AN1. This short one shot all takes place in the 22 seconds between when Chuck asks Sarah "Sarah, do you love me?" and when she finally gives her answer. It was inspired by a number of writers, MySongStory in particular, and my desire to finally write a song fic. It is based on my all-time favorite Byrds/David Crosby song. Even after over 50 years, I still think its his best work.

"Sarah, do you love me?"

Everybody has been burned before
Everybody knows the pain
Anyone in this place can tell you to your face
Why you shouldn't try to love someone

Sarah Walker, Con-girl and CIA agent, had been asked many questions in her life. They ran the gamut from "did you hurt yourself?" while she lay on the ground with a broken arm having purposely stepped in front of an armored car while her dad lifted a couple of bags of cash from the back. To "Are you going to kill me?" while standing over a terrorist that she had seen carrying a dirty bomb into a soccer stadium filled with 80,000 spectators. In both those cases she knew the answer to their questions rather easily. "Yes.".

Sarah had never feared any question before. Some did make her uncomfortable but her training from both her father and The Farm had prepared her to deal with them in a multitude of ways. She could lie, evade answering by changing the subject, turn them back on the questioner or on the rare occasion, tell the truth if necessary. But the question the man sitting in front of her had just asked was something she had never experienced before. Sure, some men had asked her if she loved them both implicitly and explicitly, but it had always been simply a way to help get her into their bed. They had told her they loved her first, expecting her to reply in kind but they were conning her just as she had conned them. It was part of the play book. It had been a key element of The Farm's 'Infiltration and Seduction' classes. But the main feature of those classes was Rule #1, "Spies don't fall in love".

That rule had been part of a mantra of sorts for agents. Carina had reminded her on numerous occasions of its importance. "A compromised agent is a dead agent", they had taught her throughout her time in the Agency. Hell, her father had taught her that "Love was for suckers", since she had made the decision to go on "adventures with dad" when she was eight.

But this time was different. Oh, so very different. It was the most sincere and important question she had ever been asked. It was different because the man who was asking it was so very different than any she had ever known to exist. He was honest to a fault and that honesty had been shown clear and forcefully when he told her that he loved her, not in so many words but by his actions over their first two years together. She had even said to herself on her video logs what the answer to his question was long ago. But all of that changed on a cold train platform in Prague.

Prague. A city she had visited many times in her time with the CIA. She had been told it was beautiful though she had never really taken the time to see for herself. But now her memories of that place were nothing but pain, anguish and betrayal. Chuck had slammed shut that door she had finally opened with such excitement and yes, trepidation. She had opened it because she believed in her heart that he would never betray her. Her father had even used those very words a few months before when she asked him why he put the money in Chuck's account. "I read people. It's the only real talent I got. One thing I know, that kid would never betray you. I made a ten million dollar bet that he loved you. Turns out I was right." For Jack Burton to say that had been unthinkable before and it had a huge impact on Sarah, especially coming so soon after the whole Jill debacle.

Everybody knows it never works
Everybody knows and me
I know that door that shuts just before
You get to the dream you see

But standing on that train platform had been the most painful experience of her life. The agony from every gunshot wound, stabbing, broken arm or busted lip she had received in her life had been nothing compared to what she felt when he walked away from her. It's like he was a different person than she had known for those two years. The Chuck she had known before, the Chuck Jack Burton had 'read', would never have done that. Sure, he might have made the same decision to not run with her, but he would have spent hours explaining his reasons and made sure she was ok with it or at least understood. Or so she had thought. But never explaining why, he just turned and left. There she was, standing alone in the cold, two tickets to a dream she would never realize falling from her hand and her broken heart. It had been a pain she had no idea how to process and that betrayal would change the direction of her life, both their lives, and cause her to close off once again.

The next few months after he got back from failing Spy School, they both danced around that pain of betrayal and it made them both make stupid decisions to try to ease it and move on. Hannah, Shaw had both been pointless exercises in coping with the emptiness they felt. Being with someone who wasn't the reason for that hurt only made it hurt worse. They had both become pod people, living in a world that was as blank meaningless as the vast void between the stars in our galaxy. Or as she had soon come to realize after she had slept with him, the emptiness of Shaw's heart and soul.

But Chuck had changed that once again when he entered that building that was about to be bombed into oblivion to save the man he and she had both mistakenly believed she cared about. He didn't do it to save a good agent. He didn't do it to stop The Ring. He did it for her and her alone. It was something she had foolishly asked Shaw to do when he was about to blow up Castle with Chuck still down there all for some stupid disks that they never once used or even talked about. Even after learning she didn't trust him about the Red Test incident, he still did it because the Chuck she had always believed or wanted to believe in was still there. He did it because her happiness was what mattered most to him. When he spoke with her in Castle later, his first instinct was to ask about Shaw and swipe away any real gratitude for his actions. He even tried to say Shaw would have done the same for him, though she knew that to be a lie firsthand. When he told her he loved her and would be waiting for her at Union Station, it both thrilled her and scared her. Train stations and Chuck and Sarah did not have a great history. Plus, her feelings of duty and commitment tried to rear their heads but this time the pounding in her chest when he asked her if he could kiss her "if that's ok" was oh so very loud and undeniable.

When she got back to her hotel, she reached into the nightstand drawer and picked up the picture that had always been near her side except when Shaw had been to her hotel. She gently ran her fingers across the glass frame, and she felt the weight of her decision ease. The choice was obvious. She then placed it back on her nightstand while she packed to go meet Chuck with both 'summer and winter ware.' It was now back where it belonged and maybe so was she. When Casey showed up at her hotel room and told her that Chuck didn't kill the mole, it was the best news she ever heard. But it only strengthened her resolve that she had made the right decision. Chuck was still Chuck, he was still 'her Chuck'.

I know it all too well how to turn, how to run
How to hide behind a bitter wall of blue
But you die inside if you chose to hide
So I guess instead I'll love you

The look on Chuck's face while he waited for her answer had been heartbreaking to her. Finally, his shoulders slumped, and he looked away. He tried to deflect the feeling of defeat and loss with his usual self-deprecating manner. "Wow, I'm ahhh, I'm in my underwear. I'm sitting in my underwear holding a plastic guitar. There's a very good chance I'm making a complete fool of myself isn't there." But this time Sarah couldn't let this continue like she had done so many times before. She couldn't let him feel like he had lost yet again. She had to tell him the answer to his question, an answer that she had known deep in her heart since shortly after he stooped to help a little ballerina and her dad.

"Yes"

Chuck not realizing what she had said, rattled on.

"I should probably put some pants on."

"No, Chuck…. Yes…"

AN2. For a long time, I have been trying to find that muse to begin writing once again. The last few years have been a serious challenge for me on a personal level. I want to thank all the writers in this fandom for sharing their talent with all of us. Reading the great work of so many talented writers here really has helped. So I decided it was time to give back. Don't know if I'll find that muse again with this short one-shot, but I am trying. I have no definitive idea how or if I will finish my unfinished works but I am going to give it a try. Social Distancing does kind of help remove many of the other barriers to sitting down at the keyboard once again.

Thank you all for reading my bits of dribble and for writing yours.

Bill

Song: Everybody's Been Burned

Artist: The Byrds

Album: Younger Than Yesterday - Columbia Records CS 9442

Released: 1967

Writer: David Crosby