"Hi, B!" Greeted Dick opening the door of his condo.

Bruce gave him his small barely there smile in answer to Dick's huge all white teeth one.

"Hello, chum."

Dick then turned to Bruce's companion.

"And how are you, beautiful?"

Selina raised her gloved hands to Dick's face, pulling him for a loud kiss full on the lips, to which he made crunched his entire face blushing horrendously to her delight.

"I'm wonderful, darling. So glad to see you. He's so handsome, Bruce, look at him."

"I'm looking." Agreed Bruce with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"Where's the little kitten? And that gorgeous wife of yours?"

"They are in the nursery" Selina took her woollen coat off and handed wordlessly to Bruce, walking across Dick following his instruction, Bruce moved inside too, starting to undress from his heavy overcoat as well, but was interrupted, buy Dick's arms hugging from the middle, he patted the younger man awkwardly on the head. "Thank you for coming."

Bruce just grunted. Dick, freed his emotionally stunted dad and closed the door.

"Where…?" Asked Bruce holding the clothing.

"Oh, the coat hanger fell under the weight of Kory's collection of handbags and I haven't put the new on the wall, just throw your coats… Anywhere."

Bruce raised an eyebrow to that noticing the apartment around him. Dick had never been an organized child, he had impeccable work ethics but his living grounds had always being a reason for arguments when he was growing up, and adding a baby in it… Well, he knew now why Dick invite Alfred to babysit yet. It was not a complete chaos, but it was far from acceptable by the butler's standards.

"Come! We wanted you guys to see her while she was awake, but she woke up this morning super early for no reason, she was so full of energy, flying everywhere I think she crashed now." He laughed.

"Flying?"

"Oh! I didn't tell you?"

But they had reached the nursery door.

Kory was sitting on a very comfortable velvet chair, Alfred's present. The baby on her arms had a darker shade of golden skin than her mother's, and her long black eyelashes making shadows under her closed eyes and she suckled on her mother's breast. Her little plump hand was holding firmly to Selina's finger.

"Bruce, look how big she is…" Said Selina whispering.

"Greetings." Koriand'r smiled to Bruce.

He nodded his head to her, approaching the women.

Bruce leaned in and with the back of two fingers, brushed softly the dark locks of the baby's hair.

Selina turned her gaze from the baby to her husband, to others maybe he looked stoic as always, but by the way his Adam's apple bobbed she could see the huge emotional response. She rubbed his bicep with her free hand.

"Isn't she gorgeous?"

Bruce cleaned his throat.

"Yes." He answered, his voice croaky and deeper than the usual.

Selina and Kory exchanged an amused look.

"Do you want to hold her?" Asked Kory.

"Aren't you feeding her now?"

"Oh no, she is done." Smiled Kory. "She is already asleep."

"I don't want to disturb her."

"She sleeps heavily. No need to worry." Kory pulled her nipple from the baby's mouth and covered herself, floated so she was in level with Bruce, and gently put the baby in his arms. Her daughter looking so little next to her massive grandfather.

Mar'i cooed softly getting comfortable but did not wake.

Dick sniffled loudly and the eyes turned to him.

"I'm sorry guys, I just-" he choked; Kory and Selina hugged him by each of his sides. Kory giggled. "Don't laugh at my expense, Kory, not cool." She kept giggling but tried to muffle it by kissing his hair. "I still can hear it!"

"I'm going to get ready." Announced Kory untangling herself from the double hug and turning to her parents-in-law. "Please let yourselves feel at home, and thank you so much for doing this for us."

"You're welcome darling." Said Selina as they watched Kory float out of the room.

"She's still flying." Noticed Bruce. When Kory hit the fourth trimester – turns out half-tamaranean pregnancies were a lot longer than human ones – her feet were so swollen that she just flied everywhere. After Dick commented on that Bruce started sending soft tall pillows so, she could put her feet up, compression stockings which somehow were the exactly shade of Kory's alien skin, and one time Dick arrived home to find a whole spa and masseuse staff that he had not booked.

"Oh, she's not in pain anymore… She's just happy. Can't keep her feet on the ground. My neck is cramping from looking up so much." But by his thrilled tone he didn't seen annoyed by his balloon wife at all.

"Where are you taking her, honey?" Asked Selina still hugging Dick and making little circles in his back.

"Nothing very fancy. We mostly just want to have an uninterrupted meal, then walk by Byke Beach a little before coming home to save you guys. And as Kory said, thank you so much, Mar'i a sweet baby and she was all we had to worry about it would be easy peasy, but things pile up and we could use a breather."

"It's our pleasure, darling. Bruce and I needed a break too, and you father have missed you so much, you should see him showing the pictures you sent us to everyone, he is so proud."

"Is that true, B?" Asked Dick beaming.

Bruce cleaned his throat loudly and then looked down to the baby terrified he had disturbed her, but she didn't even fuss. When he looked up again Selina and Dick were looking at him with glazed eyes.

He cleaned his throat again, this time in a softer tone.

"I can't stop looking at her, Bruce, she's so cute." Said Selina perched on Mar'i crib. Dick and Kory were gone, and with the baby sleeping, Selina found out that there wasn't actually a lot to do.

"Let the baby sleep, Selina." Mumbled Bruce typing something on his phone, he had extracted Selina five times from the nursery in the forty minutes Dick and Kory were gone.

"What are you doing?"

Selina clenched her eyes, Bruce looked away, guilty as hell and pocketed the phone.

"You were working on your phone wasn't you?"

"No."

"Oh my god, Bruce!"

"I wasn't. Look." He showed her his phone. "Tim sent me a photo of a frog in a skateboard."

Selina's face was completely voided of emotion for a fraction of a second before she let out a loud laugh… That was followed by baby cries.

"Shit."

The baby was not stopping crying. Bruce thought that she would recognise them from all the facetime calls, he was wrong. Mar'i knew that he and Selina were not her parents, and she was not happy about it.

"Is she is pain? Do you think she is in pain?"

"I don't think so. Dick said she was in perfect health, but it's hard to know without proper medical equipment."

"Try feeding her again."

Bruce took the warmed milk bottle – noticing the colour was darker than regular human milk supposed to be, it looked like light caramel. He made a mental note to take a sample to look to it in his lad later – and offered to the baby girl, but she slapped the bottle away with a strength no human six months old would have. No adult either. The bottle flew across the room and broke into the drywall.

"I'll pay for that."

"How don't you know how to make a baby stop crying? You are a huge nerd, you know everything! Didn't you raise like fifty-two kids or something?"

"They were never that young." And to be fair, when they cried, he mostly handed them to Alfred and later Dick.

"We should call Dick."

"No."

"What?"

"We are solving this, Selina."

"How?!"

Bruce took a deep breath and tried to remember everything he knew about pre-language children. He read some articles to try to communicate with Cassandra years ago, mostly applied to babies and was not useful to him at the time, but maybe it would be useful now. He recalled something about tonic dialogue, that meant the first form of communication was from touch. Basically, holding a baby while having a tense body was not good, because the baby could feel the discomfort and respond to this with distress. So, he tried to relax. Lower his heartrate. Mar'i didn't stop crying, but her loud screaming and the fussing were gone.

"Good! Good! I don't know what you did but it's working."

"Try to distract her."

"By doing what?"

"I don't know Selina, why do I have to know everything?"

"You are the Batman!"

"Not now, I'm not."

"Ba mum" mumbled Mar'i between cried.

Bruce and Selina exchanged a shocked look.

"Yes, kitten. Granddaddy is Batman."

"Ba mum!" The baby said angrily, her bluish green eyes flooded with tears.

Selina sent Bruce a terrified look. He just shook his head, also having no idea. Mar'i's lip trembled and the crying returned with revenge.

"Hold her a little."

"Me?!"

But before she could protest further, the baby was already in her arms, bright orange, sobbing against her shirt spreading snot and tears everywhere.

Bruce was calling someone.

"But you said you were not calling her parents!"

"I'm not. Alfred, finally, I have a predicament."

He was silent for a while, his face rumpled in concentration, then he turned off with a "thank you".

"What did he say?"

"Mar'i has a favourite toy. It's a handmade Batman doll made by Damian. That's what she mean by 'Ba mum'."

"I want to gush about how cute this whose sentence was but she is pulling my hair pretty hard, and I'm grieving my shirt, this was Prada's limited edition. Let's find that doll."

Half an hour later and no sign of the doll, Bruce was going mad, Selina's head was aching, and Mar'i proved that her human-tamaranean hybrid lungs were very efficient. They fell heavily on the living room's sofa.

"Bruce… What do we do?"

He just gave her a defeated look.

"Ba mum! Ba mum! BA MUM!"

"Oh kitten, I don't know where your 'Ba mum' went." Said Selina drying the baby's tears then her head shot up. "I have an idea."

"I'm willing to try anything."

"You brought a suit, didn't you?"

Bruce pretended not to know what she was talking about.

"I've brought changes of clothing, yes."

"You know what I mean."

"Selina…"

"So what we can't find her doll? You are the real deal!" She said exasperated.

"That's not what my suit if for, Selina."

"I couldn't care less what your suit is for" she covered the baby's ears "we had sex plenty of times while you were in that suit don't pretend you never abused its function before."

He sighed.

Two hours after Kory and Dick returned home to find Selina sleeping sitting on the sofa, Bruce in his full Batman gear also sleeping, but lying on his back and using Selina's lap as a pillow, and Mar'i belly down on her grandfather's chest, drool all over the bat insignia.

Tonic dialogue is a real thing I learnt at uni. I have no idea what the frog in a skateboard was about, I just like the idea of Bruce's kids sending him random memes and funny pictures.