Author's note: This is rated T for Dante's potty mouth and a drug reference. Not your thing, don't read further. The idea for this little one shot came from my hubby. We were talking about some ideas for DMC fanfic that I'm toying with and he threw the premise for this out there. An hour later I had this little one shot banged out. The hubster found it hilarious although I'm not sure if the cause was my writing or the couple cocktails he'd imbibed before I read this to him. You be the judge.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dante, Lady or Trish-they belong to Capcom. The OC I created for this is up for grabs-no one wants him.

Weekend at Dante's

Dante sat at the familiar desk, his legs kicked up and a magazine covering his face. He was trying to sleep but for some reason it was alluding him. The familiar bing of the bell on the door sounded as it opened. He inwardly groaned. "We're closed," he grumped. He could tell the person who walked in was still there. Sighing, he pulled the magazine off his face and cast a withering look at the intruder.

Ice blue eyes looked over his visitor. A tall man with shaggy, sandy blond hair and slightly bloodshot brown eyes stood before him. He was wearing shorts, a woven pullover and had a black, corded necklace with a cowrie shell around his neck. "You Dante?" he asked.

Dante was super confused. This didn't look like your normal customer. In fact it looked more like this guy just rolled off the beach. "Depends who's asking. Who are you?" Dante asked.

"I'm Brad, Aunt Sophia's kid," the visitor said.

Dante's brow furrowed. "And who the hell is Aunt Sophia?" Dante asked.

"Whoa, um this is awkward," Brad stammered. "Aunt Sophia is my mom. Aunt Eva's sister."

"Aunt Eva," Dante said, "as in my mom Eva?"

"Yeah dude, I'm your cousin Brad," he said, grinning.

Dante blinked for a moment trying to process that this reject beach bum was actually related to him. "Uh, okay. Nice to meet you I guess," Dante said awkwardly.

"Did you really not know about us?" Brad asked.

Dante shook his head. "Can't say mom really talked much about her family," he said.

"Well mom did talk about how she and her sister fell out when she married that loser guy," Brad said. "Oh I guess that would be your dad."

"Hmm, really," Dante said, suddenly not terribly impressed with Aunt Sophia. "So how did you find me?"

"Mom paid a PI a few years ago to track down her sister. He didn't find her but he found this place. Mom got sick before she was able to reach out. She's gone now," Brad said.

"Sorry to hear that," Dante said, not really feeling all that sorry. "So Brad, what do you do for a living?" Dante asked.

"Oh dude, I'm an independent consultant. I, you know, travel around and consult on stuff," he said. "What do you do?"

"I'm a detective, do odd jobs, that sort of thing," Dante said.

"Gotcha bro," Brad said, walking up to the wall behind the desk and staring at the demon heads mounted there. "Man these things are totally creepy. Creates a rad Goth look. Kinda cool," Brad said.

"So Brad, how long you planning to visit for?" Dante asked, already ready for this family reunion to be over with.

"Not sure my man," Brad said. "Wanna grab a beer?"

Dante quirked an eyebrow. "You buying?" he asked.

"Sure," Brad said.

Dante sighed. "Yeah, let's do this," he said, standing and placing Rebellion on his back. Brad's eyes widened at the sight of the sword, but he didn't say anything.

Dante led them the couple blocks to his favorite dive bar. Dante threw back a few beers while Brad regaled him with stories about his adventures in bumming around beaches and picking up chicks. After the third story, Dante abandoned beer and went straight to shots of whiskey. Brad excused himself and Dante thought about leaving but realized that Brad knew where he lived.

As Dante waited for Brad's return, a familiar face walked into the bar. "Dante, you got my money?" Lady asked instead of a normal greeting.

"Do I look like I have your money?" Dante said.

"Well you're here drinking aren't you?" Lady said.

"I'm not paying," Dante said.

"Running up your tab again, tsk, tsk," Lady said.

"Nope," Dante said.

At this point Brad wandered back over, smelling strongly of a particular herb and with eyes even more glassy and bloodshot than when he arrived at Devil May Cry. "Whoa, who's the hot babe?" he asked, looking Lady up and down.

Dante just stared at the bar in front of him and smirked.

A vein over Lady's left eyebrow started to throb. "Dante who's your friend?" she growled out.

"Friend?" Brad said incredulously. "Hey babe, watch it, bro is family," Brad said, throwing an arm around Dante's shoulder.

"Dante," Lady said threateningly.

Dante looked at her, his jaw working itself, trying to contain the headache that was already blossoming in his temples. "Lady, Brad-my cousin," he said. "Brad, Lady-my friend. There now everyone knows each other," he said, downing another shot of whiskey.

"Your cousin?" Lady sputtered.

"Yeah, mom's sister's kid," Dante said.

Brad stood and grinned. "So Lady is it? Cool name," he said. "You know I really know how to show a lady a good time. Bet you and I could have some real fun times," he said.

Dante snickered. He glanced at Lady and tried to hold the laughter in. Brad was not seriously trying to hit on Lady.

Lady's face was turning red and her hands were opening and closing into fists. Suddenly she let loose a right hook that caught Dante in the right cheek.

"Ow, what the fuck?" Dante said.

Lady stood up haughtily. "That's for your DNA. Call me when your family reunion is over," she ground out, turning on her heel and walking away.

"You don't know what you're missin babe," Brad called after her. "Man she is hot. Totally psycho crazy though. How have you not tapped that?" Brad asked Dante.

"Trust me, it's been tried and denied," Dante said, rubbing his cheek. Picking up his glass, he downed the whiskey and motioned the bartender for another. He'd need a lot more alcohol to deal with more family time. He was cursing the gods for his rotten luck. Not only was the family tree on dad's side a mess but apparently mom's side of things wasn't much better.

Brad resumed drawling on and on about inane things. Dante was finding the whiskey wasn't improving his situation much. "So Brad," Dante said, interrupting him in another story about some smoking chick he took home. "I'm kinda beat. I'm gonna call it. Been fun catching up," Dante said, standing and preparing to walk out.

"Actually bro, I was gonna ask if I could crash on your couch tonight?" Brad said.

Dante pinched the bridge of his nose. "Uh," he said, really wanting to just say no.

"Just for the one night," Brad quickly said.

Dante sighed, "Yeah ok, just the one night," he said, feeling dread wash over him.

"Sweet, let's go," Brad said, downing the rest of his beer.

They walked back to the shop, Brad continuing to ramble on. Dante's headache was now full blown and he really wished Brad would just shut up. Brad came to a stop out front of the shop. "Uh hey man, I need a moment," he started. "Little wound up. Need some herbal relaxation for a moment if you know what I mean. You want some?"

Dante wondered for a half second if it would help with his headache but quickly decided that no, he didn't want to share anything with Brad. He was already cursing the shared DNA. "Nah, thanks. Couch is yours. See you in the morning," Dante said, walking inside.

Brad sat outside the shop and smoked for a while. He finished up and came inside crashing out on the couch. At about 4 a.m., the front doors of the shop exploded open and three Hell Cainas strode in. Brad woke up and saw the scythe wielding demons and gave a high pitched scream.

Dante came flying down the stairs, Rebellion in hand.

"What the fuck," Brad yelled.

"Party time," Dante said, grinning. Launching himself forward and swinging Rebellion in a diagonal slash, he engaged the first Hell Caina. Brad launched himself over the back of the couch and peered around the edge. Dante dodged and slashed, a sneer on his face. The Hell Cainas fell quickly. A pair of Furys came rolling up to the threshold. Dante placed Rebellion on his back and drew Ebony and Ivory and took aim, laughing while he did it.

Suddenly bolts of electricity shot out, zapping the Furys. They exploded into ash. Dante pouted. "Babe, that was just getting fun," he said.

Brad's eyes widened as a tall familiar looking blonde clad in tight leather walked in. "Well maybe if you would learn to share and stop ditching me for jobs, I'd be inclined to let you have more fun," she said.

"Aunt Eva?" Brad squeaked. He stood and looked her up and down. "You are freaking hot!" he exclaimed.

Dante sighed and pointed Ebony at Brad. "Brad, get out," he said. "Family reunion is over."

"Wha?" Brad started to say.

Dante cocked the hammer back on the gun. Brad's eyes widened and he ran out the demolished doors.

"Family reunion?" Trish asked.

"Just. Don't. Ask," Dante said, rubbing his temple. He walked over to the desk and dropped into his chair. Staring at Eva's picture, he muttered, "Starting to see why you never told us about your family."

Trish quirked an eyebrow.

THE END