"OhmyGodohmyGodohMyGODDDDDWE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"No backseat drivers in my cab," said Phoebe, twitching the steering wheel and leaving behind a squeal of tires, the smell of burning rubber and the sound of horns and swear words. She glanced through the rearview mirror at Rachel, curled up and rocking in a fetal ball with her hands clamped over her eyes."Would you relax? Back in my moonshining days, I could thread a fully loaded pick-up through a roadblock on a Kentucky night pitch black as a cat's heinie."

Monica, hands braced firmly against the dashboard, gave her a quizzical sideways frown from shotgun. "Past life?"

"Yeah," Phoebe replied brightly, then yelled suddenly. "Hey, both hands on the wheel, pal! That means all ten fingers! Maybe if you weren't so busy showing that one off, you'd be able to drive!"

"So, umm, Mon?" Rachel said, leaning up to the driver's screen and trying to keep her mind off the headlights whizzing past the windows. "What are you going to say to ChandLER!?" She yelped the last syllable at another near miss.

"I don't know," Monica admitted.

"I can't believe you went to Richard's place."

"Hey!' Monica pointed at her. "Chandler was pulling away, you guys were acting all weird. I needed to talk to somebody about all this. What was I supposed to do?"

"Call your mother?" Rachel suggested, almost feeling her friend's ass clench from where she sat. "I'm so sorry, I don't even know why I said that. What do you think is going through his mind right now?"

"Well," Monica sighed. "His girlfriend went to see her ex, then made him think she'd packed her bags and left. What would you think?"

"If I were Chandler?" Phoebe chimed in. "I'd think you went back to Richard and didn't love me anymore."

Monica slowly gawked at her. "That was a rhetorical question, Phoebe!"

"I'm just saying," Jack indeed said as he took off his coat and hung it up with Judy's, "I didn't notice until after Artie lost the weight that he had such a big head."

"Yes," Ross sighed and closed the front door behind them, "but you didn't have to tell him that, Dad." It was the end of a long night, his turn to take their parents to the pot luck at their friends, the Popchiks. Well, not exactly his turn. He lost. He knew he should've gone with scissors.

'Damn you, Monica,' he cursed inwardly. 'Paper wraps rock? What the Hell is that anyway?

"Well," Judy said, snapping on the kitchen light, "I don't know about anyone else, but I could use a little something to take the edge off. There's only so much middle-aged lady-bitching I can take."

Ross threw his mother's back a pop-eyed stare of astonishment as she went to the fridge.

"Yep," his father muttered, catching his eye. "I heard it too."

"Ross, honey," his mother called back. "Do you want me to fix you something?"

"No!" Ross barked, then cleared his throat and dialed his voice down. "Thanks. No, thanks, Mom. I've got an early class tomorrow so..."

"That's funny," Judy said. "When I asked Monica if she wanted to have breakfast with me, she told me she had an early shift and you had the morning off."

As always, Ross let his fixed smile conceal his screaming fury. It wasn't that the didn't like spending time with his parents (up to a point), but it was easier when his sister was there so they could hand off to each other, split them up, take a time-out.

"She told you that, huh? Well," he started, "what she probably meant was that I had... the morning... out of class... because I'm... taking my students on a field trip to-to the museum. And. Yes."

"Hmm. All right, son," his father said, finally taking pity on him. "We'll see you at..."

Out of nowhere, the doorbell rang.

'Damn,' Ross cursed inwardly again. 'So close.'

"Who could that be at this hour?" Jack frowned as he answered the door to a wild-eyed Chandler who, shortly after he'd left Joey, had realized two things; firstly, he'd neglected to ask him what time Monica left for her parents and secondly, he wasn't entirely sure he remembered where they lived. The Gellers hadn't known about his relationship with their daughter until months after they'd moved in together and since then, he'd only been out to the house a few times. He suspected Monica was trying to keep him away from her mother for fear of scaring him off. He'd been up and down the street hoping to spot something familiar but all the houses looked the same at night. Then, he had a stroke of luck when he spotted Ross paying a cab before following his parents into the house and bolted the length of the block after them.

"Chandler?" Jack squinted. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Mr Geller," he gulped out between ragged breaths. "Can I see Monica?"

"As I understand it, son, you've been seeing her for nearly two years," Jack said. "It's a little late to be asking my blessing."

"Chandler?" Ross walked up next to his father, confused. "What happened? What's the matter"

"I need to talk to Monica," Chandler said, stepping back and looking to the upper floor; all the bedroom windows were dark. "Monica? MONICA!"

"Jack!" Judy called from the rear. "Get him inside before Mrs Sulkowicz calls the police."

Jack hustled Chandler into the living room, Ross sighing and closing the front door on sweet liberty.

"All right, Chandler," Jack asked, folding his arms indignantly and looking even more ominous for the living room being still half-dark, the dim relieved only by light from the kitchen. "What's so important you have to wake up half of the neighborhood at this hour?"

"We know what hour this is, Dad," Ross said.

Chandler paced, running his hands through his already frowzled hair. "Where's Monica? I need to see her."

Ross shook his head. "She isn't here."

"Ross, PLEASE..."

"Chandler," he interrupted. "I'm telling you, she's not here. We only just got back ourselves."

"But-but Joey said she was coming here," Chandler sputtered. "Where is she?"

"I don't know," Ross shrugged, troubled by his friend's distress. "What happened? Did you two have a fight or something?"

"What did you do to my daughter?" Jack stepped towards Chandler, even angrier now.

"Nothing, I..."

"Jack," Judy shushed him. "Listen. It's Monica." She had noticed the message left on the machine and hit 'Play.'

"….Chandler's headed out to your place. I need you to keep him there for me. And tell him... Never mind, I'll tell him myself. I'll be right there."

"What?" Chandler pleaded to know, staring at Ross. "Tell me what? What does she want to tell me!?"

"I don't know," he shrugged back, wide-eyed. "I'm standing here with you."

Chandler sat heavily down on the couch. The weight of the whole day came crashing in on him at once and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He put his head down with the heels of his hands in his eyes and then did something that as long as they'd been friends, Ross had never seen him do, at least not like this.

He cried.

Quietly, as he'd learned to do a long time ago but as his shoulders heaved up and down and he huffed in more gasping breaths, it was clear he was sobbing his heart out. Ross and Jack stood awkwardly shuffling, not knowing what to do. Judy sat down next to him, offering the instinctive comfort of a mother.

"Chandler?" she said, rubbing his back with one hand. "Can you tell us what happened, sweetie?"

"I think..." he sniffed, barely able to say it out loud. "I thi-I think... it's over. I think I messed it up."

"Why?"

He sat up, dragging his sleeve across his swollen eyes. "Because I tricked Monica into thinking I didn't want to marry her."

Judy frowned. "I'm afraid you've lost me, dear."

"Umm," Ross stepped in. "Chandler took Monica out to dinner to propose."

"Oh, well, that's wonderful!" Judy squeaked, breaking into a wide smile. "Jack, we need to call everyone!"

"No, Mom," Ross held up his hand. "Richard showed up at the restaurant before he could."

"Richard?" Jack shook his head. "Man, that guy is getting to be a real pain in my ass."

"I don't get why you think you've messed it up, though," Ross said.

"Well, she was starting to get suspicious," Chandler said, calming a little. "So we came up with a plan to throw her off the trail. I'd pretend I was anti-marriage for a while so that when I did propose, it'd be a surprise."

Ross just stared at him for a beat. "That's a really stupid plan. Whose idea was that? Joey's?"

"Phoebe's."

"Ah," he nodded, as if it made perfect sense. "You know, all you had to do was let it drop for a little while until she forgot."

"Gee, thanks, Captain Hindsight," Chandler snapped, his sarcasm and wild gestures making an appearance. "I don't know what I would've done without you. Oh, that's right. THIS!"

Ross briefly held his hands up in mute surrender and gestured for him to go on.

"Anyway," Chandler went on, "I think I went a little overboard. I got home and she was gone. Joey told me she headed out here. I was hoping to find her here and explain, but..."

They were interrupted by the screech of tires and the sound of a dull whoomph-thud.

"What was that?" Judy wondered aloud as they all stood up.

"That," Jack replied as he peeked through the curtains, "was the sound of a taxicab mounting the sidewalk and flattening our mailbox."

"This is getting ridiculous," Judy said, sitting back down. "I really could use a drink now."

The front door slammed open as Monica whirled in, closely followed by Phoebe who headed straight for the phone.

"Chandler!" Monica sounded desperate. "Cha..."

As soon as she laid eyes on him, she stopped dead in her tracks. He looked awful. His face was pale, his eyes were bloodshot and glassy and she'd never seen him look so broken. If she'd ever had any doubts that he loved her, they were gone in that moment.

"Monica," he started, "I..."

"Shut up," she murmured, clearing the room and flinging her arms around his neck, kissing his lips, his eyes, his cheeks, his lips again, like she was trying to force her love into him, to banish forever every trace of the hurt she saw there in his face.

"Hey, Joey!" Phoebe said as he answered the phone. "We made it!"

"Pheebs!" Joey answered, relieved to hear from someone; he'd been sitting by the phone since they'd left. "What's goin' on now?"

"Well, they're kissing, which is probably a good sign. Here, listen." Phoebe held out the phone.

"I'm so sorry I put you through all this," Monica gasped through her own tears. "You have to know, nothing happened with Richard, I swear."

"Something happened with Richard?" Judy asked.

"She went to see Richard tonight," Rachel said. She'd trailed in after Monica and Phoebe, holding a hand to the bump she'd gotten bouncing her forehead off the driver screen.

"Why would she do a thing like that?" Jack asked.

"Because he told her he wanted her back."

"He did what?"

"Long story," Rachel waved her hand. "Do you have any ice?"

"I knew it was a mistake as soon as he opened the door," Monica sniffed. "I made up some lousy excuse about thinking things over just to get the Hell out of there. But I was still so lost. I thought you were pushing me away like you did the other girls. I thought... I thought you didn't want me anymore."

Chandler shook his head vehemently; when they came up with the plan, he hadn't counted on his disastrous dating history coming back to bite him in the ass.

"I found some frozen peas," Ross said loudly as he returned to the living room. He sensed he had broken up a moment by the stares he got from all present.

"Continue," he mumbled, stepping back as he passed the bag to Rachel, who slapped it on her bump.

"And then Joey told me about the plan and I was so happy," Monica smiled tearfully. "So I thought I'd make it a surprise too."

"That's right!"

"Who said that?" Jack looked around.

"Me!" The tinny voice sounded from the phone in Phoebe's hand.

"Phoebe, dear," Judy said gently, pressing a button on the phone. "You can just put it on speaker."

Jack still leaned over the phone as if talking into a radio to the Beyond. "Joey? Is that you?"

"Yes, Mr Geller sir." Joey spoke as if he were giving testimony. "I can confirm that on the night in question – tonight, in fact – I told Monica about the plan to surprise her, and she asked me to help her surprise Chandler instead. I was supposed to tell him that she'd gone to your place while she was actually waiting for him in the apartment with a bunch of romantic candles so..."

"Wait," Chandler said, a sly grin creeping around the corners of his mouth. "Are you telling me that if I'd just opened that damned door, I wouldn't have had to run all the way out to Long Island in the middle of the night?"

Monica nodded, smiling with him. The absolute farce of the entire evening came to them both at the same moment and they laughed as the tension between them unwound, his hands falling to her hips and her hands clasped around his neck as if they belonged there.

"Good Lord," Jack raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Is nothing ever straightforward with you kids? In my day, you didn't even have to propose really. You just knocked her up and let Nature take its course."

"Dad, do you remember our discussion about inner monologues?" Ross muttered quietly.

"Man," Chandler said, resting his forehead on hers. "It's a good job I only plan to do this once, because I tell you, I am awful at this proposing thing."

"Well, we both made kind of a mess of this one," Monica chuckled breathily. "But it's not too late to make it right."

Holding his hand in both of hers, Monica went down on one knee in front of Chandler.

"Oh, honey,..." Judy began, before her husband took her hand and discreetly hushed her.

"Wha-what happened?" Joey asked.

"Monica's gonna propose!" Phoebe squealed excitedly.

"Guys," Chandler said, noting the bright pink rushing into Monica's cheeks. "Can we have a minute, please?"

They discreetly removed themselves to the kitchen as Monica gathered herself to begin the speech she had prepared earlier, finally back on solid ground, so she thought.

"Chandler," she began, her voice already shot through with emotion. "In all my life, I never thought I would be so lucky... as to..." Nope. There was no way she was going to make it. "...as to... fall in love with my best… my best... There's a reason why girls don't do this."

"OK, OK," Chandler fell to his knees with her. "I'll do it. I never..." His own voice cracked as he welled up. "Wait, I-I can do this."

She laughed with him, another reason for loving him; she never smiled or laughed as much as she did when she was with this man.

"I never used to look to the future," he went on, more sure of himself now. "I told myself to have faith, it'll all work out, but I never really let myself believe I could be happy. And then you came along. And for the first time, I have faith, in you and in us. For the first time, I'm looking to the future, and I want it to be ours. For the first time, you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you... if you let me, I promise to spend the rest of my life making you feel the same way."

He took the box from his pocket and opened it with reverence, finally ready to ask the only question.

"Monica, will you marry me?"

Smiling through joyful tears, she nodded. "Yes."

Almost delirious with joy, he slipped the ring onto her finger and they hugged, still on their knees.

"I knew you were likely to take a wife," she smiled.

"Can someone tell me what's goin' on?" Joey yelled over the phone. "I'm dyin' over here!"

The others crept back in cautiously, Jack turning on the living room lights as they came.

"Well?" Rachel asked, a look of anticipation on her face and a bag of peas still clutched to her head.

The lovers held hands and smiled at each other, Chandler flicking his eyebrows at her to tell her to go ahead.

"We're engaged," Monica announced.

As one, their friends and family exploded with delight, crowding around the two with love, hugs and congratulations.

"This is the least jealous I've ever been," Rachel said.

"Are you guys group-hugging right now?" It was Joey, still on the phone.

"Yeah, we are," said Phoebe.

"Aww man, I'm missin' everything," he whined. "Is the phone in the hug at least?"

" ...Yes, of course it is."

"All right," he said, sounding forlorn. "Well, congratulations, guys. I'll see you tomorrow."

"What?" Monica barked. "Oh, I don't think so, Tribbiani. We're going to pick up a bottle of champagne on the way back and you are going to wait for us in our apartment."

"Monica dear," Judy stepped in. "Why doesn't everybody stay here tonight?"

"Because 'everybody' isn't here," Monica replied. She looked to Chandler, who backed her up with a firm nod as she turned back to her parents. "Mom, Dad. I'm sorry, but we can't do this without Joey."

"All right, sweetie," Jack kissed her forehead. "Call us tomorrow, we'll all go out to dinner or something. Here," he said, taking his car keys from his pocket and giving them to her. "You can borrow the Porsche. Just make sure you fill her up before you give her back."

"I get engaged and I get to drive the Porsche?" Monica beamed. "Could this day be more awesome?"

"Guys," Joey started over the phone. " You don't have to do this, just..."

"Joey," Monica interrupted quietly. "Nobody has been in our corner through all this more than you. We are not celebrating our engagement without you. Now, you hang up and get your ass back to the apartment, Mister."

"Monica!" her mother admonished. "Language!"

"You guys are the best," Joey said, clearly choked up. "Could you get me a Three Musketeers too?"

"OK," Ross clapped his hands together. "How are we doing this? Who's going with who?"

"Well, Monica and I are taking the Porsche," Chandler said. "You'll be riding with Rachel and Phoebe."

Ross looked out at the cab, the destroyed mailbox still under the front fender, then looked over at Rachel, smiling weakly at him with a dripping bag of defrosted peas in her hand.

"Is there a bus station near here?"