Sup' gamers, welcome to episode #11037 of Francis does a Fucky. In today's episode, I clean an entire building from human beings Hotline Miami style.

Hm? What's that? Context? Who the fuck needs that? What are you, a NERD? Ha, nice one Francis! Oh flatterer you~

...God, I'm seriously losing it.

It's the night after I made a deal with the extremely and worryingly young brothel owner Fiiriel. Both of us have been doing the planning work for making this stupid business actually somehow be profitable, and those talks lead to me being here in hopes of giving us a little advantage in the form of massive killings.

At this very moment, besides the fact that people are still having sex (In a downtown condo, or street in the projects.) I'm hiding inside - huge surprise - another alleyway. At this rate I'll be able to qualify for a rat citizenship. The reason why I'm hiding? It's because I'm watching the place I'm about to raid of course, I'm gonna Solid Snake this bitch.

But why are you doing this in the first place, Mr. Francis? Ah, glad you asked Timmy, I was about to get there, now please shut the fuck up, put the dunce cap on and stay in the corner, cunt.

Let's spit straight facts here: No matter what the hell I do with The Shack, it will always be looked down upon by everyone, even if I make it better it will always have that stigma of being for freaks. And can you blame them? Fiiriel tried (badly) to profit with the mime-lover public, which currently doesn't exist at this point in time... At least until Medieval DeviantArt gets created, but hopefully I'll be dead by then. Still, point is that everyone avoids the place like the plague and rightfully so.

My solution to that? Well, apart from using my wonderful skills to butter up the populace with vague promises, I have to somehow force people to give us a chance, which is impossible to do if there are other, better options than mine that actually have set customers.

And thus I present the following plan: Pull out the blicky and blast those other options apart, with great violence.

Uh, Mr. Francis- For fuck's sake Timmy, I told you to shut the fuck up. I know, but aren't you like, a conman? Your whole thing is negotiating and shit, what the hell. Timmy, I swear to fucking God that if you don't shut up I'm going to kill your parents with dull Bad Dragon Dildos until their faces can't be recognized anymore and are just a piece of surrealist art... Also, good question,for once you aren't a waste of space, feel proud.

This is the thing, I'm not taking the genocide route just because it's the "easy path", no, there's something even juicier behind this.

Did you know that these brothels have actual honest to god feuds against each other that have been carried through fucking generations?

Did you know that all of these businesses are basically in a state of cold war with each other?

And do you know how criminally easy it would be for a third-party to just crash in and leave everything in chaos, flames and piss?

Very fucking easy.

So please, dear deity peeping into my thoughts (Fuck you Sheogorath), take a guess as to who is going to be said third-party.

No, it's not the damn Dragonborn you massive cunt. It's me! The dashing rogue that has no problems mugging an old granny if he has to! You know, the hero!

Anyways, at the end all I'm left with is the total destruction route if I want to cause some ruckus and that good ol' political shit to stir up. Eh, it's fine really, I lost my troubles with that sort of dirty work after my first victim and... Well, there's a reason why I'm Francis the Fraud, famous for swindles AND murders. Yes, it's time for you imaginary people to know the other side of The Franz(™); The drop DEAD gorgeous side if you catch my drift.

Agh, whatever, enough mental wank. I'm here to kick ass and commit tax fraud, and I'm all out of frauds.

Before starting the raid that most definitely will end with me laughing like a Shitty Joker OC (It's going to get even worse down the line.), I quickly check my belt for the crap I'm supposed to be carrying for me to effectively speedrun these people's funerals.

Let's see... inside Pinochet I have:

1x Iron Daggers
4x Poisoned Iron Daggers (Paralysis)
2x Invisibility Potions
1x Blowgun
2x Poisoned Darts (Paralysis)
7x Bottles of Inflammable Oil
1x Flint and Stone

Hoo boy, those last two items do promise some of that tasty goodness, huh? Now, time to get stinky.

Breathe in, breathe out... Breathe in, breathe out...

...Alright, let's do this.

Reaching towards my trusty belt AKA Pinochet, I pull out a flask full of my homemade love. With my thumb I pop the cap off and, in one healthy swig, I drink it all in.

Gulp. Jesus Christ, I need to find a way to make this taste better. Despite the not-so-good flavor of the concoction, I'm soon enough turned invisible for the world to (not) see.

I exit the alleyway and make a beeline towards the place I'm going to tear to pieces. It's the 'Dwemer's Delight', which sounds strangely familiar to a certain song from The Sugarhill Gang, but I'm sure that's just my desperate mind trying to hold onto a remnant of sanity. The brothel isn't that big, being just a two story building, which is really good considering that in modern times it would be a twenty meter (Fuck the Imperial system) tall building full of cameras and deadly guns that shoot lead. Ah, one's gotta appreciate the advantages of a society where vaccines don't exist and life expectancy is of thirty years.

God bless medieval health care

Uh, I think I got kind of derailed here, what the fuck was I doing? Ah yes, cleaning up the place, yes. I'm standing right in front of the main entrance to the brothel. There's a mean looking man that most definitely has some form of insecurity considering his wannabe tough-guy look guarding the entrance. Well, let's see how his act helps against a really not healthy dose of paralyzing agent.

I grab one of my Poisoned Iron Daggers and, with no more theatrics, stick the tip onto his chest.

"Wha-!" And poof, he's stone. He comically falls face down towards the stone floor, stuck in a pose of surprise. He's just paralyzed now, so I gotta finish the job, there have been an awful lot of times where the fuckers go back to normal and decide to give me a heart attack. Pulling out one of my non-poisoned daggers, I stick it in his throat and go through the motions. Slit, now I have an incredibly incriminating corpse in the middle of the street, oh dear.

Grabbing the corpse, I start dragging it inside the brothel itself, hoping that there isn't a giant squad of pain awaiting for me in a really hilarious gag that would make people around the world to roll their eyes at

Opening the door of the brothel, I finish moving my still frozen victim inside. Then I turn around.

Good news, there wasn't a squad of pain waiting for me with a giant stick that is meant to go up my rectum in an incredibly painful fashion.

Bad news, it was instead a guard dog ready to call said squad of pain so they can insert things up my figurative asshole but with the added bonus of bestialism.

Shit.

Just as the dog attempts to loudly bark to call the boys up to arms, I throw the Poisoned dagger at it in a practiced motion. The dagger flies and in an instant pierces the dog's throat, paralyzing it instantly, making it join the "Rock Hard Club" and no, it isn't a gay disco, you fuck.

For fuck's sake, there goes one of my daggers. The poison it had on it is useless now that it got mixed with that much blood. This leaves me with just three paralyzing knives and two Darts. I can do this, I can do this.

Repeating the previous process, I finish off the dog with my regular dagger. It's a bit weird how I passed from being one of the dudes that had a lot of dogs in my previous world to this particular brand of stupid, but I guess one just gets used to it. Not that I ever liked the fuckers that much anyway, they vacuum money so fast they make you the Usain Bolt of going bankrupt.

As a side note, I'm still invisible despite just killing two former living beings. This is because it's impossible for something that's in my system to just go Poof! like in the Fairly OddParents just because I decided to attack someone. It's one of those things that's just there to make the game somehow not as broken, which doesn't apply in Disney's Live Action version, so that's a point in my favor against the Universe I guess. Let's go team! Francis: 01 - Universe: 999999. We can still close the gap!

Anyway, as I already knew from my earlier visit yesterday, this is just a sort of hall or whatever Americans call it. There's a reception desk here and a door that leads to the brothel proper. Good, this means that the receptionist was the one I killed earlier. Now, where do I hide the bodies? Looking around, looking around, looking ar- Oh, that works.

I head towards a barrel that's in the corner of the room. What's in there? I slide the lid open and... I-Is that... Is this fucking barrel just full of gold!? What!? I can feel my conscience speaking.

Control yourself Francis! You have a mission here!

B-but, look at all that dosh! This is so fucking much! What if I just grab it and get the-

No! Sanguine is going to destroy you!

Who cares!? Just look at this delicious, sweet money. The hard texture of the coin, the... Oh fuck I think I got an erection.

For fuck's sake! Just finish this shit already so we don't get fucked by supernatural bullshit later! If it makes you feel better then just steal this shit AFTER you finish the mission, cunt.

Hnnng, AAAH THIS IS PAINFUL! Fuck you conscience for making sense!

Repressing all of my natural instincts and feeling as if I'm committing a crime against my own soul, I don't in fact take the barrel and instead proceed with hiding the bodies inside it. Let's hope that my final act this evening doesn't make it impossible to retrieve, because oh boy am I gonna get pissed if it does. Now, come ere' doggy.

A minute later and both bodies are hidden. Cool, onto the brothel itself then. Making sure I have my oil bottles at hand, I slowly open the door and peek inside.

It looks like a normal inn, multiple sets of tables, food and drinks on top of them and, of course, the customers eating the food. There's the typical Generic Fantasy Innkeep music playing from the bard's lute and this is accompanied by jolly chitter chatter and laughs. The only thing that would clue you in that this is a place where an ungodly amount of unwanted babies are made is the fact that a lot of said customers have women on their laps... And that they don't look very happy... AND that they're groping them while eating...Jesus fuck, there even are some doors open where someone's clearly getting lucky. Have some decency you damn sex maniacs!

Man, is The Great Milenko really gonna look like this? Is this what the Universe just decided to drop on my unwilling lap? Goddamn sex-workers and the patented Fat Bastards? Well, this does seem extremely profitable judging by the out-of-nowhere gold barrel, so I can't in good heart complain so much if I get more of that sweet sweet wad. Yes, morals stopped being at the front of my mind long ago.

If anything I can be happy by the fact that this business will be no more tomorrow.

Another fun fact, my invisibility already passed away tragically thirty seconds ago, so I'm not the Predator anymore. Sigh, why the hell do these potions last so little? Game time to Real Time sucks incredible dick. It isn't just 50 seconds Max at least, lasting over three minutes if I'm lucky, but it still sucks. Whatever, that's why I brought two. Getting the second bottle out, I open it and drink it up. Glu glu glu. Aaah! Nothing like some good ol' Guerrero Special in the evenin'!

With me now invisible, I enter the brothel unnoticed by everyone. Now, I think it's time to inform you the fact that I lied earlier, I'm not actually cleaning the entire facility of human life, although if we're being technical here then I wasn't that far. The only people on my hit-list are as follows: Owner and Guards. The customers and workers are better kept alive for recruiting. I'll figure out a way to do that later though, now it's time for action.

I pop the cap off my oil bottle and start dropping it on the floor while circling around the busy room at a fast pace, I have limited invisible time after all. I have to dodge the occasional drunken cunt every once in a while, but aside from that I manage to oil all of the edges of the room. I was fearing for a bit that someone may notice my attempts at arson, but the atmosphere of pure lust and debauchery seems to cloud people's anti-death radars. This whole process takes up six bottles of inflammable deliciousness. Shit, I must have at least a minute or two, gotta hurry up.

Okay now, if my calculations are correct, if I were to set a fire here, every single corner of the room would flare up instantly, leaving only the exit without any sort of blockage. This is fine, it's what I wanted. I still have one bottle left, but that's for the big guy up there. Now, where the fuck are the stairs? I spot with my little eye... There, right besides the drunk cunt licking a clearly uncomfortable woman. Oh boy, it's my moment to be the knight in shining armor!

Approaching the degenerate, I open my last bottle of Flaming Moe's and drop some of it on his shoulder, making sure that it connects with the oil on the floor. Ah, nothing like protecting M' lady from the evil chads... Eh, I vouch for gender equality here. Just for the sake of being an asshole, I do the same with the whore that's on top of him, just for shits and giggles of course. Now both of them will die together in the flames of love~.

Nodding to myself for my incredible move, I start going upstairs, where- Oh dear lord they are actually fucking up here.

Uh, yeah, there's a group of people here that... really got tired of waiting for a room and decided to just go at it in the couches that are in front of this floor's bedrooms. Tch, degenerates, death and flames to you lustful sinners. Hmm, I think I can make an exception for that last bottle.

Me, being the devote keeper of innocence and purity, do honor to that title by pouring a circle of oil around the orgy to make sure that they get cleansed by the holy fire from the heavens above. At least that's what I'm saying in court when I get eventually caught. My consciousness awakens again.

Is this seriously necessary? The downstairs one was already just gratuitous murder, but this is just stupid!

Oh come on! Don't look at me like that! It's for the plan! We need some victims to put pressure on the competition! What's the point of a big fire if no one gets killed besides the owner? All of this is a carefully planned move that makes chess grandmasters seethe with envy.

Those are just excuses and you know it! I'm you for fuck's sake, you can't lie to me!

Stop being such a crybaby, they were going to die of medieval STDs anyway, I'm just speeding up the process.

Don't just ignore-

Ignoring the clear proof that I'm going insane, I decide to move to my second targets of the night besides the wild group besides me, and that is the guards. Ah, thought I forgot about that one, huh? Thankfully for me, whenever I drink an invisibility potion it makes everything I hold invisible too, which means that no one can really notice the oil pouring going. However, before I can go face the big man himself I need to get rid of the security force. There are currently two guys guarding the door to Big Boss's office and two more watching the debauchery at display. They all look like your typical mercenary, AKA leather armor plus iron swords and mean looking faces. Now how the hell do I get rid of them? Simple, I lure them in like a Hitman game.

I slide myself inside one of the rooms that are half-open and watch the scene unfolding. Yup, more fucking, great. Now, where did I leave my blowgun? I rummage through my belt in hopes of finding it, because it really is hard finding shit on yourself when everything else is also invisible. The sounds of lovemaking continue as I hopelessly try to find my blowgun...

Ugh, fuck it, dagger will do. Grabbing the readily available dagger with ROCK HARD AGENT, I sneak behind the couple, both of them moaning and grunting way too loud, mixing with the sounds of sex outside. Jesus fuck this smells bad, let's just get this over with.

Reverse grip on dagger. Behind man going at it. Back begging for stab. Oblige. Now paralyzed man falls on top of the woman. She yelps as she feels his weight. Before she can ask questions, I stab her in the neck with the same dagger. Now the paralysis gang has a new member. Pull out normal dagger to finish the job. Stab stab. The paralysis gang has lost two members. Lives snuffed out successfully.

Okay, now I have two dirty corpses, and they're bleeding hard, maybe it has to do with those nice incisions I made in their necks. Whatever, the point is that now I can move on to phase two of 'Killing all the Guards'. As I prepare to start the phase, I feel my invisibility fading away, making me able to see myself...

Oh, so that's where the damn blowgun was. My crotch? Really world? Is that the best joke you could come up with?

Shaking my head, I resume the procedures. Holding a new poisoned dagger (Last one got too dirty.) I crouch right besides the door. Now, time for my incredible speech skills.

I do a girly voice that I'm sure is complete garbage.

"Aah! Guards! Help me! He's trying to, uh, do bad shit to me! If you save me I'll let you go at it instead! Free of charge!"

I have no idea if that last bit actually did something or not, but I do hear some steps coming close. Several steps at that. Fucking hell they're horny. One does get to the door and opens it in a rush, probably awaiting for a lady in poor state of dress to take advantage of.

"What's going-!" I stab his foot with the special dagger. Even if it was in a place like the foot, it still works wonders and in an instant he's kissing the floor. Of course, the other guards try to see what happened with their partner.

"Shalod! What happe-" Opens the door. Falls to the floor. Everybody do the dinosaur. Well, he isn't on the floor exactly, more like he's on top of his beloved buddy. Whoa, they aren't afraid to go at it right in front of everyone! Calm down your passionate love! There are minors here! By this point, the remaining two guards must be cautious, so I doubt that-

"Racdal no! Who is-!" God he's actually stupid. Steps in. Foot defenseless. Big mistake. Falls on top of the others. They're now doing a weird doggystyle threesome. Gay joke ensues. At this point the last one definitely won't enter, so I have to deal with him in other ways. I grab my blowgun and peek outside. Dude's looking alarmed. Spots me. His eyes widen. Shoot a dart right in between his eyebrows. Headshot. Falls to the floor frozen. Confrontation over.

Ah, who's amazing? I am, that's the answer. Now, let's get the worryingly stiff mate from over there inside this room, because it just dawned on me the fact that he's besides the cunts having an orgy. Slowly, I peek over to see how the scene is unfolding.

...They really are just fucking till' the night passes, huh? There's a downed guard right besides them and they are just too horny to care. Whatever, this works for me, so no point in complaining. Stepping out of the room, I move towards the frozen guard, hold his leg and start dragging him towards the room, all of this as sounds of degeneracy still go on. I feel as if I'm going to get sick of this sooner or later. Eventually I drag him towards the room and I finish all of them off with my dagger, yadda yadda, point is that I got rid of the guards and that the main event is ready to start.

Exiting for the last time the room where now six corpses lay, I head towards the big man's door. Clearing my throat, I politely knock three times as the gentleman I am.

Knock Knock Knock.

I'd like to say that the wait was dramatic or something, but the constant moaning behind me defeats any attempt at that. Ugh, how I wish I was doing anything else but being in a damn brothel. If it wasn't for Sanguine I would be stealing cold bread and awful beer by now!

After some painful moments of pure ecstasy going behind me, I finally get a response.

"You may enter." Pretentious cunt, who do you think you're talking to? A basically homeless guy? Because you'd be right, but still, being nice doesn't hurt, ya know?

I just want to get this night over, so before I open the door I grab my blowgun and charge it with my last dart. Now, let's get it ready and...

I open the door and see a normal medieval looking office. Mr. BIG BOSS is sitting in his throne, with his desk that's full of documents in front. He gazes at me in uninterest for a moment before seemingly recognizing me. His eyes widen. Oh golly gee, it's time for my cool one liner guys! I've been waiting for this!

"Uh, fuck you." Bad Francis!

I then blow on the blowgun and wouldn't you know, it indeed works. The dart flies towards his greasy face and clashes with his- OH CHRIST!

Right before he can scream from the now missing eye, he gets paralyzed... Dear god, that was awful, I didn't even aim there, I swear! Ah, now I feel a little bad, that shit must've hurt a lot... Oh well, one can't do an omelette without breaking six hundred eggs, this is just par for the course.

With the shortest guilt-trip recorded in history over, I close the door behind me and start pouring whatever's left of that oil here. Splishy splashy, now there's lots of fire water! With my setup done, I move onto more important things I came here for, namely boring documents. Great~.

Fiiriel at first didn't want me to go and brutally destroy one of his competitors, but after I told him that I could basically sneak into the main office, he changed tune quickly. He tasked me with finding a lot of paperwork relating to the ownership of the brothel and contracts. For what? I dunno, I'll just let Fiiriel do all the paperwork for me, that's just not my department.

Now let's see, recent... Oh, funny story, did I mention that I don't know how to read?

...I...I think I should've said that before coming here.

I mean, come on! For some reason I can speak this world's language A-Okay, but when it comes to knowing how to write and read I just fall flat on my face. My entire journal is written in a mix of spanish and english, so that works as a sort of encryption technique, but it still sucks major dick not knowing this world's language.

Whatever, I'll just pick a random assortment of folders and that should do. Is there any bag here by any means? I need to carry all of these damn papers somehow. Hm... Oh, there is one! Let's see what's insi...inside...

...My dick is so goddamn hard right now.

Francis...

No, leave me alone, I'm taking this and you can't stop me! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GOLD THERE IS!? DO YOU!? A LOT!

Just get this over with, I'm tired and sleepy of this bullshit. The fact that people still don't shut up back there doesn't help.

Agreed. Grabbing the most precious bag of anything ever, I start shoveling papers inside. I have absolutely no idea what the hell they are even about, as far as I know I'm just saving horrible Ysmir Fanfiction. Does fanfiction even exist in these times...?

Whatever, point is that my giant bag of gold and papers is now complete! Ah, another mission well done where once again it's proven that invisibility and paralysis are fucking broken. I love system fuck-ups so much. Thank you Todd Howard. But I feel as I'm forgetting something... Oh right, flammable oil needs a flame, silly me.

As I look in my belt for the stone and flint, I catch Mr. Big Boss staring at me from his frozen position.

"If you thought your eye hurt, then I have some bad news for ya'." There it is. With the stone and flint in hand, I head towards the window for easy escape. I give the room a last look...

Okay, enough. With a smirk that isn't creepy at all, I clash the flint with the steel and sparks are instantly created.

CLASH!

...Fucker, it didn't work, lemme strike it again.

CLASH!

...Bastard. Just work dammit!

CLASH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

Third time's the charm and sparks finally come out, and when they fall onto the oil...

Flames instantly erupt and start engulfing everything in it's painful embrace. The paralyzed brothel owner stares at me in fear as the flames start to consume him.

Another victory for logic.

As I hear the sounds of the beginning of screams and whatnot, I leave through the window with my sack of gold and fanfics like a Santa Ripoff. Sadly, I don't have the muscular build of Mr. Santa, so I just painfully fall from the second floor onto an alleyway. Ugh, doesn't matter. If I go through here then-

"Aah! Fire! Run!" "AAAAAAHHH!" "OH GODS, MY SHOULDER!" "We're surrounded! What are we going to do!?" "G-Get off my lap! I'm melting!"

Damn they scream loudly, don't you know there's people sleeping at this hour!? Inconsiderate selfish people, why don't you learn how to be generous and humble like me?

With complete and utmost satisfaction, I walk through the streets of Markarth with the Symphony of Destruction as background music.

Feels good.

LATER, IN THE SUPER-FRIENDS HEADQUARTERS, THERE'S DRAMA, QUESTIONS TOWARDS MORALITY AND ANGSTY SHIT. OH BOY.

"I... I approved this. I-I heard your plan, considered it and...approved it. I APPROVED THIS." For fuck's sake. This is happening right after my incredible victory at the Dwemer's Delight.

I'm sitting in the same chair I did yesterday with the bag full of shekels at my side while Fiiriel is standing with both of his hands covering his face. Yeah, turns out that getting suddenly splashed with the reality that dozens of people died because of you isn't the best thing for a 15 year old. I completely disagree with that previous statement, but then again, I'm not precisely a paragon of sanity, so my word should be taken with a grain of salt.

I try to steer this conversation in a more important direction.

"Come on, don't be like that. We should be celebrating! We just completed the first step towards the completion of 'The Great Milenko'! The best brothel in all of Skyrim! Let's get the drinks out and toast!"

Instead of responding to the real concerns of the night, he just keeps on with his melodramatic bullshit.

"I... People are dead now because of me... I killed them. I killed them, I-" For fuck's sake, I think it's time for the patented Guerrero Charm to do an act of presence, gotta show some fucking ground here. I clap my hands loud enough for him to cut the edge.

He stares at me, looking for answers. Ask and ye shall receive, I speak in a bored tone.

"Alright, first of all? You didn't kill them, I did. If anything I should be the one having a little scene, but do you see me doing it? No, of course you don't, because it doesn't matter. That's the other thing, why do you give a shit? Boohoo, people I don't know are dead. You didn't know this people and neither they did you. They were gonna die eventually anyway, what's the problem in profiting from their deaths a little? I mean, you weren't gonna meet them otherwise in any other case, so all we can do is move on." This is the worst pep talk in the history of pep talks.

Instead of him getting over it, I just get an expression disbelief directed at me. I should've expected this, if I'm being honest.

"...You're a madman." Oi, why are you talking as if you just got a divine revelation.

"I haven't gotten that diagnosed yet."

"No, you're a- What's wrong with you!?" Damn it, I didn't want to do this, but this bit of 'Duality of Man' has bored me enough to use my secret technique. I have no choice, forgive me sensei! I swore to never use this ever since I shat my pants all those years ago, but the circumstances are dire! I beg you forgive me in hell!

I prepare my strike by starting damage control.

"Okay, yeah, that one sucked, pretend I didn't say that, but I'll give you one better. Behold...!" I grab the giant bag of dough with both of my hands and slam it against the desk.

THUNK.

"...Gold!"

It's like a magic trick, the moment I throw the dosh on the table, his face changes from bad comic book angst to comical wide eyed surprise. Aha! Behold the results of being an asshole!

"...Th-This entire bag is just...gold?" His voice is filled with disbelief.

"All gold...and some boring documents, but gold mostly."

He stares in amazement at the wonderful sack of moolah. I can practically see the dollar signs in his eyes. I'll let him process the information for a bit, I know that not everyone can take Franz de la Franz as well as I can. As he remains in pensive silence, I start whistling a tune that's probably copyrighted, specifically by whoever has the rights to Michael Jackson's corpse.

After an eternity of bad whistling, he finally answers without all the dismay he started with.

"...So, nice job over there, huh?" Ah, once again it's proven that there's nothing that a large sum of money can't buy. Gold is indeed the best thing to ever exist, that's why I love it to death. Also, what a cunt.

"Bastard, I risk my life for you and you treat me like this? The only way I'll ever forgive you is if you get a bottle of liquor on this table right now."

He considers my words for a bit.

"...It still feels wrong to be celebrating over people's deaths though."

"You'll get used to it. Besides, isn't running a brothel evil enough? I'm sure plenty of lives are gonna get ruined thanks to that, so you better start losing those right and wrong things you have in your head."

Fiiriel stares at nothing.

"...I guess, father always celebrated when getting a lot of customers, and if it ruined so many lives..." He shakes his head. "...Okay, we can celebrate, uh, as long as we don't get too used to killing the competition."

I laugh his genuine concerns off.

"Nah, don't worry, we won't have to do anything! They'll just destroy themselves, it's going to be a shit-show." Maybe I should look into the development of popcorn with magic, because I'm gonna need it. Fiiriel puts a hand on his chin.

"Oh, yes, you said something about that... How in oblivion did that go?" I sigh, for fuck's sake you brat, I want to drink! Better just infodump him again so I can move onto the chugging alcohol phase.

I stand up and get into 'Explain Mode'.

"I told you already, all the brothels were in a cold war, which basically means that they are in an eternal state of everyone having a sword against each other's throats and no one being able to do anything without getting their throat pierced by pointy sticks. Thing is, if one of those people that are holding a pointy stick suddenly gets obliterated and no one knows who to blame, then they'll naturally assume that one of them did it, and whoever they think did it now has (supposedly) more power than them, which leads to everyone blaming each other and, sooner rather than later, destroying each other in the process. It's a clean elimination that leaves every side weaker at the end of it and makes it extremely easy to just completely overwhelm the weakened enemy. Beat em' while they're down as they say."

I chuckle. "And all it took was a little oil and a small fire."

That was a nice infodump, I feel like a secondary character! I love them, because they aren't fucking important and just enjoy the good peace and quiet! I glance back at Fiiriel to see if he caught all that. He's just staring at me with a weird face.

"...You honestly terrify me a little." Oh, that.

"Good then, now you'll think twice before whining like a baby, only I can do that and get away with it. I have a crybaby license." I sit back down in my seat and prop my legs up in the table.

"Now, where the fuck's that alcohol."

Fiiriel keeps his judgmental stare for about seven more seconds before sighing tiredly.

"Yes, yes, let me get that bottle... I don't drink though." I just heard the worst thing in this entire night.

"We are going to fix that, RIGHT NOW." Fuck the drinking age, I need to get him used to the beautiful world of cheap alcohol.

"I...Okay." Good cunt. He heads off from the office and goes to wherever the hell he keeps the goods. I have a little alone time now, so I better think about my next steps.

The thing I thought would take the most time is already mostly taken care of, so I have exactly seven days to complete my mission to turn this shitty shed into The Great Milenko. I know that the next steps are mostly redesigning this place, getting more staff for the kitchen, getting more whores for our customers and the whole Great Milenko narrative I'll use as a marketing tool.

So far everything's pretty straightforward and it's shit that I can feasibly solve in a week's time. What REALLY worries me, and I mean, REALLY FUCKING WORRIES ME SHITLESS is this:

We're in Markarth.

Yes, just that.

There are a LOT of things that can go wrong just by doing this whole thing in Markarth. Lemme list them in no particular order so we can get over this:

1.- We have in the first place the jarl, I have no idea what's his standing with brothels or whatever, I'll have to pay him a visit soon to make sure that he won't send the entire POLIZEI to my door.

2.- Second is the damn Silver-Bloods, they have their slimy hands everywhere here, hell, they own the damn jail! What scares me about this is the chances of them being connected to the brothel I just burnt down, because it would mean that they're going to get interested in the brothel that just opened the moment everything got fucky with a timing so great that even TAS speedrunners can't believe it, which would mean that he'd catch the news that Franz Fraudulius arrived in town in the same time frame and... Well, you can take a guess where my ass is going to spend the next years.

It's seriously frightening, I knew what I was risking when doing my hit, but I can't help but fear for my ass. Let's hope that this world doesn't figuratively fuck me for once for taking the shortcut way.

3.- The two daedric quests in town. These ones aren't so scary, mainly because they have no real reason to get interested in a damn brothel, with daedric lords existing somewhat apart from the political landscape. Hopefully this can be avoided completely.

4.- Uh, that's it I think, there's the Forsworn issue, but that doesn't really concern me and, as long as they don't mess with my business, then I don't have to make them go die.

I sigh, this seems like it will be over soon, that's good, I just want to finish this and go back to my wandering ways. Just one more week and this mess should already be over and, hey, I'll have a powerful brothel under my wing and some nice 20000 gold! Ah, yes, this is going to work magnificently.

"H-Hey! Uh, what's the difference between mead and wine?"

...Oh god he's more stupid than I thought. Better educate this brat in the ways of drinks. I stand up while yelling back.

"You uncultured swine! Know what? Forget the toast! This night I'll make sure you learn every single damn thing about drinks, because you're a lost cause if you can't tell mead from fucking wine! Stay where you are, I'm coming!"

As I walk towards the brat, I can't help but have a... feeling, if you want to call it that way. A feeling that something, I don't know what, but something will go...horribly wrong...

Ugh, it must be my imagination, so far everything's been good, no point in bringing down the mood now.

Shaking my head, I keep walking while yelling curses and crappy comebacks.

...

Something will go wrong.

And I get the feeling it will be something out of those three things.

...Shit.

AN: Hey, long time no see! Sorry for taking so long with this chapter, but I've been really busy (lazy) and I don't have as much time as I did to put into writing. I have a period of recess for a week now, so I may upload chapters on my other stories, which means that I get to update this other one faster, so that's that.

About the chapter: I have decided how I want to take this whole arc thingie, so please bear with me for a while. I decided to take my time with the storylines, I thought about rushing it all in two chapters and moving onto the next thing, but I think that both of us will appreciate more an arc that takes its time and actually develops in a good way rather than a rushed one that makes a half-assed conclusion. The Great Milenko arc will probably take five to six parts until it's over, if only because I want whatever resolution it ends with to feel deserved and satisfactory.

Also, yeah, sorry for this chapter just being two scenes, but I can't write that much without making it feel cramped. That's another reason for me to take my time with chapters. Sorry if you wanted me to ditch this plotline fast!

Thanks to anyone who bothers to leave reviews in my shitty story that somehow people like. Your feedback is extremely appreciated, no matter if it's positive or negative, if you dislike something then please take the time to tell me so!

And, as always, thanks for reading.

PS: Next story to get updated will be This is Stupid. When? No fucking idea, I'm not that thrilled to go back to that awful fucking franchise, so don't hold your breath for it.