Oh well... I don't even know where to begin.

This has been the most incredible journey.

My first thank you would go to Stefanie. I've never had a beta before, and I remember being so nervous at the thought of someone else watching my job with a critical point of view. But she's been a true blessing, because not only she made me grow as a writer who uses a language that it's not her first, but she has also been the most supportive and loyal friend here. Nothing of this would have been possible without her.

Also, I wanted to thank everyone that has ever followed, favorited or commented on my work. I know that some of your support has been shown on Twitter, which I don't have, but just want you to know that every little word made my heart so full.

I never thought that this crazy journey would have been followed with such patience, faith and kindness. Without you would have been like screaming into the void.

I'm so sad this is over. It's been the most amazing six months. I've been through quarantine waiting for your reviews every Wednesday, and I've loved every single crazy moment of this.

See you soon! Meanwhile, enjoy this one last time :)

-Ginevra

Chapter 20: Catharsis

Third trimester

Harvey was tired.

Every day, he went to work and dealt with whichever of his client's crisis urged him to take over. Then he went home and dealt with whichever of Donna's crisis needed his attention. And don't get him wrong, he was grateful that his colleagues held him in such high regard to let him fix their shit, and he was just as blessed to get to have Donna carrying his child again, but he was running out of patience.

There had always been someone to shoulder his bad temper and do something about it, but now that Jessica was gone and Donna was on bed rest, he felt like he was gasping for air. Not that he complained. It was just… tiresome. But maybe it was what adulting felt like. And maybe, just maybe, he should've already experienced it.

Some days were easier than others — he would close a deal sooner than expected, get home in time to have dinner in bed with Donna, and they would look at strollers and pacifiers online together until they both fell asleep.

It was nothing like his usual reckless Friday nights, where he would pick up some nameless girl in a bar and fuck every maddening thought out of his head, but he didn't mind it. He really liked it better. And he didn't say that because it was his life now and he had to live with it, but because he truly enjoyed it. He had arrived at a moment in life where he felt like he had it all. He had reached the top of the mountain, and now he felt no need to climb another one. He simply enjoyed the view.

Some days were harder than others — he would get stuck at the firm with some paperwork, he would come home to Donna exiting their bathroom with a disconsolate face and he would know she had still found spotting in her underwear. Occasionally, they would fight in the small hours until they were both too spent and then would succumb to sleep.

Harvey knew that Donna had rigorously followed Heather's instructions and was capable of taking care of herself, but as the therapy didn't seem to be very beneficial, he couldn't help but get mad. Not mad at her for disobeying the doctor's orders, but mad at the universe, or faith, or destiny (call it whatever you want) for putting them in that position.

He wished they could walk hand in hand through Central Park, watching kids playing with their parents and wondering how it would be when they would finally do the same. He wanted to take her to Breakneck Ridge again and snap a thousand pictures of her pregnancy to make an album and show it to their child on birthdays. He wanted to go to baby stores with her and buy onesies with cheesy phrases instead of going alone and sending Donna photos to pick one.

But he knew that it was a thousand times more difficult for her, not being able to move and still suffering random contractions and vaginal bleeding. She was terrified of losing this baby, and it showed, given that she hadn't wanted to find out the sex - a futile attempt of not getting too attached. As if that was possible.

So one day, Harvey had come home with a packed gift, a bold red bow staring at Donna and begging to be unwrapped. She had opened it to reveal a fetal monitor, and Harvey explained that he had bought it so that whenever she felt alone, she could always hear the baby's heartbeat. To remind her that boy or girl, bed rest or not, their baby was still very much there.

That night they had shared headphones and listened to their child's heartbeat, like the sweetest music traveling to their ears and lulling them to sleep.

That had been one of those bad-turned-into-good days.

Sometimes, Donna would call him out of the blue.

Harvey would jump every time his phone chimed — ringtone on a rigorously high volume — scared that some paramedic would be the one answering. He was happy to be proven wrong when he picked up, finding out it was just Donna, bored to tears.

Sometimes she would ask him which color of nail polish he would like better on her. Sometimes she would ask him to bring her whatever she was craving that particular day. Sometimes she would just beg him to stay on FaceTime while he worked.

Work had been hectic those couple of weeks, and the firm lacking its COO was definitely struggling in some aspects. After bed rest, there would be maternity leave, and that would be another problem. Things were changing, and they had to adapt to these changes. And even if Donna thought she would resent Harvey for going out while she was bound to stay in bed, she found out that she looked forward to the moment he would come home, snuggle next to her and fill her in about his day. Work had easily become one of their favorite topics. Donna had also noticed the baby stopped moving whenever Harvey talked about subpoenas, probably bored out of their mind.

All in all, her forced bedrest was slowly but surely coming to an end. And while Donna felt relieved thinking that she would finally be able to enjoy her baby, she also felt the trepidation and the fear that came with it. Last time had ended before she could start planning for the future, but now it felt real, tangible, and she was very much having this baby.

She couldn't help but think about how much had changed in a year. She had given in a moment of weakness with Harvey, indulging in longing and what they had yet to recognize as love, and she had gotten pregnant. She thought that not having him by her side or at least co-parenting with him was the worst thing that had happened to her. And then a crazy man came into their lives and destroyed them, taking away her sanity and her baby, and she had to cope with the unbearable feeling of grief.

Now here she was, living with Harvey and waiting for their baby to come.

Little did she know, he had been hiding a ring in one of the jars in the kitchen.

Louis had been Donna's most loyal visitor.

She enjoyed his company — talking about ballet and theatre, and hearing his crazy stories about his everyday life, which, by the way, was far more interesting than whatever show she could find on TV. He was also the only one who brought her stuff to work on from home. Of course, she had to bribe him, and they had settled on two hours tops, but it still felt like a small victory.

Today, though, it was all about watching dirty dancing for the umpteenth time, drinking tea (solidary on Louis' side), and some good old-fashioned gossiping.

"Wait a minute, so everyone thought she was covering for Marissa because she had to get checked up, but it was really because she had to get a couples' massage with her new boyfriend?" Donna asked, eyes wide and curious.

"Do you know who her new boyfriend is?" Louis sipped his tea, looking at her through his lashes.

Donna shook her head.

Louis leaned forward, as if anyone besides them could hear their conversation, and whispered, "He's Regina's nephew!"

"No way!" Her mouth hung open in a perfectly shaped 'O'. "That boy is still in diapers!"

Donna was left dumbfounded, the image of the middle-aged woman and the twenty-something man one she would very much like to get out of her head.

"Oh my god, I can hardly imagine the whole 'meet the family thing'." She cringed, shaking the awkwardness off.

Suddenly, but not so unexpectedly, a wave of pain coursed through her spine, leaving her bending over to relieve some of the pressure that was building there.

"Oh-oh." Louis placed his almost empty cup of tea on the nightstand and approached Donna's bedside. "Another one?"

The twinge left her breathless, and she couldn't muster up a word. The only thing she managed to do was nod. Louis didn't know what to do with his trembling hands, so he settled for letting them rub the small of her back, unsure whether its touch would be useful or not. Donna didn't flinch, though, so he took it as a good sign. She gripped the bedsheets, her knuckles turning white, as she blew out a long breath. After several seconds some color came back to her pale face, as her body relaxed and she let herself fall back into the cushions.

"Donna, do you think we should maybe go to the hospital?" Louis dared to ask.

"No, they're just Braxton Hicks." She tried to regulate her breath. "Had them before, hurt like bitches, but they're actually false alarms. I'm not going to wait for hours for the doctors to tell me to get back home."

Louis tried to hand her the unfinished tea when she smacked his outstretched hand, the lukewarm liquid toppling on the grey sheets. "And stop with that shit! I'm nauseous, I need something solid," she said with urgency.

Louis immediately stood up, taking the impending matter in his hands and try to grant her wishes.

"No problem at all. Uncle Louis is here to make Mom feel better." He stuck his thumbs up for a boost of positive energy and to show Donna that everything was perfectly fine. As if. "Sweet or savory?"

"Sweet," Donna whined, as she unsuccessfully tried to adjust the cushions behind her back.

"Be right back," Louis announced, rushing to the other room and starting to raid the cabinets.

He was taking everything he could think of, eager to do something helpful. With a quantity of food that could satisfy the majority of South Africa, he still believed his job wasn't done until he cleared all the spots. Meticulous as he was, Louis went to check the right corner of the last shelf, finding what looked like a cookie jar. When he opened it though, he didn't find some buttery treat, but a shiny ring. A delicate silver band, coupled with a bigger stone and pear-shaped side stones in platinum.

Louis let out an excited squeal that caught Donna's attention in the other room.

She slid at the edge of the bed, throwing away the soaked cotton sheets. "What is it?" she yelled for Louis to hear her downstairs.

Without care, the man discarded every single item in his hands except for the ring and ran to the bedroom to show it to Donna. He had never done so much physical activity in the span of five minutes, and he had surely never climbed two stories of stairs with such speed. The adrenaline pumping in his veins made him almost trip over the threshold of the room, as he stumbled to reach the feet of Donna's bed.

"Oh my god, look what I found!" He gasped, completely out of breath and trying to fill his lungs with as much oxygen as possible. He was on his knees and held the ring in front of Donna's face.

"Are you asking me to marry you, Louis?" Donna questioned with a side glance.

"No!" He made a face. "I found it hiding in the cookie jar!"

"And who the hell would…" Donna began but cut the sentence short as soon as those words came out of her mouth and immediately it made perfect sense. The dots connected and… holy shit.

"Oh my god! Harvey wants to ask you to marry him!" Louis drew a conclusion, bouncing up and down excitedly.

Donna just stared at it for a moment too long, until she believed she would be left stuck with both her eyes out of their orbits.

"Oh my," Donna said, at last.

Her face twisted.

"Oh my," she repeated.

"I know!" Louis exclaimed.

"No! I'm— I'm," suddenly, another wave of pain, similar to the last one just a few minutes prior, came back full force. The contractions she had been experiencing before were nothing like this one, and they usually came in at least a span of fifteen minutes. This one had definitely been less. "I'm not sure they're just Braxton Hicks anymore."

Louis jumped into action, grabbed the list of final things that needed to be packed up as Donna sat down, and let things progress a bit more.

The emotions were so strong — each time Donna let out a scream, Louis matched it with equal vigor, almost if wanting to show her that his empathy allowed him to feel her pain.

Donna called Heather, told her she thought it was time, and the doctor, trusting her friend's impressive talent, said, "I'll see you soon!"

The couple got into the car and proceeded to the usual route to the nearest hospital, while Louis championed the whole situation, pulling up as close as he could to the cones he found on the street, flashing his lights and honking his horn.

With each contraction, Donna breathed deeply, imagining a wave building and then crashing like she had read online a couple of weeks ago.

When they finally got admitted to the hospital, after almost an hour between squats and child's pose on the bed, a doctor finally came to examine her. Much to Donna's surprise, she was already 4cm dilated, and they were going to bring her to the labor and delivery room.

It was really happening.

"Harvey, the contractions are getting faster and stronger. They're like twenty minutes apart, so I don't think it's already time, but… you know, I just wanted to keep you posted."

"Harvey, don't know why you can't take a minute to answer your phone while your girlfriend is in labor, but I keep having contractions every eight to seven minutes."

"We just took a left at Fort Washington Avenue to 168th Street, but it's really slow. I think there's been some kind of incident. Either way, we're going to Presbyterian."

"You know, I'm thinking about all the ways I could murder you. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE."

"Harvey, I'm having this baby on my own. Forget about them getting your second name. Don't even bother coming here."

"I lied, Harvey. I want you here. Louis keeps singing to make me feel better but I just want to DIE."

These were the messages that Harvey found on his voicemail when he finally checked his phone.

He had been caught up in a deposition and didn't notice his phone had died. Getting no apparent sign from Donna since their connection had been cut without him knowing, he hadn't given it much thought. But when a certain hour came and he had yet to get his daily dose of her complaining about the reruns of Desperate Housewives, he got worried. And that's when he noticed.

He rushed to the hospital, already thinking about the best way to apologize to Donna, but finding none. He had shit the bed, and he knew it.

"I came as fast as I could, I'm so sorry a— What the hell is going on here?" Harvey said, entering the birthing suites and finding quite a scene.

Donna was dragging herself from one side of the room to another, clinging to a pole with a heart monitor and an I.V. attached to it. Her hideous light green and polka-dot gown flowed around her swollen body in the most unflattering way, the slippers on her feet making it difficult to move around. A thousand wires came out of her neckline, wet with the droplets of sweat falling from her sticky forehead. All the while Louis laid on the bed, feet propped on the stirrups, a book of Shakespeare's plays in hand, as he recited some lines.

"This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man."

But Donna kept screaming and screaming, and each scream encouraged Louis to raise his voice and match her own.

Harvey's ears were blowing up, as he reached up to cover them and took one tentative step forward.

"Harvey!" They cried in unison, Donna for finally being able to yell at him because of his delay and Louis for finally being able to get away.

The nurse that was trying to regulate her breathing looked at him with a panicked expression on her face. "Is this dad?" She asked, pointing at Harvey.

"No!" Donna yelled, heading towards the bed again. "He's just the responsible for this torture," she said, rubbing her belly.

"Donna, come on…"

"Donna come on?" She yelled between gritted teeth, and Harvey could spot the peak on the monitor signaling another contraction. "Donna come on? You left me alone, dilated 6cm with Louis! Louis for Christ's sake!"

"Alright guys, good luck. Call me as soon as the baby is here," Louis excused himself, taking his suit jacket and heading out of the door. One pat on Harvey's back and he was fast forgotten.

"Donna…"

"I don't want to hear it," she stopped him, moving the tiny sticky hair from her forehead. Restless and not knowing how to help herself, she got off the bed once more and unceremoniously fell on the bouncing ball. "Now I just want to hold your hand and squeeze it really bad, because I'm hurting and it's the only thing I can think about right now."

Harvey preferred not to argue, after all, he was fairly sure that her reaction was given by the hormones and the incredible amount of pain she was in. Not that he didn't feel bad for having missed the first few hours of the labor — god (and Ray) knew that he had been nervous himself on the drive to the hospital. But he was there now and had every intention of making every second worth it.

Donna kept laboring for hours. Every contraction twisted her protruding belly in a weird shape, making it rock solid. One particular contraction lasted over three minutes, constricting the baby and making their heart-rate slow down.

A bunch of other nurses came in and put Donna on oxygen. As common as that was, Harvey had never felt more scared in his life. He felt the weight of his role diminished in every sense, as Donna was the one to go through the pain and do all the work for both of them. He felt useless and lost, and completely helpless. The feeling only got worse as another one of those contractions made it necessary for Donna to get a shot, one that made her heart flutter like crazy and her whole body shake.

When no result came, the doctor decided to break her waters, and that seemed to speed things up a bit. The baby was cooperating, and the contractions were more back-to-back, so in the span of three more hours, she was finally 10cm dilated and ready to deliver naturally.

"Oh my god, I'm dying. Oh my god, I'm dying. Oh my god, I'm dying," Donna kept repeating like a mantra. "I'm done, please stop!"

The nurse in front of her widened legs seemed barely touched by her pleas, indifferent after all the times she'd ever done this. Donna was the third woman who had given birth during her shift, and she was thinking about what she would have for dinner when she had finally gotten home.

"Donna, you're just giving birth. You're not dying." Harvey tried to console her, having the opposite effect.

"And what would you know about what it feels like to give birth? Shut up!"

"Come on, Donna. I can see the head, once that is out it only gets easier. Give me a couple more long pushes and you get to meet your baby," Heather encouraged her, squeezing her leg.

A rare moment of quietness elapsed in the room — Donna trying to catch her breath before another wave of pain washed through her, Harvey visibly overwhelmed by the situation, the medical equipment waiting for the baby to arrive.

"Oh shit, here it comes," Donna said, as another contraction hit her.

She leaned forward so that Harvey could slide behind her and support her bent knees, giving her extra support and determination. Her fingertips bit his pant leg, leaving angry, moon-shaped, red marks. But that hardly mattered.

The only moment Donna got to rest, she was fed with the false promise that it would be over fairly soon when in reality, she had to push another five times. Harvey was worried she might pass out from one moment to the next, as she slumped against him, completely spent. Heather had forbidden her to push until the next contraction, or she would tear. But her body was fighting what came naturally, and the weight of a fully formed baby pressing down and begging to be let out was basically impossible to bear.

Harvey reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers and kissing her knuckles. He was in awe with everything she was doing to bring their baby into the world, and he felt this overwhelming sense of proudness and love filling the void that fear and apprehension had left in his chest.

He had waited for the right moment to ask her to marry him, but right now… right now it felt just perfect.

"I want to marry you," he whispered in her ear and noticed that her breath hitched. "I have the ring. I have had the ring for the longest time, but I thought that proposing before the baby came would have felt like rushing things and after, we wouldn't have time, and I know that this is the last thing on your mind, but I love you. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I know," Donna cried. "About the ring," she added for more clarity.

"You found it? Damn it, you weren't supposed—"

"Yes," Donna said all of the sudden, snapping her head around as her eyes flashed up to meet his. "Of course I want to marry you," she said, dropping a lingering kiss to Harvey's lips before another contraction hit her.

The next round went smoother than the others. Donna seemed to have gained more trust in herself and saw the ultimate goal come nearer and nearer. At this point, it just felt like trying to push over her limits, and she pushed long, and deep, and hard until she felt nothing other than the pressure. It built, built, and built, until…

It was gone.

Harvey caught a glimpse of his baby sliding out of Donna's body, excitement building up as she hadn't wanted him to have a view them coming out of her lady parts. This was the first time he could actually see what his child looked like, and he couldn't get enough. He wanted more. The redhead instantly collapsed back into his chest, as Heater showed them a really tiny baby — all pink, and wrinkled, and angry for being pulled out of his quiet home.

"It's a boy!" she announced jovially, placing the bundle of joy, barely wrapped in a towel, on his mother's chest for skin-to-skin contact.

Donna and Harvey's eyes shot down to their son, catching the first time he opened his eyes to see the world around him. Here I am, they seemed to say. The moment the three pairs of dark eyes met, the world halted. Now everything made sense. The planets had aligned, the sky was bluer and the birds chirped louder.

There was clarity for the first time in their life.

"Does he have a name yet?" Heater smiled from her position.

Donna and Harvey shared a knowing look — they had already decided weeks prior.

"Benjamin," Harvey responded. "Benjamin Michael Paulsen-Specter," he said his son's full name out loud for the first time, and his voice broke with emotion and proudness.

"Hi Ben," Donna cooed to her baby boy, as he angrily scratched his face and cried his lungs out. "Oh, I know. That's a rather scary world, but don't worry. We've got you," she promised, as Harvey dropped a kiss to the side of her head, and reached to wipe some blood out from his baby's eyebrow.

Donna and Harvey stared at the little one they had created from scratch, and realized that, as it all came down to their beautiful son, they had never been more sure — every sacrifice had been worth it.