In the First Degree

Arrest Part 1

A/N: It's time for a new Rolivia story! Please feel free to drop a comment and let me know what you like about this story or any other thoughts you may have. If you would like to connect via social media, my Instagram/twitter is faceinbud.

Okay, so here's some information you need to know—

This is established Rolivia, and it takes place some time during season 13. Cabot is the ADA (because I have the power here) . So the team consists of Cragen, Olivia, Amanda, Amaro, and Fin. There is a slight AU with Amanda's backstory, but all will be explained. The story will be broken up into seven main parts (Arrest, Arraignment, Indictment, Trial, Conviction, Sentencing, and Time), with each part consisting of two chapters, for a total of fourteen chapters in this story. (It is not at all related to my other story, Something Good, but you should still go read that if you haven't!)

I need to add both a disclaimer that I do not own SVU or its characters and a TRIGGER WARNING to anyone who is especially sensitive to the subject of sexual assault. ANGST TO COME!

The floor was cold. Cold was all the detective would allow herself to think about. Cold was the only sensation she could handle in this moment. She needed to focus on something, anything, as she fought the warmth and comfort of the beckoning oblivion.

How long had it been?

How long had she been lying there, unable to move, willing herself to feel no pain—just cold?

How long had it been since he had left, and where did he go? She couldn't turn her head to look.

Had they found her phone yet? Did Olivia even know she was gone? How long until someone got to her? Or, even more inviting, how long until she allowed herself to let go, to slip away? Was surviving even worth it?

All Amanda had left was time, and she knew it was running out.

Olivia walked into the squad room earlier that day carrying coffee.

Captain Cragen stood up to greet her. "Liv, have you seen Rollins?"

If Amanda's location needed to be known, the whole squad knew to ask Olivia, due to the fact that they had been dating since shortly after the blonde joined the team. Once the older detective had processed Elliot's leaving enough to allow herself to let Amanda in, the two became fast friends, bonding over the experience of being a female cop and the stress and strain of being in SVU.

Olivia eyed her captain and walked towards him, confused, before meeting the worried gazes of Amaro and Fin, placing her disposable cup down on a random desk. "Not since this morning. She and Munch had court, why?"

Cragen met his detective in her approach, sitting down on the corner of a desk. "I called for an update, and it went straight to voicemail."

"I wouldn't worry," Fin advised, seeing Olivia's eyes widen. "Sometimes phones just die."

Olivia shook her head, pulling out her cellphone. "Amanda doesn't turn off her phone while we're at work, she just silences it and puts it on power saver." The brunette pressed speed dial 1 before pressing the phone to her ear. "We agreed months ago to just put our phones on silent, so we can be sure the other is safe. Dammit," she swore, "voicemail. I'm gonna call Alex."

Before she could though, the ADA came marching into the precinct. "Does anyone care to explain to me why my outcry witness didn't show up to court this morning and why she didn't even have the courtesy to pick up when I called?"

Amaro balked. "Wait, she didn't show up to court?"

"That's not possible," Benson asserted, crossing her arms. "I dropped her off this morning."

Alex turned to Olivia. "Liv," she sighed, "I don't blame you for wanting to protect her, but please don't lie to me."

"No, counselor," she stressed, conveying the seriousness of her words, "I watched her walk into the building. She was there. I'm just as confused as you are."

Cragen stood up then, interjecting. "So, Benson dropped Rollins off at the courthouse, but Cabot never saw her, and none of you has had any contact with her since?" The ADA and all three detectives nodded, varying degrees of worry evident on their faces. "Alex, when was the last time you heard from her?"

"Last night when I told her I was calling her today." Suddenly, the severity of the situation became clear to the normally cool attorney. "Olivia, you mean to say you have no idea where she is?"

"Until thirty seconds ago," the brunette explained, panic rising in her voice, "I thought she was testifying. We've got to get to the courthouse." Olivia grabbed her keys, gesturing for Alex to follow her out of the squad room.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Liv. Hold on a second." Captain Cragen spoke up to get the women's attention. "We don't know that something is wrong here."

Olivia didn't have time for this. She placed her hands on her hips, scoffing for a moment and eyeing her captain in a frustrated manner, feeling anxiety take over her body. "Captain," she spoke shakily, a combination of anger and terror preventing her from keeping her voice steady, "you may think that Amanda would just abandon Alex and a vic in court, but I don't. I know she's fairly new to SVU, but she's as dedicated as the rest of us. Something is wrong. If you don't trust her, then trust me. And if you don't trust me, then just stay out of my way."

The detective turned on her heels, fully intending to investigate this situation with or without permission from the captain and with or without the help of her team. "Wait. Liv!" Olivia made the conscious decision to ignore her superior officer's command, willing to accept whatever consequence came her way because of it. But the consequences of ignoring her girlfriend being missing—those she would never even consider accepting.

Cragen sighed as Olivia entered an elevator. "Fin, Amaro, follow her. Keep me updated."

Olivia was glad to be an elevator ahead of Fin and Amaro. It's not that she didn't want their help, but she definitely didn't want their platitudes and empty guarantees about Amanda's safety. She had known the younger woman for almost a year at this point and they hadn't even been dating for six months yet, but they had fallen hard and fast for each other, each woman seeing and filling an emptiness in the other that neither had fully realized in themselves. So, though the quantity part of their relationship was still rather small, the quality was there, and a sharp pain ripped through Olivia's chest at the thought that all they had had so far could be all they would ever have.

No.

She couldn't allow herself to think that way. Surely her years of being in SVU had made her paranoid. Maybe Amanda's phone had died, and maybe she did have a good reason for not being in court. Had she been threatened? Olivia shook her head at herself as she turned the key in the ignition of her car, racing to beat her colleagues out of the parking lot so that they couldn't stop her. It couldn't be. The defendant in the case Alex was currently prosecuting was rather puny, and though he had the sexist advantage of a "he said/she said" defense on his side, there was no way he had the kind of connections for witness tampering. And though Cragen didn't seem to trust the young detective all that much yet, Olivia certainly did. There was absolutely no way the blonde had simply decided to shut off her phone and leave Cabot without an outcry witness.

But that could only mean one thing. Amanda was in danger. Could she have just gotten hurt? Maybe whatever happened wasn't a big deal? Olivia anxiously tapped her fingers against the steering wheel at a red light in the Manhattan traffic. She knew her girlfriend better than that. They had a deal. They acknowledged their job came with risk, and they always checked in with each other. Always.

Slamming on the gas and getting honked at, the seasoned SVU detective regretted not taking one of the police cars. She didn't even have sirens at her disposal, so she had to drive like someone who wasn't imagining the worst case scenario, who wasn't petrified that she'd never see the love of her life again, who could ignore the pictures permeating her mind—pictures of Amanda terrified and alone, pictures of Amanda struggling and in pain, pictures of Amanda surely blaming herself, pictures of Amanda on an ME's slab. Olivia took a chance and ran a red light. She knew it was a dumb decision, and she would be of no use to her girlfriend flattened like a pancake, but it was a choice she couldn't stop herself from making. She reminded herself that it was possible she had time.

She had time. But did Amanda?

Suddenly, Olivia's phone rang. She picked it up without looking at the caller ID. "Amanda?"

"Sorry, Liv, it's Alex," she heard a regretful voice on the other side of the call. "I'm at the courthouse with Fin and Amaro, and—"

"Wait, you're there already? How did you get there so fast?" Olivia pushed harder on her gas pedal. She knew her destination was just around the corner, but in her panic, time seemed to have slowed to a halt. How slow was time going by for Amanda?

"I know a shortcut, which I would have told you about if you hadn't run out so fast, but that's neither here nor there. Olivia, we found Amanda's phone in a trash can by the courthouse entrance."

Olivia made her last right turn, and she could see the building in the distance. "Have you notified CSU?" The sound of Alex's voice became far away as the brunette could focus only on where she was heading. Amanda was probably not even there, and yet all she could think about was getting to the courthouse.

"Yes, and they're on their way. Her phone turned on, but we need the password." Alex waited for a response but received only silence. "Liv."

She was brought back to reality at the sound of her nickname. "What?"

"Olivia, the password to Amanda's phone. What is it?"

"Oh, um. Christmas. Our first kiss," she answered, still somewhat absent. How could something that was half a year away feel like it happened yesterday? The time had gone by so fast, too fast. God, Olivia wished she could have slowed it all down, appreciated it in the moment. She should have known that this would happen, that her life would possibly change forever in a single day.

She heard Alex on the other end tell someone, "Amaro, try one-two-two-five." Christmas had been so special. The past six months had been so special. Would she spend the rest of her life looking back on her relationship with Amanda as a bittersweet memory that ended in tragedy? Was her girlfriend even still alive?

The detective steeled herself for whatever the next several hours, days, weeks would bring. "I'm pulling in now." As she walked up the courthouse steps, she caught sight of her colleagues standing just inside the building. Amaro handed her Amanda's phone. "Had she received any texts?"

"Nothing that she hasn't deleted," Fin answered Olivia as she unlocked the cellphone. "CSU is going to dig deeper than we can. But Liv," he added, placing a hand on her shoulder, "the phone was towards the top of the garbage pile, which means it hasn't been there that long. She turned it off and tossed it fully charged into the first garbage can in the building. I think she wanted us to find it."

"Okay, so if she's leaving us breadcrumbs," Amaro queried, gently taking the phone from Olivia's shaky hand—the last thing they needed was for her to drop it and for the screen to shatter—"why would she delete the texts?"

Olivia shook her head. "Because the information we need is somewhere else too, somewhere more accessible to us and less accessible to whoever is holding her. Check her email, Amaro."

"Nothing in her inbox," he declared, dejected.

"Check her drafts," Olivia advised, looking over Amaro's shoulder. "There. It's an address."

"Do you know where that is, Liv?" Alex asked.

"Never seen it before." The brunette leapt into action, as if preparing to make any other arrest and rescue. For the moment, staying distant and objective-at least outwardly-was the only thing keeping her calm enough to think straight. "Alex, stay here with the phone and give it to CSU when they arrive. See if they can find out who this perp is." Olivia reminded herself that in this group, she was the commanding officer. She needed to call all the shots. "I'm texting all of us this address. Let's go."

"Liv," Amaro said, hesitating to follow Liv down the steps, "are you sure you're up to doing this?"

Olivia knew Amaro was worried about how she'd react if it turned out they were looking at a body recovery, and it wasn't like it hadn't occurred to her how hard this could end up being, but the detective loved her girlfriend, and she needed to be there for her, regardless of the condition she was in. "I'm good, Nick. We don't have time for this conversation." The brunette raced down the steps of the courthouse, wondering what that condition was, and what was happening to Amanda—if she were still alive.

Amaro and Fin shared a quick glance before bounding down the stairs after their fellow detective, returning to their police-issued vehicle, which Liv was already behind the wheel of. She barely waited for the back doors to close before slamming on the siren and racing down the street. Amanda must have taken a cab to whatever this location was because of the distance from the courthouse, and the fact that she had taken the time to put the address in her drafts proved that she willingly met someone there. Knowing Amanda though, Olivia knew that didn't mean she was safe. The blonde detective often made hasty, dangerous decisions, and it seemed like this time it had caught up with her. The woman cleared her head and focused on driving; she knew why she had just experienced the instinct to blame Amanda for what could be happening to her, and it was because she just wanted desperately to reason her way out of accepting the truth. She was ambivalent, vacillating between the worst-case scenario and a harmless, albeit unfortunate, coincidence. But the experienced detective always trusted her own instincts, and she knew—just knew that Amanda was in serious trouble. SVU trouble.

They arrived at the address Olivia had hastily plugged into her GPS more quickly than she was prepared for, and Fin and Amaro actually exited the car before she did. "Liv," Fin cautioned, "if you want to stay here, we'll radio you as soon as we know anything."

Olivia slammed the car door and grabbed a blanket from the trunk, tossing it to Fin before unholstering her weapon. "Let's go."

It looked like an old abandoned building, and as they ventured into its depths, it became cold, which was odd for the summer day they were having in New York.

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

Each room they entered was devoid of any sign of life. Olivia was growing desperate. "Amanda!" Both men shushed her, reminding her that if the perp was there, he could hurt her or move her once he knew cops had entered the building.

Olivia just wanted Amanda to know she wasn't alone anymore. "Amanda! Amanda, it's Olivia. And Fin and Nick. We're here, just please baby, say something."

The anxiety and desperation in the room were palpable. All three law enforcement officers were quiet for the next several moments as the search for Amanda continued.

Suddenly, Fin's voice. "I got her!"

Counting was a good way to pass the time. She had no way of knowing how long she had been on the floor of this building, but she decided that she needed to start keeping track of time in some way. Counting in her head was her best bet. It's not like she could count aloud even if she wanted to. The paralytic she had been injected with prevented that.

Five hundred ninety-seven seconds.

She had been foolish to believe she could stop this. She had never had any power when it came to this man, and this was no different. The moment she'd agreed to delete their text messages and meet him there, she should have known what was going to happen. But he gave her a choice. It was her or it was Olivia. And that was really no choice at all.

Seven hundred forty-two seconds.

Olivia. Would she ever see her again? Feel her delicate touch or hear her gentle voice? Time was such a frustrating construct. It meant nothing and everything all at the same time. God, she was so cold.

One thousand one hundred thirty-six seconds.

One thousand eight hundred and two seconds.

She must be hallucinating now. Shock could do that to a person, she recalled. Or was the voice she was hearing now simply her life flashing before her eyes in the moments preceding her death? The movie of her life would be mostly tragic, with the most disgustingly beautiful images being events that had happened within the past year. Amanda thought about Liv, how clear she made it every single day that the blonde woman was loved. If she were going to die, at least someone would remember her.

Amanda appreciated the fact that her last experience before she left was going to be hearing Olivia's voice, even if she weren't really there.

"Amanda."

Three thousand two hundred seventy-three seconds.

"Amanda, I love you. Please wake up."

Wait a minute. If she were fading away, why was Liv's voice getting closer?

"Her breathing is shallow, but it's there." Wait. Amaro? Why was she imagining him?

"She's got to be in shock. Fin, put the blanket on her and call a bus." That was definitely Olivia's voice, and it was certainly not anything she'd heard her girlfriend say before.

Had they come for her? Was she going to live? Amanda had spent the last three thousand two hundred seventy-three seconds coming to terms with her own death, and now…could there be hope?

Amanda could be certain of her fate.

If only she could open her eyes.

"Amanda, baby, if you can hear me," Olivia whispered tearfully—was she crying?—"I'm going to touch you. I just want to check on your pulse. It's me, it's Olivia. It's not going to hurt. Just keep breathing. Help is on the way."

It was Olivia. She felt two careful fingers come to rest against her carotid artery, and Amanda could feel her own heartbeat thump rapidly for a few seconds before the brunette pulled her hand away.

No, come back, Olivia. Don't leave.

"She's definitely in shock," Olivia reported to her colleagues, taking her first deep breath in many minutes.

Am I gonna die?

"Liv," Fin said to her softly, so softly, almost as if he were trying to protect Amanda from his words. "She's naked…and there's a lot of blood."

Oh, God, why does she have to see this? Get her out of here, Fin. Make her leave! She doesn't need to see me like this!

She heard Olivia take another shaky breath. "There's a lot of blood," she repeated in a near whisper.

It's fine, Olivia. I'm fine.

"She must be unconscious, Liv," Amaro declared, still softly, a weak attempt to comfort his senior detective. "She can't be suffering."

No, Nick. I'm awake. Listen to me. Get Olivia away.

"Her eyelids." Fin's voice again.

What about them?

"I think she's trying to open her eyes."

I just want to see Olivia. Tell her I'm okay. I'm not alone anymore.

"'Manda?" The voice sounded alarmed, but the hope lacing Olivia's voice spurred the blonde on.

Amanda Jo Rollins, goddammit, open your eyes right now.

Was her strength returning or did Olivia's love just have that much power? There were weights on her eyelids, but they were being lifted off of her. Why in the hell was a cold, dark, abandoned building so bright? "C'mon, baby, let me see those beautiful blue eyes." Amanda could tell Olivia was close, but she wasn't close enough.

I need help, Olivia. Hold my hand. So cold.

Why wasn't Olivia touching her? Suddenly, all her willpower shifted from opening her eyes to moving her hand. She heard three gasps and knew her fingers had twitched. The older woman instinctively reached out to interlace their fingers. "I'm here, Amanda. I'm here, sweetheart. You can do this. Open your eyes."

The look on Olivia's face as Amanda's eyelids fluttered open was like nothing she had ever seen before. And the sob that ripped through her entire body was just as intense. The brunette allowed her hand to travel up Amanda's forearm and back down as she watched the blonde blink several times in a row. "You're okay, Amanda. You're going to be okay."

Sirens.

Now that I'm not dead, I'm gonna have to go to the hospital.

Amanda knew whatever she had been injected with was starting to wear off, but she was also aware she couldn't yet talk. She felt a rough fingertip at her neck. Fin. "Liv, look. A needle mark."

Yes.

"He must have dosed her." Amanda blinked hard in response. Liv noticed. "Amanda." Olivia adjusted herself on the hard ground slightly, keeping both hands lightly on her girlfriend's injured body, hoping to ground her and her give some support. God, Olivia thought, she must feel so helpless. "I'm going to ask you a few yes or no questions. Blink once for yes and twice for no. Do you understand?"

Yes. Blink.

"Good job, sweetheart. Were you injected with something?"

Yes. Blink.

"An anesthetic?" Wishful thinking.

No. Blink. Blink.

Amaro chimed in, making sure the blanket was wrapped tightly around Amanda's body as the sirens approached. "What about a neuromuscular agent?"

Yes. Blink.

Amanda could swear she had never heard Fin sound so offended. "He paralyzed her."

Olivia took another shaky breath. God, Amanda wished she knew what Olivia was thinking.

I just want to hold her hand.

The brunette gasped. "She's trying to squeeze my hand. It might be wearing off. One more question, baby. You're doing so good." The sirens stopped and soon footsteps were heard entering the building. Amaro volunteered to go lead the EMTs to Amanda. "Baby, do you know who did this to you?"

Yes. Yes, I know him. Blink.

"Okay, we'll talk about that later when you get more strength back. Just hang in there. We're going to get you to the hospital."

Wait. Why are you letting go?

Liv, don't leave me.

No. Blink. Blink.

"Amanda, I'm coming with you. The EMTs just need to take care of you. I'm right here."

Amanda strained to watch Olivia out of the corner of her eye as the group of men surrounded her. The blonde told herself to focus on Olivia. She was watching. She wouldn't let these men hurt her. The older detective had covered her mouth with her hand, and was clearly holding back tears. She tried to keep terrified blue eyes locked with drowning chocolate orbs, but the sound of Amaro's voice pulled Olivia's gaze away from her.

Come back.

"Liv, I got a text from Cabot. CSU found deleted texts between Amanda and another number. They haven't been able to access the texts, but we have a suspect."

Amanda was granted a better view when two of the EMTs lifted her onto the gurney. She felt a pinch in her left hand as a man with a kind face ever so delicately inserted an IV. That was probably necessary. Thanks Mr. IV Man.

"Go. Make the arrest. We don't know when Amanda will be able to tell us what happened. Cut him in half for all I care, just get him in custody."

"Copy that, Detective."

Quickly, the entire group began the process of exiting the warehouse, and Amanda was grateful for the ability to close her eyes as they entered the sunlight, a stark contrast to her previous location.

Amanda watched as the kind-faced EMT stopped Amaro and Fin from walking away. "Before you go, Detectives, we just have a few questions." The other men began to load Amanda into the ambulance as Amaro and Fin nodded.

"You said she was injected with some type of paralytic. Do you know what it was?"

Olivia stepped up to the gurney and grasped Amanda's hand once more, giving her a sad smile when their eyes met. Neither woman saw the male detectives answer.

"What's her blood type?"

Olivia sniffed. "Oh. Uh. AB-positive." Of course Amanda had to have the least convenient blood type possible.

"Thank you, Detectives." After the two men walked off, Mr. IV Man turned to Olivia. "You riding?"

The brunette simply climbed into the ambulance behind Amanda and the other paramedics.

Mr. IV Man spoke into a radio. "Be advised, we have a thirty-three-year-old female detective. Traumatic injury in the field. Unsure of how much blood's been lost, but have at least two units of O-negative ready." The ambulance roared to life as the sirens began to blare and the paramedic in the driver's seat gassed hard. "She was drugged by a suspect, substance unknown. Giving fluids wide open, ETA seven minutes."

He glanced at Amanda and then Olivia. "Was she sexually assaulted?"

Again with the whispering. If she was capable of rolling her eyes, she would have.

Olivia's eyes met hers and her eyebrows rose with an unvoiced question. The detective saw the position she was posed in. She was naked and bleeding. But Olivia stayed quiet, holding on to the tiniest shard of hope the same way she held desperately to Amanda's hand, and she couldn't even explain the justification of the pause to herself. Maybe she needed Amanda to say it. One last squeeze to her girlfriend's hand, a granting of permission.

Blink.

A/N: To be continued! Thank you so much for reading! I want to invite you all to take a deep breath; I know it was an intense first chapter.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and theories with me. I'm hoping to update in the next week or two with some answers!

Love,

Gabby