Well, this is kind of a funny story; originally this was going to be my second story. The first story I had in mind was a oneoff Kazuma x Aqua story (quick summary if you're curious: what if Kazuma chose to have a succubus dream involving Aqua instead of Lalatina), but I'm not liking how it's turning out.

Anyway, as a Xenoblade enthusiast, Perception is going to be more of my focus on this site, but this will be a nice little side project. Also, I haven't read the manga (or the original web novel), but for personal reasons, I will be using the web novel ages of the characters, even though I've only watched at least season one of the anime.

So I guess, let's get this over with….I guess since I play a lot of Xenoblade, don't be surprised if you see "spells" referred to as "arts".

xxx

"Cuhhhmon." A voice demanded, stuffing her face with potato chips. Her only response was a groan.

This was how it felt to be Aqua, the Goddess of Water. Well revered by the followers of the Axis Order, the aquamarine haired deity had a role in escorting the souls of the deceased to the boring afterlife. Or for the alternative, she had begun to send newer souls to a parallel world where the all powerful demon king had been laying waste.

And her latest soul was a young man named Kazuma Satou, a shut in geek that was more than happy to live out his days, playing videogames, and staying indoors.

However, it was only minutes ago when he threw away his life trying to save a girl…..that was never in danger. And he died of shock. And he wet his pants in his death. And everyone laughed at him. Including the doctors that were supposed to save him and his own parents.

Right now, the brunet had been spending what had at least been hours choosing a cheat item to accompany him on the way. There was one problem; Kazuma was paying too much attention to the details of the cheat items, and too many of the cheat items seemed a bit too good to be true as he read the descriptions on the cards presented to him.

"It doeshn't matter what you choosh, Kazhuma. No one'sh going to echzpect much from a shut in geek-"

"I'm not a geek!" Kazuma argued, looking right into the sapphire eyes of the brat that lounged before him. "And I'm not a shut in, I at least died outside of my house!"

Granted, his death was genuinely hilarious, and Aqua couldn't remember the last time she had laughed as hard as she did. Smirking, she announced as she swallowed the chips in her mouth and then cleared her throat to get his attention "Tell you what, Kazuma." Noticing the now annoyed look on his face as he turned his attention to her, she continued "Since you gave me a really good laugh, I shall grant you access to…" she held out a pair of fingers to emphasize, "...two cheat items!"

"Two cheat items!" Kazuma asked himself, somewhat annoyed. On one hand, this "Goddess" decided to use his humiliation to extend the amount of cheat items he could get. But on the other hand, if he had two cheat items, he would be able to last longer. Now intrigued, he began to intensely scan each of the items to use. Much to his surprise, it wasn't long before he was able to find two items.

Looking at the cards he picked up, he read to himself the first card he chose; "The Cape of Flight. Allows the wear to fly at supersonic speeds, can protect the wear from most attacks, and even alter its shape and color to suit the situation."

This "Cape of Flight" seemed a bit too familiar, but what did he know? But the next option was what really intrigued him. Not only were the cheat items Aqua could grant physical cheat items, but even preset fighting styles. "If I'm going to be doing a lot of fighting, then I wouldn't mind some high defensive stats."

Presenting the second card, he read: "Paladin style. Grants the wearer immense strength and durability, and really potent healing magic. The user also wields lightning magic for ranged fighting, at the expense of a water vulnerability. Disclosure, this means water attacks. The user can still consume beverages, produce sweat and other fluids and take baths just fine." Oddly specific description, but to Kazuma, it was perfect. The Paladin could give a boost in defense, and grant him most of the tools he needs to survive. And that cape was easily the ultimate get out of jail free card if things got out of hand. However, he thought he could see some fine print on the Paladin style, but the text was so tiny, he dismissed it as some lame copyright disclaimer. Like a goddess would need such a thing.

He didn't care for the whole being a massive goody two shoes, but so be it. Picking up the two cards he approached Aqua, reluctantly declaring "Lady Aqua, I have made my choices."

A sense of liveliness suddenly returned in the Goddess's eyes as she clapped her hands and replied "Splendid." Looking at the cards Kazuma presented, she grinned and teased "Ooooooooo, fancy being a superman, don't you? Don't worry, as the supreme Goddess, your request is not a problem. Just stand still for me, please." Instantly, Aqua threw the paladin card upwards and it turned into a distinct ring of electric blue light. "To wield the power of a Paladin, you need to take the power into yourself, Kazuma. I hope you're ready." She warned with a rather trollish smirk.

Before the neet could say anything, Kazuma was well…..thunderstruck as an explosion of sapphire lightning had coruscated through his body. The young man could only scream as 50,000 degrees of intense heat burnt it's way into his body...and yet, he began to feel different. Within seconds, the excruciating pain he began to feel soon turned into a nuisance, and then nothing.

Once the "attack" wore off, Kazuma struggled to stand still. Physically, he still looked the same, but now he felt a strength he knew was never there. "Oh, I look…...forward to….using this." He declared with a bit of fatigue in his voice.

"And now your second choice!" Holding the card reading the "Cape of Flight", it began to glow with a watery blue light. Taking two of her fingers, Aqua pulled the card inside out like a magic trick, and a dark green cape began to emerge from the card.

"Whoa!" Kazuma remarked as the card had now become a cloak, and within seconds the cloak quickly recognized Kazuma as its master, wrapping itself around him.

"So this cape has sentience. Heh, be a decent first friend until I find recruits." He thought to himself. He was ready to thank Aqua for the gifts that she bestowed to him, but before he could say anything, a sack of gold coins had appeared in his hand.

"That is 100,000 eris, Kazuma." Aqua explained, a hint of disgust as she said the word "eris". "Use it for whatever you need, it should last you for about a month before you have to take up quests to restock."

Curiosity got the better of the young adult as he asked "Did I hear disgust? May I ask why?"

Thinking no harm in telling him, Aqua explained with a genuine aggressiveness in her voice "Let's just say that the currency of my world is named after the goddess of Luck and Fortune, Eris. Don't trust her or her followers. She thinks she's better than me because she has more followers than I do. But she's still a junior, trying to prove herself a master goddess. ON TOP OF THAT….." Aqua's attitude suddenly turned from anger to laughter as she continued "Eris…... Pads….. Her…... Chest! Because the brat's so insecure of being seen as younger than me-"

But before Aqua could continue, a summoning ring appeared for the both of them. "Wait, what's happening?"

"Mistress Aqua!" A winged figure appeared before Kazuma and Aqua in response. The neet looked up, seeing a blonde angel, not looking any older than Aqua. "Forgive my intrusion. But the Elder Gods and Lady Eris had heard everything you were saying about her!"

"What?!" the two asked with surprise.

"Yes, and not only that, but Eris herself has requested as punishment that you accompany Kazuma on his quest to best the demon king. But do not fret, Lady Aqua…." this angel explained as Aqua began to tremble with shock as she realized what was going on. The Elder Gods outranked Aqua, and had apparently overheard her insulting a fellow deity. "...once you and Kazuma Satou have bested the demon king, we will send an envoy to pick you up when it's over." the angelic woman explained.

"As for you, Kazuma." The young man looked curiously as he and Aqua began to slowly float upward. "Once you have bested the demon king, we will grant you any wish that you want!"

"Hey, that's my line…...you can't be serious! You can't do this to me." Aqua began to rant, a panicked look in her sapphire eyes. "I can't even fight; I just know healing spells!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Kazuma reiterated. For some reason, ever since he became a paladin, he was finding his mentality to change. Maybe it was the idea of becoming one. Eh, it probably won't be too bad. "Think of it this way, you can use your power to make more people like you!"

"Oh, yeah. That makes me feel any better." Aqua thought to herself

"...The Elder Gods wish you the best of luck on your journey to beat the demon king, Kazuma and Lady Aqua." the angel explained. "And once again, Lady Aqua, do not fret. We will entrust someone with your job until the demon king is bested."

And so, their journey began. The shut in neet, now converted to a paladin, and a whiny goddess were launched into a shining light, one screaming in joy, the other in terror as her reality began to fall apart.

xxx

Axel Town looked like something out of a JRPG that Kazuma had played when he was growing up. The place had a distinct medieval flair, as Kazuma observed many of the citizens dressed in simple tunics and pants. Even with the cape he was adorned, it clashed with the dark green tracksuit underneath. "Oh, I'm going to get used to this!" Kazuma retorted. Amusingly, his cape began to tug on his right side. "What is it-ohhhhhh…" Looking to his right, he began to notice Aqua ready to burst into tears at any moment. As annoying as she already was, it wasn't right for her position to be stripped of. He was now wishing he hadn't asked Aqua about this "Eris" goddess. And besides, the Eris he had known about was a goddess of strife and discord. Not exactly a positive figure to look up to. How could there be a benevolent goddess that possessed a name like Eris?

"I guess she's stuck with me until this is over…we'll have to make the best of it." Kazuma told himself.

Opening his arms, he asked "Do you….need a shoulder to cry-" Before he could finish his question, Aqua suddenly grabbed Kazuma and stuffed her face into his shoulder to wail her brains out.

"This can't be...happening!" She cried, her voice muffled as Aqua whined. Only one thing about all of this made Kazuma feel better; he was originally planning on choosing Aqua to be his cheat item. Now he was wondering if these "Elder Gods" were intending to screw him over by forcing Aqua to accompany him. Eventually, Aqua's full blown outburst soon turned into a sniffle. Pulling her head away from Kazuma's shoulder she wiped the tears away from her face, the goddess of water replied "Thank you, Kazuma. I feel a lot better. But what do we do now?"

Looking around, the young man scratched the dark brown hair on his head, explaining "Well, I imagine the first place we check out would be a guild to register as adventurers. If this place is like a role playing game, we should be able to find a tavern or something."

Surprised by his explanation, Aqua questioned with curiosity in her eyes "Where are you getting that idea?"

"I played videogames before I died. I think I can figure this out." Kazuma remarked with reassurance.

xxx

It wasn't too hard, amusingly to find the tavern where they could register. Walking in, the two had gotten plenty of glances by many of the potentially middle aged men. "You've got some interesting clothes, traveller."

Taking a mental note of the ruffian's sarcasm, Kazuma replied "Thanks. I just came here to be an adventurer."

Raising an eyebrow in suspicion, the ruffian relaxed as he enthusiastically declared "Then welcome to the Gates of Hell, boy! You'll need to register with the receptionist, Luna." The maroon haired man returned to the beer he was wolfing down, but not before generously redirecting the two to a living bombshell.

Looking at the blonde, Kazuma thought to himself "Holy fuck, she's hot!"

"Welcome to the town of Axel." The blonde woman introduced herself, closing her blue eyes, and giving a rather big smile that made Kazuma feel a little jelly.

"Keep it together." He quickly told himself.

"My name is Luna, and how may I be able to help the two of you?" the rather "gifted" receptionist asked the both of them.

Thinking he could get used to this world, the neet enthusiastically replied "We're here to register as adventurers, and best the Demon King!"

"Splendid!" Luna replied, as she pulled out a pair of cards. "All you need to do is pay a registration fee, and sign here."

Curiously, Aqua asked "Umm, how much is it to register."

"1,000 eris." Luna calmly explained.

"Okay, that doesn't sound too-"

"Per person." 2,000 eris out of the 100,000 eris granted to Kazuma.

Sighing, he pulled out the necessary funds to get himself and Aqua registered. "Excellent." Luna acknowledged, as she redirected the pair to an orb with a unique design. "Place your hand here, and your stats will be shown." Nodding, Kazuma touched the orb first as an adventurer's card began to materialize before him. "And this is your adventurer's card." Luna explained as she gently grabbed it, and looked at Kazuma's stats.

Noticing her blue eyes widening into saucers, he asked "So, what does it look like, miss?"

"Well, your intelligence is really good, and that luck is through the roof, Kazuma!" She explained to him.

Raising an eyebrow, he asked "Is that good?"

"Normally, luck is only good for finding erises in unopen treasure chests, selling and…...thieving. I would've recommended that you become a merchant, but then I see your magical defense and your offensive stats aren't too bad. And apparently you're already registered for a class: a paladin. And last but not least, here's your available arts."

Accepting his card, Kazuma looked at the attacks, or arts at his disposal, and their descriptions.

Healing Halo: Heals the user, and allies around said user.

Arc Lightning: A continuous stream of electricity that strikes multiple targets.

Lightning Rune: Plants a trap that can deal electrical damage.

Electric Drain: The user absorbs the electricity from an existing source. Can be used to heal the user from injuries, and replenish the user's mana.

Lightning Bolt: A ranged attack.

Thunderpunch: User coats their fist with electricity.

"Okay, this. Is. Just. Cheating." Kazuma thought. Now he was curious on the skills he had available.

Skills

One handed Sword

Hand to hand combat

Enchanting

Magical Defense

Magical Offense

High Stamina

Kazuma read the descriptions of each of the skills, and many of them sounded self explanatory. Though the high stamina really caught his attention, as his eyes widened with interest.

"Allows the user to fight for longer periods. Bonus effect: also gives the user a faster recovery when running and a shorter refractory period." Kazuma quietly read, with a rather disturbing look of interest.

"Okaaaayyyyyyyy." Aqua remarked, now weirded out by the hidden pervert, as the sapphire clad goddess gently pushed him out of the way, so that she could register.

"I think I made a mistake making him a paladin." Aqua thought as she touched the orb.

xxx

"Now let's look at your stats, Miss." Luna reviewed as she looked at Aqua's adventurer's card. Like before, her eyes widened. "Name, Aqua. Race:..." A distinct look of shock seemed to appear on her face, before she continued. "Let's see, your intelligence and luck are very low, unfortunately. But your other stats are really good. No, they're amazing. I have no qualms recommending the class of Arch Priest!"

Aqua's eyes glowed with excitement as she accepted the class. Looking at the card, she noticed that she had a rather copious amount of skill points to spend. Noticing her and Kazuma looking at their stats, Luna explained "Those skill points allow you to acquire new skills."

"Well, that's self explanatory." Kazuma thought.

Pointing to the card, Luna continued "Where it says 'level', you gain experience from defeating enemies. You also gain experience from sparring, and even fulfilling non violent quests. But performing quests is where you gain the most experience-"

"Did you say, 'sparring'?" Kazuma and Aqua asked with near perfect synchronization, shocking Luna.

"Yes?" The blonde responded hesitantly. Noting the glances Kazuma and Aqua were beginning to give each other, Luna quickly advised "I should warn that you don't get much experience when party members spar with each other. On top of that, I'd recommend that you don't fight in the tavern; it's not too spacious." The fields outside are a decent spot to spar. Just be mindful of collateral damage. And Aqua? Watch yourself." Pointing to her adventurer's card, Luna winked, and walked off.

Wondering what she was going on about, Aqua looked at her card and Kazuma's and she gasped at one little detail.

Race: God

xxx

Still possessing a good 98,000 eris after registering as adventurers, and getting their classes, Kazuma decided to split the funds, and rent out an inn. Much to Kazuma's annoyance, the rent was another 8,000 eris for a week.

"Well, at least I have a decent 90,000 eris." He reminded himself. Figuring that Aqua could use some items, he split the money into thirds. 30,000 each for the both of them, and the other 30,000 he put to the side as reserves. It was kind of ironic; she had given a rather large sum of money, and he was for all intents and purposes, returning some of it.

Following Luna's advice, the two had left the tavern, taking in the sight of the setting sun. "Kazuma?" Aqua asked.

"That's me."

"Now that we're registered adventurers, I'd love to take up a quest. But if we take one up now, we'll probably be up all night." The aquamarine figure explained.

Smirking, the brunet neet remarked "Eh, what the hell! If you're thinking of sparring….let's make it a competition. Winner buys drinks, the loser buys the food!"

A lively expression appeared in the goddess's face as she challenged "You're on!"

Soon exiting the city, Kazuma had remarked as the two took on a battle stance with a grin "Can I be honest on something? When you had mocked me for how I died….I was really tempted to spite you and choose as my cheat item…..you."

"You!" A look of rage had suddenly formed on Aqua's face as her body glowed with an aquamarine aura. Despite her anger, a remorseful look was noticeable. "How could you think of that! "I am a goddess, not a lowly item for a mortal to use!"

"And yet, only two people have recognized you. Me and Luna-"

"My followers….."

"I have yet to see any of them."

"...are few, yes. But they're very devoted to the worship of me. They look up to me, and turn to me for wisdom."

"And you have a low intelligence stat-"

Now Kazuma struck a chord. Aqua had had enough of Kazuma's remarks. "That's it! God Blow!" She screamed as she started to throw a fist.

"Oh, this is going to be fun." He declared, as he coated his fist with lightning and yelled "Thunderpunch!" This was going to be awesome, sparring with a goddess, someone that was far, far more powerful than he will ever be. And his only chance of beating her was the fact that she was vulnerable to his lightning powers, the same way he was weak to her water….

….but the moment the two punched each other, they were launched several feet, the pain so intense that they struggled to get up the moment they landed. Much to his satisfaction, whatever anger Aqua was feeling had seemingly vanished.

Curiously touching her hair as she got up, it seemed…...puffy. "Thanks, Kazuma." She thought.

Thanks to that cape she granted him, the neet was able to get up just fine, albeit slowly, as he remarked "Let's…...call it…..a tie…." He offered in between breaths.

"Booooooo!" The two suddenly heard. Looking in the direction the two heard the voices, they noticed a small group of villagers seemingly showing up to watch the two fight. Only to be disappointed by how quickly they got overwhelmed.

"We wanted our money's worth, this is lame." A villager acknowledged, before the unsatisfied group split up.

Kazuma noticed a blonde clad in some really expensive armor that had the most disappointed look on her face. "Was she hoping to see us beat each other up, or something?" He asked himself as he and Aqua walked past her.

xxx

Agreeing to split the bill since neither of them won or lost, Kazuma and Aqua had ordered a few entrees to snack on before they called it a night.

Thinking back to their "fight", the brunet couldn't help but look up her skirt. He couldn't help but notice a distinct lack of undergarments.

Sampling a bowl of rice, he asked "So…..you go commando…."

"Shuf up, or I'll mae you pay for eferyfing." Aqua warned as she stuffed some fried calamari in her face.

"Just asking." He smirked as he continued to have his rice, and began trying some of the seafood. Yup, this is going to be a very interesting relationship.