AN: Just a few establishing facts to get out of the way. 1. This uses movie ages, so Titan war ended with Percy at twenty and Giant war ended with him around twenty-two. 2. Percy and Annabeth never started dating in this story so that isn't an issue. 3. Percy, and his girlfriend (who will be named Lilia, one of the ONLY actual NAMES I could find in this entire bloody franchise) are both dumbass Gryffindors. Think the Deadpool and you'll be good.

AN2: You can go to the Facebook page for my stories to find images for Percy and Lilia.

The Persied: A Love Betwixt Morons

Chapter 1

-Percy-

Face set in stone, Percy stood with his arms crossed as he and the rest of the seven, along with Nico and Reyna, stood before the council of Olympus, listening to Zeus drone on and on. The walking STD hadn't even let them have a chance to get their wounds from fighting Gaea treated. "Finally," Percy forced himself to focus as Zeus finally began winding up "this latest war is only further proof of what I've been saying. We have been too involved in the lives of the demigods. After this council session is over, all gods will be required to swear upon the Styx itself to never have contact or interference with their mortal children apart from the claiming."

"Oh for fucks sake!" Percy snapped, finally reaching his limit with Zeus' stupidity.

"Silence!" Zeus slammed the master bolt down dramatically.

"NEVER!" Percy retorted just as dramatically.

"You dare talk back to me demigod?" Zeus snarled, sparking angrily.

"Yes I do." Percy nodded happily, "I double dare actually, if you care to be specific." He held out a hand behind him as Leo gave him a sneaky low five while trying not to laugh "This is just you being a stubborn idiot and you know it. These wars happen because you decide that you can't be bothered to be a fucking dad! Although given your marriage you can't be a fucking husband either. Or a fucking king given how Olympus is run. Or a fucking fighter given that you keep getting your ass kicked. Hell, if what I've heard about the staying power for you and Heracles then I doubt you're a good fucking fucker either!" More than one god let out a wince at that comment while Hades and Poseidon clenched their mouths shut tight to keep from laughing.

"Enough! You impudent little whelp!" Zeus rose up to his full godly height.

"I'm not little!" Percy protested indignantly, "Unlike you I have nothing to be ashamed about down there. Like father like son is a saying for a reason and your son's wife gets hers from a Brazilian pool boy." At hearing the stifled snickers, he saw Zeus' eyes bulge out as the thunder god snapped. Zeus began glowing as a book began to materialize in the air in front of him, the cover emblazoned with the crest of Hecate as Percy remembered Hazel mentioning that several spell tomes belonging to her patron had gone missing recently. As Zeus began chanting, Percy felt himself rooted to the spot, glowing chains forming around him and everyone else in the room, keeping them from moving to stop Zeus' spell.

The air in front of Percy began to spark ominously before it started tearing, a black rift forming as the winds in the council chamber howled. While the chains around everyone else in the room remained as they were, the chains restraining Percy's ankles and wrists begin to move, the ends entering the portal and slowly pulling him towards the screaming black rift despite his best attempts to resist.

"NO!" his father screamed, thrashing harder and harder against the chains while the ground bellow their feet rumbled, the majority of the other gods as well as his friends doing the same while Zeus just continued his chant.

When his foot first entered the portal, Percy began to scream. The portal was a pain like nothing he'd felt before. His clothes started to tear as they were forced through and even though no new injuries were appearing on his skin it felt like there should have been. Inch by inch he was pulled through the rift until at last his head was brought through and his vision was surrounded by rushing shadows and shapes as he fell, the decent worse than going into Tartarus. He continued to plummet through the void for what felt like an eternity until suddenly, that void was gone, and he was slamming face first onto the sands of a beach "…Ooooooooow." He groaned at the new pain in his face before he finally blacked out.

-Poseidon-

"I…I did it!" Zeus cheered excitedly as the son stealing portal closed, "I finally did it! The stupid brat is gone! I-" Zeus was cut off by a fist flying and striking him in the face. With the closing of the portal the spell had finished, making the chains holding Poseidon back vanish as well.

"You took my son." The lord of the seas snarled, eyes glowing with unholy green light as the earth rumbled with his fury.

"He deserved to be pun-" Zeus tried to start another imbecilic rant before being cut off when Poseidon kicked the still rising thunder got in the teeth, knocking out a few with the force of it.

"Wrong answer." Poseidon snarled before grabbing his brothers head and slamming it hard into the golden throne that Zeus was so proud of. He slammed Zeus' face again and again as the golden throne began to drip with the equally golden ichor of its owner, ivory teeth falling or flying out one by one even as Zeus did his best to blubber for mercy or demand release whenever his face wasn't being ground into his own ass sweat. Nobody else in the room bothered to come to Zeus' aide.

"Stahp!" Zeus blubbered through a mouth full of ichor and several missing teeth, "I'hm your Khing!"

"No, you're just a bitch." Poseidon spat before bitch slapping his brother hard. Zeus scrambled to grab the master bolt, so Poseidon just lashed out and kicked Zeus in his cursed testicles. Holding out his hand, Poseidon summoned his son's sword, Anaklusmos having not been affected by the portal, and stabbed it down hard between Zeus' legs as his now toothless brother screamed and writhed. Collecting the scattered teeth, the master bolt, and Zeus' crown, Poseidon walked over to the brazier, "He has slept long enough. Moros, I offer these to you, awaken!" with that, he dumped the teeth, symbol of power, and crown of Olympus into the hearth of the gods and sacrificed them to Moros, god of impending doom and most powerful being in reality.

"Someone call me?" a tired voice asked as the doors to the throne room opened, revealing Moros, slumped over while holding a cup of coffee and dressed in a onesie, bunny slippers, and bathrobe.

"Where…is…my…son?" Poseidon demanded as Moros paused to take in the tone of the room…and the still screaming and castrated Zeus.

"Ooooooooh, this is that timeline." Moros slammed back his coffee before his pajamas turned into a suit "Well, the spell Zeus used didn't kill Percy, that kid's stubborn enough I wouldn't be surprised if he just walked out of the underworld after dying and show up here to annoy Zeus." The fact that nobody disagreed was more than a little telling "So Zeus used a spell that banished Percy to another world in the hopes that either the trip would kill him, or he'd be someone else's problem now."

"So get him back!" Nico snapped, giving a hard look to the powerful god…actually all the demigods in the room were while most of Poseidon's fellow Olympians were either trembling or groveling.

"Not that simple. The world he got sent to has its own powerful creatures, one of whom can hop between dimensions and I've had to stop members of that species from invading here before." Moros shook his head, "It would take time to get there without opening up this world to things it isn't ready for. In the meantime though, we can have the Percy Jackson show!" Moros clapped his hands as one of the walls turned into a giant movie theatre screen projecting a forest with a beach. They could all see Percy laying passed out in the sands and two girls walking down a path that would let them find him, talking in a language Poseidon had never heard before.

"What are they saying?" Athena frowned; her ego clearly pricked at there being flaunted knowledge she doesn't have.

"Oh, right, new world different languages. I can fix this!" Moros clapped his hands like an excited kid before holding them out to the screen as his body began to glow with a brilliant light "I call forth the powers of creation! I invoke the most wondrous of aides! Come forth…SUBTITLES!" nothing happened for a moment, then Moros pulled out a TV remote and pushed a button as Greek writing appeared on the bottom of the screen. "There, I fixed it. Now who wants popcorn?"

AN: Yeah, the original plan for this was a lot darker...involving Poseidon tearing Zeus apart limb from limb, then sacrificing Zeus' head as the sacrifice to Moros while covered from head to toe in ichor…decided that was a liiiiiiiitle dark so we got this instead. Yaaaaaay.