A/N: hello everyone! so, this my first fic and I still can't believe I'm actually posting it, but here we go.

A big thank you goes out to Yvonne (southsidesister on here) who isn't only madly talented but also the kindest, loveliest human being and who offered to help me on this. THANK YOU! I would have probably never posted it without her.

The title is a line from the song "3 Minutes" by JP Saxe.

Warning: M-rating towards the end.

happy reading!

.

I'm afraid you won't meet me halfway (you're afraid I won't know how to stay)

.

"So, the wedding's next week, huh?" Mike leans back into the cushions of his sofa and takes a swig of his beer as he waits for his friend's reaction on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, so I've heard," Harvey's voice sounds casual, too casual for anyone who knows him. Or rather, for anyone who knows anything about him and his relationship with the bride-to-be.

"And you really thought this through? No one's expecting you to attend, Harvey."

"I received an invite, Mike, and I RSVP'd. Of course they're expecting me to attend."

"I'm just saying, man." Mike tries to reason with him, tries to give him the way out he knows he desperately needs. "Going back on your word, I think it'd be okay this one time."

"She's expecting me to attend. And I will. She's my friend, it's the decent thing to do."

"You could always cancel last minute, say you caught a cold." Mike knows he's treading thin ice here but he doesn't care. He'd much rather have his best friend be angry with him, than to see him break down in public at his other friend's wedding.

"Will you just drop it, Mike? I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. It's not my first wedding."

"No, but it's hers." It's the love of your life marrying someone else, is what he wants to say but he can't bring himself to. He can't take it that far.

"I'm fine, Mike," Harvey replies sternly. "And that's the last thing I'll say on this matter."

"Alright," Mike sighs and puts his beer on the coffee table in front of him, leaning his elbows on his knees. "So, do you think you can arrange for Rachel and my old apartment to be ready for us when we get there on Wednesday?"

And with that the topic is dropped and they go on to discuss more cheerful subjects, such as their first real guys' night in far too long.

.

Donna is standing in front of her kitchen counter, decanting a bottle of red wine and humming to one of her favorite songs that's currently playing in the background. It's from an old Jazz album that Harvey has recommended to her years ago and it has a calming effect on her which is why she always puts it when she's feeling a little bit queasy, like tonight. She has no reason to be nervous but there's this feeling in the pit of her stomach that she can't quite shake. She doesn't know exactly where it's coming from but she's hoping that a long overdue heart to heart with her best friend will do the trick.

She hasn't seen Rachel in months with both of them being busy with work, Rachel growing a tiny human inside of her and Donna planning a wedding in just under three months. She's getting married in two days which probably explains the restlessness she's experiencing but she doesn't dwell on it. Instead she pushes the thought aside.

She has been doing that a lot lately.

Donna was never the kind of woman to dream about her fairytale wedding, it was never a priority in her adult life. She was too focused on building a career. Too caught up in it all to every truly focus on doing the same for her private life. Too caught up in building a life revolving around him. But she doesn't ever let her mind go there. If she did, she would jeopardize everything she has spent her life working for and what would she have to show for then?

Sure, she hoped she would one day find someone to have it all with. Someone to come home to at night, someone to share the highs and the lows with. Someone who would open up to her. Someone who could love her fully and wasn't afraid to tell her. And that's where Thomas came in. The guy who swept her off her feet, who ticked all the boxes and who couldn't wait to fully commit to her. Who was so sure of his feelings for her, he asked her to marry him two months into their relationship. He was the perfect guy; of course her answer was yes and she practically leaped into his arms; getting lost in the idea of being caught by someone who wanted her in all of the ways.

There's a knock on her front door which pulls her out of her thoughts and she walks towards the noise, a huge grin plastered on her face.

Rachel's expression matches hers the moment their eyes meet and she lets out a small squeal before pulling her best friend into a tight hug.

Donna wraps her arms around her just as tightly. "Hey," she whispers happily before pulling back and looking down at Rachel's small bump between them. "And hey to this little peanut down there."

"Hey to you, too," Rachel smiles softly as she walks into the apartment and Donna closes the door behind her.

"I am well prepared for you and little peanut," Donna announces as they enter the living room and she motions to the kitchen counter. "I got chocolate-y snacks, salty snacks, including pickled gherkins and the highlight of the evening: non-alcoholic red wine."

"Wow, impressive." Rachel furrows her brows at her friend. "Did you talk to Mike by any chance?"

"Well," Donna smiles sheepishly. "For starters, he called me. He just wanted to make sure you had everything you needed and we could enjoy our evening without having to make a pit stop at the deli down the street when one of your cravings hits."

Rachel rolled her eyes but a soft smile was playing on her lips. "He means well, doesn't he?"

"Definitely." Donna nods and walks over to the kitchen counter to pour them both a glass of wine.

The two of them sit down on Donna's couch and get comfortable with their respective drinks, an expectant look on Rachel's face. "So...," she starts and waits for her friend's reaction.

"So," Donna repeats. "I'm getting married in two days," she adds giddily.

"You are! I can't believe it. I especially can't believe that I don't even know the guy!"

"I know." Donna looks at her, a timidity in her eyes. "But you'll meet him tomorrow and I can guarantee you, you'll love him."

"I'm sure I will." Rachel grins. "So, what's he like?"

"He's great," she replies immediately. "He's very charming, he's funny, too handsome for his own good and tall…" she trails off, afraid of gushing too much about her fiancée.

"Tall, huh?" Rachel grins, a wicked glimmer in her eyes.

"I can't complain on that front either, don't you worry." She giggles.

"Good." Rachel nods, her face turning earnest. "So, you're happy?"

"I am," the reply comes quickly, almost too quickly. "I'm definitely happy."

"It all happened so fast, " Rachel continues. "One day you're telling me you've had this incredible first date and next thing I know he's asked you to marry him."

"I know." Donna nods and takes a sip of her wine. "I didn't expect it to happen so soon either but then it did and it just felt like the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do," Rachel repeats. "That doesn't sound very romantic," she adds lightly, trying to make it sound as casual as possible.

"You know what I mean." Donna rolls her eyes. "I just knew, in that moment."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course." Donna's eyes widen slightly at the bluntly asked question.

"I just want to make sure and I wanted to see your face when I asked the question."

"Of course I do," Donna repeats. "He's…perfect. He really cares about me and he makes me feel safe. He's constantly making plans for our future. It's just so nice to be with a grown man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it."

"I bet it is." Rachel nods and her mind drifts to a certain other man in Donna's life who doesn't tick this particular box. "He sounds great."

However, the fact that the actual words I love him never actually left her friend's lips right then, doesn't go unnoticed by Rachel.

"Do you want to see my dress?" Donna practically jumps from her position on the sofa and disappears in the direction of her bedroom.

"Wow." Rachel's eyes widen when Donna returns a few seconds later, the white fabric draped carefully over her underarm. "It's even more beautiful in real life than it was on the pictures. I can't wait to see you in it."

"I can't wait to wear it."

Rachel smiles and watches her friend closely, unable to shake the feeling that something about her felt off. Donna seemed happy and excited but there was a certain hesitancy to it. She didn't radiate the emotions like Rachel had expected her to, there was a certain carefreeness that she felt was missing in her friend. It left her wondering whether maybe this was all happening too fast after all.

.

The next evening comes and it comes entirely too soon for Harvey's liking. It's the evening of Donna's and Thomas' rehearsal dinner and as much as he insisted that he was fine towards Mike, the knot he has been feeling in the pit of his stomach since the moment he woke up this morning tells him otherwise.

He's on his second glass of scotch of the night by the time he's putting on his tie in front of the mirror in his bedroom and he has no intention to stop drinking whatsoever.

He tells Ray to drop him off two blocks before the actual location so he can catch some fresh air, in hopes that it will help clear his mind.

It doesn't.

By the time he enters the restaurant the affair is held at, his heart is racing and he can feel his palms getting sweaty again.

When he sees Mike is already there, relief washes over him, the momentary ease contained when he realizes it's Louis he's currently talking to. Harvey decides to join them nonetheless as it seems more appealing to be stuck in a conversation with Louis than to run into Donna and her fiancée while wandering around on his own.

"Harvey!" Louis' goofy grin widens at the sight of his friend. "You've got to try the champagne, it's amazing!" He holds up his half empty flute for Harvey to see.

"I sure will, Louis." Harvey gives him a forced smile as he joins the two men.

"I hear they also serve the heavy stuff at the bar though, don't you worry." Mike winks at him.

"Where's Rachel?" Harvey asks casually as he looks around the room briefly. Where's Donna? is what he means and what Mike hears.

"I think she's mingling." Mike keeps his gaze on Harvey, trying to read his demeanour. "Donna wanted to introduce her maid of honour to her parents and a few other people."

"Of course." Harvey nods and gives the waiter passing them a subtle waive, reaching for a champagne flute before taking a large gulp.

"If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I'll quickly go freshen up a bit." Louis winks at them before leaving in the direction of the bathroom, causing Mike to wrinkle his brows in confusion.

"Some things never change, do they?"

"Some things don't." Harvey nods his head in agreement.

Mike watches his friend carefully. He could see the tension in his features, the double meaning behind his words. He knows deep down that Harvey would detest him for it, but he can't help but feel sorry for his best friend.

"Thomas seems like a decent guy." He bites his tongue immediately after the words have left his mouth.

"I haven't heard anyone saying otherwise. He's been with the firm for a while now but I never had anything to do with him personally."

"Donna seems happy. That's the main thing, I guess."

"It is," Harvey agrees and as if on cue his eyes meet hers across the room and they soften immediately. He gives her a gentle smile. "Speaking of the devil."

Donna takes in a steadying breath before making her way towards them. She's a vision in her nude coloured, figure hugging dress. It has long sleeves and a beautiful wide neckline that shows just enough yet not too much. It's flowy from the waist down and drops just below her knees. Harvey couldn't take his eyes off of her even if he wanted to.

"Hey." Donna smiles softly at him. "You made it."

"Of course I did."

"I'm glad. It feels good to have you here."

"I heard your parents are swarming around here somewhere, too." He changes the subject. Tonight of all nights isn't the night to read too much into simple phrases and gestures. The evening is going to be hard enough as it is. Donna being Donna, looking as breathtaking as she does, standing so close to him he can smell her perfume, isn't making any of this any easier. It was going to be even harder once she left to tend to her hostess duties with her husband-to-be.

"They are." She nods and briefly looks around. "My mum will be excited to see you."

"Your dad…not so much." Harvey chuckles.

"Well, he won't not be excited. He just won't be as overjoyed as my mum." She smiles.

"Now you're stretching it."

"I'm not!" She giggles and his heart expands at the soft sound. "She actually does love you."

"Don't tell Thomas."

"Oh, he'll be fine. I think she's okay with him, too."

He's just about to respond when her name is being called from across the room. It's Thomas waving her towards him, most likely wanting to introduce her to friends and family.

"Uh, looks like I'm gonna have to mingle again. Apparently that's the whole point of this evening," Donna jokes and gives Harvey a small smile.

"Right." Harvey nods. "Enjoy, I guess?"

"I'll try." She smiles again before she turns away and walks back across the room towards her fiancée.

Harvey gets it. If he was in Thomas' shoes, he would want to show her off, too. He'd shout it from goddamn the rooftops.

This is the woman I'm gonna marry.

.

Harvey feels about as well as expected until he doesn't.

It starts when Thomas stands up just after everyone has sat down at their table waiting for the carefully picked three-course-meal to be served. He gently hits his wine glass with the handle of his fork to gather everyone's attention and clears his throat before he starts talking.

It's the usual speech you'd expect on the occasion; he welcomes and thanks everyone for being there, he cracks a few jokes and even evokes a few heartfelt laughs from the guests. He's good at this.

Then he starts gushing about Donna.

Harvey's ears start ringing somewhere around the words "love of my life", but the adoring gaze Thomas has reserved for Donna is enough for him to guess the rest of his speech. Something about Donna striding into his life just a few months ago and stealing his heart from the moment they first met. Harvey feels his stomach twist and turn at the comparison between marrying Donna and finalizing a good business transaction. He jokes about being one hell of a businessman and sealing the deal before someone else could come in and offer her a better one.

"When a woman like Donna enters your life, you don't risk having to let her go; you marry her." The words echo in Harvey's head as he lifts his hands and claps with the rest of the guests as Thomas sits back down.

There are certain moments in life that cut you deeper; that hit you harder than you ever thought possible. They shake up your entire belief system and make you re-evaluate everything you ever thought you wanted in life. They change everything and put everything into perspective, all at once.

Turns out watching the love of your life marry someone else is in fact one of those moments.

Witnessing the one person, who's been your constant for over a decade of your life, the one person you can't lose, the person whose absence leaves a hole in your stomach, so vast, it makes it impossible to breathe, give the rest of her life to someone else – is painful to an unbearable degree.

And in this scenario it doesn't actually make a difference whether you've already accepted the fact that you should be the one waiting at the end of that aisle or whether you're still so deep in denial, you think you can somehow ignore the feeling of your heart being torn apart seeping through every fibre of your being. In this moment, you feel it.

And Harvey feels it; every emotion he buried the past decade; every thought he's never let himself dwell on. An emptiness engulfs his heart. He's in a room full of people but he's never felt so lonely in his entire life. He can feel his lungs constricting, making it harder and harder to breathe. He downs his champagne in one painful gulp and places the empty glass on the table in front of him.

In the corner of his eyes he can make out Donna standing up, just about to thank everyone for coming and he suddenly feels Mike's hand on his arm, turning to look at him.

"Are you okay, man? Because you don't look it."

"I'm-" Harvey reaches for his tie and tries to loosen the knot in a desperate attempt to steady his breathing. "I'm just quickly gonna go get some fresh air."

Everyone starts clapping at the end of Donnas' very brief welcoming words and Harvey takes the chance to push his chair back and quickly head out of the restaurant and into the street.

The fresh air hits his hot skin but it only offers a temporary relief and he knows exactly what's happening. He remembers the signs and the symptoms even if he hasn't experienced them since the last time she left him. Only now she wasn't going to come back. Not in the ways that mattered right now, anyway.

He takes off his tie in a frantic move and starts walking in the direction he came from earlier that evening. He wasn't planning on not going back inside but it's almost as if his feet are making the decision for him. He just walks and walks and the further he gets away the less pressure he feels on his lungs and his breathing slowly steadies. He can feel the tension leaving his muscles and the sweat evaporate from his skin.

The pain in his chest, however, remains.

.

"Hey." Donna smiles at Mike and Rachel as she joins them at their table after dinner. "Has Harvey left?" She tries to sound casual but the look on her friends' faces tell her they see right through her.

"Yeah, I think he wasn't feeling well." Mike nods.

"Well, I hope he'll feel better in time for the wedding." She forces a small smile on her lips.

Rachel sighs and looks at her friend. She doesn't want to ruin her mood for the big day but honesty seems like the only option. "Don't expect him to, Donna."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't expect him to come. Enjoy your big day, focus on getting married but don't dwell on whether Harvey will be there or not. This is about you and Thomas."

Donna's jaw tenses and she swallows as Rachel's words sink in. "What did he say to you?"

"Come on." Rachel reaches for Donna's hand and stands up from her chair. "Let's get some fresh air."

She nods slowly and gets up as well, following Rachel to the secluded outside area of the restaurant.

"I don't get it." Donna crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks down at her shoes before she meets Rachel's gaze. "Why would he do this to me? Why would he not attend my wedding?"

"To protect himself." Rachel doesn't miss a beat. "To protect you."

"Well, he isn't. This is bullshit."

"Donna, tomorrow is about you and Thomas. Whether Harvey will be there or not won't make a difference."

"It does to me. He's my friend and I expect my friend to be at my wedding. I expect my friend to put his pride aside and be there for me no matter what."

"We both know Harvey has always been there for you, no matter what. But this isn't about pride and you know it."

"Then what is it about?"

"I don't know exactly." Rachel looks at her friend, not wanting to make the situation worse but not wanting to lie to her either. "I think he's hurting, Donna. I think he's hurting more than he'd like to admit and I think he can't watch you get married to another man."

"But…" Donna's eyes fill with tears, out of frustration or out of sadness, she doesn't know.

"Hey." Rachel places both her hands on Donna's arms and rubs them softly. "It's okay. Let's just not focus on him, okay? Focus on Thomas, on your big day tomorrow."

Donna takes another deep breath and looks up at the starry night sky, willing the tears to subside without them rolling down her cheeks. She can't let those floodgates open right now or she knows she'll never be able to stop.

"You're right," she whispers. "I'm getting married tomorrow and that's all that matters."

"Exactly." Rachel smiles softly. "And right now I'm going to get you a very strong margarita and a very virgin one for myself and we are going to drink to the fact that you're getting married to this very, very handsome man in there, who's probably already wondering where his fiancée has run off to."

"Thank you, Rachel." Her voice is still quiet but there's a small smile on her lips.

"You're very welcome." Rachel reaches for her friend's hand and leads her back inside and to the bar where the two of them do exactly what Rachel had just suggested.

.

It had taken him just over an hour to walk home all the way from the restaurant. By the time he had reached his building, he was cold and exhausted but he could breathe again and the pressure on his chest had lifted, even if the unsettling feeling remained. He sat down at his desk immediately, grateful for the files he had brought from the office earlier that day.

Only his focus had stayed elsewhere, making it impossible to concentrate on getting a single work related task done. Which is how he ended up on his sofa, a glass filled with amber liquid swirling in his hand, gazing outside the window front ahead of him at the illuminated New York City skyline. There's an old record turning on his record player, one he hasn't listened to in ages, one that doesn't make him feel too much. One that doesn't remind him of her.

Leaving tonight was a coward move and he knows it but it was his only option. If he had stayed, he would have risked having a panic attack in front of everyone and how would he have explained that? He could have gone back inside once the worst of it was over but Harvey knows himself. He knows that he can only keep the symptoms at bay for so long before they would ultimately arise again when faced this closely with his trigger. His trigger. Calling her that felt wrong but he had accepted it a long time ago. His fear of people walking out on him set him off. But he was okay, as long as she stayed. He could handle Jessica leaving, his mentor, the one person he looked up to professionally. He even got over Mike and Rachel moving to the other side of the country fairly quickly. He lost his best friend, his sidekick, but he was alright because he still had her. His lifeline, his compass, his everything.

He had accepted that by now, too.

Which is also why attending the wedding tomorrow is off the table. After tonight he knows that watching her get married would send him into a spiral he's unsure he'd ever get out of. And he can't do that to her. He can't make her wedding day about him. She already had to make too many sacrifices for him, he can't possibly take this from her, too.

He's startled and pulled out of his thought process when a loud knock hits his front door. Three loud knocks, to be precise, fast and urgent, making him place his scotch glass on the coffee table in front of him and stand up immediately.

He's about to reach the door when the sound of another series of knocks echoes through the hallway of his condo and he's quick to grab the door handle, pulling it open in one swift motion, ready to snarl at the intruder, wondering what the fuck their problem was.

His face drops when he sees who's standing in front of him and his stomach follows when he takes in the look on her face.

"Donna." He can't hide the surprise in his tone, but his voice is quiet, matching the soft jazz notes he has been losing himself in for the past couple of hours.
"What are you doing here?"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Harvey?"

He sighs and closes his eyes briefly, willing the throbbing in his head to go away so he can think clearly. "Donna," he repeats but she won't let him finish.

"No, Harvey. Don't donna me. I want to know why you left without saying goodbye tonight and I want to know that I will see you at the ceremony tomorrow."

"I wasn't feeling well."

"Are you feeling better now?" Her tone is challenging, she knows he's feeding her bullshit and she's tired of it. "Because you don't look like you've been sleeping which would be the obvious thing to do when you're ill."

"I was just…overwhelmed. I've been going through some stuff lately and I-"

"That's not an excuse to skip my wedding, Harvey."

"What do you want, Donna?" His tone matches hers now, annoyance seeping through every syllable. "What do you expect me to do? Be your bridesmaid? You don't need me there any more than I want to be there so let's just not put ourselves through this bullshit because we both know it won't make a fucking difference."

Her eyes fill with tears at his harsh words. "It will though! It will make a difference to me because I want you there!"

"Why, Donna? What do you want me to do? Maybe tell a few fun anecdotes about the past decade we spent together? How you sacrificed your acting career to follow me into corporate law? How you broke the law for me and in return I risked my career trying to save you from going to prison? How you kissed me in my office not too long ago and how I broke up with my girlfriend to prevent you from leaving me? Is that what you want me to do tomorrow?"

"That's not fair, Harvey."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry to break it to you Donna, but life isn't fucking fair."

Harvey watches as a single tear escapes her eye and slides down her reddened cheek. He sees it in her eyes then; the hurt, the disappointment, the desperation and something else he can't quite put his finger on. That's when he realizes he went too far.

"I'm sorry, Donna." His voice is soft and he lets out a heavy sigh as he rubs his face with both his hands. "Let's just forget about this, okay? You should just go back to Thomas and get some sleep."

"Thomas and I aren't spending the night together…he's very into his traditions, apparently." She shrugs and sniffs and looks down at her feet.

"Oh, well, you should get some sleep anyway."

"What are you gonna do tomorrow?" She looks back up at him and there's a vulnerability in her eyes that breaks his heart, even if he doesn't know where it's coming from.

"I'm thinking about going to Boston for a little while. Spend some time with Marcus and the kids. Maybe see my mum."

"Right." Donna nods. "So you've made up your mind. Nothing I can do to convince you to come?"

"It's not a good idea, Donna, believe me."

"Why?" She looks at him and he knows exactly what she's asking. It feels like they've been in this exact same position a million times before and like all those other times he can't give her what she's asking from him. Even though tonight, it's for very different reasons.

"You know why, Donna."

She scoffs and shakes her head and she looks at him like she always does in these situations. Like he responded exactly the way she expected him to; like she got her hopes up even though she knew better.

"This is exactly what I never wanted to happen." Her voice is barely above a whisper as she speaks again. "This is the reason why things between us have been the way they have been for the past decade. Why I had my rule and why we never gave into any of this. We didn't, so we wouldn't ever lose each other. It's why you always protected me and why I always came back to you."

He looks at her as her words sink in and he tries to make sense of what she's trying to tell him.

"You ruined the one thing that meant most to me, Harvey." Her jaw is tense and her eyes have filled with tears again while she was talking. He doesn't so much as bat an eyelash, almost as if her words have frozen him into place. She should have known better than to expect a reaction from him.

She should have known better than to expect him to fight for her.

And with that she turns around and walks back towards the elevator. Of all the ways she had imagined their story to end, this had never been one of them.

.

It's not a good idea.

You know why.

Harvey's words echo in Donna's head as she's lying awake in her bed that night. She's glad she's alone and she knows she shouldn't be. The only place she should want to be right now are the arms of the man she's going to marry tomorrow. But it's not and if she's being really honest with herself the one place she really wants to be at right now is not a place she should want to be at at all.

But if there was ever a time to be honest with herself, it's right now. It's the night before her wedding. The night before the start of the rest of her life with
someone.

She's been tossing and turning for hours and she knows sleep won't be an option tonight. Her mind is racing and she can hardly keep up with her own thoughts. It's all too much and it's making her want to scream. Scream at herself for feeling the way she does. Scream at Harvey for making her feel that way. Just scream at nothing at all as if the act alone would make her frustration ease off. Maybe it would at least clear her mind and enable her to form coherent thoughts again.

She had never planned for this to happen. The feelings just go away eventually. It's what she's always told herself and everyone around her when they came to her for advice. Every feeling left unattended for long enough will eventually go away. Isn't that what they say? Only it's not the truth. Some feelings don't ever go away. You might forget about them for a little while, trick yourself into believing that they're gone but they always have a way of coming back. And then they hit you like a ton of bricks. And it's like they were never gone in the first place because they weren't. You were just temporarily distracted, that's all.

Donna lets out a heavy sigh and sits up in bed, reaching for her phone on the nightstand. She opens her messages and scrolls through her chats until she finds Rachel's name and clicks on it.

Hey there, no need to worry but can you come over first thing in the morning? I've got the pre-wedding jitters and could use some girls talk x

She hits send before she can give herself a chance to overthink it and drops the phone next to her on the bed.

.

It's 8:30am when there's a knock on Donna's door and she takes a deep breath to calm her nerves before she goes to answer it.

"Hey." Rachel tries to sound casual but can't hide the worry in her eyes as she greets her friend. "Everything okay?"

"Hey." Donna gives Rachel a soft smile and closes the door behind her. "Yeah, I guess so." She nods as the two of them walk into her living room.

"That's not very convincing and you look…tired."

"Yeah, well, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"How come?"

"I went to see Harvey after the dinner last night."

Rachel swallows hardly. "You did? Why? What happened?"

"I couldn't just…let him get away with it, you know? I had to know why he left. I had to hear him say it."

"Okay." Rachel nods and sits down on Donna's sofa, cradling her small baby bump with one hand as she tries to prepare herself for the conversation they were about to have.

Donna curls her legs underneath her as she sits down next to Rachel, facing her, an undeniable insecurity in her eyes that was unusual for her.

"What did he say?" Rachel asks quietly.

"He's going to Boston today. Told me it's not a good idea for him to show up today."

"That's what I thought."

"I asked him why," Donna continues. "But of course he didn't have an answer for that."

Rachel nods slowly. "This is really getting to you, isn't it?"

"I just don't understand it, Rachel. All I know is that…I…I'm questioning everything right now. I'm questioning everything because of him. Because he can't watch me marry someone else but he can't tell me why."

"You know why."

"That's what he said! But I don't. I don't because he never fucking tells me!" Donna's voice raises on its own account, all of her emotions bubbling to the surface, unable to control them any longer.

"I kissed him and he told me to never do it again. He doesn't want anyone else to have me but he can't give me what I need, either. I can't live the rest of my life like this, Rachel. I can't let go of every decent relationship I'll ever have for something that I don't have with him."

Rachel looks at her friend and feels the beginnings of tears sting her eyes. She knows that Donna doesn't need her pity but she can't help the fact that her heart is breaking for her best friend in this impossible situation she's found herself in.

"I can't fully give myself to anyone else no matter how hard I try and it's fucking frustrating! It's frustrating to a degree that makes me want to scream. I'm trying and I have been trying for so long but I can't seem to figure out how to cut him out of me. It's like I'm his and I have been for over a decade and I don't even want to be but it's not my choice to make. This thing is bigger than me, it's a force I can't control and it's controlling my life and there's nothing I can do about it."

Donna's tears are streaming freely now and Rachel moves in to envelop her best friend in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Donna," Rachel whispers softly into her hair.

"I'm just so tired of it all," she murmurs in-between quiet sobs.

"It's okay." Rachel gently rubs her back. "I'm here and we'll figure this out together, okay?"

Donna nods against Rachel's shoulder and lets herself be consoled by her best friend for a while before she slowly pulls back to look at her.

"I already know what I need to do." Her voice is quiet but certain as she speaks again.

Rachel doesn't need to hear her say it out loud to know what their next tasks this morning will be.

They had a wedding to call off.

.

After a rough night that included an excessive amount of scotch, way too little sleep and a whole lot of overthinking, Harvey groans when his alarm clock goes off at what feels like the middle of the night. When he opens his eyes it's already light outside and if he didn't have a plane to catch he would close the blinds and fall back into bed and into oblivion.

Instead, he gets up immediately, puts on his robe and makes his way into the kitchen for a much needed glass of ice cold water and a cup of scorching hot black coffee. He'll skip the vanilla this morning. Hell, he'll probably skip it for the rest of his life, if he's being honest with himself.

He packs his suitcase with clothes that will last him for about a week, although he doesn't know how long he will be gone for. He packs his laptop and a few case files, too, so he can do some work while he's in Boston.

An hour later and he's in the backseat of his black Lexus, staring down at this phone and replying to a few emails that wouldn't usually request his immediate attention but he'll take any distraction he can get today. Anything at all to take his mind off of what's happening on the other side of town at this exact moment.

The only thing is, distraction doesn't come easy when you're on your own in an airport with nothing to do but to find your gate and drag your carry-on suitcase behind you.

It will make a difference to me because I want you there.

We didn't, so we wouldn't ever lose each other.

Fragments of the conversation they were having last night come flooding his mind again and he can't help but replay every word she said to him over and over again. He doesn't want to but he's unconsciously trying to make sense of it all. Her coming to his door, practically begging him to change his mind. Him downright admitting to her that he can't even bear the thought of watching her walk down the aisle to another man. Her telling him he's ruined her wedding. Crying. Leaving.

Harvey momentarily stops dead in his tracks as he can feel his heart rate quickening again. The knot in his stomach is getting more prominent and the stinging in his chest he's been feeling on and off since yesterday morning returns in full force.

He makes a quick detour for the men's bathroom and leans over the sink to splash some cold water over his face. He's desperately trying to regain control over his body and it momentarily helps. He tries to think of Marcus and the kids. He thinks about pitching a few balls with them and ordering pizza in the evening. Even the idea of seeing his mum and talking to her calms him down in ways the thought of her alone hasn't in decades.

He can feel his phone buzzing in his jacket and again he's relieved for the diversion. It's most definitely a business call which isn't unusual for a Saturday morning. Only it's not and he frowns when he sees Mike's name on his display.

"Look, Mike, I really don't want to have another one of these conversations right now. We've been over this."

"Harvey, hey, no, it's not that."

"What else could it possibly be? I'm at the airport as we speak, my flight leaves in about thirty minutes."

"You might want to cancel that flight after all."

"And why would I do that? I already told you I'm not-"

"The wedding is cancelled, Harvey. Donna called it off this morning."

.

Harvey's practically sprinting through the airport, his mind racing at a similar speed and his thoughts tumbling in his mind without making much sense. He hails himself a cab and gives the driver the only address he can think of. The only place it makes sense to go to.

Donna. Her name being the only coherent thought he can form right now. Her face the only thing he sees clearly in front of him. Donna, Donna, Donna. He just knows that he needs to get to her. He needs to see her, talk to her, even if he doesn't have a clue what he'll say. He needs to make sure she's okay.

The drive to her apartment feels like an eternity within itself. Harvey is staring out of the window and trying to sort through his thoughts and feelings. Deep down he already knows exactly what he needs to do, how, however, is a completely different question. He'll figure it out once he's there.

The cab stops in front of her building and Harvey hands the driver a bill, grabs his belongings before quickly getting out of the cab and jogging the few feet to the glass door that leads inside. He gives her door man a quick nod and heads past him, all but stumbling into the elevator and pressing the button with far more vigor than probably necessary.

He takes a deep breath before he gets off at her floor and heads straight to door 206. He drops his bag next to him and without missing a beat, knocks on her door. One, two, three, four. He waits impatiently, looks down at his feet before back at the door and just when he's about to lift his fist again, he hears some shuffling inside.

The door flies open and there she is. She's wearing lounge wear and no make-up and she's breathtakingly beautiful, as always. She seems calm and collected, not at all like someone who just had to call off their own wedding at the last minute.

She looks surprised when she sees him. Her brows furrow, confusion coloring her features.

"Harvey." His name is a statement and question all at once, as if she can't actually believe he's here, in front of her door, right across from her. "I thought you were in Boston."

"I…I was." He nods. "I was at the airport when Mike called me and I…I had to see you."

She starts to control her expression then and it changes from surprise and confusion to something else he can't quite put his finger on and it's unsettling.

"Why?"

"Because…" he begins, trying to find the right words.

"And don't say "you know why", Harvey, because I sure as hell have had enough of that."

"Mike told me what happened today and I couldn't just leave, I had to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I'm fine, thanks."

"Donna…" he tries again. "Why did you do it? Why did you call off the wedding?"

"Oh, no, no, no." She shakes her head at him. "This is not how this is going to go."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not giving you the easy way out, Harvey. For some reason you show up at my door the minute you find out I'm not getting married, after you told me just a few hours ago that you can't attend my wedding without giving me a single reason why. Tell me why you're here or don't but don't expect me to give you the opening that you need."

He swallows as he looks at her and he knows she's right. He has to take the first step here. She's done it too many times before.

"I'm here because I love you." He looks her straight in the eyes as the words leave his mouth and he knows she's going to need more than that; she deserves more than that. "You're the most important person in my life, Donna, and I can't risk losing you again. Not like this. Not forever. Not to someone else."

It takes all the self-control she can muster up to not let what his words are doing to her show on her face.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" she whispers instead. "Why didn't you fight for me? Why did you just let me go? You would have just left me. You would have just given up and gone to Boston." There are tears glistening in her eyes and she's shaking underneath her long woollen cardigan. He's never seen her like this before. Never this bare and vulnerable. All he wants to do is wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe and protected.

"I didn't know what else to do. I thought you were happy. I couldn't bring myself to ruin this for you. If there's anyone in the world who deserves to be happy, it's you."

A tear is making its way down her cheek as she looks at him. "You should have fought for me."

"I'm fighting now, okay? I know it's late and I could have lost you by now but I would never, ever do anything to make you unhappy, do you understand? I couldn't put my own happiness in front of yours, so I kept my mouth shut. I kept quiet and left, so you could get the happy ending you deserve."

"It's not my happy ending though, Harvey! The only happy ending I ever truly wanted was with you and no matter how hard I try to have it with someone else, I just can't." The words are out before she can stop herself, but she doesn't even care at this point. She's done pretending. She's done enough pretending for a lifetime and she's tired.

"I'm sorry." He takes a step closer, his hands itching to reach out for her and pull her close. Itching to make her feel his love, to stop those tears from rolling down her face. "I'm sorry I didn't fight for you while it still mattered. But I swear to God, Donna, I'm here to fucking fight for you now. I love you. And before you ask me how, I'll show you, okay?"

She wipes away her tears and looks at him. She tried so hard to stay mad at him but her heart wouldn't let her. Her whole body is tingling from the effect his words have on her. Every nerve ending underneath her skin is alive and she wants to scream at him to come and get her but she hopes her eyes are saying all the things she can't utter aloud right now.

"I'll start right now, okay? I'll show you how." He looks at her and waits for any sign that she agrees or protests and then she's giving him the tiniest nod and it's all the encouragement he needs.

He takes two more steps towards her to close the remaining distance between them and then his lips are on hers. His hands find her waist at the same time and he pulls her against him, their bodies moulding together effortlessly.

It takes Donna a second to find her footing, her arms flailing upwards before they settle over his shoulders and her hands find the nape of his neck, holding him firmly in place as their lips move together.

Harvey takes her bottom lip between his before he presses her even firmer against him and deepens the kiss, gaining the softest of moans from her in response.

His hands are all over her then; sliding from her waist to the small of her back before wandering upwards and over her shoulders, all the way up until they cup her face. His fingers gently caress her skin like they're touching the most precious thing in the world and Donna wants to cry at the softness of his touch.

Neither of them pull back until they're all out of breath and even then they don't let go of one another, resting their foreheads against each other before opening their eyes.

"That's just the beginning," he breathes against her lips, his hands still cupping her face. "If you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life showing you all the ways I love you."

"Okay," she croaks out and her eyes fill with tears again.

"Good." He nods softly before he places another soft kiss on her lips. "And I'll start right now by taking you to bed."

Donna swallows and nods her head against his before she leans in and presses her mouth against his, her arms linking behind his neck, holding him tightly against her.

Harvey reaches behind him and throws the door close without breaking the kiss before he moves both his hands to the back of her thighs and lifts her up in one swift motion.

Donna lets out a small squeal and wraps her legs around his waist and for the first time today, a genuine smile paints her lips as they're pressed up against his.

He slowly navigates them into her bedroom and when his knees hit the foot of her bed, he slowly lowers her down on it. They only break apart briefly before he's kneeling between her legs, his body hovering above hers as they kiss.

His lips leave hers only to place a trail of kisses down her neck and chest until he reaches the neckline of her silk camisole. He quickly shimmers her out of her cardigan and pulls her top over her head before his lips are back on her skin, continuing their trail down her body. He places open mouth kisses between her breasts, all the way down her toned stomach and navel until there's another piece of clothing in the way. He hooks his fingers into the waistband of her matching silk pants and slowly pulls them down her legs when she lifts her hips up from the bed for him.

Her pants drop to the floor and his breath momentarily hitches in his throat as he takes her in. She's left in nothing but a matching pair of black lace underwear and it's the most beautiful sight he's ever laid his eyes on. She was gorgeous twelve years ago but he swears she was even more breathtakingly beautiful now.

Donna blushes underneath his gaze and reaches up to pull him down for another earth shattering kiss, her legs wrapping themselves around his waist.

Her hands make quick work of his navy blue sweater and the white t-shirt underneath before she moves down to the belt of his pants. She moans when his lips trail down her neck again and find the sensitive spot just below her ear.

She undoes the button of his pants and pulls down the zipper before she wiggles underneath him to try and push them down his thighs. He chuckles against her skin and the feelings leaves her entire body covered in goosebumps. He quickly reaches down to help her take off his pants and before they know it they're both left clad in only their underwear.

Harvey's eyes trail over her body as he hovers above her and he watches as she reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra for him. Her breasts spring free and he reaches for the lacy piece, sliding her straps down her arms and throwing it next to them on the bed. His eyes instantly land on her breasts. She can feel her breath catch in her throat at the intensity of his want for her that's prominent in his eyes. He leans down and places an open-mouth kiss on one of her nipples, swirling his tongue around it before gently sucking it into his mouth. Donna moans at the sensation and runs her hand through the hair on the back of his head. He continues to leave sloppy kisses all over her chest before moving down her stomach again, his hand replacing his mouth on her breasts immediately.

When he reaches the hem of her panties he uses both his hands to slide them down to her knees before he continues to place kisses along the inside of her thighs, slowly moving upwards.

Donna moans in anticipation, getting louder the closer he gets to where she needs him the most and she closes her eyes, one of her hands reaching down to run through his hair.

"Oh my god," she groans the second his mouth lands on her center and he runs his tongue all over her wetness, kissing her like he would kiss her mouth before settling on her clit, pressing his tongue down hard on the bundle of nerves.

Donna's hands leave the back of his head to grab the bedding underneath them, her knuckles turning white from the intensity of feelings he's giving her.

He works his mouth relentlessly on her, her taste and the noises she makes serving his own arousal as well, his erection straining almost painfully against the material of his boxers.

He softly sucks on her clit, applying just the right amount of pressure before making use of his fingers and effortlessly sliding two of them inside of her. He sucks her clit and pumps his fingers at the same steady rhythm and Donna wriggles beneath him, her whole body in ecstasy from the pleasure he gives her.

Her moans are getting even louder then and he can feel her walls starting to contract around his fingers and he knows she's getting close.

"Harvey," she breathes and wriggles beneath him. "Please…I…I want to come…with you…inside me."

He smiles against her wet folds before he speaks. "Who says you can't have both?" He breathes against her wetness before he returns his mouth to where it belongs and immediately increases the speed of his suction and his fingers and within seconds Donna comes completely undone beneath him. Her hips buckle up towards his face uncontrollably and she arches her back as a loud groan leaves her lips, her orgasm washing over her in an unmatched intensity.

Harvey lets her ride it out completely and places another quick peck on her center before he moves back up her body, a smug grin plastered on his face.

Her face is flushed and she's wearing the most content expression and he can't help but lean down for another passionate kiss, wanting her to taste herself on his lips.

Donna moans into the kiss before she uses all the strength left in her to skilfully flip them over, straddling his waist. A surprised sound leaves Harvey's lips and he watches as she hooks her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and pulls them down his legs. His erection springs free in an instant and Donna licks her lips at the sight before wrapping her hand around his hard shaft and giving it a few strokes.

Harvey watches her and runs his hands up and down her thighs, giving them a soft squeeze before pulling her down towards him for another kiss. She pulls back after a few seconds and shifts down his body until her face is aligned with his rock-hard cock.

"Donna, you-" he tries to stop her but she's wrapped her mouth around him before he can finish his sentence. She slowly moves her head up and down before swirling her tongue around his tip, humming softly. His hips buckle upwards and he reaches down, gently grabbing her arms and pulling her back up and over his body. "Later," he breathes against her lips as she positions herself over him.

She can feel his erection press against her wetness and she slides her wet folds up and down his cock a couple of times before she takes him into her hand and positions him right at her entrance. Their faces are close and their eyes locked as she slowly lets herself sink down on him, a loud moan escaping her as he fills her up completely.

They keep their gazes on each other as she starts to move on top of him, lifting and sinking her hips in a slow and steady rhythm. Harvey moans and reaches down to place his hands on her butt, squeezing her cheeks as his hips meet hers, slowly quickening their pace.

They share another searing kiss before Donna pulls back and sits up on top of him, craving the friction the position provides. Harvey watches as her breasts bounce up and down with her frantic movements and he reaches up to capture them with both his hands, squeezing and massaging them gently.

She moans and throws her head back in ecstasy and it's the sexiest sight he's seen in his life. It takes all the self-control he can muster up not to come right then and there; with her riding him like this, her breasts bouncing in the palms of his hands.

Before he can lose the fight against himself, he uses the momentum and quickly turns them over once more so she's back beneath him. He can tell by her face that he's taken her by surprise, but she succumbs to the new position immediately as he starts to thrust into her in a fast rhythm. Her moans are getting louder again then and she meets him thrust by thrust, his thumb reaching in-between them to massage her clit. The sudden intense pressure is enough to send her over the edge for a second time, her walls contracting around his erection and taking him right with her. Harvey groans as he empties himself completely inside of her, his face buried in her neck as they both slowly come down from the highs they've just reached together.

They stay like this for a while, catching their breaths and slowly beginning to process everything that just happened between them. Everything both of them had been pining after for over a decade and they finally got to give in; they finally got to be together in that way again.

"Wow," Donna breathes as Harvey drops down on the bed next to her.

"Yeah," he agrees as he looks over at her, his hands reaching for her waist to pull her into his side.

She rests her head on his shoulder and puts one of her legs between his as she looks up at him. "So, that's how you love me, then?" She arches her eyebrows as she looks up at him.

"Oh, that's just one of many, many ways." He smiles.

"I can't wait to find out all of the other ways," she whispers, leaning up to softly kiss him again.

"I can't wait to show you," he breathes into the kiss as his hand cups her cheek.

They continue to kiss lazily for a while before Donna puts her head back on his shoulder, her gaze still holding his. "Tell me again."

He looks down at her and smiles softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She watches him closely as the words leave her mouth so she can witness the millions of emotions that take place in his eyes as he processes what she had just said to him; the main one being a kind of happiness and contentment she hadn't ever seen on his face before.

A slow smile spreads over his features and he leans down to peck her lips. "Say it again," he mirrors her words.

"I love you." She giggles as he turns her onto her back, hovering over her as he lies on his side next to her, peppering her lips with an endless number of soft kisses.

He falls in love with the sound of her carefree laughter, a noise he knows then, he wants to spend the rest of his life chasing. Their happiness begins and ends with one another, it always has, only now they finally get to experience it together.

It's a couple of hours later and they're in bed again, their naked bodies covered by her pearly white sheets, recovering from yet another round of showing each other just how they love one another.

They've been quiet for a couple of minutes and Donna's breathing has evened out, a sign that she's slowly but surely drifting off to a very much needed sleep.

They're facing each other, their legs tangled together, her head resting comfortably on Harvey's arm and he's watching her in awe, still wrapping his head around everything that's happened over the past twenty-four hours. Everything that's changed.

It's taken them entirely too long to get where they are now but the fact that they have ended up here at all is enough for Harvey to feel nothing but gratitude for their journey. The last few days leading up to this, to them being a them, was messy and painful and they almost didn't make it but he tries not to dwell on it, even if he does feel a hint of guilt for the emotional turmoil he has caused her and the aftermath they will undoubtedly have to face now that they got together on the day that was supposed to be her wedding day with somebody else.

He knows what's done is done and it doesn't matter anymore because everything was like it was supposed to be now, but still, he couldn't help but feel guilty for the things his inability to face his feelings have cost her.

"I'll marry you," he whispers softly as he gazes down at her unmoving, presumingly sleeping form. "Okay? I'd marry you in a heartbeat."

Donna stirs in his arms and blinks a few times, looking up at him confused, still in a haze from nearly dozing off right then. "You...what?" She asks, her voice raspy.

He's surprised that she's heard him but he's glad, too. "Yesterday when you came to my door you said I'd ruined the one thing that meant most to you."

"I…I wasn't talking about the wedding." She turns slightly to be able to get a better look at his face.

"But…" Harvey's brows furrow, something Donna can just about make out in the darkness that is engulfing them.

"I was talking about us," she continues "I was talking about you. All these years we spent, keeping each other at arm's length, trying to be with other people, trying to be friends and co-workers, me having my rule…we did all that so we would never lose each other. And the minute I decided to finally live my life…you leave."

"But I wouldn't have left forever…"

"You would have." She nods. "And even if you had come back, we would have never been the same again. Not with me being married to someone else."

He knows she's right. He knows that even if he had come back in a couple of weeks, he would have never recovered. He would have never been able to work and live around her, had he lost her for good.

"So, we are engaged then?" A cheeky grin spreads over her face as she remembers the words he had just woken her up with.

"What? I…no…I was just…," he stumbles over his own words.

She giggles. "You what?"

"I just wanted you to know that I would."

"Marry me?"

"Well, yes."

"Good." She nods.

"Good." He nods as well, watching her suspiciously. "But that wasn't a proposal."

"Well, I sure hope so, because it would have been a lousy one."

"But that doesn't change the fact that this is it for me. You know that, right?"

Her expression goes from amused to overwhelmed in a matter of seconds. "I do now," she whispers.

"So, for the record, I do intend on asking you in the not too distant future."

"Okay." She nods, swallowing down the emotions that are threatening to boil to the surface. "I'll act surprised."

"You better." He smiles and leans down to kiss her softly.

"And for the record," she whispers against his lips. "I do intend on saying yes."

A grin spreads across his lips at her words and he deepens the kiss before he wraps his arms around her and pulls her on top of him, causing her to giggle into their kiss.

There it was again; his favourite sound in the world and he couldn't wait to hear it again and again. Every day for the rest of his life.

The end.

.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are very much appreciated, I'd love to hear what you think!