A/N: so, here we are. Last chapter. Yep. For real this time. I'm planning another FF for blue bloods, so stay tuned!
First of all, I'd like to point out a couple of answer for review I got but I couldn't answer as a PM
- The initial chapter, yes, I had problem with the upload, doc manager did a mess of the chapter, and I had to remove it and post the whole document again, sorry for that!
- The nephew/niece question about NIcky. No, she is still a girl, but I included Nicky, Sean and Jack into that word, since she is the eldest among the three. That's why I used the masculine words. I could made a better sentence, more clear, but I hope this explanation is clear
For everyone else who reviewed my story, thank you, really. I really appreciated each one of your comments!
Once again, STAY SAFE. STAY AT HOME, and read as much as you can :P
Thank you for reading so far. Se you on my next story! (I hope!)
Frank couldn't sleep.
He knew Danny wasn't quite himself when they spoke that afternoon, but he couldn't stop thinking about that sentence.
He isn't even a cop… yet.
In any other moment of his life, he couldn't have been more happy if Jamie announced he wanted to become a cop. He would be worried, of course; he would ask if he was sure after all the years into law school, but he would also be damn proud.
That would be until two days ago.
Right now, he was barely restrain himself from finding something, anything, who could get Danny fired, just to ensure he would be safe.
Eventually e got up from his bed and went to the kitchen.
"Thinking about Jamie becoming a cop?"
Henry's voice came from the stairs, as he poured himself a coffee.
"We are not sure Danny meant that" he reminded, hoping to sound convinced.
"That kid never wanted to be a lawyer, and you know that" Henry scolded his son "He went that road because you and Mary wanted him to be safe. I'm not saying it's your fault, just that Jamie has always been the guy who tried to please everyone, and that Mary's illness maybe influenced his choice" He continued before Frank could interrupt him.
Frank knew he was right, deep down, he always thought quite the same, but he had just buried a son because of this job, and he didn't want the others to join him before their time.
"Francis…"
"We. Are. Not. Sure."
()()()()()
Jamie woke up with the small of bacon, eggs and pancakes coming from downstairs. He looked at his watch; it was well passed midday, but he didn't really care. Careful not to wake Nicky up, he grabbed a pair of sweatpants, his Harvard dark red hoodie and a t-shirt that he was not so sure was his or Danny's and directed himself for a long shower before join Erin and her questioning. Yesterday he didn't miss the glance his sister gave him when they have been forced to interrupt their talking, and the ride to the cemetery, with Nicky with a full scale hysterical crisis had not been the right place or moment; but now they were alone, and Jamie knew he could not escape this.
"Good morning"
"Good Morning, officer Reagan"
"May I at least have a coffee first?" he chuckled.
"I'm not sure Danny would let you have it"
"Are you taking Danny as an example, now?" Jamie inquired as he took a mug and filled it with fresh hot coffee. Erin was still into her pajamas, a light blue one he had gifted her for her last birthday, her hair still a mess after the morning sleep. He poured her a second one.
"You took him when you asked his advice, why can't I?" she retorted.
"Wait" he stopped her "That is the problem? That I talked to Danny before you?"
"Of course not" she eventually smiled "I was just surprised… and, your statement, yesterday… right in front of Renzulli, floored me"
"I didn't want you to know it like that… I'm sorry… I was just…"
"Protecting Danny. I would have done the same. Even in front dad"
"I did you know I wasn't making it up?"
"You are physically unable to lie, kid"
Okay, that was kind of true. He was like that since he was a kid. There was no way he could keep something hidden to them, and that, usually, led to Danny or his brothers grounded more than once.
"So… NYPD?" Erin asked, and Jamie just nodded, a shy smile on his face.
"I have no idea how to tell dad" he admitted after a moment of silence.
()()()()()
Erin nodded, not really envying her brother in that moment.
In any other day, Frank would probably be the proudest of tha dads; the police department was all his life (beside family, of course), and she remembered quite well the moment Danny decided to enroll after his return from Iraq. He was worried, but totally proud and happy.
Right now, so soon after Joe, she bet his reaction would not be so enthusiastic.
Probably, the moment Jamie would graduate from the Academy, he would be, they all would, but right now, she had to admit that, as much as she wanted to support him, and she also kind of admired him right now for his choice, she was scared.
Danny was now a detective, as Joe was, but she could recall and describe each time her brothers were shot at, or got assaulted, during their patrols years, and no, se definitely wasn't ready for start everything again; plus, she was not so convinced Jamie would go the detective road, anyway. Surely, he had what it took to get the third Reagan to become Police Commissioner, probably the greatest.
"You can't just drop it at Sunday dinner like Danny did" she said, stating the obvious "You could, maybe… talk to him, privately. Without pop around"
"I don't want him to be the last to know it, you know how pop is"
"That's why I'm telling you to talk to dad alone. So that he can show his reaction without being judged"
"Pop doesn't judged him"
"You know what I mean"
()()()()()
Of course Jamie knew what Erin meant. He still remembered how pop reacted to Frank's proud when he announced he wanted to go to law school.
Erin was right. He had to talk to his dad alone, so that he could react as he wanted, without Henry getting in the middle.
"The others, I will tell on Sunday" he decided "Thanks, Erin"
"Anytime, officer Reagan"
"Careful" he warned, looking up, remembering her they weren't alone. Not that he didn't want Nicky to know it, but giving how much she was suffering because of Joe, he didn't want her to discover the new by chance. It would be too traumatic.
()()()()()
Jamie waited a couple of days, in which he sorted things out with what remained to do for his Harvard graduation and the bar exam, so that he could complete what he had started and not threw away all the money he spent for that, and he also gathered all the documents and information needed for the Academy application.
He also filled all the modules, still, he didn't consign them. He was sure as soon as he did, someone would call his dad to congratulate or to ask what to do with him, so he decided to pass by the application office only once he had talked to him.
On thursday morning he was in Erin's kitchen preparing breakfast since 5.45 am, unable to sleep for the apprehension. He didn't really know what to expect from his dad, and he just couldn't stay in bed anymore.
"Uh-oh, someone here is nervous" Erin greeted him with a sweet smile. She knew today was the day. His phone ringing spared him to answer her.
"Reagan" he picked up.
"Ehy, kid. You ready?" Danny, of course. The night before he told him he would finally talk to Frank, and now he was just checking-in with him.
"As ready as I can be"
"He's not!" Erin called out "He made breakfast for everyone, and I heard him shower before 6"
"Thanks, Erin"
"Kid" Danny called "It will be alright. Just keep calm, okay? Call me if you need"
"Thanks, Danny. Say hi to Linda and the kids"
"Copy that"
"See you later, kid. Erin, I hope not see you later"
"Then do your job by the books" she chuckled. "Have a nice day"
"You too guys. I love you"
Danny hang up before they could answer him or mocking him. The usual Danny.
Jamie dropped Nicky at school and drove directly to 1PP; there was no reason to delay any longer, plus, anxiety was devouring him to the point his niece asked if she should call 911.
He parked his car and just stayed there for about an hour, engine turned off, but his hands both grasping the handwheel.
()()()()()
Backer knocked to his door, before entering and announcing Jamie was there and asking if he could meet him.
Frank nodded, somehow relieved.
His son's car parked for more than an hour right under his office had not gone unnoticed from both him and his security men, but he insisted they left him alone, giving Jamie the time he needed.
As much as he was sure this was the confirmation he needed regarding Danny's statement, he knew Jamie, being Jamie, was probably looking the way to not hurt him in such a moment.
Frank just hoped he could show him just proud and support, although he was not sure he would succeed; he was sleeping only few hours per night, and when he did, he usually had nightmares about Danny and Jamie being shot; anyone into his office noticed how tired he was and tried their best to avoid him as much of his job as they could, but he still was the police Commissioner, and there were things he could not delegate, no matter how good his team was, and he was proud to say he had an excellent one.
"Let him in" he smiled.
As Jamie entered his office, just looking at him he knew all he had to know. Jamie's hand were shaking, and his son took his time to look everywhere but him.
Frank made him sit on the larger couch and handed him a cup of coffee, waiting for him to calm down and talk.
"Everything okay, Jamie?" he asked, softly, when the boy didn't give any sign of talking.
"Y...eah… s...sorry"
"It's okay, Jamie. I already know" Frank decided to cut short, mostly because he couldn't stand seeing Jamie like that, like he was trying to confess him he had disappointed him.
Jamie's head snapped up
"You what?"
Frank remained silent for a second, thinking how to report Danny's statement without getting him angry with his brother.
"After the End of watch ceremony, right before going to the cemetery, I managed a few minutes with Danny… he was kind of… upset"
"Upset doesn't cover it" Jamie clarified "Erin and I almost got and heart attack seeing him like that. He wasn't moving… or responding. I'm sorry Renzulli knew it before you did, but he was trying to say I couldn't Danny's place because I am not a cop"
"Renzulli knows?" that's was new even for him.
"Didn't he tell you?" Jamie sounded surprised.
"No…"
"Oh... " Wait, if Renzulli didn't, and he was quite sure Erin didn't either… that left… "Danny?"
"Not willingly" Frank tried to calm the raising anger into his young son "As I was saying, when I could finally reach him to check he was okay, he was kind of upset. He kept repeating he was sorry, that he disappointed me, that he hadn't protect his brother. He was so out I thought he was talking about Joe until he said something he had even less sense than the rest."
"What… what did he say?" Jamie asked, his anger subdue by worry. He had no idea Danny had a second breakdown.
"He isn't even a cop… yet."
"He thought he had not protected me?"
Frank nodded, something like a grin on his lips. He recognized disbelief and his own surprise in Jamie's words and face expression.
"According to him, you taking his place was his own failure to protect you"
"He was the one keeping all of us sane since the night he drove to Harvard" Jamie objected, "even when I had the panic attack at the morgue, he was the one bringing me back, and I wasn't the only one in front of my brother's body"
"That's why I was thinking he was speaking about Joe, not that that would make any sense, anyway"
"For once, we protected him. Well, I did, Erin supported both of us. I wouldn't be able to go through the ceremony if it wasn't for her and Danny… actually, we kind of supported each other in that moment" Jamie was thinking out loud.
"You did, Jamie" Frank smiled at him proudly. "As I told Danny, you supported and defended each other in one of the most terrible moments we could face, even worse than your mother's death. I could not be more proud of you kids. I was able to see you for a few seconds, as you called the negative response. You were united as one."
"Thanks, dad" Jamie sipped his coffee, not really knowing how to go on from there.
"So… a cop" Frank resumed the original topic. "Are you sure? I mean, after all these years of studying…"
"If I think about defending a perp, I want to vomit" Jamie admitted, for the first time out loud, then, he apparently decided to come clean to himself and his father "I started thinking if I was doing the right thing when we started working on real cases, you know? I kept thinking, what if I got some serial killer release? What if someone else paid because of my job? I started thinking how could I keep looking you, Danny, pop, Joe, and even Erin, into the eyes, after destroying all your work."
"Did you talk with Joe?"
"Yeah. I did. He cleared my head, I think. Also Danny did."
"Danny?" Frank had to admit this was kind of interesting. Danny was a lot of things, but he usually wasn't the first one of the family you thought about regarding receiving advices, specially when it came to lawyers and police officers.
"He told me I could do whatever I wanted, but also that I had to think about my future. And I don't think my future will be in a law firm… and I am sorry I didn't tell you earlier but…"
"... but after Joe you didn't know how to"
Jamie just nodded.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Jamie. Right now… I don't know what to think."
"Dad, I'm not asking your permission. I'm going to deliver all the documents for my application as soon as I get out from here"
"I know, Jamie, and I am proud of you, I mean it. Just… I need time"
"I know, dad" the yougest of the Reagan hugged his dad briefly "I love you"
"When are you going to tell the others?"
"On sunday" Jamie smiled, and Frank just nodded, trying to keep the lump he felt into his throad under control. "You… better going. Application office closes in an hour"
Jamie nodded, as emotional as his dad was right now.
"See you on Sunday, dad"
"I love you, Jamie" Frank smiled, proud openly shown into his eyes and smile