From Heathen to Hero

Disclaimers I don't own Kono Suba, please support official releases and your local fandom communities.

He wanted a quick escape, in fact that's something his generation as a whole wanted.

A quick escape, an easy way out, or even cheating your way from this cruel unforgiving world.

While Kazuma found solace to the fact he found an easy way out from dealing with his school and social life by becoming a NEET, he knew that in the long road, it be anything but easy when it came to face reality again.

And reality hit him when he died and was sent to limbo amongst the afterlife realm and when he first met Aqua.

From there on, the story became well known, his early days spent in Axis, his first real quest was anything but a success, and how at some point down the line he met with Megumin and Darkness.

All of them were arguably beautiful woman, but at the cost of having a trait that was regarded as such a major turn off that it not only affected his social life, but his reputation as he was suppose to face the Demon Lord.

At some point, he gave up on it, gave up on facing the Demon Lord, even though his victories against his generals were a 100% successful, paying off his piling debt accumulated by his party members, even though he was a billionaire with connections to royalty, but overall dealing with his party members, especially Aqua.

So once again, he was left face to face with Eris, the woman he considered to be his true heroine, his partner in crime as thieves, and the goddess he wished was stuck with him during his time in this anything but wonderful world.

"Um, hello Kazuma, welcome back" said Eris meekly as honestly there's never an appropriate greeting method, when the person who's lived and died and lived again so many times to count, since well death is anything but pleasant, even for a regular.

"Sigh, hello" said Kazuma as he was upset and embarrassed for dying in the way he did this time around.

How'd he died you may have asked, was it drowning after saving a child, sacrificing his life to lead an army of the dead to jump off a cliff, getting killed by a worthy adversary.

Nope, none of that, he got himself killed because his party walked into a camp of bandits and maniacs, and while he did have a full proof plan, it was ruined because the one time Darkness, known for not being able to hit her damn target, managed to destroy a support beam to their camp.

From there, the group ran for the exit, and were successful in running for their lives, though so did some of the bandits.

From their Megumin had finished her incantation, and layed an explosion that was too close for comfort, but nobody died yet.

Then came Aqua, who had to jinx the situation by commenting that 'this is the part where you were suppose to die' towards Kazuma.

Upset and after berating her and pulling her cheeks, Kazuma began to angrily walk away, not being aware of the rock that caused him to trip and landed on top of a cactus.

It hurt like that when Kazuma yelped and shot up in pain, he stumbled his way to a low branch tree, and ran head first into a hornet's nest.

As he was being stung, he ended up tripping and drowning himself to death, in about 3 inches worth of water.

So the fact he died in a manner that if he was a Looney Tunes character, he would've bounced right back up, but since he wasn't his cause of death was a mixture of drowning, hornets stings, and being stabbed by a cactus and it was all Aqua's fault.

"So how are you feeling" asked Eris as Kazuma still kept his head down as he unintentionally made the situation more and more uncomfortable for the junior goddess.

"You know what, I told myself that the next time I die that I was going to stay dead about 10 deaths ago" began Kazuma as there was no sense of joking or teasing in his voice.

"So do me a favor, tell Aqua and everyone above that I'm sorry, but I'm ready to go to heaven or be reborn with a cute younger stepsister and a hot older stepsister" said Kazuma.

"Kazuma, please I think you should really reconsider" began Eris but Kazuma looked at her with dead serious soulless eyes.

"On any other given death, I would've said yes, but please put me out of my misery" said Kazuma as he didn't want to hear her reason for not going through with his actions.

"Kazuma" Eris said weakly as she knew that he wasn't going to listen or change his mind, no matter what he heard.

"Very well Kazuma, I had hoped that this would've never happened, just know that people will miss you and that I'll be praying for your well being and Aqua-Senpai" said Eris.

Not thinking much, Kazuma was ready to be sent to live much deserved peaceful boring afterlife in heaven, or at the very least be reborn as the biggest douche to society that he has so much power and money that he could literally swim in a sea of tig ol' bitties that he could honestly give a rats ass.

"So any chances I can still have the very minimum of a cute younger sister" asked Kazuma with a smile before noticing that Eris wasn't here, nor was he in the same room as before.

In fact the room was a lot more darker, covered in smoke and fog as the temperature gradually began to get colder.

"What the hell is going on" asked a scared Kazuma before he felt the touch of cold boney hands on his shoulder.

Turning his head around he saw death itself as their vacant stare looked within Kazuma's very soul.

"Before you're banishment to hell, you're missing one important thing on you" said death as they had the voice of a creepy old lady.

Hearing the scream of an all too familiar voice Kazuma's eyes widen more in horror as Aqua came falling and crashing herself on top of Kazuma.

"Now that you're both here, it's time for me to bid you both goodbye" said Death as Kazuma was ready to protest that his time in another world was hellish enough as it is with Aqua.

"You can' do this to me, it's not my fault that this shut in NEET wants to go to hell, please this has to be a mistake" cried Aqua.

"There's no mistake Aqua, when Kazuma chose you as his property when reborn in another world, you became his until he defeated the Demon Lord or otherwise" explained Death as Kazuma was regretting his every decision from his existence.

No words were shared before a fiery hole appeared below them as both Kazuma and Aqua screamed for their lives.

Time Skip

Waking up, Kazuma and Aqua found themselves laying on destroyed asphalt as standing a few feet ahead of them was road sign that read 'Route 66'.

"Aqua" Kazuma said wearily as both were getting their footing back together, and just in time as Kazuma pulled Aqua off the road of an incoming car and not a tractor.

"Hey Kazuma" said Aqua, "Yes I'm Kazuma" said Kazuma, "That was a car we just saw, right" "Ok so I wasn't going insane since that whole tractor incident".

Standing there for a moment, they were surprise that in spite of this burning atmosphere and barren wasteland that was presented as Hell, there were roads and even vehicles present.

"We should probably follow where this road leads us too" said Kazuma, "Now hold on, I'm a goddess that's stuck in Hell, we should probably stay away from where civilizations are, or did you forget" whined Aqua.

"Honestly I kinda did" stated Kazuma, "So rude" cried Aqua as they both continued to walk the roads.

"Look, I've no idea what's in store for us, but if there's cars or vehicles for that matter, than our safest bet in figuring out what to do is going wherever that car went ton and figure things out from there" explained Kazuma as Aqua pouted over his logic and merit.

Walking for about what felt like a mile in the heat, Kazuma was sure that he and Aqua would've passed out of dehydration at some point, if not for her being a water goddess.

While most of her abilities were changed if not substituted for different abilities including stuff she claimed she can do as a goddess before her full power was restricted when both were in another world, Kazuma was a different case.

He couldn't do anything, he couldn't steal, use create water himself, or anything like that since they came to hell.

In spite of feeling unsure of himself and how Aqua is the one with power now, Kazuma was none the less willing to face any to all dangers that may or may not afflict them ahead.

Eventually they came to the outskirts to a small town or better described the mixture of a large pit stop and a small scrap yard.

Cautiously making their way inside, Kazuma and Aqua were surprised that the locals were anything but human as they all varied in shapes and sizes, along with unusually large muscular physique, skin color ranging from, purple, orange, green, blue, and even white.

Soon the inhabitants took notice of the 2 as they hopped out their vehicles and pulled out various modern day weaponry, ranging from switch blades and 9mm pistols.

"Kazuma you stupid NEET I told you this was a bad idea" cried Aqua, "Yeah I'm sorry, but I don't think crying is going to help us" said Kazuma as these demi-demons began to charge at them.

One white skinned demon armed with nothing but a bullpen hammer charging towards Aqua and Kazuma, was brought down when the sound of gunshot put a hole in its chest, before dropping dead.

"Both of you, hide" came a voice from behind as it was another demon, though he sounded to be male as his skin was red as he wore black cargo pants, black bullet proof vest over a white long sleeved button up as he was responsible for killing the demi-demon.

He didn't held back as he switched between a plethora of fire arms to kill the demi-demons, and while some were proven to be tougher than others, he was none the less victorious.

Leaving nothing but dead bodies, spent shells, and oddly enough whenever he killed a demi-demon, money would spurt out and rain from their bodies.

Turning his head, he approached both Kazuma and Aqua as both were left awestruck over his impressive display of might.

"It seems we got some fast company" spoked the demon as he bent down to gather up the loot he deserved from his kill spree, "In my long life here in hell, I never once seen humans out this far from Kalliphonreeah, so tell me what brings you both here".

"Excuse you, but I just happen to be the Goddess of Water Aqua" Aqua said proudly as Kazuma looked at her with the same look where he knows shit is about to hit the fan because of her stupid big mouth.

"Ok that explains one of you, and you" asked the demon as his sights fell upon Kazuma who choked on his words.

"Oh him, he's a human, though specifically a perverted NEET and a greedy jerk ass" explained Aqua before she found her cheeks being pulled, "Damn it, couldn't you keep your stupid mouth shut already" Kazuma said angrily.

"Really now, if you're truly a human and a greedy one, than you and I have a thing in common" said the demon with a hearty laugh.

"But first allow me to introduce myself as Monet Gread, the Devil of Greed" said the devil with a million dollar smile.

"Wait, back up what do you mean the Devil of Greed" asked Kazuma, "You see here, with the ever staggering population of the human race, and their officially being a Satanic Church, Hell was starting to be a little too much to handle for Satan" explained Monet.

"So he hand selected the best of the best of us humans, who were willing to serve and enforce his rule, and granted us the title of Devil, but that of course caused some sort of uproar, by the older demons and lesser demi-demons, but hey it's a job I'm happy to do" explained Monet with a smile.

"Huh, you know what, I'm starting to believe that Hell itself probably isn't such a bad place" said Kazuma as Aqua went and performed God Blow on Kazuma, knocking him to the ground.

"What the hell was that for" demanded Kazuma angrily, "Don't be thinking you can go and turn to the dark side because of some demon saving us" ranted Aqua, "Devil actually" corrected Monet.

"Whatever, my point is I'm a goddess and there's no place better for me than back in the heavenly realms, so do something to get me back home" Aqua said as she strucked a nerve that Kazuma couldn't overlook.

"You know what, screw you, you stupid bitch, I didn't expect that even after I died and be sent to Hell, that you'd be dragged along with me like a curse" yelled back Kazuma.

"How dare you call my gracious self to be a curse, well from now on, don't expect any sort of holy divinity from me anymore" yelled back Aqua with an accusing finger.

"You know what, that's fine by me, so do me a favor and shove your gracious divinity and your finger right back up your ass" yelled Kazuma as the 2 continued to argue.

Feeling uncomfortable and having enough, Monet took his revolver and shot a round in the sky to get their attention.

"I swear, seeing you both arguing is quite embarrassing that I can't tell if you're both madly in love or sexually frustrated" said Monet, "I'd rather stick my dick in a fire ant hill" answered Kazuma without stuttering a word.

"My point of the matter is, I don't care, all I care about is getting inside for safety while we can" said Monet as Kazuma and Aqua ceased their bickering for the time being to enter the shoddy shack that was in front of them.

"So, now that we're inside who's hungry" asked Monet with a smile as he rested his arms as Kazuma helped set up a table as Aqua quickly took her seat.

"Anything that is remotely normal regular human food" answered Kazuma honestly, "Shakes, burgers, and fries coming right up" smiled Monet as he took out his smart phone and tapped in some digits.

Soon a green portal emerged on the counter top of Monet as it spat out the promised shakes, burgers, and fries, as he grabbed them and approach the duo.

"Alright, let's enjoy ourselves a well deserved dinner" smiled Monet as he was the first to eat his share of food.

Examining and checking the contents, Kazuma and Aqua found no dangers to the meal as it was your standard double patty cheeseburger with mayo, lettuce and tomato.

Grabbing the burger and taking about, both Kazuma and Aqua nearly let their food fall out of their mouth over how jaw dropping savory it was.

"Damn this is a good burger" said Kazuma as he went back and forth between eating his burger and fries, "Alright, I guess Hell knows a thing or 2 about cooking food" said Aqua begrudgingly as she sipped on her shake.

"Well here in hell, we pride ourselves to serve top quality food matching the quantity of our denizens, including fast food restaurants" Monet said as he enjoyed his meal at a brisk pace.

Once their bellies were satisfied, and Aqua learning to pipe down, Kazuma thought now would be a good time to chat with Monet.

"I got to know, why are you helping us, what's your angle" asked Kazuma as Monet only gave a smirk, "Truth be said, you 2 are the first pair of wild cards Hell has had in a long time, and I'm willing to bet that whatever journey befalls you 2 is definitely gonna change how things run around here" said Monet.

"With that said in mind, it would be smart to go forth and meet the big man himself" said Monet as this got Aqua's attention.

"You mean Satan right, the Devil" asked Kazuma to clarify, "The one and only" said Monet.

"Now hold on, I object" said Aqua as she shot up from her chair and slammed her hands on the table, "Oh jeez, what now" groaned Kazuma as he was readying himself another bitch fit.

"Hello~, I'm a goddess, and therefore have no business to see the Devil, if anything he should be getting his big red ass over here and worship me and treat me with respect" ranted Aqua.

"While you do have a valid argument, you have to remember that this whole land belongs to the Devil, so I'll ignore your rude behavior for now, cause if you were to cross paths with the other devils like me, they aren't so forgiving" warned Monet as he rested his hand on his gun.

"Please forgive her, she's not the smartest person in existence" said Kazuma as he and Monet ignored Aqua's cries of being butt hurt.

"So wait why should we go see Satan, I'm curious" asked Kazuma, "Well you don't have to, by all means you and your goddess friend here could stay here, but be warned that staying in one spot, alongside a goddess, will only attract the attention of lesser demons and demi-demons, with the intent of killing her" Monet said pointing towards Aqua.

"Why me" asked a startled Aqua, "Think about, the man who rules this land runs it under the guise and rule that we toss out the bullshit foundations of the 3 major religions, without causing an uproar, so should any of these demons were to kill a god, they'll feel mighty powerful and would want to go to war not only against the other gods, but Satan himself if I had to put my money on it, and frankly I'd rather fold before it gets ugly" explained Monet.

Even during their very short time here in hell, there was a lot to take in, and while Kazuma would want nothing more than to be rid of Aqua, he can't under good conscious leave her to die in Hell.

"Alright, where do we have to go" asked Kazuma, "You 2 need to head to Kalliphonreeah, specifically it's capitol city Vey Aria, which isn't going to be a short cake walk given how you both are in the middle of ass crack nowhere Truxasko" explained Monet as Kazuma rolled his eyes in a sarcastic manner.

"So how long should it take us" asked Kazuma, "Honestly if you were demons, probably a solid 36-48 hours, but given who you are and traveling with, probably a couple of months" replied Monet as Kazuma jaw dropped over tackling the impossible again.

"I know, I know, not something you want to hear or deal with, but I ain't leaving you empty handed" smiled Monet as he lead them outside.

Taking out his smartphone again, a new portal appeared this time leaving a small armament of guns, and fair stock pile of ammunition.

"You'll be needing these to protect yourselves" explained Monet as Kazuma reached out and picked up a single action revolver and an early model of what could be described as cranked powered assault rifle from the wild west.

Aqua on the other hand picked up a double barrel shotgun with the barrels on top of each other and a snub barrel pistol with 2 barrels for 2 bullets at a time.

"Look, I'm grateful for you arming us, but I honestly feel like you gave us guns from like a John Wayne film" said Kazuma, "Sorry about that, I'm a huge fan of the wild west and new frontier era of arms" Monet said with a sheepish laugh.

"But don't let their looks discourage you, they work" reassured Monet as neither Kazuma or Aqua could argue.

"Now, before you jimmy yourselves into one of those vehicles, I want to give you something Kazuma" said Monet as he presented him an orange pendant.

"By the power invested in me, as the Devil of Greed, I grant this man a portion of my power that it may serve him fruitfully on whatever journey lays before him" chanted Monet as energy began to transfer from him into the pendant.

"Now heed my words Kazuma, whom ever you kill from this point on has a guaranteed chance of dropping some money for your troubles, cause even in Hell we got to have a currency system" said Monet as he handed Kazuma the pendant.

Wasting no time, Kazuma gently wrapped the new found jewel around his neck as he looked back his new friend with admiration and gratitude.

"Thanks Monet, this really means a lot in helping us out" said Kazuma with sincerity as Aqua nodded to what the devil was doing for them.

"If there's anything I learned throughout my existence, it's that you can always trust a devil as we're bound to be honest and uphold our word" smiled back Monet as Kazuma waved him off and got in one of the cars from hell.

Once they were far away, Monet began to take out his phone and began to make some calls.

"Hello Scex Pistal, it's your honey Monet, I wanted to let you and the other devils know along with our boss that we got a human and a goddess trapped here in Hell" explained Monet as he heard ramblings on the other line that was too hard to understand.

"Help them, don't help them, whatever you and the others like, just don't be surprise that whatever Satan says, his word is law and therefore must be obeyed" said Monet as his partner continued to talk on the other line.

"I look forward to seeing you too, love you my beloved" said Monet before a different portal opened up for him as he made his departure from where he was at.

Back with our main protagonists, Kazuma was on the wheel as Aqua sat next to him with a pout, and while he knew better than to ask, sooner or later she's gonna rant about it.

"Sigh, alright Aqua what's the problem" asked Kazuma as Aqua continued to pout, "Fine don't talk, just try to not bitch at me any more than you already do on a regular".

"How could you" asked Aqua, "How could I what" asked Kazuma, "How could you just selfishly choose death, knowing that we be sent to Hell".

Truth of the matter, Kazuma didn't know since he wouldn't let Eris finish, but it was neither here nor there now, since as of now it's back to Kazuma and Aqua facing a new world together.

"Sigh, I'm sorry Aqua, really I do mean when I said I am sorry for sending us both to Hell, though to be honest I didn't think you'd be dragged along, and I'm surprised that at this point Eris hasn't sent or personally came here herself to retrieve you" said Kazuma.

"For a goddess or a god to willingly come to Hell, unless we seek mortal combat, we automatically forsaken our title as divine deities and become nothing but corrupted demons" explained Aqua, which made Kazuma felt a little more guilty.

"Like I said I'm sorry, but I promise you that at the very least I will see fit that you're sent back to heaven, deal" said Kazuma as he turned his head to Aqua.

Seeing as this was her only way, she sighed before smiling, "Deal" said Aqua as Kazuma continued to drive them along Route 66.

I'm going to end things from here, and leave something for the next chapter.

Until then I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and if so please be sure to fav and follow along with leaving me your thoughts in the review section, be it the choice of character, setting or the lore I have in store to this fic.

This has been your Humble Narrator Tobi Yaza. =3