sympathy. "Well, I mean...like, I know this might not be the best time to say, and everyone's different, and-"

"The point, lieutenant."

"...but it's worth it," she added, smiling. "Maybe I'm just high on silver and diamonds right now, but it's worth it."

Jan forced a smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Please do, sir. They say there's a fine line between love and hate, but-"

"No, there isn't!"

Ngouchi fell silent. Some of the troopers further along the line glanced at the captain. In Vekta City, an explosion rocked the night.

"Fine line," Jan murmured, the words as much his as the snake. "You want to know about that line?" He gestured to the cratered hellscape that separated the ISA lines from the helghast. "That's your line. Barbed wire, death, and all the other crap. Because when you love someone, and they don't love you, and you can't stop thinking about them, and hate yourself for it, that's all you're left with. Wire. Tearing you apart, writhing around like a...like a snake."

He fell silent. Ngouchi was silent. Once again, the whole world was silent.

"So goodnight," Jan said, before turning around, walking, and this time, not looking back.

He'd found a mattress, and flopped into it without bothering to take his armour off. Wondering why now, of all times, it was coming back to him. Why now, after all these months, he still wasn't over her. Why now, he took something out of his many pockets like an addict, and flopped it open. Tormenting and nourishing him at the same time. A picture. A woman of red hair, green eye, and a small smile. A woman who he doubted he'd ever see again (something for the best), yet one who couldn't leave his mind.

Sighing, he pocketed the picture and tried to sleep. The line between love and war was indeed thick, in his experience.

Though at times like this, a lot narrower.