AN: Hey everyone. I know it's been awhile since I updated but I was on vacation for a bit and then tragedy struck my family. My cousin, someone I saw as a beloved little sister, has sadly passed away. She'd had issues with being bullied and other problems at school and started getting into the wrong groups. I want to take a moment to tell those who are in a bad place, it gets better. As someone who grew up bullied in school, and who even had suicidal thoughts when I was younger, that's never the way to go, things get better, and to never give up. I want everyone to think about their friends, their family. To go find your best friend and make them laugh, to give your siblings a hug, tell your parents you love them. Never take the people in your life for granted and know that there is always someone out there to support you and help pull you up on your feet.

The Persied: A love betwixt morons

Chapter 4

-Moros-

Reclining back in his La-Z-god chair, Moros popped open a can of beer, eager for the next installment of the Percy Jackson show. Hephaestus was even kind enough to stream it to the camps so they could watch as well. "You gonna share any of that?" Dionysus called over, staring at the can in Moros' hand.

"Dionysus, you are forbidden from drinking, remember?" Zeus tried looking imposing but given his 'teeth' were hot pink dentures covered with glitter sparkles it didn't work too well.

"Sure," Moros grinned, loving how everyone was ignoring Zeus "I got beer, I got vodka, I got whiskey, I got that old School Greek wine that hasn't gone through the whole hundred parts water for every one part wine thing to water it down."

"THAT!" Dionysus was near frantic as he took the bottle and started chugging, pausing only to hiss like an angry cat at Zeus when the neutered horn dog tried taking the bottle away.

"Anywho boys and girls, it's time for episode four of our favorite show!" Moros clapped eagerly.

"What would this thing be called anyway?" Leo asked, "The Persied maybe?"

"Ah yes, The Persied: A love Betwixt Morons." Nico nodded sagely, "The most impressive and epic of tales."

"Roll credits." Moros smiled, making a small ding sound appear before ignoring everyone's confusion and turning up the volume as Percy, Lilia, Mel, and Gentor entered a clearing occupied by a bunch of barrels and a tree.

"Welcome to the testing grounds!" Gentor called out proudly as their group entered the large clearing for Hunters and Huntresses to test their weapons in, "We've got a full set of basic iron weapons for Perseus there to test out, let's see what he can do, shall we girls?"

"This is gonna be good." Lilia smirked, twirling about her new insect glaive while her new kinisect got to know the Palicos.

"So, I'm guessing start basic first?" Mel was sitting on a ledge and kicking her legs back and forth as she got ready to watch the fighters do what they do, "Sword and Shield?" the screen turned into a black title card with 'First trial: Sword and Shield' for a moment before going back to showing Percy testing the weight and trying it out, a slight frown on his face as he approached some targets.

"A sword and shield?" Annabeth grinned as the demigods all sat together, glad their friend was doing alright, "Sounds perfect for him." Percy lashed out at the targets, swinging his blade about again and again but after well over a dozen swings, he'd failed to hit anything. "Or…not…what the shit?"

"Language!" Athena scolded her daughter.

"English!" the demigod teenager, likely still jaded about the whole 'mark of Athena' quest thing putting up with zero shit. Percy meanwhile was still swinging the sword again and again as deliberately as he could and then as fast as he could, but he failed to hit the targets.

"That's a no." Lilia took the weapon away from Percy, "We can try Longsword next."

-First trial: Sword and shield= FAIL-

"Is that a nodachi?" Annabeth asked as Percy got out what the albino huntress had called a 'longsword'.

"Well little lady, if you were paying attention, you'd know it's actually a longsword." Moros said bemused as the girl flipped him off, not a drop of fear of his power or station within her. On the screen everyone could see Percy working with the sword as he gave a few test swings, ones that were notably slower than was viable even if he was able to actually hit the targets this time.

"At least that's progress." Hazel offered weakly, "Maybe going through that portal messed with his muscle control?" slow test done, Percy yelled and swung the sword at full speed at a target…which was unmarked…and Percy's hands were now empty as the son of Poseidon blinked confused.

"How in the…" Lilia looked confused as the hunters looked at the sword flying through the air like a buzz saw of doom and was it? Yep, it was boomeranging back, "Hit the deck!" the three hunters threw themselves to the ground, Percy having thankfully spotted the sword since he still didn't understand what these people were saying, while the longsword imbedded in a tree behind them.

"…How about something that won't go flying out of his hands next?" Gentor grunted, staring wide eyed at the weapon that almost gave him a Viking crew cut "Greatsword perhaps?"

-Second Trial: Longsword= FAIL!-

In his hands, Percy had a greatsword, swinging it about with a grin as it didn't move away from where he wanted it like the sword and shield nor did it fly out of his hands like the longsword. In fact, it looked damn near perfect as Percy swung it about, moving through stances fluidly, not at all hindered by the massive size of the weapon. The demigods and the hunters were all cheering at what looked like a sure winner.

"Alright Perseus, now strike a target." Gentor slapped the demigod on the back and pointed at the barrels, miming the action of using the blade. Percy, after giving an eager nod, charged the barrels and swung…the iron blade bouncing off the wooden target without damaging it.

"HOW?!" Lilia snapped on screen, the demigods on the couches not far behind.

"Did Zeus' spell add some sort of curse?" Sally demanded, loading her shotgun with malicious intent as she glared at the thunder god now hiding behind his throne.

"Ah fuck, I forgot about that." The voice speaking was Ares as everyone turned towards him, "It was back during that whole lightning thief fuck show. I cursed the kid to not be able to use any swords but then he got that Riptide sword which, since it's made of sea energy, counteracted the curse. I owed the kid for speaking up for me not being the one who came up with the idea for starting the war so once I calmed down I left the curse on to prevent a situation of too many blessings and no drawbacks like Zhang had." Nobody in the throne room was sure hot to respond that while on the screen, Percy was getting annoyed at no swords working.

-Third trial: Greatsword= FAIL!-

"Alright, let's try using that strength of his for something simple and direct." Gentor spoke as the swords were all removed, "A hammer." The massive bludgeon of destruction was handed to Percy who was able to swing it about easily. A quick test hit showed that it wasn't bouncing off like the greatsword was.

"Yes!" Lilia cheered while Mel and the Palicos clapped. Percy just started laughing like the eager Gryffindor he was and started smashing more targets…and boulders…and making craters in the ground. "No!" Lilia came over and took the hammer away, shaking her finger at Percy as he tried to get the weapon back, "You clearly can't behave with this so I say no." Percy attempted to use the puppy eyes maneuver to no effect.

"You guys are mean." Percy sulked as the hammers were all locked away.

"She can resist puppy eyes Percy." Annabeth whispered in awe as the demigods watched, "Nobody with a heart has been able to resist before."

"She is the chosen one." Grover added while Percy's parents and stepparents all nodded in approval.

-Fourth trial: Hammer= FAIL…pending good behavior!-

"Okay, maybe some range would work." Gentor suggested, the man rummaging through the trunk of weapons while Percy is sulking even as Lilia pokes his cheeks and tries to make him crack, "So Perseus, I want you to try this bow."

"NO!" the demigods all panic horrified. A sentiment Percy clearly agreed with given his frantic head shaking and hand waving, complete with wide eyed terror.

"Oh, come on Percy," Lilia smiled "how bad could it be. For me, please?" even though he didn't understand her words the intent was clear and like many guys when a pretty girl asks him something, he folds. Taking the bow, Percy drew the arrow back before letting it fire. The arrow missed the target, going far to the right instead of straight where it bounced off a rock, then a tree, then a wing drake which squawked and fell from the sky, shooting towards the hunters who all threw themselves to the ground to dodge the projectile which then flew over their horizon and then out of the screen they all watched through, straight into the throne room of Olympus where it began bouncing around till Moros reached out to catch it.

"…How in the seven levels of fuck?" the god of Doom gaped at the arrow, Percy's aim having somehow been so bad he shot between dimensions.

"We don't let Percy shoot for a reason." The demigods inform him seriously, "The only time he ever hit his target was when Hera was literally controlling the arrow for him.

-Fifth trial: Bow= FAIL! SWEET MERCY DON'T LET HIM NEAR A BOW AGAIN! AAAAARGH!-

"Okay, well he did try to warn us." A still shaken Lilia gulps as the Palicos are hiding behind Mel who's hiding behind Gentor, "Maybe something…safer? Hunting horn!" she handed the weaponized instrument to Percy who picked it up and tested it for a moment. Then he began to play, beautiful music pouring forth. Even just by watching through dimensions, Moros felt centuries of stress lift as he got lost in the enchanting melody. Many demigods had a talent for at least some of the arts and it looked like aqua lad was no exception. Eventually, Percy's song ended as everyone came down from the blissful euphoria they were in, the hunters realizing that he wasa little too good, especially as they were too distracted to even receive buffs from the song.

"Another no." Gentor sighed, "At least for hunts."

"Noooooo!" Apollo whined, falling to his knees by the screen, "Music Percy! I demand music Percy! This show is bullshit! OW!" the man's bitching cut off by a thrown tankard, Momma Jackson suspiciously missing one now as she whistled innocently.

-Sixth trial: Hunting horn= FAIL…for actual hunts!-

"Maybe he can use an insect glaive like me." Lilia smiled eagerly at the thought as she brought out the weapon for Percy, even demonstrating how it was used so he knew it was more than just a spear.

"Boing?" Percy tilted his head as he tested the weapon, swinging it easily as an excited smile appeared on his face, "Boing!" running, Percy used the weapon to spring into the sky…way into the sky, "Too much boing!" Percy panicked as he tried to control his flight, the glaive pinballing him around the air, occasionally launching him back up when he got too close to the ground like a pogo stick from hell. "Too much boing! Help!" even if the hunters couldn't understand him his panic was rather obvious.

"I'm coming Perseus!" Lilia freaked out, using her own glaive to shoot up and try and get him while her bug was laughing its thorax off. It took several tries before she was able to tackle Percy around the waist as they fell to the ground, their glaives clattering to the ground. "Hey." Lilia chuckled, blowing some hair out of her face as Percy lay atop her, "Come here often?" he scrambled off, face glowing cherry red and stammering apologies.

-Seventh trial: Insect glaive= TOO MUCH BOING!-

Thud "Ow." Thud "Ow." Thud "Ow." Gentor punctuated each impact of his head against a log with a dry annoyed description of how he feels, the hunters growing frustrated at each failure after failure on finding a weapon for Percy.

"He can't just go without a weapon…can he?" Lilia frowned, "We've seen how strong he is, the guy's a fighter through and through."

"Well he could always do what the admiral does and rip out the nearest tree or boulder to just beat the monster with it." Gentor grumbled, "Then again gramps would get pissed at all the environmental damage for that idea."

"Well he did do good with hammers?" Lilia winces weakly.

"That'll cause even more collateral damage." Gentor deadpans at the albino declarer of dibs.

"Um…guys." Mel spoke up awkwardly, "Perseus rummaged through the chest and is about to try a gun lance."

"WHAT?!" the two actual hunters and saw Percy giving test thrusts, testing the weight and grinning as it felt balanced for him. Then he fired the gun potion and wasn't blown back like every other hunter who used the weapon would have been.

"…Seriously?" Gentor growled out, eye twitching "We just had to let him pick?!"

"…At least we found one he can use?" Lilia offered weakly.

"Fine!" Gentor threw his hands up, "If he causes any collateral with that thing, I'm blaming you, if anyone needs me, I'm going to the canteen!"

"Be sure to let chef kitty know what weapon Percy chose." Mel piped in, "He wanted to know since Percy is his favorite." Behind her, Percy was using the Wyvern's fire without moving back and clearly loving it.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit."

AN: I was initially going to give Percy a great sword but then I started playing gun lance and decided to do something new.