This will be a collection of short stories and tropes that I update as and when I come up with them. Some chapters will be fairly long, others might be really short, and others will have Valduggery romance in them. The majority will feature our favourite characters from the SP series, and once again I bow down to the genius and inspiration that is Derek Landy. Enjoy!
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The House on Deadfall Lane...
"Are you sure we should go in there?" Valkyrie Cain looked up at the three story property in front of them doubtfully. The windows were boarded up and the door was cracked in half and hanging from its hinges, creaking mournfully in the wind as it swung from the splintered frame.
"Would you like to wait outside?" Skulduggery Pleasant seemed unfazed as he checked the bullets in his beloved revolver and slipped it back into his jacket, pulling his wide-brimmed hat low over his eyes.
"Yes."
"Don't be a baby."
"I'm not being a baby. This place has very obvious 'trap' vibes."
"So it has nothing to do with the fact that it looks like a haunted house and you hate haunted houses?"
"I don't hate them, I just don't like them." He tilted his head doubtfully, watching her. She sagged and scowled. "Fine, I hate haunted houses." He took several steps up the broken garden path and she stopped him again. "Whoa, wait a minute. You're just gonna use the front door? You're really just gonna walk right in there?"
"That's usually what doors are used for."
"You said they were for people with no imagination."
"They are, but I don't want to ruin my suit tearing the boards down from the window frames." He continued on and she scowled again.
"Why is it that everywhere else we break into, you prefer the windows, and the one place that just screams 'it's a trap!' you're all for walking right on through the door?" she grumbled.
"I like to keep things interesting." He stepped over the ruined threshold and she trailed after him.
"Goon," she muttered. "What exactly are we looking for in here?"
"A murderer used to live here. We need to know where he's going."
"And being in this dusty old house is going to help us how?"
"To find out where he's going, it helps to know where he's been."
"Why?"
"To rule out his other safe houses, of course." Valkyrie rolled her eyes and followed the skeleton as he walked calmly through the hall. The house smelled of mildew and animal waste. Skulduggery held out his hand to read the air, making sure they were definitely alone. He took another step and then a symbol glowed blue beneath his feet. He looked up at the door behind them just as the opening disappeared, shrinking until there was nothing but solid brick. "Ah. It seems we've walked into a trap."
"I'm sure I said that outside."
"I had to be sure."
"So you decided to set it off? Yeah, great idea." She frowned when he didn't respond. Instead he was inspecting the walls and floors carefully.
"Valkyrie," he said slowly. "Don't move. Not one inch."
"Why?"
"This house house may be littered with booby traps. Any one of them could kill us."
"Oh. Okay, I won't move." She watched him for a moment longer. "Sometimes I hate you."
"I know," he answered cheerfully.
"Who exactly are we looking for anyway? All you've said all day is 'a murderer'."
"Because we're looking for a murderer."
"What's his name, Skulduggery?" She folded her arms across her chest, her scowl becoming a permanent fixture on her face.
"I didn't tell you?"
"No."
"Oh. Sorry." She waited for him to continue, grinding her teeth when he didn't.
"Well?"
"Hmm? Oh. Craven Mendroth."
"Was that so hard?" He didn't answer, pausing as he reached the bottom of the stairs and tilting his head like he did when he was deep in thought. She watched as his feet lifted off the floor and he drifted over to her, wrapping a skeletal arm around her waist and lifting her with him.
"I think travelling like this is best for now. As long as we don't touch the symbols we should be fine." He carried them up the stairs slowly. Valkyrie was surprised when it actually worked. They made it all the way to Craven's bedroom without any further incidents. "Well, that was disappointing."
"You're disappointed that we didn't die? Are you for real?" He put her down and turned his attention to the cabinets at either side of the broken, rotting bed, searching them for any signs of hidden sigils or traps. Valkyrie stayed where she was, scanning the rest of the room for the same before deciding it was safe enough to walk to the other small cupboard. As soon as she put her hand on it, it groaned and collapsed into a pile of wood at her feet, making her shriek and jump back. Skulduggery paused and stared at her for a minute, and she knew if he had eyes he'd most definitely be blinking.
"I didn't know your voice could go that high," he said as he went back to searching. "It's quite painful to listen to."
"Goon," she retorted. Sifting through the wreckage of the cabinet brought up nothing so she turned her attention to the rickety bed with its disgusting mouldy mattress. She held her breath and lifted it up, squinting against the dust as she reached for a small leather notebook hidden beneath it. "Is this what we're looking for?"
"Indeed it is." She opened it and flicked through to find the faint etchings of a man writing in his diary. She wrinkled her nose as she realised the pages described the murders he'd committed. She blanched and passed it to the skeleton. "My, he's committed far more crimes than he let on. I'll have to add them to his sentence," Skulduggery said absently. After a few minutes of flicking through the pages, he paused. "Aha. Found it."
"Where is he?"
"I don't know where is exactly. This notebook is quite old. But I do know where he might be." He closed the book and tossed it back onto the mattress. "He has another house out by the coast. If he still uses it we might find him there. If not we may find something that leads us closer to him. Let's go."
"A creepy scavenger hunt. Goodie," Valkyrie muttered, stretching out a hand to lean on the fireplace. There was a faint click as the stone she touched pressed inwards, and Skulduggery looked up in time to see a symbol inside the fireplace glow bright orange before the room exploded. Splinters of old furniture and brick flew with them as they were launched into the air and flung from the building, landing roughly in the garden at the rear. Valkyrie curled up into a ball, protecting her head as debris rained down on her. When she was sure she was safe she groaned and stretched out again, staring up at the gaping hole in the upstairs of the house.
"Well," Skulduggery said, brushing dust from his jacket. "That's one way to get out without using the door." Valkyrie scowled.
"I really hate you."
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