There's more innuendo than I would usually write, but honestly it just kind of happened. Also, there's a non-graphic scene where Lily is in labor, because nothing is sacred to Sirius Black. You've been warned.

Innuendos and Outuendos

"And you're sure my tie looks alright?" James reached up and fiddled with the collar of his shirt for the forty-third time. He knew because Sirius, the prick that he was, had been counting them aloud.

"It's fine, Prongs," Sirius said. "Would you just relax? Evans has already agreed to go on a date with you. She's not going to back out even if your shirt is a bit wonky." He flopped back against his bed and resumed tossing his apple high into the air and catching it, doing his best to hide a grin.

"But you said I looked fine!" James cried, twisting in the mirror as he tried to find the imperfection. "I need everything about today to be perfect."

"Like I haven't heard that before," Sirius muttered under his breath.

James whirled around. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're always concerned about whether or not Evans thinks everything about you, from your hair to your shoelaces, is above reproach."

"That's not true!" James sniffed. "And even if it was, I don't see how trying to impress someone is such a bad thing."

Half of Sirius' mouth hitched up in a knowing smirk. "Your neurotic need to make every little detail perfect gives the impression that you're overcompensating for something a bit more important. And since I've seen the bits that you're likely so concerned about, I can assure that you can stop worrying."

A flush crept from James' cheeks to the tips of his ears and the top of his collar. "If you can't say something helpful, get out."

"I thought that was helpful!" Sirius cried, his smirk now a full on grin. "But just know I look forward to discussing Evans' opinion on that matter very, very soon."

"That's it!" James muttered, pointing to the door. "Get. Out."

"Where's the ring? I just had it!" James cried, patting his pockets frantically. "I can't bloody well propose without a ring!"

"You put it in your coat pocket so you wouldn't forget it," Peter replied around bites of his muffin.

James' shoulders stooped in relief. "Thank Merlin. I hid it in the cookie jar last week so that Lily wouldn't find it, and then I lost it for several days because I'd forgotten where I put it."

"Very nice, Prongs," Remus said with a snort.

James threw his head back haughtily. "It was a reasonable thing to do it at the time."

"Yeah, until Evans goes for a snickerdoodle and winds up with an even bigger prize," Sirius chuckled.

"Do you need to run through it one more time?" Peter asked.

James shook his head and said, "No, I—"

"I think we could all do it by now," Sirius said with a laugh. "Take her to Hyde Park, get down on one knee, blah blah blah, speeches and tears, smoochy smoochy, ice cream from her favorite stand to celebrate—"

"And none of you will be here when we come back," James finished, fixing them with a look.

Sirius shot him a mischievous grin. "That way you can get started on the real celebration, am I right?"

"I'm not dealing with this." James sighed and pointed to the door. "All of you, now. Get out."

"It's almost time," Remus said as James struggled with his hair in the mirror.

"I know it's almost time, Moony, but I don't want to look like some kind of bum on my wedding day," he said in a panicked voice. "I thought I had it taken care of, but do you see this?"

As soon as James pulled the brush from his hair, it bounced back to its regular disheveled appearance.

"No amount of Sleekeazy's is going to fix this now," he groaned.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Lily won't think anything less of you if your hair is its normal, wild self. She loves you and wants to marry you in spite of it." He tacked on under his breath, "Though I don't always understand why."

"I think she loves him because of it. Makes her feel all wild and uninhibited," Sirius said with an eyebrow waggle. "Leave it like it is! Might make for an even more memorable wedding night, if you know what I'm saying."

"Everyone knows what you're saying, Pads," Remus said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't care if you're the best man," James snapped, pointing at the door. "Go check on the girls or something. Just get out!"

It wasn't a wizarding tradition to have any men, other than a Healer, in the delivery room. However, Lily Evans Potter had never been too keen on keeping tradition for tradition's sake.

"You are so damn incredible," James whispered, squeezing her hand gently. "I love you so much."

Lily grimaced as another contraction hit. "Love. You. Too," she grunted, punctuating every word with a drop of her head to the bed frame.

On the other side of her bed, Sirius did his best to keep his snickering to himself.

"Are you ready, baby?" James asked now as he pushed the hair back from Lily's sweaty forehead.

"God, I'm so ready," she moaned. "Jaaaaaaames!"

At that, Sirius sputtered a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. The glare James threw his way meant he was less than successful, which only made it more difficult to stop.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Ohhhhhhh!" Lily cried, her eyes blared wide. "Dear God. Oh Merlin. Sweet—shit!"

Sirius let out a guffaw and began laughing openly. The more James tried to glare him into submission, the harder Sirius laughed, until tears were rolling down his face and he was clutching his own stomach in pain.

"What the hell, Padfoot?" James growled. "You promised you would try to be helpful, or at least try to behave. In case you've forgotten, we're trying to have a baby here!"

"Sounds more like—" Sirius hiccupped—"sounds more like you're trying to make one!"

A beat of silence passed. Then, as Lily began laughing through the pain of her contractions, James pointed at the door and screeched, "Get out!"