Power

It's not for everyone.

There's something addicting about power.

The way the fire bends to his will when he curls his fingers, or when his enemies cower upon him drawing near makes his soul purr. He loves to watch their faces- once so confident and poised suddenly pale in fear and the dawning realization they were about to lose. It's all power; the power to make a man become a boy. The power over something that does not belong to him: fire, people, emotions.

Power, power, power... he needs more of it.

Natsu stares at his hands. Cracked and dry. Tired after years of use, he thinks maybe he should take a break for a little while.

The thought makes him chuckle to himself, and he drops his palms to his lap. His sharp eyes narrow on his fireplace, burning brightly ahead of him.

How could I ever give you up? He laments, leaning forward so his elbows settle on his knees. The way the fire draws him closer and the way he is powerless to resist strikes a chord deep within him. That flame gives him everything he could ever dream of. A way to strike down his enemies, a way to keep others out of his way, a way for him to stay on top, a way to protect his friends...

He runs a hand through his hair and immediately draws away. He stands and crosses to his kitchen, trying to put distance between him and that fucking flame.

When did protecting his friends become the least of his priorities?

Natsu plants himself on the ground next to the coldest thing in the room, his back immediately warming the side of the refrigerator. He draws his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and then burying his face in them. He has to be some kind of monster, right? A monster who thinks power is the be all end all. His thinking happens to be no different than all those mages they've come across who tout their power as their hallmark.

No different than Zeref.

The thought makes him uncomfortable, and he sets his chin atop his arms and glares straight ahead. Could he toss away the comparison, though? He's not sure he can. He has found himself increasingly more like the dark wizard and less like the Salamander throughout the years.

Every single time he uses his magic it feels like a fight. A fight not only against the enemy, but against himself, too. He has to rebel against his own desire for control and ultimate destruction, no matter how tempting it seems some days. How easy would it be to kill and end the problem before it even arises? How easy would it be to burn the village and eradicate the enemy is one fell swoop instead of searching for each bad guy individually? How easy could that be?

His stomach churns. The fact that it takes him a few minutes to realize how evil his thoughts are is what really worries him. What's stopping him from making a decision he would regret in time? What if he's already made a decision that is completely despicable, and he just hasn't realized it yet? So many questions, and not nearly enough answers.

And when he wants answers, there's only one place he can go.

Natsu picks himself up from the floor, putting out the fireplace from where he's standing before going to his bedroom. He peeks inside to find Happy sound asleep in his hammock. He makes a face. Maybe waking up in the middle of the night to start a fire and stare at it for an hour thinking of all the power you have isn't such a good sign after all...

He shakes the thought from his mind and leaves his home in a hurry. The night wind cools his skin as he jogs through the forest into town. Streetlamps and cobblestone streets aid him on his way to the only person who could quell these thoughts he has.

He finds her apartment, but he knows she isn't in it. Her scent lingers outside, meaning she's also a bit restless tonight. He follows it, suddenly fearing for her safety. She shouldn't be walking around by herself, especially in the dead of night! Too much can happen to her- there are creeps, even in this relatively nice town.

The man pours a little speed into his step as he follows her scent. It grows stronger and stronger, and he finally turns a corner to find the blonde walking side by side with Loke. Natsu feels a strong urge to punch Loke out of the blue even though he's not doing anything wrong. However, Natsu knows the urge isn't due to his need for power. It's more to do with the fact that he doesn't like anyone who isn't himself to be talking to Lucy.

"Natsu?" Loke's voice reaches his ears, and Natsu snaps himself out of his reverie to see Loke and Lucy walking towards him.

"Hey," Natsu greets simply, raising a hand, "I need to talk to Luce." The woman in question raises an eyebrow at him.

"At one in the morning?" she asks.

"As if you haven't been walking around for the past half hour-" Natsu scoffs, the blonde rolling her eyes before turning toward her spirit.

"We can talk more later, okay?" she tells him with a smile that is more melancholic than anything.

"Okay, be safe," he tells her, pulling her in for a tight hug that makes Natsu's fists curl involuntarily. That little lion needs to keep his hands to himself, but he could never say that out loud. Especially since Lucy is obviously comfortable with the contact.

"I will, I'll have my dragon bodyguard with me," she shoots him a smile that causes him to relax. Loke laughs a little before puffing back to the spirit world. Lucy then turns on her heel to continue walking down the road, and Natsu follows like a puppy. The small part of his mind that tells him how powerful he needs to become also whispers about how exclusive this moment is.

She left her spirit to be alone with you, his mind purrs, she belongs to you,

He immediately casts the latter part of the thought from his mind. Lucy does not belong to anyone, least of all him. He could never truly believe he has any power over her.

"What were you and Loke up to?" Natsu asks in an attempt to distract himself. Lucy sighs, kicking a rock down the road.

"Drama in the spirit world," Lucy tells him, keeping her gaze pointed forward, "Aquarius has been pretty irritable lately since she has no way to use her powers." He hears the words she doesn't say: she has no way to use her powers because I destroyed her only connection to the world. Lucy has been beating herself up for the past two years about that, and Natsu feels confident that she won't stop until she's found her key again.

"So Loke..." Natsu prompts, and Lucy continues.

"Loke just wanted to give me an update," she says, looking sheepish, "I couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

"Ah, you know," she waves him off, the blonde making a face, "too much thinking on my part. It helps to talk things out with my spirits since they have a better understanding of where Aquarius is coming from." She deflates a little bit despite her trying to appear so put together. She's always trying to downplay her feelings to appear less bratty, even though Natsu never thinks of her as such. Nobody does.

"She just misses you," Natsu tells her, reading in between the lines, "even if she doesn't want to admit it outright. I think it's fine to miss her back." Lucy nods, considering his words. She turns towards him, then. Her eyes scan him up and down before she tilts her head.

"What's bothering you?" she asks, the male shrugging as they take a left at the end of the street.

"I've just been weird recently," he tells her honestly. "I've been thinking a lot about my power and how much of it I have and how... how easy it would be to let it take over." He looks down at his hand and then the wooden building they walk past. A home. "I could destroy this if I wanted to. I could hurt the people inside, and I could do it in a second." A sort of giddiness overcomes him as he thinks about it- but he tries to reign it in as her impossibly bright eyes remain on him. "I could do so much, and no one could stop me."

"Except Laxus and Makarov," Lucy tells him surely, the male looking at her in surprise. She maintains their gaze as they natually stop walking. "Gray couldn't put a dent on you? Nor Erza or Guildarts?"

"They could try," he scoffs, the blonde's eyes widening at the dismissal. He repeats the words in his mind and realizes after a moment that he couldn't differentiate the little voice in the back of his mind from his own. Lucy realized that half a moment faster than he did.

"So what are you going to do? Are you planning to destroy a town?" she asks carefully, the man shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. What is wrong with him?

"Of course not," he replies, although that fucking voice tells him he could if he wanted to. It always has to leave a reminder. "I'm not going to do anything, I just... I'm kinda freaked out at why I would think it in the first place." Lucy nods, her face serious as she thinks.

"It comes from a place of knowing your strength, Natsu," she says slowly, as if processing her own words, "you're acutely aware of how strong you are. You've overpowered so may opponents; you win. When you lose, you get right back up and become better- stronger and smarter." She pauses for a moment. "Right now, after all this stuff with Zeref... you're more aware now than you've ever been about what your power allows you to do. We all have urges sometimes to use our magic for something sinister, it's a matter of not allowing it to overwhelm you."

"But what if it does?" Natsu stresses, stepping towards her. "What if I can't control it? Myself?"

"You can control it, Natsu," Lucy replies steadily, meeting his gaze, "you're amazing like that. You can look at what you're doing and see if you're flying off the handle. In those moments when it's not immediately clear to you, you have m- us." She grabs his hand with both of hers. "Just a minute ago you told me you could destroy this house if you wanted to. Not even ten seconds later you realized that deep down destroying this would bring you nothing. You realized there was something wrong about wanting to tear this down." Natsu's skin prickles with a new kind of warmth at her words. "Stop selling youself short. You're powerful. With that power comes years of practicing self control."

They stand in silence for a few moments, and Natsu takes her hands in his palms. He feels her skin against his own, and it brings him some comfort. She's amazing, how she can remove every fear he has with her words.

He feels weak against her. He holds no power to how utterly perfect this woman is.

She's trying to keep you from achieving-

Shut up, another part of him speaks, Lucy is perfect and you suck.

Natsu smiles at the internal monologue, and Lucy raises an eyebrow at him.

"Are you okay?" she asks, her cheeks turning pink in the moonlight. Natsu realizes quickly, and with a touch of pride, that he must be responsible for that blush.

"Never been better," he tells her, pulling her into his arms and hugging her close to his body. Her arms come around his neck after a moment, and he pulls back so he can look down at her. "Thank you."

"It's no problem," she replies, her eyes flooding with something new as some of her embarrassment washes away, "you kow you're my best friend, right?" He nods.

"'Course," he says, his heart beginning to pound against his chest. Her tone has changed, and he feels something new between them. He isn't always a fan of 'new' but he thinks he may like where this is going.

"Good." She says, appearing almost relieved. "So you're kinda stuck with me, no matter what."

"No matter," he leans down to place his forehead on hers, "what." Her arms tighten around his neck, drawing them even closer together.

"You drive me insane, you know that?" she laughs a little, and he presses a feather light kiss to her lips that interrupts the beautiful sound.

"I know," he smiles, but she stands on her tippy toes to kiss him again. Fireworks explode in his belly and he shuts his eyes, getting lost in the moment.

Natsu knows that being powerful doesn't have to make him a monster. He also knows that if he were to ever lose the fight against his own darker aspirations, he has his friends to bring him back.

He has Lucy.

Haha, so basically, I wrote this out of frustration so everything is a little loose and not as polished as I usually like. At the end I was just like, "This doesn't feel like kissy kiss time, but they WILL KISS, dammit!"

So my frustration stems from the fact that I broke my flashdrive that held about three year's worth of writings on it- including a full 30 chapter story I was editing for FT. SO THAT'S REALLY COOL. I am really psyched I decided to wait one more day before backing it up on my computer. At least I'll have some time to rewrite the whole fricken thing.

Anyway, I hope y'all are having a blast with Covid-19 hanging over our heads. Do us all a favor and take care of YOU! PM if you have any questions/concerns :)