SOMEBODY HELP!

These were the screams of a young-looking guy with black hair, a beard, brown eyes and a red raincoat, with blue jogging pants as he was running away from a shrine maiden dressed in red and white.

Forget it. Who am i kidding? The moron that's running away, it's me. End of the story… What? You're gonna ask how the hell did i end up in this situation where Reimu Hakurei of all people is running after me? Boy, that's one hell of a fucking story. I suppose i can tell you, but you and i, must go waaaaay back. Way before i ended up in this dumpster named… What was it named again? Ah, Gensokyo.

-Retrospective-

I must say i was your usual South-American moron who had a somewhat decent life. You know, not starving to death, having a good family looking after me, 4 foods a day, pretty damn good at that, a good half-time job, and an actually promising future. So yeah, i was pretty cool with staying in my country. But sadly someone had other plans. I was doing my usual thing, when my mother reminded me to go pick up the stuff i forgot at my friend's house the previous day, so i head to my friend's house, pick up my stuff, but when i start heading back to my crib, suddenly i start noticing things were a bit odd.

You might be wondering what do i mean when i say "a bit odd". For starters, as soon as i turned around the corner, the street seemed to have just… gone away, like "POOF". Gone. Considering that there's no way i could've gone a different way since there's literally no way for me to keep going in the same direction, i quickly noticed was going on, so i turned around, just to find that… ALL OF THE BLOCK, INCLUDING MY HOUSE, WAS GONE TOO! WHAT THE EVERLOVING F…

Technical Difficulties, Please Wait.

Hello, i'm back, sorry about the cut. So anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, my whole neighborhood seemed to have gone off on vacation, and I wasn't invited, and somehow they managed to get away with their houses. So i was like.

"A ver a ver... La re concha que me pario."

That thing i said doesn't have an accurate translation to English, so the most accurate way of translating that in a way that gets the point across is kind of like saying. "Alright… God Fucking Damnit." So i ended up walking around aimlessly like a retarded loonie. Then i remembered i had a cellphone and tried to check. No Signal… i tried calling Emergencies… No Signal…

You can guess i started panicking, so well, i started calling for help. Now that i'm aware of where i was i'm glad nobody heard me, but you can tell at that moment i was pretty damn scared. So yeah, i started trying to look for someone, when i found what seemed to be a stairwell. And a pretty, damn long one at that. So you can tell if there was no one at the end of that long stretch i was gonna be pissed. So yeah.

When i managed to get to the end of that stairwell my legs, they were killing me, so yeah, you can tell it was a long one... Or i have a really shitty endurance, your pick. So yeah, not three seconds after i was done i trip over myself and fall on my face like a dumbass.

So there was i, feeling like the biggest moron on Earth when i hear voices, and lo and behold, there was what looked like Reimu Hakurei coming towards me. I felt saved when i found another person, but that quickly fell out of favor when i heard her speak. I could tell it was Japanese, but sadly i can't speak that language, so i tried talking to her in English. After some kind of odd gesture she was answering in clear English, so, well, i asked her where the hell was I. This is the conversation that ensued.

"You're in Gensokyo, the Land of Illusions"

"Funny joke, but seriously. Where am I?"

"This is not a joke. Umm…"

"The name's Ignacio, and yours?"

*cue a loud sigh* "Reimu Hakurei, Shrine Maiden of Paradise"

"Wow, some self-esteem" At that point, i was thinking she was a cosplayer or something, instead of listening to what remained of my common sense. So yeah, you can see where this is going. "So, anyway, is there anywhere i can stay or call back to my family?"

"Well, i'm sorry for breaking it to you, but unless somehow your whole family fell through a gap in the barrier it's really unlikely you'll be able to see them again. I guess i can walk you to the human village around here."

I could tell that the girl was not wanting to help me, it seemed more like she did it because she had to. But things started to get messed up when i heard something coming towards me. What do you think anyone with half a brain would do if the first thing they saw was a black and white witch flying on a broom, defying all things you're used to in your reality? You can say my brain just stopped working, lost all but one of my braincells, and that remaining braincell was bouncing around like the screensavers you would see when a DVD player is turned on but doesn't have a DVD currently playing. Yeah, it took around 20 seconds to be able to process the kind of shit i was seeing.

"I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with… WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Hey, Reimu, who's the new face-ze"

"Just another outsider"

"I have a name, you know"

"Really? What is it-ze"

At that moment i felt like i had to make the obvious reference. "I don't know"

"Didn't you just say it was Ignacio?"

"Yeah, i just wanted to make a joke"

"So, you're going to the village? That place sucks-ze"

I was wondering what the hell did she mean, Boy, she was right, but that's a story for another time. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean the whole place is a mess, and you miss out the fun outside, true, Youkai won't attack you inside of the village but you also miss out on the fun things like learning, borrowing (Read as stealing) books from the library at the Scarlet Devil Mansion-ze"

"Hold up, is the village really that much of a mess?"

"It ain't that bad, and it's better than getting eaten alive by a Youkai"

You can tell i was getting kinda paranoid by now, and the idea of losing my living standards that i had before i magically poofed out of existence and spawned in that place wasn't cool with me. So yeah, i completely ignored the fact that they just mentioned Youkais eating people alive, and started running away like an idiot. Soon Reimu started chasing after me, flying, which only managed to make me freak out even more, and Marisa watched from the sky sitting on her broom wondering what the hell was i thinking. And honestly, right now i agree with her.

-End of Retrospective-

"Get back here you idiot"

"I WANT TO GO HOME"

"There's no way for you to go back home"

"LIAR"

"I'm not lying you moron"

At that point i just started running and ignoring the flying Shrine Maiden, the good thing i have going for me is that i can run really fast. But apparently i had some really shitty luck today, because i tripped with a tree branch and hit my head with a rock. I don't remember anything after that.

-Eientei-

"So yeah, basically… I panicked and made stupid choices. Tell these 2 I'm sorry about causing such a fuss. I'm not that dumb usually, but i got really put off by the fact i'm probably not seeing mom and dad again. I still find it kinda hard to accept it."

I woke up in the hospital that was placed at Eientei, Apparently, Reimu found me and i was bleeding, hard, so yeah, i did a number on myself. Right now i was explaining to a girl who had white hair, and what seemed to be a blue and red dress, and some pretty damn beautiful eyes. I must admit. Apparently she was named Eirin, a doctor around here.

"I see, They're still here, so i guess you can tell them yourself"

Quickly she left, without letting me give her a response, so yeah, soon Reimu and the other girl were in the room. So well, i had to talk.

"Sorry about the fuss i made. And for putting you girls through all of this nonsense. I just… couldn't get it through my head"

"Just… don't go running around like an idiot again"

"Yeah, by the way, i guess i never actually introduced myself-ze"

"Neither did i, Well… i gave you my first name, but i didn't give you girls my last name"

"Well, I'm Marisa Kirisame, an Ordinary Magician"

At that point i felt like i had to get away from my family ties. If i wanted to survive. I needed a whole new identity, so i remembered one of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards. And quickly blurted out.

"Couse, Ignacio Couse"