a/n: firstly, i apologize that i've almost vanished for a whole year from here. with school, work, and my crippling perfectionism, i will admit that i haven't written much. but, i am back and i know that this idea has been done before but i wanted to give it a shot of my own. i know it's a bit different than other versions, but i wanted to keep cal's snarky personality rather than make him sentimental and desperate - as i just think that it's more in character for him to be his sarcastic, sassy self - even in times of crisis.

secondly, i'm dedicating this oneshot to a friend of mine that's very special to me. she has been with me since i first started writing (honestly terrible) fanfic when i was 13 years old, she seen me grow as a writer and a person, and is overall just a wonderful human being and mentor. happy birthday, laurelle (addine995) ! i hope you enjoy this 333

and lastly, i will try my best to have another chapter of "catharsis" up soon - i have had way too much time on my hands with quarantine and i've been working on planning it out. and that being said, i hope all of you are staying safe and STAYING HOME and i hope this little drabble can entertain you, even if for a few minutes. leave a review if you'd like and happy reading !

maggie

Cal had decided that he was going to retire early that evening. He had made the excuse to the other gentlemen that he was tired and that Rose was waiting for him back in their cabin. Stumbling onto the first class promenade deck, he smiled crookedly to himself.

Only he knew that neither one of those things were true.

Glancing at a nearby clock, he saw that it was already well past midnight. Where had the time gone? How many drinks had he had? How many cigars?

After thinking about it for a moment, Cal found that he couldn't remember a solid detail from the whole evening.

Yes, he had been there in the smoking room with the other upper-class gentlemen, nodding along to what they had been saying, laughing when he was supposed to, flashing his million-dollar grin… But he couldn't remember what he had said or how he had felt about anything. Or if he had felt anything at all.

It was the same charade every night. Talking about business, politics, money, power…. Bragging about who had the biggest house, the shiniest car, the prettiest, youngest wife….

It was a show, a competition to see who could survive at the top.

And even though he was barely thirty years old, Caledon Hockley felt that he was much older, that he was utterly exhausted by it all…. That he didn't want to play in this sadistic game anymore, that he almost didn't want to survive.

He couldn't remember the last time he had had a conversation about something that mattered, something that had dared him to think…

The world he lived in, thrived in, was so shallow, so vapid… So disgustingly meaningless..

Chuckling under his breath, at least he knew he could always count on Rose to contribute something enticing to a boring dinner party. Naturally, much of her commentary was horribly inappropriate - but at least she had a sense of humor.

Rose.

Cal wondered if she was still awake, what she was doing, what she was thinking about…

He scoffed. He was damned if she was thinking about him. Hell, he was damned anyhow.

Closing his eyes, he leaned against the railing of the ship, feeling a sickening headache coming over him.

He could picture Rose in his mind, as if she was a piece of artwork he had memorized. Her piercing, blue eyes, her fiery auburn curls, her brilliant, blinding smile…

Suddenly, he snapped his eyes open and stared blankly out into the dark, vast ocean in front of him.

When was the last time Rose had smiled at him? Laughed?

He didn't know.

Frowning, he fiddled with the cufflinks on his wrist.

When had her fire for him burned out? When had she become so cold?

Sighing, he thought back to when they had first met, how she had been so lively, adventurous, adoring even... She had been a debutante, ready to see the world, ready for a man to come and sweep her off of her feet. Naturally, Cal thought he had been the man for the job.

He had spared no expense, granted her her every wish, gave her anything her heart desired. He let her drag him to art galleries, picnics, day trips to the beach… They went to parties, galas, cotillions… Everyone had gushed about how perfect they were together, how happy they seemed… And they were.

Or at least Cal had thought.

Once he had slipped the engagement ring onto Rose's finger, she became reserved, stony, even cruel at times. That warm flame that he had found comfort in had been snuffed out.

At first, he had thought it was nerves about the wedding, so he surprised her with a lavish trip to Europe. They visited all of the greatest cities, toured all of the opulent museums and palaces…

But the farther they got from home, the more distant she became.

She no longer accepted his advances at intimacy, pushing him away when he touched her, glaring at him darkly when he mentioned anything about their upcoming nuptials.

She frustrated him. She made his head spin, made his heart pound. She had made him feel things that no other woman could have. She was utterly impossible.

He should've listened when they told him she was impossible.

But then again, he always loved a challenge.

He had always loved her.

And sometimes he wanted to scream that at her, shake her until she would listen, pour out his everything and offer it up on a silver platter, knowing that she would just spit on it….

But he knew that would just drive her even further away from him. So he would wait. He would wait to know what he had done to push her away and he would wait for her to return. That is, if she ever would.

He smirked to himself. Where was all of his damned luck when he needed it?

Sighing once more, he turned to go back inside, back to his dark, cold cabin… Back to his dark, cold world….

But before he could move, something caught the corner of his eye, a flash of red, a sparkle of light in the distance.

There was a woman climbing over the back of the railing of the Titanic.

And that woman was Rose.

xXx

He approached her with a careful urgency, as if he were capturing a feral animal rather than convincing his fiance not to throw herself off of an ocean liner into the Atlantic.

Stepping towards her, he knew that he would have to play this safely… One wrong move and…. And then what? She would be gone. Dead. The simplicity of the answer caused him to shiver in the cool night air. He exhaled slowly, his breath trembling.

"Going for a swim, sweetpea?" he mused casually as he came closer, as if coaxing people away from their deaths was something he did everyday.

Whipping around to face him, Rose's face registered surprise only for a moment before her nostrils flared in rage, her eyes flashing in malice.

"Stay back! I'll jump! I-I mean it!" she threatened, her words getting lost in the wind whipping around them.

Cal only frowned at her attempt to be menacing. It was obvious that she was frightened. She hardly had a clue what she was doing. As he gazed into her eyes, he couldn't tell if she was more afraid of him or of herself. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

"Rose, don't do this…."

"Why not?" she snapped, her voice frantic as she tried to convince him of what she was about to do; convince herself.

"Because if you really wanted to jump, you would've done it already..." Cal said, rather dispassionately.

One wrong move.

"You think that you know me, Cal?" she scoffed, her voice becoming more high pitched by the minute, "Because you don't! You never have!"

"Maybe you're right… Maybe I don't know the woman I'm going to marry..." he shrugged, reaching into his jacket pocket for a cigarette, "But you don't have to do this, you know…"

"Oh, really?" Rose shrilled, "What other options do I have?"

"For starters, you could get off the back of this damned ship…"

Cal watched as she sneered at him in disgust. He simply ignored her, lighting his cigarette and taking a long, well-needed drag. His temples were throbbing.

"Rose, I don't pretend to know that you despise me…." he said dryly, "You've made it more than abundantly clear that you're unhappy with me…"

Rose laughed at him bitterly, her voice drenched in sarcasm, "Really? Was it that obvious? I don't suppose you'll spare me, Mr. Hockley, and call off the wedding…"

Cal only blinked at her. In all honesty that was the last thing he wanted to do. But did he want to spend the rest of his life in a union that would only cause him misery? He sighed, his shoulders suddenly feeling extremely heavy, already knowing the answer.

"All I'm saying is that you don't have to kill yourself to prove that point..."

A moment of silence hung between them. Cal took one last drag on his cigarette before casually throwing it over the railing. Rose's gaze followed it as it went down and finally disappeared into the dark water below, not even making a sound; a splash. It was as if it had never been there at all. She swallowed nervously, bringing her eyes up to meet Cal's as he stared at her blankly.

"Do you think I'm doing this because I want to?"

He didn't dare say a word.

"Do you really think that I want to die?" she started, her voice trembling, "Because I don't, I-"

Cal moved to place his hand on top of hers, just hoping, praying, to God that she wouldn't let go of the railing when he touched her.

One wrong move.

"I just feel so trapped!" she sobbed, her whole body shaking, "Sometimes it just feels like there's no way out! There's no other way!"

Cal watched her for a moment, gazing into her eyes before he spoke.

"I know," he finally replied, feeling a weight being lifted from him, as if he was letting go of a long lost secret, "I know…"

For a while, they stayed that way, just looking at each other, as if they were seeing for the first time. Eventually, Cal gently coaxed her hand into his as he helped her turn back around to face him.

"There is another way…." he whispered, "I just need you to trust me…"

Sniffling, Rose nodded, stunned at Cal's uncharacteristic tenderness. She couldn't tell if she was dreaming. Was she dreaming?

As she started to climb back over the railing, Cal's firm grasp held onto her tightly. He didn't dare breathe until she was deposited back into his arms, until she was safe.

Sighing, he set her down gently, trying to ignore his heartbeat roaring in his ears, "See, that wasn't so terrible was it?"

Meeting his eyes, Rose gasped, finding a warmth there that surprised her. Had it always been there? Or had she forgotten about it? She found that she couldn't tell.

Laughing softly, she hoped that he couldn't see how embarrased she was, how painfully stupid she had been…

But all of her selfish thoughts melted away as she allowed him to put his arms around her, leading her back to their cabin. His touch was warm and welcoming against the frigid night air and she found that she had missed it. And even though she would never tell him, she could feel the broken pieces of her heart slowly mending, her step becoming a little lighter, the future becoming less bleak.

She was ready to start again.