I have finally been blessed with BMC inspiration!

First with Hamilton (Reese's favourite show coming to Disney +). I couldn't stop imagining their absolute delight at the announcement, and the movie night that would follow. Christine and Reese would be shaking each other while pointing at the screen the whole time, Michael would laugh at them, Rich would be talkin about how 'dope' it is, Kert would quietly watch and shake their head when Reese was too crazy, and Ari would be trying so hard to follow along with their human's enthusiasm. It'd be so great. I just want to write a one-shot of them watching Hamilton.

Next I found new BMC content! Did you know Gerard Canonico was Jeremy's understudy? I DIDN'T! And it was the best thing I ever witnessed. When it comes to Jeremy I only ever lightly related to him - a bit more with Will Roland's interpretation - but I didn't understand the need for him to get a SQUIP. Gerard's Jeremy though...boy I just wanted to keep hugging him and tell him it'll all be okay. That boy NEEDS A SQUIP! Also, it was like watching Rich's first year of school and getting Kert, it's kinda amazing. Also got to see more stuff from the UK production, which was nice. I like that the SQUIP's got some of their original personality back - like actually caring about Jeremy. It's nice to see. Awesome stuff, I'm living for it. I didn't think with all the changes BMC has been going through that I'd bring me back (cause it hasn't been exactly changing for the better), but then WHAM! I'm so happy ^.^

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Be More Chill' or any of it's adaptations or content.

Upgrade

Chapter III

~Helpless~

Jeremy didn't know what was happening.

One minute he was happily listening to Christine's musical selection in the car, the next they were running around like headless chickens trying to find any medical supplies and more at the nearest pharmacy. None of them were equipped for this, and yet 'Team Jeremy' was in charge of trying to turn the cottage they rented into a hospital ward! Hard to do when they had no idea what was happening, but what could they say?

Then, the others arrived.

Whatever Jeremy had expected…this was far worse. The SQUIPs were horrific. He didn't even think they were alive! Jake tried assuring that they were - and it was clear medical attention was given to an extent in the car - but fuck. Death's door wasn't far.

Jeremy didn't know where he found the strength, but somehow he managed to help carry the bloodied SQUIPs inside - without fainting. It was hard - keeping his eyes up, holding his breath, trying not to sway on the stairs, trying to listen to Ari's instructions on which room to go to, and keeping his vision from fading. After the first SQUIP - one he's never even met before - Jeremy found himself leaning against the wall for support. His chest was heaving heavily, and it was impossible to breath in a sent that wasn't thick with iron. Christine was the one to help usher him back out, and it was easier to follow through the second time, but…fuck.

In the end, Jeremy didn't even get a glimpse of his own SQUIP. He was told they were there, but he wished he saw them. Of course, he had a right to barge into whatever room they were in, but that would be counterproductive. They were being treated, and he wasn't going to slow that down. He could wait…

…

The male let out a sigh. When everyone was finally inside, he found himself situated downstairs in the living room, staring up at the open stairway to the floor above. He could hear the frantic back and forth between his friends, and eventually it got silenced by the slamming of a door.

…

Slowly, he looked down at his blood soaked hands and shirt. What was happening?

"Jerry?" a voice called, gently. Blue eyes shifted to the woman beside him. Brooke looked just as messed up as him, and equally lost. He had no words for her…and yet, without realizing it, he had opened his arms to her. She accepted it. The warm contact helped ground him, and it finally allowed Jeremy to look around at the scene in front of him.

Christine - who was with them before - was nowhere to be seen. Probably upstairs helping. Rich, Jake, and Ari were also missing. Chloe was stomping down the stairs in a huff, and Jenna sat on one of the couches - completely drained.

Michael…

…Michael sat quietly on his own couch, resting forward on his knees as he stared down at his own blood covered hands. Jeremy's brows furrowed. Slowly, he moved both himself and Brooke towards the coffee table in the middle of the room, sitting them both down in front of his best friend.

"Mikey?" he called, reaching forward to clasp his friend's shoulder. Michael's eyes met his, but there was nothing behind them. No panic, grief, or confusion. Just an echo of emotion hidden in a dark, dark void. Jeremy's heart squeezed at the sight, but he wasn't surprised. He had hoped that if this moment ever came that his best friend would be as animate as he was when he first met the SQUIPs…but that ship had long sailed.

Brooke pulled one arm from around Jeremy and took Michael's hand in hers. She didn't say anything, and the male beside her was grateful for it.

Chloe however… "What the fuck," she growled, stomping over to where the others rested.

"Let it go, Valentine," Jenna sighed, sinking further into her seat as her eyes closed. Chloe made an unintelligible sound at the suggestion.

"I'm sorry, I think I'm allowed to get mad that precious little Canigula gets to be up there and I don't!"

"She knows first aid."

"And Rich?"

"Please," Jenna cracked open an eye, "You try and move that boy."

"Yet I'm movable?" Chloe huffed, "How does that make sense?"

"Chloe," Brooke called, tiredly. Her friend turned her heated glare towards the blonde, but the shorter was not phased, "What's going on?" If Jeremy had the energy he would have squeezed her at asking the million dollar question. But he didn't, so he settled on a happy sigh.

Chloe huffed, again, but her anger began to wash away. She slowly made her way around the couch, leaning on the backrest beside Michael as she tried to calm down. "You guys know as much as we do," she sighed.

"Doubtful," Jeremy mumbled, brows furrowing, "We just got a panicked phone call from you screaming that the SQUIPs were back."

The girl raised a brow, "Yeah, and then we picked them up." An exaggerated sound came from the other couch. Jenna was fixing Chloe with an annoyed look, shifting to get more comfortable.

"Okay, here's the deal," she said, turning to Jeremy and Brooke, "Right before we were about to leave my place to come here, Michael got some ominous voice mail from your old SQUIP. Then we called Jake and found out where to go. Kinda - we searched for a while, but we eventually found them. The SQUIPs are all fucked up, Jake and Ari are being super distant and mean, Michael is all fucked, Rich is being super possessive, and Chloe is a raging mess. Anything else?" Jeremy and Brooke blinked at her.

With a sigh, the male slumped, "This is fucked up." Chloe bobbed her head with a small snort.

"That's an understatement."

"Yeah, but…It's just," Jeremy paused, biting his lip as he thought over his words. Brooke, seeing him struggle, spoke up.

"How did they do it?" she questioned, "Now, I mean. With all of them…"

"I dunno," Chloe shrugged, "Because they're bad asses? I mean, come on. My SQUIP's with them."

"Not bragging or anything," Jenna cut in, raising a brow, "But my crazy bitch is up there. We all know who carried the weight."

"Fuck off! My SQUIP is probably twice as crazy as yours."

"Fucking impossible."

"How would you know-?" Jeremy groaned as the two girls continued fighting. He didn't know how they had the energy to do so. He barely did anything and he could feel the adrenaline wiping him of any strength. Not to mention the sight of blood on all of them - and none of them doing anything about it - dampening the mood. Clearly the two girls didn't seem bothered.

He turned his eyes back to his best friend, who wasn't acknowledging anyone around him. Slowly, Jeremy took his friend's other hand, and asked, "Did you see him?" Michael's hand clenched around his at the question. It answered everything. Brooke shared a worried look with Jeremy. The taller let out a long breath as he ran his hand up and down his friend's arm in comfort. "He'll be okay," he assured, though his voice didn't have the confidence he wished it did. Michael didn't answer.

Brooke cleared her throat, gaining the other's attention, "I think we should, maybe, get cleaned up. It might be a while and…we're all disgusting." Chloe and Jenna looked down at their clothes, showing different levels of displeasure as the sight finally settled in. Michael didn't react. Jeremy waited a moment to see if his friend would, but when he didn't the male slowly stood in defeat. He followed Brooke's lead and went into one of the bedrooms on the main floor where they had dumped their suitcases. Closing the door behind them, he could hear Chloe exiting the cottage to go back to the car - no doubt to get her own belongings.

Now in privacy, Jeremy leaned heavily against the door, wiping a hand across his face before meeting Brooke's worried gaze. She sat on the bed beside their luggage. "Are you okay?" she asked. Jeremy shook his head, moving to sit on the other side of the suitcase.

"Michael's…" he let out a shuttered breath. The girl nodded in understanding, reaching a hand over and taking his. They sat in silence for a moment, and Jeremy took the opportunity to sort his thoughts.

"I didn't even see him," he finally said, looking at the wall distantly, "My SQUIP. What if he's really hurt? How would I know? What if…what if he's dying? I should be there, shouldn't I? Or…no? What if he doesn't want me near him anymore? What if…" He shook his head, burying his face in his hands. Brooke slowly rubbed his back, giving him the time he needed to compose himself.

When he regained enough air, Jeremy looked at her. His blue eyes were filled with tears, some slipping down his cheeks. Still, a sad smile graced his lips as he took her hand and squeezed. "My wish came true," he said, bitterly, looking down at their conjoined hands. Glancing up, and being met with a look of confusion, he elaborated, "Remember that shooting star last week?" Brooke nodded, smiling nostalgic at the memory.

"Yeah," she paused, face softening, "You wished to see him again?" Jeremy shook his head.

Eyes falling down to their hands, his gaze lingered on the girl's ring, "I wished he could be there to see us get married."

~oOo~

The girl huffed as she threw her soiled clothes into a plastic bag. "Stupid," she grumbled to herself, checking her face over for any lasting marks. Finally spotless, Chloe slumped against the sink. She was tired. Tired from her anger, stress, and trying to keep those emotions up. It was exhausting, but it wasn't as though she was given anything else to do. Everyone else was panicking, so someone had to be angry.

She sighed, straightening her clean clothes one last time. Looking herself over in the mirror, she deemed herself presentable and exited the bathroom.

The rest of the cottage was how she left it - basically empty, since Jeremy, Brooke, and Jenna all disappeared to get cleaned up. The only one left was Michael…

The girl sighed in his direction. Maybe she felt more mad than was necessary, to make up for the lack of emotion in her friend. The Michael she knew would be up in arms, defending that crazy SQUIP with everything he had and sticking by their side. This Michael…was unrecognizable.

Walking up to the couch, Chloe tapped the male on the shoulder. Michael spared her a glance, and she motioned towards the bathroom. "Come on," she ushered. Michael silently obliged, following her without resistance. Once inside, the girl waved a hand at the closed toilet, and he sat down. She then grabbed a spare shirt she had brought in before and wet it, eyeing the silent member as she thought of what to say.

She decided to be direct, "What's going on?" Michael didn't answer her, instead shifting uncomfortably in his seat. The girl huffed at the action, kneeling down in front of him as she began scrubbing at his blood covered hands. "Come on," she urged, "You of all people should be happy. Your Boo's upstairs! Why are you mopping so hard?" The male's eyes shifted to the side, but his lips stayed firmly shut. Chloe pursed her own, "Is it cause of Rich?" That had Michael's attention. Brown eyes snapped to hers, and she could see the tears gathering in them. Chloe's brows furrowed in surprise.

"Wha - really?" she questioned. When no answer came, she let herself soften, "Hon, Rich is upstairs with his Muppet right now - there is nothing stopping you from going to your SQUIP."

"It's not that," Michael's voice finally whispered. Chloe's heart squeezed at the tremble she heard, and tried to keep herself focused. Her need to protect this poor child was strong, but she had to be a friend first. So, she went back to scrubbing the boy's hands.

"What is, then?" she questioned. Michael glanced out the open door towards the stairs.

"I can't," he whispered, choking on the last word. Wiping at his eyes again, he shook his head, "I can't do this."

"Michael," Chloe pressed, taking both of his hands in hers and holding them firm. Trying to meet his eyes, she said, "Don't do this to yourself. Okay? I was there before you shacked up with that SQUIP, and I was there after. You can't tell me that you don't want to be up there right now."

"I do," he confessed. Letting out a shuttered breath, he closed his eyes, "But I can't…how can I face them? I can't…I can't look at them and pretend that nothing's happened - that I haven't failed them." Chloe opened her mouth to protest, but before she could, the boy gripped her hands harder to stop her, "I did. I didn't find them. They got out all on their own."

"That's not your fault."

"Jake and Ari never stopped looking, did they?" he argued. Chloe sighed at that, not knowing how to argue against it. Michael shook his head, slumping against the back of the toilet.

"I failed…How can I look them in the eye and…and go back to high school again? Pretend that I'm still the red hooded hero they thought I was? That I didn't fuck up in so many ways. How can I ask them to forgive me? I don't…" he shook his head, lifting his hands to dig the heels into his eyes. Chloe just stared at him, debating what to say in return.

"Listen," she said, "What happened was fucked up, okay? If they can't get over that, they can deal with this shit on their own. We did nothing wrong - you and Rich did nothing wrong. If any SQUIP has a problem with that, they can come talk to me." Michael shook his head lightly, but didn't argue. He wanted so bad to be the person that he was…To be by their side - to be forgiven - to just…not feel this way anymore. But it felt selfish, and he didn't want to hope. He couldn't hope because…if his fears came true - if Reese can't cope with everything, or even worse disappear again…he didn't know if he could handle it. How he did it the first time, he'll never know…

Maybe, in reality, he didn't handle it. He just…existed. Going through the motions, distracting himself in ways he shouldn't…relied heavily on friends to stay by him when he gave them no reasons to. Maybe he wasn't giving himself enough credit - he was doing well enough in life, as good as he ever expected himself to before he met Reese. It's just…the future he had foolishly imagined for himself and the SQUIP paled everything else in comparison.

Not enough time has passed for him…he wasn't ready.

"Mikey," Chloe called. As he turned his head towards her, the girl began scrubbing at what blood got on his jaw. She continued, "Promise me you'll go up there." Michael sighed heavily.

"You know, you don't have to be everyone's wing woman," he muttered. The girl scoffed.

"Uh, yeah I do. And you won't let me ever do it, so I'm taking advantage!" that earned a small huff of laughter from the male. She grinned at the accomplishment, "No more moping! We got enough sadness in this house and I'm not standing for it! It's time to buckle up and hit the gas!"

"…You really okay going back into this?" he questioned. Chloe nodded.

"I've been on this ride all along, remember?" she pointed out. Michael nodded.

"That was forever ago, though."

"Yeah, well, it hasn't changed."

"Cause of Ari?"

"Wha-" Chloe's face reddened, "Maybe. So what?"

"I'm not judging."

"Well," she glanced away, "I can't do anything with them until these fuckers are gone, so…Now's my chance." Michael regarded her for a long moment before nodding.

"I'll help." Chloe grinned, finally allowing herself to get comfortable.

"Player two has entered the game." He chuckled.

"For a fifth player, you're really pushy," he commented.

"I'm the perfect back up." Michael hummed in agreement.

Chloe helped get the rest of the blood off his face and arms. After that she left him alone to change - and sort through his thoughts. Michael sighed. He knew he wasn't being helpful, that this was the last thing he should be doing right now, but it was hard. A lot has changed - he has changed. He didn't feel like the hero Reese always thought he was anymore…he lost his spark. That woman made sure of that…

He took a deep breath. Even if everything was lost, the least he could do was be there for Reese. Even if they don't want him there…he'll wait until they ask him to leave. Until then, he'll stay by their side and make sure they're taken care of. They deserve all of that and more - especially after all they've been through.

With a shuttered breath, Michael let his legs carry him out of the bathroom. He didn't look at Chloe, or anyone else waiting for news. Gliding, he walked across the room, and up the stairs. His legs felt heavy, each step slowing down his speed. Breaths were sharp, eyes trained on the ground in front of him, each step taking him further until he was on the next floor. Brown irises stared down the hall. So many doors, different sounds coming from each - or a lack of it.

Which one?

His vision wavered, heart hammering as the hallway expanded in front of him.

Which one?

"Michael?" The male jumped, a sharp inhale sounding as he gasped. Christine was exiting one of the rooms, eyebrows furrowed as she rushed to him. Michael couldn't help stepping back at seeing the blood all on her clothes - looking more from a horror movie than any of his other friends-

What if that was Reese's room?

"Hey, it's okay," Christine's voice comforted. Michael tried to breath, grasping at the wall beside him to help ground him. The girl was hesitant to come closer, bending her head to try and meet his gaze. "Mikey?"

Michael took in a shuttered breath. Shakily, he whispered, "Where are they?" Christine's gaze softened. She turned, and pointed to one of the closed doors.

"I think they're there," she informed. Giving an apologetic look, she took a step back, "I'm sorry, Mikey, but I have to get Ari. I need help." The male nodded, but he hardly heard what she said. His eyes were trained on the door she pointed to. It was near the end of the hallway…

When Christine disappeared into a different room, Michael found his legs moving forward again. There was a part of him that didn't want the girl to see him standing out there when she returned, raising her concern for him. He didn't want her attention, he wanted to be invisible, and-

…and to be in the presence of the only person he wanted to see right now.

His hand shook as it reached out to take the doorknob. He stared at the brass, watching as his muscles twitched - as though waiting to be given more strength to just turn. He closed his eyes. No sounds were in the room…

Michael took a deep breath, and opened the door.

A/N: I'm so mean, I know. Promise the next chapter wont take so long :)