Daily life as as Tenant at the Kurusu House

"Goddamnit, Miia! Let go of the guy and give him some breathing room!" Ah. One of those mornings, huh? "Wha-?! Max?! What are you doing here?! You're killing the mood!" The passionate, loud, and admittedly attractive snake woman shouts back at me.

"First of all, he and I SHARE this room, and second of all; YOU'RE killing my friend with how you've been squeezing him!"

Not even a full minute after waking up, either. *SIGH!* Yep. Definitely one of those mornings.

Getting Miia off of Kimihito was NOT easy, but eventually, he and I succeeded, and, for better or worse, found out that the tip of a Lamia's tail is an erogenous zone.

Huh.

"So, uh...I'm gonna go make us some breakfast," I say, putting on my glasses and grabbing a box of my preferred brand of cigarettes and favorite zippo lighter. Oh, like YOU don't have any unhealthy vices?

"Think you can draw her up a bath and keep her from trying to jump your bones?"

"Haha, blunt as ever, Max," Kimihito laughs, rubbing the back of his head, "but I'll do my best."

That settled, I throw on the rest of my clothes, head down to the kitchen and begin preparing a breakfast as American as me, complete with pancakes, eggs, bacon and sausage. Also some blueberries and strawberries for nutrition. Miia and Kimihito can choose either milk or juice when they get down here.

As I prepare the most important meal of the day, crack open a window and light up a smoke, I find my mind wandering to the events that lead me here.

If you'd told me ten years ago that my only living relative would drag me from the States to Japan with him, I'd have laughed at you right to your face.

If you'd told me that hot on the heels of that, that monsters would not only be revealed to be real, but begin living among us, I'd have told you to get your head checked.

Yet, here I am, living in Japan, renting a room at the residence of one Kimihito Kurusu and sharing the place with an almost obscenely horny woman who's half-human and half-snake. Crazy, am I right?

To keep my story simple, my name is Maxwell "Max" McCreedy, American auto mechanic and machine-repair man, now a legal Japanese citizen. My eccentric uncle owns an international chain of auto-repair shops, and decided that he wanted to move to Japan and also decided to take me with him. One bureaucratic citizenship process and a crash-course in Japanese linguistics later, and the two of us were citizens of Japan in all but blood. I only wish my dear uncle hadn't chosen THEN of all times that I needed to find my own residence.

Long story short; I ran into Kimihito Kurusu, made fast and firm friends with him, he finds out about my circumstances, offers me a place at his home, I eagerly accept and move in, and a mere two weeks later, some government suit drops a snake-woman off at his house. And I can't shake the feeling that shit's about to get a LOT weirder around here.

I've just finished my cig and set the table for breakfast when Kimihito comes downstairs.

"Thanks for making breakfast, Max," he smiles in relief.

"No worries," I wave his thanks off, "least I can do for you. You want milk or juice?" As we talk, the television program begins talking about that idol singer group "Anm48" and the "Interspecies Cultural Exchange Accord."

"Juice, please," he answers, taking his seat. I grab the orange juice and pour him a glass, then turn to three steaming cups of coffee, put them on a tray and carry them over to the table, taking my seat across from him.

Kimihito then sighs for some reason. I'll guess it's Miia-related, but I decide to let him speak.

"They're saying on the news that the world hasn't changed much despite all the liminals integrating into human society, Max." Ah. I was right, "Yeah, right. This morning's been nothing but trouble."

"I hear you, pal," I nod, trying my best to share my sympathies, "And to think we used to lead normal lives just a few days ago."

"Indeed," a female voice that most certainly does NOT belong to Miia suddenly speaks up. Kimihito and I react with all the grace and dignity of two grown-ass men being snuck up on.

"WHOA?!"

"SWEET JUMPING JESUS!"

That is to say, none whatsoever.

"Good morning, Kimihito Kurusu, Maxwell McCreedy. What's with those bug-eyed stares, boys? Don't tell me you've forgotten about your Interspecies Cultural Exchange coordinator: Ms. Smith!"

"That was unnecessarily dramatic," I mutter, lighting up another cigarette.

"We haven't forgotten, Smith-San," Kimihito replies, "but what are you doing here?"

"Oh, wonderful-breakfast!" She smiles, completely ignoring my friend.

"Hey!" I shout, "I didn't make this for you! Go get your own breakfast!"

"You're here for food?!" Kimihito exclaims, just as flummoxed as me.

"I'm also here to make sure you boys haven't been engaging in any prohibited activities," Smith continues as if neither of us had just spoken,

"These monster girls, or 'Extraspecies' came here as part of a cultural exchange, so any harm done to these girls will mean severe punishment under the Interspecies Cultural Exchange Accord."

Suddenly, my collar feels tight. Forget standard-issue sidearms, I swear, that gaze of hers could be a lethal weapon in its own right. But just as quick as it comes, it goes.

"Since you two, the host family, are ignorant of the law, I came to make sure-"

"Ignorant?! Miia's only here 'cause you got the wrong house, you goon! We're no host family! Aren't you supposed to be a coordinator?! And when the hell did you swipe my coffee?!"

"I must respectfully disagree, Max, and I'll thank you to not insult me again," she states, her smile never leaving her face, which is kinda unnerving because HOLY SHIT, I just got chills, "Your presence here speaks volumes to Kurusu-San's potential as a homestay."

"Not that I don't appreciate your vote of confidence, Smith-San, but Max is a tenant, not an exchange student. He pays rent and does his share of grocery shopping and household chores," Kimihito responds.

"Nevertheless," Smith continues, completely ignoring us as usual, "since Miia has told us she likes it here, you boys need to study up. And Max, be a dear and refill my coffee, please?"

"She's totally having her way with us," Kimihito moans, not that I blame him.

"Grmblmmblestupidgovernmentsuits fine!" I grumble, taking her mug and pouring in that sweet, high-caffeine nectar of adult life.

"Alright, I'm gonna go check on her," I state once I've given Smith her second helping of coffee, "not that she needs it, seeing as how she's perfectly fine."

"You boys do realize that 'prohibited activities' includes popping her cherry, right?" Smith asks right out of fucking nowhere.

"The fuck?!" I exclaim.

"A-as if I would!" Kimihito shouts, damn near going into a seizure with how he flails around.

"She does have all the necessary bits, so she can "do it," Smith continues, "She's been coming on to you, hasn't she? She's a very passionate creature."

Wait, why is she giving this awkward explanation to both of us?! Kimihito's the one Miia's constantly lusting over, not me!

Admittedly, I'm a little envious, but come on! Miia is a beautiful young woman! Even if she's a snake from the waist down, not that that particularly bothers me but-oh, now I see whyyyOKAY, now Smith seems to be trying to seduce my friend for some reason.

All of a sudden, a tail flies in out of nowhere and smashes Kimihito right in the face. Ah. Miia's back.

"And just what do you think you're doing?!" She practically shrieks, "I don't care if you're my coordinator, Smith-San! If you lay one finger on my darling, I swear I'll make you pay!"

Ah, typical jealous Miia, equal parts endearing and destruc-HELLO!

She suddenly wraps a section of her tail around my waist and pulls me closer to her.

"Don't worry, Smokey Chef! I won't let this temptress take you either!"

"Relax, Miia, I was just kidding," Smith gives a sigh that's half exasperated and half fond, "Besides, I was just on my way out."

Just before reaching the door, Smith turns around and gives one last look at the three of us.

"Darling-Kun, Smokey Chef-Kun, remember-no prohibited activities! Ta-ta!"

After Smith leaves, I feel Miia begin to loosen her grip on my waist, which is a good thing, 'cause holy shit, girl does NOT know her own strength. Furthermore, while I find myself genuinely flattered by her odd display of camaraderie towards me, there's one detail that confuses me.

"'Smokey Chef?'" I ask.

"Yeah! You smoke a lot and you make wonderful meals. Smokey Chef!" She explains, turning to me and flashing me an adorable smile.

Eh, I've been called wor-

"And besides," Oh, she's not done? "You May act like a jerk sometimes, but I know that you're compassionate in your own way. Like when I first came here. Because we Lamias can be really shy about meeting new people, and since I'm half-snake, I was worried that you and darling would be frightened by me. But not only were you not bothered by my snake body, you both went out of your way to help me and accepted me wholly!"

Miia...

"Of course, you're you, so you had to phrase it in a blunt and mean way, but what you said meant the world to me; 'So what if your a snake from the waist-down? How does that make you so damn special? Just because you aren't human doesn't make you any less of a person.' And you meant it. Not once have you treated me any different than anyone else. You may act like a jerk, but I know that, deep down, you have a heart made of pure gold. And that's why you'll always have a friend in me!"

Don't cry, Max, don't you dare cry!

"You're, uh...you're still kinda wet from your shower, Miia," I somehow manage to force out without breaking down, "I'm...I'm gonna go grab you a towel. C-can't have you losing your body heat."

I beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom to both let Miia say whatever private and intimate words she wants to Kimihito and to get myself back under control.

SHUT UP! I'm not crying, you're crying!

AHEM! Anyway, once I've found a fresh towel and wiped the totally-not-tears out of my eyes, I make my way back into the kitchen to find Kimihito wrapped up in Miia's coils.

Aaaannd that sounded like his shoulder being dislocated.

"Goddammit, Miia!"