reflection of you

Time And Time Again

AN: While at first, I think I had intended this story to be longer, I've now decided "Time and Time Again" is actually going to be the first one-shot/short story in "reflection of you". I had been planning on making a area for short Ben and Albedo stories for a while now, so here it is. Of course, while all future stories I write in here are meant to be short, that is subject to change, cause you never know.

(and now I'm off to get back to working on my various Ben and Albedo stories)

Enjoy-

Though at first having a human's body had felt strange to Albedo, he had gotten used to it. But he was feeling that strangeness again, and he couldn't explain why. That heavy feeling of being trapped in a body that wasn't his own paired with the heavier feelings of betrayal and loss. He wasn't sure what was worse, looking in the mirror and feeling so disoriented at his own reflection or knowing that Azmuth didn't care at all. Azmuth, the one he had thought he would always look up to; the one he respected and had once considered a father.

No, it wasn't "once", it was now, too. He had never stopped thinking of him in that way, even though that thought alone was enough to make him feel embarrassed and more pitiful than he already usually felt after "becoming" human.

Yet it was true. And as he pushed forward, trying to walk even though he wasn't sure where, he accepted that there wasn't anything he could do to help these feelings. Though he was arrogant and thought for sure he was wiser than, well, nearly everyone, he couldn't deny that he still looked up to Azmuth. Couldn't deny how he knew he felt, couldn't convince himself otherwise, and even now he just wanted to talk to Azmuth. To try to explain, but what excuses could he give?

He just wanted Azmuth to love him, to be his mentor again. He needed it, more than he needed sleep, or food—both of which he knew he needed desperately. But it didn't matter, and he knew, as he looked ahead, that Azmuth was impossible to reach.

That thought tore through him, shaking his whole body, and he gasped for air, but found himself crashing, unable to grip at anything or breathe in enough air. He couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't focus. His only thoughts were of Azmuth.

His hand finally found the wall of the long hallway that he couldn't remember being in and he pushed himself off to stand again, continuing down the darkness. Azmuth. That's why he was here. Azmuth. The reason he could never go back to normal, the reason he had nearly lost his sanity.

It was Azmuth. But that didn't stop Albedo from walking through the long hall, his task clear in his mind. He needed to get back to him. And yet, he knew that was pointless. He could never talk to Azmuth again, and he knew in his heart that Azmuth would never really look at him again. Or, not in the way he wished he would. Sure, he would look at him. He would look at Albedo like he was nothing more than a smudge on a fancy coffee table, like he was a mistake. Maybe in Azmuth's eyes, he was.

"Azmuth!" He was calling out, his hand slipping on the wall as he lost his footing. He fell forward, landing on his knees, and he could feel his eyes stinging. Not from the physical pain though.

He looked up past his burning eyes, to the end of the dark hall where he could see Azmuth standing. It was enough to motivate him to stand up, but then he watched as Azmuth stared at him, before turning away. There was a scoff, and then he was walking away, a door shutting behind him so loudly that Albedo's whole body shuddered at the sound. And then he was shaking for other reasons, shaking and sobbing, and trying to hold in his emotions, but it was too late for that.

A hand on his shoulder was the only thing to bring him out of his mind again, but the contact felt different. "Hey." The voice spoke softly, before shaking his shoulder slightly.

Albedo shook his head, though, but as soon as he did he realized that he had been sleeping. It had been a dream.

"You okay?"

Ben. Of course it was Ben. Albedo buried his face more into the blankets though, hoping that Ben would go and leave him be, however unlikely.

"Now I know you're awake," Ben commented, sounding playful before leaning closer to Albedo, the bed moving sightly with his movement. "Bad dream?" He asked, more gently.

Albedo couldn't admit that out loud so easily. He felt ashamed, and stupid, and pathetic. But did that stop Ben from rubbing his shoulder in a attempt to comfort him? No, of course not. It was Ben freaking Tennyson, nothing would stop him.

"Albedo?" Ben asked then, but Albedo still stayed silent, unwilling to speak. He felt bad for Ben, giving him nothing but silence like this, but he couldn't speak right now. Not when he was so close to breaking. But after a few minutes of silence, Ben moved to wrap his arms around Albedo, his chin resting on the top of Albedo's head. He sighed quietly before whispering, "I wish I could protect you from those dreams."

This time Albedo couldn't help the small sound he made, holding back his sobs. "I would if I could." Ben told him quickly. As if that were necessary.

"I know," Albedo nodded quickly, his words choked. God, of course he knew. As if Ben hadn't shown that time and time again. As if he were blind to how Ben cared for him. He wasn't. He knew, even if it hurt sometimes, he knew.