Okay! It's finally time for the boys to sit down and have their conversation. One that has been building up since pretty much the beginning of the entire series. This is going to be filled with so many feels. Here's hoping most are good!

I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Don't have just yet, but keep a look out as they'll pop up eventually.

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Licking at his lips Callen stared at himself in the mirror wondering if he looked alright. Kensi had just taken the kids for a long weekend leaving he and Deeks alone so they could spend some time together without anything coming up. Something that wasn't as terrifying as it sounded.

They had both already decided that it would be for the best if they did something simple. A nice visit to the beach where they'd grab some tacos and hopefully talk about everything that had been going on.

Even with all of that in mind though it was going to be the first date that he and Deeks went on in… He couldn't even guess at what that date was. All he knew was that it had been far too long. There was a lot riding on what happened while they were out.

He felt almost exactly like he had the first time they went on a date. He could remember just how nervous he had been asking the man out. The knowledge that messing up the date would hurt the team had terrified him.

At the same time he had thought that he was going to mess it up and lose his chance to be with the younger man. It had always been a concern for him dating someone that also worked with him. There was just something about Deeks that made him want to take the risk.

Deeks had always been like that though. Even before they started to date it was a risk bringing him onto the team. A risk that Hetty had known would be worth it all in the end. It wasn't until later that Callen saw that as well.

When the younger man had first joined the team all of them had tried to get a read on him. He was somehow one of the nicest people that they had ever come across while being damn good at his job.

At the same time though he was a wild card. Randomly spewing out nonsense that they were barely able to keep up. Joking about anything and everything that he came across. Rarely sitting still and being quiet.

He was the kind of person that either drew people in or pushing them away. Callen had come across people like that before and for the most part didn't care. With Deeks though… It was something that he had found himself wanting to understand.

The longer the man stayed in his life the more he had wanted to figure him out. There had to be a story behind those ocean blue eyes and wide friendly smile. If he was going to be on the team like Hetty wanted than he had to find the person behind it all. That had been where all of it had started between the two of them.

With every new thing he discovered about the younger man he found himself simply wanting him. Not just in the romantic sense either. If he was honest he would have been content having him as a friend.

The more time they spent together though the more he realized one thing. There was nothing to lose and everything to gain from being with someone like him. It hadn't taken long after that before he asked the man out.

All of those feelings were rushing back to him as he stood there. So many things could go wrong and if they did… The idea of losing his husband broke his heart in a way that he couldn't quite explain even to himself. He loved Deeks so much.

Everything that had happened recently though let him know that it wasn't enough. How he hadn't realized that before was a mystery to him. It made so much sense thinking about it in the long run. Just like it made sense that things were as bad as they were now.

Wasn't that how it always worked though? No matter what came along it wasn't until it was so far in the past that there was nothing they could do about it that things became clear. It was always seemed impossible to see until it was too late.

Except it wasn't too far in the past. If it was than they wouldn't be going on their date. Would they? Sometimes it was hard to know if Deeks was doing something because he wanted to or because he felt as if he had to.

That was a trait of his that had been around since he first met the younger man though. This need to please everyone around him. It was a habit that he tried to break more than a few times, but it always came back.

The thought was one that had been swirling around in his brain a lot recently. The both of them knew exactly what could happen if they didn't get back what they once had. It was something that they both wanted to avoid.

A sigh fell from his lips as he ran a hand over his face. A part of him wondered if maybe it wasn't a good idea to just jump into going on a date. There was so much that they needed to talk about that it felt almost like they were avoiding it in a way.

It wasn't something that they could half-ass and hope for the best. The best had gotten them where they were now and where they was close to falling apart completely. There was no reason for either of them to even try if they both weren't willing to give a hundred.

Callen had no clue how long he had been standing there his thoughts running in circles before a hand came to rest on his shoulder. Blinking a few times to clear his vision he looked at the mirror and saw Deeks staring at him with that confused, worried look that used to be on his face all the time.

"Are you okay?" Deeks signed his eyes darting between the mirror and him.

There were so many things going through his mind that Callen could answer that with, but at the moment words seemed to fail him. He had always been better with action than he was with words anyway.

Turning around to face his husband Callen reached out and placed a hand on his cheek. It was a movement that he used to do a lot at one point in their relationship. A movement that grounded them both in what was happening right then.

The feeling of Deeks scruff against his skin sent a shiver up his spine that he hadn't felt in awhile. Hell, he could barely remember the last time they had even been in this position. How could they even have gotten to the point where something a simple as a touch was foreign to them?

He could still remember being right where he was. touching Deeks in the exact way before he pulled the younger man into a kiss. The feeling of his scruff grazing across his skin as the kiss brought smiles to both of their lips.

Right after the kiss broke the younger man would always then tilt his head to the side kissing the inside of his wrist. Callen had always loved when Deeks did that. It was such a simple move, but he always felt the love coming from him.

It didn't feel anything like that anymore. Yes, the worry still played in the mans eyes and he knew that he wasn't faking the emotion, but everything else had changed. All the warmth and love that he had always felt was gone.

Callen felt his breath catch in his throat as the realization fully hit him. The knowledge of how much had actually changed… Even though he had known that it had been missing for awhile knowing it and seeing it was vastly different.

Pulling away from the hold he let out a shaky breath as he took a few steps away and dropped on to the bed his chin on his chest. With everything that was suddenly hitting him he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to feel.

If he was honest at that point he wasn't even really sure that he wanted to go through the date anymore. It wasn't that he didn't want to try to fix everything between them, but he felt a little hopeless at the moment.

At the very beginning of their relationship he had truly thought that he and Deeks were going to be good together. It's why he had risked everything to be with the man. Now the one person he shared his heart was felt like a complete stranger when they touched.

If they had lost something that was not only so quintessential them but was frankly simple than was there really a point in even attempting to try? They had fallen so far and that had to mean something. Didn't it?

Feeling a hand rest on his knee Callen looked up and saw the younger man kneeling in front of him. A small part of him wanted nothing more than to pull away and stop the conversation before it even started. Instead he forced himself to not move.

"What's wrong?" Deeks signed staring him in the eye.

"Do you think it's too late?" Callen replied hating himself for telling the man his fears, "That we're too late?"

In that moment Callen wanted nothing more than to have the younger man attempt to soothe his worries. It didn't matter to him that it could all be a lie. He needed to have his husband assure him that they were doing the right thing. Instead Deeks eyes fell to the floor as if he was searching for something, anything, to say.

"I don't know," Deeks offered before lifting his head, "But I'm not ready to give up yet. Are you?"

Seeing both hope and determination in the blue eyes Callen felt a smile tug on his lips. He had been so certain that there was nothing the man could say that would make him feel better. That they were doomed before they even started.

And maybe they were doomed, but neither of them could actually know that until they tried to fix it. He loved Deeks far too much to just sit there and watch him walk out of his life as if he was no one.

With a nod of his head he took his husbands hands in his and forced the two of them to stand up. In any other situation he would have leaned forward to press a kiss to the mans lips, but something told him that it was too much too soon.

Motioning to the door he watched Deeks grab his jacket before starting to leave the room. He only got a few steps before turning back around and holding his hand out. Linking their hands together he let his husband lead the two of them out of the house and to the car more than ready for what happened next.